Trapped soul

Autumn greeted the kingdom with golden days and silvery nights. Unfortunately, the former were extremely boring for me. Every day after breakfast, I spent several hours in the dusty library, where I was being observed by the portrait of Earlindon's first human king - Ethelred, and the watchful eyes of my father's advisors. Lots of ink has been spilled about politics, and the shelves seemed to bend not from the weight of the books themselves, but from the script inside, as if the letters were cast from lead and not written with a quill...

After lunch, I usually attended fencing or advanced horse riding lessons, including using a bow in the saddle. It was a really pleasant change, plus, it was better to wreak my anger on the straw targets than on the advisors directly. The fact that I imagined some of the mannequins having Orias' face was besides the point. In the evenings, I visited him in his office in the corner of the northern wing of the castle, to look through some official records and reports that were apparently necessary for someone's happiness, but only raised my blood pressure. Only a few words of his lectures were enough to make my gaze drift outside the window, to the green of the ancient trees, interspersed with gold and whispering to me, tempting with the freedom and fresh air caught between them. At first, I tried the strategy of pretending to listen to Orias, and instead fantasizing about my other books and my beloved willow in the gardens, but that worked well for maybe two days. After that came remorse. I knew that all of this was for my own good, besides, I was aware that the chief counsel was sharper than his looks suggested. He would soon notice that I made no progress at all.

Kristya seemed a little... surprised when I first told her I will be attending lessons, though I couldn't fathom why. Maybe she thought I should have started doing that long ago instead of wasting my time trying to remember my past. But from then on, drinking tea with her at the end of the day became a habit. She was always so kind and willing to listen, and there sure was a lot to listen to whenever a more stressful day happened. She herself liked to ramble too, mostly about the other maids or her unusual dream, which was wanting to become a blacksmith. That cute, freckled face somehow didn't manage to look serious to me whenever she complained about no one being willing to let her try because she was a girl. She also liked to tell tales, legends I supposedly knew, but forgot. Stories of the times before Earlindon was split between mages and humans, of times before the silence, of the dragons I so admired... Even about elves, who supposedly still lived in our kingdom after being forced out of their own land, but were now more rare than snow in the fifth month of the year.

Sometimes, I dared to ask her to tell me things about myself, my past and childhood. She never refused, but I noticed a certain uneasiness in her answers. Her shoulders seemed to slump a little, her cheerfulness dimmed. It somehow made me think that maybe I did something inappropriate in the past, or that there was some horrible memory she didn't want me to recall and was afraid to accidentally brush the topic... or that the fact that she was the only one who remembered simply caused her too much pain... Eventually, not wanting to cause her discomfort (especially since my mind didn't seem to react to any of the things she told me), I stopped asking.

~

"... which is why the trade in the north has decreased significantly over the past few years, the mages losing interest in doing business with our kingdom. But we found alternatives in the south. The sailors from our harbor cities: Shinestone, Leeshan, Vernet and Tacritia are honing their skills, finding new ways of navigation and making their ships more durable, which allows them to..."

A knock broke through the waterfall of words that Orias was flooding my hurting brain with. The chief counsel frowned, clearly displeased by the disturbance, and walked over to the door. The poor page waiting on the other side had to apologize twice before the old grump allowed him to deliver the message he was assigned with. I didn't even really listen to what he said. I think my ability to assimilate political information has reached its limit for that day.

"Young master," I somehow registered Orias addressing me as he put the book he was holding onto a small table by the door. "I need to take care of something for your father, please wait for me and read in the meantime."

Not even really waiting for my response, he vanished together with the young servant.

Read...? Sure, I'll read...

I got up as soon as the two sets of footsteps faded out in the distance of the hallways and walked over to the window. The afternoon breeze was like a sip of the best apple juice after a full day of thirst. I climbed onto the windowsill and carefully reached for the branch of an oak that hung just above the upper window frame. Two golden leaves went spiraling down towards the two storey away earth, but the branch itself held my weight. Still, I tried to be as careful as possible while moving towards the trunk and stepped onto a branch below me as soon as I reached it. The wood creaked in disapproval, almost telling me to go back and not make the poor trees listen to the scolding I was going to get the moment I would be forced to return to that office, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I endured enough for today.

Once I hugged the rough bark of the elderly oak, I looked around for any guards that might have or were about to spot me. Luckily, they didn't bother to come around this corner a lot at this hour because the clunk of their armor 'disturbed the chief counsel's concentration'. And mine too, according to him, but personally I never noticed a difference. I quickly found my way to the ground and sneaked towards the corner of the castle that pointed north-east. It was where my favorite willow grew, but today I was in need of a place harder to find me in.

Like usual, there was a sentry by the door leading to the tower. I had no idea if he knew that I was supposed to be somewhere else right now, so I decided not to risk it. I sneaked up to a cluster of privet growing around the corner from the door and dove between them. They also happened to grow right below the first window of the spiraling staircase of the tower... Smiling to myself, I took the rope that I've hidden among the twigs some time ago and pulled at the thin string attached to one end. The string, camouflaged by the ivy covering the wall and the color of the stone itself, was put around the middle support of the glass-free window. That way, already a few seconds later, the end of the rope came back to me and I could start the short climb that was the first step on my way to freedom. Well, apparent freedom.

After letting the rope quietly slide back down and making sure the string was as invisible as possible, I started to cheerfully conquer the steps of the tower. It was curious how just minutes ago I felt so tired that I thought bed was the only destination my body would be able to reach today, but as soon as I broke free from that room, it seemed like I could run around all night still. I soon reached the uppermost floor that was the main viewing platform of the tower and immediately ran up to the window.

Every time I saw this landscape, it was just as breathtaking as before. Vast expanses of tall trees, their leaves seeming to change color right before my eyes as they swayed in the evening sun that gave them some of its own hue. Further away they looked cut off, and I knew it was where the forest had to give the most fertile soil up to the crops that provided us and the nearby capital with food. Ioreth... I tried to get a look at it from here many times, but it was too far away or I wasn't high up enough...

I suddenly heard the creak of the trapdoor leading to the ladder below and my skin crawled. I was almost sure I was quiet enough before, but apparently some quite perceptive guy was chosen for the guard duty at the tower today. But as I turned around, instead of some massive, bearded face in a silvery helmet, I saw the cute, freckled cheeks of my friend.

"Don't scare me like that..." I sighed in relief.

"Well if you're scared, doesn't that mean you're not exactly innocent?" Kristya gave me a meaningful smile.

Which I returned with a grin of my own. "You saw me, didn't you."

"Coincidence. I was just starting my break."

"But how did you get in?" I couldn't exactly imagine her using my rope in that maid dress.

"I asked the guard if he would allow me to enjoy the sunset for a bit."

I winced. Way to make me look like an idiot.

"What are you doing here though?" she put a small bundle on the floor in front of her and I offered a hand to help her climb all the way up into the room. A sweet scent immediately started to saturate the air.

"Just needed some peace... my head most of all."

"What did he torture you with today?"

"Some things about our history with mages... You know, how Earlindon belonged to them in the past, until we came from the lands beyond the Dragon Mountains in the east, and what resulted from that."

Kristya nodded. "I've read about it somewhere. The mages welcomed us here and allowed us to establish our own settlements. But humans soon grew in numbers and started to crowd out their hosts. The mages weren't that many, so they retreated to the north more and more."

"Orias told me that they gave up their space simply because they didn't need as much of it, and they could manage better in the cold north thanks to their magic... There was never any fighting over the land, and yet..." I shook my head. "I don't want to think about that today anymore... my head hurts."

"But hey, it seems that quite a bit of information stays in it, even if you say that it's all torture."

"Don't you dare make fun of my misery."

She just smiled playfully and sat down on the solitary chair by the window. She started to unwrap her snack while I reached in between the planks of the ceiling to take out the book I hid there two escapes ago. I perched on the windowsill.

"Is it just me or are you... tense?" Kristya asked after finishing her piece of the apple pie that she shared with me.

"Maybe a little..." I admitted, looking out at the infinite sky again. "It just feels weird. I'm about to become an adult, and am supposed to rule the land one day... yet I don't remember anything that led me to this moment apart from a mere two years."

Kristya seemed to hesitate. "But... I've heard you're learning quite well... do you think you'll have problems with ruling?"

"It's not about the ruling..." I sighed. "I just... still feel like I don't belong here. Like I shouldn't be seen as the future king in the first place because I... don't even feel any connection to this duty... So how would I be able to devote myself to it...?"

My friend's eyes rested on the cookies that still remained in the small bundle in her lap, but she didn't seem tempted to eat them anymore. "Would you rather... be somewhere else? Even though you know even less about what's out there...?"

I didn't answer straight away. For just a split second, I had the impression Kristya meant something else than what I thought by asking this question... But it fled just as quickly as it appeared, making me decide to not dive too deeply into this depressing topic again. She had enough pain on her face every time we brushed it. "Kind of..." I eventually said, glancing at the sun that was finally bearable to look at, but chose a more carefree tone, telling her not to take me too seriously. "Sometimes I wish I could just fly over this forest and see what's out there, what's at the spot we call the horizon and maybe even beyond."

Kristya smiled, half-amused, half-grateful for the lighthearted course I took. "Aren't you reading too many of those books lately?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"The only way humans like us could fly is if we would ride dragons. First off, they're all gone, second, those beasts would never let you."

"How do you know?"

"Cal... I know you don't remember much, but even in those two years, you must have heard stuff about dragons."

"I did, but I can't believe they were all so evil that we had to get rid of them. Otherwise, where would these stories come from?" I tapped the page of my book with the tip of my finger.

She stared at it for a long moment, her eyes becoming somewhat sad. "Maybe you're right..." she eventually muttered. "After all, there are evil humans too. And yet, among them are people like you..."

"Evil humans?"

"I mean... I think there are good and bad individuals among every race, wouldn't that make sense?"

"I guess it would."

"Want a cookie?"

I smiled, letting it all be forgotten. "Thanks."

~

A few days later, tired, but in a surprisingly good mood, I headed for the gardens. This morning, I asked Kristya to bring the tea there, so that we could delight in maybe one of the last warm days of the year. To my surprise, beneath the willow I found only a pile of leaves left behind by the gardener. Assuming that she might have forgotten the details of the appointment due to too many duties and was waiting for me in my room as usual, I made my way back inside the castle.

In my chamber, I found only my black cat Shia, curled up in a cute ball on one of my pillows, sleeping soundly. Feeling an unpleasant sting of unease, I directed my steps towards the kitchen, where Kristya spent most of her day.

On my way there, I bumped right into Orias.

"The king wishes to see you, young master," the chief counsel announced before I even opened my mouth.

I blinked a few times, then gave him a silent nod before heading for the throne room. I really hoped that this had nothing to do with my friend.

When I arrived at the carved throne, father maintained his silence for a good few moments, piercing me with his stare. Eventually, I didn't manage to keep it in. "Do you know where maid Kristya is, father?"

"She's in the kitchen. She isn't allowed to leave, except for rest in the maids rooms."

I was so surprised, I stopped watching my tone: "What... why? What did she do?"

"She was distracting you from your studies." His gaze was serious, a hint of annoyance staining the grayish irises. "You are supposed to learn, and not waste your time chatting with that girl." The disrespect in his voice almost made my blood boil. What stopped me from snapping were his next words: "Your birthday is only one week away, and I don't want you to make a fool of yourself at the festivities in the capital."

"Festivities... capital?" I stammered out.

"Yes. The townspeople wish to celebrate their future king coming of age. Didn't I tell you that?"

"No..."

"Well, now you know. Now return to your studies."

"Yes father..."

I left the throne room, feeling a bit numb. Through the last crack in the door I noticed Orias, entering the chamber through a smaller entrance on the western side. Playing a secret informant, huh... I thought to myself.

I returned to my chambers and flopped onto the bed, earning myself a dissatisfied hiss from Shia. I didn't pay her much attention though. I was furious. It wasn't fair. I always spent most of the day studying anyway, and met Kristya only when I was done. There was no way she would distract me from anything. And now one of the very few pleasures I had after hours of mental pain was taken away on a whim...

The only thing that lightened my mood a little was the perspective of visiting Ioreth. I've never been there, since it was forbidden for me to leave the castle. Or I have been, but didn't remember... But from what I've heard, it was beautiful, full of people, stores and taverns. For so long now, I've wished to see how commoners lived, walk between them and for once feel like a normal youngster, not like the king's son. Maybe there, among ordinary people, I would at last find some peace of heart. Not like here, isolated and alien...

I sighed, hugging my head to the pillow, feeling Shia crawl onto me and settling down at the base of my spine. Was it even possible that I would someday get better again? That I will feel like I'm at a real home, with someone who would be a real family to me...? Did I... even know what a normal family should be like...?

I tried remembering the face of my late mother, but after a few moments the awful headache returned.

I closed my eyes and stopped thinking about it.