Chaper the First

Humanity isn't a tragedy but a comedy. The butt of the joke. How does it feel to know that when we are all gone in a blaze of fiery and atomic waste, when our cities are left empty to be taken over by mother nature, roaches will inherit the earth?

I don't feel nihilistic because there is no god or heaven, now I know for a fact both must be real in an infinity of universes. I feel nihilistic because all of what we will ever make shall end up in the hands of these dirty, smelly, ugly, FILTHY ROACHES. 

To take inspiration from a certain machine… Hate doesn't even begin to describe what I feel for the fact that these things DARE to even EXIST in the same plane of existence as me. If in my old universe life descends all from evolution, knowing that they are what evolution allowed to exist makes me think life itself might be a mistake.

So when I woke up in a dark place unable to move, pushed as hard as I could only to realise I was HATCHING from an egg, when I looked at my own reflection to find the ABOMINATION of a man and a roach mixed together… I looked up at the ceiling of the sewers and said:

"Fuck you."

ROB, you are pure fucking evil. This better be the kind of story where I get overpowered real fast lest I swear on all that is dear to me, I'm finna smoke your bitch ass when I find where you live.

Worse, bits of me are white, others are brown… Can I still say ni– 

Alright, just to be safe, I'll refrain…

But even still, after all of this suddenly being dropped on me… I always hope for a better tomorrow.

First, what's so bad about being a Roach man? I look like a roach. I probably smell terrible. I have the urge to eat actual fucking garbage too so that's nasty... When I finally succumbed to my instincts, my tongue had the audacity to make me like it. I feel filthy. Like a whore discovering his whoreness.

The good things about my situation? Nothing. They doesn't fucking exist. Fuck this life.

Alright, fine. Having powerful smelling abilities helps finding food and knowing what kind of creature lives down here. Sometimes, I know by instinct the ones to avoid. That, I must admit, is useful. But would that be needed if I wasn't a roach man in the first place?

That's what I thought.

The sewers connect to huge underground caverns, it's crazy down here. I have yet to see the light of the sun since I lost the place of my birth. Of course, there are many abominations down here. I'm telling you, who made these fucking insectoids have human faces? I saw a centipede with a smile on its face as it was eating another.

I always have to hide in the shadows because of this.

I am far from the biggest thing down here.

Once, I slipped on some viscous crap and fell down a chasm. God, wings would have counted as a plus… IF THEY DIDN'T MAKE SO MUCH NOISE!

Besides, in most places, they are useless. There often isn't enough space to fly in the tunnels between the caves.

I can't say how long I have been down here. But I have slept about five times, I'll assume it's been five days…

I was getting more and more adjusted to the bullshit of my new existence when one day, I come across two monsters fighting. They were breaking the fucking ground under their feet! Breaking the rocky pillars as if they weren't the only thing keeping the roof over their heads from crushing them into oblivion.

"This is it, Hyper Maggot! The day of your DOOOM!!" the fly looking mf screamed as he threw some kind of liquid out of his… eyes…

"Never, you dung eater! I'll eat you whole and shit you OUT!" 

God help me. What the hell are those names?! Did you name yourselves or did your parents hate you?!

Confused and kinda terrified, I just moved on and crawled away. Seriously, these guys need help.

Sometimes I wonder why I couldn't have been sent to DC or Marvel. I probably would have been some big shot with all the knowledge I have. Saving the world, ruling over it too… Super powers or Power armors, I could make some crazy tech!

I don't even know if this is some random world or if this is a fictional one I know anything about. The only world I can think of with giant humanoid creatures underground stupid names is OPM. I should be fine. Saitama will take care of everything, right?

On more important topics… How do I not die a horrific death down here? When stuck in survival situations, one must always establish goals. To not lose hope and avoid despair.

First, I want to find my way to the surface. In a forest, there would be plenty of things to hunt and eat, resources to build things and live a relatively comfortable life.

I should also try to get stronger. That will help me survive anything trying to eat me or… Heroes.

I can't even disguise myself as a human. With my shape, people would have to be stupid if a few clothes could hide me.

Worst of all… With a face like this… I'm NEVER going to get any hoes! Why do I have to he isekaid yet can even have a harem?! To be fair, I don't really want a harem but there is no way I'm banging something of the species I am. 

No matter the verse, it appears I am cursed to remain maidenless… even still, gotta keep hope. Maybe if I get stronger, I'll evolve like a pokemon… I'll either look much better or much worse though.

In the wild, a single mistake could be your doom. But bad luck, even if outside of your control, is also something to remember exists.

I thought all my bad Karma had been repaid by being reborn as a roach man. Yet now, I know better.

I've just been challenged in a fight to the death. My opponent? A… man with a giant eye instead of a head.

"After all this time down here, to think I'd finally find something to eat! And you look fat and juicy too!"

No! I just have… Big chitin plates…

Now there is only one way to survive. Bullshiting like my life depends on it. Because it does.

First, the Yakuza face.

"Eh?! What did you just say, punk?! You fool think you stand a chance against me?! Turn back around right now and I won't use you're eye as a fucking toilet!"

"Wait, you are intelligent?! … Even still, I don't have the choice… I don't know when else I'll find food or where the exit is…!"

Next, bullying.

"Ah?! You come into my territory and think you can take me on? Maybe there isn't a brain in that head of yours. You're a pathetic excuse of a monster. I will fill your entrails with acid and then EAT. YOU. ALIVE, as you melt and scream for mercy!"

I am never doing that.

Regardless, this is working! I could… smell the fear coming from him. Having such an ugly form really might come in handy.

"Be glad I already ate something twice your size this morning. Bastard fought better than me, even… Now get your ass outta my hunting grounds."

I walked towards him and bumped into his shoulders before passing him and flying away.

I can't believe that just worked. Man, It's great I don't sweat anymore. Otherwise, my act would have been found out… Is this what I'm going to do from now on? Pretend to be tough, like King?

Not a chance. Way too stressful, I rather have actual power. After all, I'm no protagonist, things are bound to go wrong at the worst of times.

I was lucky this time too, this guy was already weak and weakened by hunger. He was scared and insecure. Obviously a newly born monster.

I thank him. He helped me realise how much worse off I could have been.

I've been thinking for a while. Should I seek help from the OPM God? I'm not so sure. I am a monster but that doesn't mean I want to destroy the world.

In addition, that would mean fighting against a character who's whole gimmick is that he can't be beaten, in his own verse. That's like hunting a wolf on its own territory, you are always disadvantaged unless you can exploit it better than it can.

Considering my situation, I'm probably a weak ass monster, even god probably has minimal requirements, probably Dragon level or higher.

So now that that idea is unusable, I've got two ways to grow in power. Physical training and attempting to develop esper abilities.

I am already giving up on the latter so let's start crafting a workout plan. I am naturally stronger than an average human so, Saitama's training will definitely be doable.

Sure, it's not going to give me his results, he was already a special case… Even still, getting stronger normally isn't bad. Just as an example, look at the power difference between an average man and someone at peak physical condition. Its huge.

When I get out in the open and preferably far from any city, I'll also have to train my flight. Speed is always a nice advantage to have. 

It's gonna be a long journey but I'm sure I can–

A sudden explosion sends me to the ground. Someone just blew up the ceiling!

The light of the sun was blinding. I could hear screams of agony, punches and kicks… I could smell blood and fear. There were buildings… 

Suddenly, cars began to fall into the newly made hole… 

Am I under a parking lot? God, I'm still under the city… where even is the guy that got shot into the earth?

Looking down at the edge of the newly formed hole I saw nothing but darkness.

Yeah, that guy is not alive.

But this is an opportunity! I climb out of here and make a run for it out of the city! Perfect.

I still hear fighting above, it's better to wait when the hero has won… Here lies my salvation, soon I'll be out of this underground maze and into the wild!

I might not have to leave the city after all. Because there is barely any of it left, including the people.

Total decimation. Absolute destruction. Complete obliteration. Alright, I'm exaggerating but damn, this looks like whatever attack was absolutely merciless… I feel scared.

Craters were covering the ground too, mad shit, never seen that in OPM…

I crawled around the debris of buildings, moving past corpses, looking left, right, up and down because I was afraid of getting jumped by whatever made this. Really seemed like death from above…

Maybe I'm late in the series, further than where the manga is at? Or perhaps very early…

I spent hours crawling through the ruins, finding fridges with crushed food to eat was very convenient but I never stayed in the same place too long. Somehow, there were a few survivors here and there… I just hope the hero association sends help for them soon.

Then I saw her. 

A foolish child crying of despair. There was a man kneeling beside her. He looked broken. There was the corpse of a woman. And a child.

I already had the realisation in the caves, about the horrific nature of this new world. This though… This was like living that realisation once more.

But when I thought, dared to think, that it couldn't get worse for them, a group of monsters discovered the poor folk. The screams made me cry.

These bastards were rejoicing at the prospect of the ungodly aberrations they were going to subject them to.

I couldn't save them. Couldn't watch but I was forced to hear the screams, the flesh tearing, the bones shattering and the blood splattering.

I ran when the way was clear. 

After that, my goals changed to take a drastic turn. I can't just live in peace while everyone suffers. Not when I can help.

I have to get stronger to stop things like this from happening.