Chapter 32: Trying to Eat

The crew had landed at Alabasta at the port town of Nanohana. They started to prepare to leave together and decided to disguise themselves in desert style clothing to blend in and to not overheat in the desert.

At least that's what should have happened. What really happened was that the second the boat got close to the shore Luffy jumped off yelling. "I'm hungry! Where's the meat?!" And Kai followed after him. "Hey rubber band. I know a good restaurant around here." Kai said as he ran in one direction with Luffy following him.

The rest of the crew were staring at this with twitching eyebrows. "What idiots." Nami said to Vivi who was in despair at the moment as her entire country's well-being was riding on the chance that these two idiots could stop a warlord. "I'm not an idiot!" The entire crew heard a distant voice call out. They shook their heads and started getting ready to get on the island.

Vivi helped them all out by telling them what types of clothes people here wore and the trends and unique cultures of Alabasta that they wouldn't know so that they could blend in. What a joke right? The Straw Hats infiltering? Pfft. As if.

…

In a certain restaurant there was someone face down in his food. The food must have been poisoned as it appeared he had died while mid bite and fell into his own food. Smoker was in the bar and he saw a dead man. He walked up to him and looked at the food. "What happened here? Who made this food?" He asked everyone in the restaurant.

Everyone was shocked at the scene and only one person spoke up. "His food must have been poisoned! He was just eating when he fell face first into his own food!" Smoker looked around the room searching for a possible culprit. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"*munch munch* Why is everyone so quiet?" Someone asked while stuffing their face. Half the people in the restaurant fainted as someone yelled. "GHOOST!" And ran out of the building. Smoker snapped his head towards the person who was eating, wondering if he was the one who poisoned the food. Only to see the dead man eating!

"A ghost? *munch* Where? *munch*" The man asked as he kept eating. "YOU!" the head chef yelled at the man as he smacked him in the head with a pan. The man eating fell face first into his food again and stopped moving.

"He's dead! For real!" A random person yelled and Smoker walked up to the eating man. He felt for a pulse and when he noticed one he said. "He's not dead. Just sleeping." The rest of the people at the bar face planted. "Who falls asleep eating food??!" They all yelled.

The man with his face in the food woke up and shook his head a little before going back to eating. "I'm not a ghost. I'm Ace." He told the head chef. Then he turned to the rest of the restaurant and Smoker and asked. "What kind of person would fall asleep while eating? Which one of you was i- *snore*" He said as he fell asleep again.

Everyone in the restaurant just stopped. They couldn't deal with it anymore. At that moment two people entered the bar. "Wahahahaha! What a funny guy!" One of them said as the person beside him followed him in. "Meat!" He yelled as he punched Smoker and Ace through the wall and landed in Ace's seat and started eating.

Kai just sighed and sat down next to Luffy, starting to eat with him. "This meat is great! You're right Fujin! I love this place!" Luffy said as he stuffed his face. Kai responded like normal, not addressing the elephant in the room. Err... the hole in the wall. "I know right. Almost as good as love cook's"

The head chef looked at the two incredulously and said. "You should probably run away." Luffy and Kai looked at him and tilted their heads. ""Why?"" They both asked. "Do you guys know who you just sent flying?" The chef asked them. Kai just said. "Yeah, my boss." Before he continued eating, Luffy looked up and said. "Sent someone flying? Who did that?"

"You did." The chef said with a deadpan look on his face. What was with all these idiots today. "Me? To who?" Luffy asked, genuinely confused. The chef pointed at the wall and said. "That was a marine." Luffy just looked at the hole in the wall and said. "That isn't supposed to be there. You should get that fixed."

"Pfft." Kai spit out his drink. He's just like Garp! Everyone ignored Kai as his spit take was the least interesting and weird thing happening right now. "This restaurant is kinda weird. I didn't know they just had hole's in the wall. It's cool!" Luffy said to Kai who absolutely lost it. "WAHAHA!" He started rolling on the floor.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID THAT!" The chef along with everyone else in the restaurant yelled at Luffy. "Hm? Me? When?" Luffy asked everyone as Kai finally recovered a little bit. He was still wheezing. The two people sent out of the bar had finally started getting up.

"What kind of person does that to someone while they are eating? Do they not know basic manners? You don't fight or sleep at the dinner table! It's what Dadan always told the four of us!"

The other man also got up when he heard this. "You were sleeping. You know that right?" Ace was shocked. "I was?! You can't tell Dadan!" Smoker was confused as to who that was and if she was really that scary but just ignored it. "What kind of idiot does that to a marine?" Smoker asked himself out loud.

"Oi! I'm not an idiot! You damn Smokey bastard!" A voice yelled from inside the restaurant causing Smoker to let his cigars fall to the floor as he froze for a moment. "YOU!!" He yelled as he ran through the walls towards the original restaurant with Ace following behind him.

Halfway to Luffy and Kai they passed a family who was eating. Smoker ran past, but Ace stopped and bowed to the family. "Sorry for disturbing your meal." He said before turning and running after Smoker again.

Smoker arrived at the restaurant and looked at the man in a mask who was eating beside the kid in a straw hat. He was so mad he didn't recognize Luffy. "FUJIN! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He yelled as he grabbed Kai by his collar and picked him up before throwing him to the ground.

"I wanna fight too!" Luffy yelled as he punched Smoker into Kai and started a dust brawl. (I know they are logia but it's comedy. Deal with it.) As the three were fighting Ace walked back into the bar. He saw the three fighting and was about to jump in for fun before he suddenly said. "Luffy?"

Once he recognized Luffy he completely misunderstood the situation. Thinking that the marines were both trying to catch Luffy when in reality Luffy just joined in on the fight for fun. What an idiot, err... what a funny guy! "Stinky marines! Let Luffy go!" Ace yelled as he grabbed Luffy and ran away from Smoker and Kai.

Smoker got up and looked at Kai. "Wasn't that the Straw Hat?" Kai looked over and said. "Yeah. And the second division captain of the white beard pirates. 'fire fist' Ace." Smoker paused for a second. "Didn't you capture him?" Kai looked at him. "Well I did. But then one of the girls on his crew who was tied up really had to go pee. And I wasn't gonna force her to pee her pants in front of all of her friends. That would be pretty mean of me. So I took off her handcuffs and let her go to the bathroom before going to sleep. When I woke up they were all free."

Everyone in the bar nodded. It would be pretty fucking scummy to force a cute girl to pee her pants in front of her friends. They all thought. Thinking they were glad Kai was a good marine and completely skipping over the fact that he pretty much let all the pirates escape.

"YOU WENT TO SLEEP?!! WHY?!"

"I was tired. I'm a busy guy, Smokey. I have a lot to do and even I need a break sometimes. Do you think I just don't sleep?"

Once again everyone in the bar nodded. They completely understood. Sometimes you get home from a long day at work and are very tired. Sometimes you just need a little bit of sleep. They were only human after all and everyone needs to sleep. Once again the fact that Kai let the pirates escape flew over their heads and they started to feel for the guy. 'His boss was chewing him out for no reason!' They all thought.

"THEN WHY WERE YOU EATING WITH HIM?!" Smoker yelled at Kai.

"I was hungry." Kai replied, causing the rest of the restaurant to feel for Kai once again. Everyone gets hungry and has to eat!

One of the people in the restaurant spoke up. "Let the guy go! He was just showing human decency to the girl! Would you make her pee her pants! Plus everyone gets tired and needs a break sometimes and getting hungry is normal! You're being too hard on him!" The rest of the people in the bar started nodding and a few added in a "Yeah!" Or "That's right!"

Kai noticed the misunderstanding of the people as he really did just let them all escape on purpose. Not that he would say it out loud. He used this to turn the tables on Smoker. "Yeah, Smokey. Everyone here gets it! You work me to the bone! I've been on the clock 24/7 trying to catch these guys for 18 days now. I didn't have a single day of rest! Then I take one nap and now everything is my fault! What the hell!"

Smoker paused and thought for a second. Doubting whether he was being too hard on Kai. Then he remembered everything that happened so far. He was too lenient! "SHUT IT FUJIN! WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AND LET THEM GO THE ENTIRE TIME!"

Smoker knew that Kai was messing around the whole time and all the things he did but the rest of the people did not. What Smoker said got the crowd riled up. They all remembered having a bad boss who would work them to the bone and set unreasonable goals for them to attain then complain where they missed them.

"Lay off the guy! It was an honest mistake!" One of them yelled and everyone else started nodding in agreement and verbally attacking Smoker. "Leave him alone!" Another one yelled and a bunch of people started yelling "Yeah! You're just like my old boss! Sorry not everyone is perfect!" Eventually they started throwing shoes at Smoker and one of the people escorted Kai through the crowd too the door. The crowd blocked Smokers view so the Kai could get away.

Smoker was standing dumbfounded as small rocks and shoes flew through his body as it turned to smoke. He looked at Kai only to see no one standing there. He looked around and couldn't see Kai anywhere. He was just shocked. "What just happened?" He asked.

Then he heard. "Wahahaha! Thanks everyone!" And saw a figure walking away from the restaurant. Smoker bolted through the crowd who tried and failed to stop him when he turned into smoke. He caught up to Kai and grabbed his collar stopping him from walking away. "What are you doing Smokey?" Kai asked.

"YOU CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY!"

"Umm, but, I'm kinda just chasing them." He said as he pointed to two men in the distance talking while walking away.

"Then let's go!" Smoker said as he let go of Kai and they chased them. Kai shook his head. "I can't believe you just let those two go earlier, Smokey. They were right in front of us and you just started hitting me."

"YOU PUNCHED ME THROUGH A WALL!"

"Actually that was Luffy. I didn't do anything there."

"GOOD POINT! WHY WERE YOU JUST CASUALLY WALKING WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"

"Well he said he was hungry so I showed him this restaurant I knew because honestly I was quite famished too."

"HE'S A PIRATE WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM DIRECTIONS???"

"Ok Smokey. So you can give him directions at Loguetown but now all of a sudden when I do it I'M the bad guy? Smokey, mate, I already told you Hina doesn't like hypocrites."

"I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A PIRATE AT LOGUETOWN!"

"So? It isn't my fault you're a bad marine who doesn't do his homework. You should know the faces of the pirates with bounties."

"I'M A BAD MARINE???!!! YOU WERE ON HIS FUCKING SHIP! FOR DAYS!"

"Yeah, so? Plus I caught him on the ship."

"THEN YOU LET THEM GO!!! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO UNLOCK HER CUFFS FOR HER TO TAKE A PISS FUJIN! THEN YOU WENT TO BED! WHAT THE FUCK?!?"

"Wahaha! Yeah I'm surprised none of the people in the bar picked up on that. It just flew right over their heads."

"YOU JUST ADMITTED YOU LET THEM ESCAPE! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

"So?"

"SO? OUR JOB IS TO CATCH THEM! CATCH THE PIRATES! IT'S LITERALLY THE FIRST THING THEY TEACH YOU! SO WHY DID YOU LET THEM ESCAPE!"

"Smokey. Seriously. Look at me." He grabbed Smokers shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes. "Hina. Doesn't. Like. Hypocrites. Got it this time? Good cause I don't want to repeat myself."

"I DIDN'T FUCKING LET THEM ESCAPE ON PURPOSE! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEY WERE PIRATES, WHEN THEY ARE WITH YOU!??!"

"I already told you to look at the bounties. Also you did it twice! Once inside the restaurant and just now when I was chasing them. I can't believe you stopped me from catching pirates twice Smokey! Do you want them to escape or what? Hina doesn't like marines who let pirates escape."

"IF YOU SAY HER NAME ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I SWEAR TO GOD, FUJIN, I WILL FUCKING CASTRATE YOU!"

"Well Hina wouldn't like a guy without balls, so I guess I'll stop."

"THAT'S IT I'M GONNA FUC-"

Smoker's rage was cut off by Luffy. "Hey look! It's my crew!" He yelled at what seemed like random passersby. They all hid their faces and cursed underneath their breath. They ignored Luffy hoping nothing would happen.

"Hey guys! What's going on! Why are you acting like you don't know me?" Luffy yelled out at his crew and Zoro finally snapped. "You idiot! Stop yelling at us when a marine is chasing you! We're trying to go undercover! Don't drag us with you when you get caught!"

"Wahaha! Look at those idiots Smokey! It's like they are used to having a marine around or something. They just don't care!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE THEY DO HAVE ONE AROUND! YOU SHITHEAD!"

"Oh yeah, Wahahahaha!"

Ace threw Luffy towards his crew and turned around. "I'll hold them off!" He yelled as he smiled and burst into flames. He charged at Smoker and punched but Kai cut him off and met him halfway with a punch of his own. "Sorry, you're dancing with me today, candlestick." Ace narrowed his eyes as Kai's punch had a small amount of haki in it so it wouldn't go through him. "Who are you?" He asked Kai. Only receiving a devilish laugh in response. "Wouldn't you like to know. Mr. Campfire. Smokey! You go ahead! I got the human torch on my ass and I don't wanna get burned." Smoker just nodded and chased after Luffy.