Villain Tryouts

A haunting darkness hung over the ruins of what used to be the once bustling Gotham city, where a ghostly silence was all that remained of the millions of souls who once walked its streets. All but abandoned by the federal government, Saitama figured that it'd make the perfect place to gather some henchmen-hopefuls. Using her access to the Joker's contacts, which consisted of former associates and rivals, Harley Quinn had managed to summon quite a few rogues and villains, where the bald clown smiled as he stared out at a sizeable group of people.

"Welcome, all, to my henchmen tryouts!" Saitama exclaimed as he addressed the crowd of villainous individuals. "Should you be successful, you'll have the chance to work with me and my budding criminal empire, and let me tell you, this investment is definitely worth your time!"

"What's the big idea, Quinn?" Captain Cold asked as he crossed his arms over his blue parka. "I thought you said that the Joker was back. Who the hell is this?"

"This IS Mista J, moron. Well, a part of him," the jester girl scoffed as she swung her heavy mallet over her shoulder. "Don't ya watch the news? This guy was kicking Superman's ass halfway to Krypton!"

"Indeed, I saw the moon during that fight!" Clayface piped up. "The blasted thing was changing before my very eyes, a most impressive feat."

"An alliance with such a man might be beneficial," Black Manta added from behind his large, dark helmet. "How do you decide who you want to work with, baldy?"

"I only want the best soldiers on my team, so I'm afraid that this test will be most trying," Saitama replied as he balled up one of his fists. "In order to successfully become a subordinate of mine…you'll need to survive one attack from me."

The group of villains looked amongst each other, unsure of what to think of the simple qualification.

"This is your last chance to leave, so if you're dead set on this, then get ready, because here I come!" the bald clown exclaimed as he began laughing to himself. "HAHAHAHA dead set, get it? Because most of you are going to be dead!"

Harley joined in giggling as the vast collection of rogues all prepared for battle, watching the caped, clown-faced man in anticipation for his first move, with none of them leaving. After another few seconds, before stretching his arm, Saitama vanished from sight to the surprise of everyone.

Catching a glimpse of brief movement behind him, Heat Wave raised his heat gun, but didn't have time to put his finger on the trigger before he was reduced to a splatter of blood by one of the laughing man's punches.

"B-brother!!" Captain Cold exclaimed as he raised his cold gun and shot a beam of bone-freezing energy towards the blur that Saitama had become. Faster than the eye could perceive, the parka-wearing man was also reduced to a fine red mist by another all-powerful punch.

A range of emotions overtook the remaining villains that ranged from panic, to intrigue. Killer Moth readied an armful of grenades, eager to pelt them at their bald adversary, before he became Saitama's next victim as he took an unseen punch to the back, sending his spine careening from his body and which was caught by Black Manta.

"This guy is a real sicko," the dark-helmeted pirate hissed as he crushed the disembodied bone in his hand and shot an optic blast from the red eyes of his mask towards the caped baldy. Saitama effortlessly danced around the beam and again vanished from sight. Gulping, Manta took to the skies as the jetpack on his black suit activated, but his opponent was already airborne and waiting for him with a downward punch.

Watching as the Aquaman villain's armored suit smashed to the ground and exploded like a can of stewed tomatos, another Batman adversary, the Mad Hatter, broke off into a run, figuring that a fight with such a powerful individual was out of his league.

"Found you!" Saitama yelled with an ear-to-ear grin as he abruptly appeared in front of the short, hat-wearing man and brought his hands together to explode his head between them, resulting in a shower of blood that decorated the increasingly-red ground.

Roaring, Clayface's large, clay-like form stomped towards the fallen hero and transformed his hand into a giant mace. Bringing it down overtop the caped man, a lightning-fast punch obliterated the villain and vaporized his entire clay body before it even had the hope of rebuilding itself.

"D-dammit, I knew getting involved with someone like the Joker was a bad idea," Terra, the geomancing supervillain, stammered as she used her powers to create a giant wall of Earth around her. Solid ground did nothing to block a punch from Saitama, however, and the young woman's body was melded to the particles of Earth around as her blood stained the ruins of Gotham City.

Harley Quinn watched the battle with wide eyes, where the massacre continued on for several more minutes, before all movement eventually ceased, and a blood-drenched Saitama returned to the jester-clad woman's side.

"Alrighty, now, who's left?" the caped baldy sighed as he grinned at the carnage that he'd made.

"Um…Puddin', they're all dead," Harley coughed awkwardly as she looked out at the many shredded villains who now lay in pieces.

"Seriously? None of them survived?" Saitama asked with a broad grin, giggling to himself. "Not a single one could even dodge one of my punches? What a snore-fest, they were obviously unworthy to be my henchmen anyway."

"Don't beat yourself up, hun, most of the real powerful baddies didn't show up," Harley said with a shrug. "I mean, how does someone get in contact with the likes of Darkseid? As if those heavy hitters would agree to be someone's subordinate anyway."

"What a letdown, I guess I need to search elsewhere for dutiful soldiers," the bald clown added as he rubbed his chin, his cape blowing in the breeze as the stench of death wafted over the empty ruins. "Hey…I came from a different universe. Hehehehe, do you think it's possible to find good help in another reality?"

"Boy, are you ambitious!" Harley exclaimed with a smirk as she set her mallet down on the ground. "I mean, of course, it's possible. I don't know why Mista J traveled to your world, but who knows why he did half the crap that he used to? That's what made him so amazing."

"My world was full of all kinds of crazy monsters that would make great subordinates!" Saitama exclaimed as a twisted plan began to form within his bald head. "Yes…sure, they were no match for me, but some of them would at least be able to dodge one hit! Yes, yes let's go home and find the scariest monsters that I can!"

"Ooohhhh can I join you on this cross-dimensional road trip, Puddin'?" The young woman sang as she skipped after the caped man.

"Indeed, you can direct me to wherever the Joker got his traveling cube thingy from!" the fallen hero nodded in agreement. "Now what was it…Starlabs, or something?"