Tears

She blinked her eyes a few times and her hand slowly moved to the direction of the card. She took it in her hands and stared at it for some time. A sad sigh escaped her lips. She placed the clothes he gave to her on the bed and took her phone that was lying on the bed next to the mask.

"I don't have much time left." She said sadly to herself looking at the phone. "My time is fast approaching. Any moment from now, my....my condition will start deteriorating and I..." She paused and laughed bitterly at herself. "I need to do this now before I finally lay down my head to rest in peace." Tears pooled down from her eyes down to her cheeks. "I'm completely useless. Why...why does my life have to end up this miserable. I'm..... I'm always so unfortunate." The tears rained down like it was going to flood the whole room. "I hate myself. I hate being born to this world." She covered her eyes with her palms and wept bitterly. For the first ever, she regretted her existence on earth. She felt like everything that happened to her and her family was all her fault. Her existence to them brought nothing but inflicted pains. "Mom, dad, grandma, and Maria. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. Please, please forgive me. Forgive me for being born into this world. Forgive me for being your child. Forgive me for all the pains I....I inflicted on all of you. Forgive me for being so unlucky. I...I did nothing but brought in more and more pains. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry." She cried out to herself and her voice was becoming hoarse from the crying. "I hate myself. I hate myself so much." 

She cried out more and more. Her tears rained down like a heavy storm flooding everywhere. All the years she held back her tears on so many reasons to cry on, these tears counted on it. These tears counted from the very first day everything happened. Her misery and the horrendous wounds in her heart that does not plan on healing. Minutes passed by and she kept on crying her eyes out not giving a sign of stopping anytime soon.

Sometimes back, she felt like killing herself after the incident that took place years back. Her grandma, dad and Lisa always showed up on time. They tried convincing her and making her see that nothing was her fault and that everything that happened was for a reason. But no. The guilt kept creeping in her each breaking of the dawn.

After an hour of crying her heart out, she wiped the remnants off her tears and got up from the bed. She took in deep breaths trying to calm her lungs and exhaled hard loudly. She took few steps and quickly undressed and headed straight to the bathroom. After a hot long shower, she stepped out and walked to the direction of the fine closet. A white short nightdress was hanging alone in the wardrobe. Her eyes widened in shock. 'Wait! What? Was he thinking I was going to spend the night here.' Her mind asked.

"Maybe he was." She said answering back to the question her head asked her. "He guessed right then."

She took out the nightgown and quickly wore it. "It even fit perfectly." She said to herself. It was a nightgown revealing half of her breast and her long skinny fair legs. She bounced on the soft bed. Her head facing right up to the ceiling. Her gaze never left there and a sigh left her mouth.

"I'll do it. Even if it's just two weeks, I'll do it. It's now or never. There's no more time left to spare." She spoke to herself. "I can't risk anymore if it." She paused and said something in her saddest tone. "Two weeks uhn." She whispered. 

Her gaze were still fixated on the ceiling as she gradually surrendered herself to sleep. Her innocent face peeked through her peaceful sleep as she slept. After an hour passed in her sleep, her breathing became unstable, like she was struggling for air. Her body was dripping from sweats and her head were swinging left to right continuously. She clenched her gown tight into fistballs causing her knuckles to turn white as snow. Her body was slowly turning white.

"No. I won't." She said in her sleep. It looked like she was having a terrifying nightmare. "I won't. Never."  

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