06

"What's your order ma'am? Sir?"

The waiter asked. Nandito kami sa restaurant kung saan kami kumain noong birthday niya four years ago. Funny thing is, yung waiter na nag-asikaso sa amin noon ay ang parehong waiter na nagtatanong ng order namin ngayon.

"I'll have the steak please." I said.

The waiter nodded and then looked at Psyche. Sinabi na rin ni Psyche and order niya, after that umalis na ang waiter.

I was just looking outside. Kitang kita kasi sa pwesto namin ang seaside. Hindi pa naman madilim kaya kitang kita ang ganda ng paligid. I wanted to walk barefoot sa dalampasigan and just feel the cold water as it touched my feet.

"Uhm Rielle."

I looked at Psyche when he called my name. I smiled and give him a questioning eyes.

"How are you?" He asked.

"I'm good Psyche. Ikaw?"

"Never been better."

I nodded. Okay, what now? I don't know what to do! For someone like me who is really good at socializing, I suddenly don't know what to say! Maybe I should just keep my silence. Tama, siya yung may gustong sabihin diba so the best way to do right now is to let him talk para matapos na 'to.

But of course, my blabbering mouth won't cooperate.

"Ano nga pala yung gusto mong pag-usapan?" I asked.

His forhead creases. Kitang kita ang kalituhan sa mga mata niya.

"Diba, you invited me for an early dinner kasi you wanted to talk about something? What is it?"

"Ahh uhm kasi... totoo niyan wala naman talaga akong importanteng sasabihin sa'yo. I just really wanted to dine with you bago ako umalis.

"Like what happened before?" I said absentmindedly.

My eyes widened when I realized what I just said. Really Asther? Baka iba ang isipin niya dahil doon. Pero when I looked at him, he was just sitting there, staring at me while smiling. Okay. He's really creepy.

"Sorry." I said.

"No. It's okay. Uhm the day after my birthday my dad called. He wanted me to go back to Manila to study there. I refused pero nakiusap si mommy eh kaya ayun. Sorry ha hindi ako nakapag-paalam sa'yo." He said.

"No need to explain. At hindi mo naman talaga kailangang magpa-alam sa akin noon. I mean, we weren't an item before so..."

"Yeah...so...uhm k-kumusta ka na? How's dentistry?" He asked.

I chuckled. Ilang beses niya ba dapat tanungin kung kumusta na ako?

"Paulit-ulit ka alam mo yun?" I asked jokingly.

"Sorry, kinakabahan lang kasi ako eh I haven't seen you for years and the last talk that we had was like you ending what we had." He said.

My forehead creases. What we...had?

"I mean the friendship. Diba...s-sabi mo" He said nervously.

I wasn't able to react quickly because the waiter interrupted us. Pinatapos ko muna ang waiter na ilagay sa table namin ang lahat ng order namin bago ako nagsalita. I chuckled to make the atmosphere light. Sobrang kinakabahan siya and I can feel it.

"Pwede chill ka lang? You act as if we fought before. At saka that was four years ago, diba sabi ko naman sa'yo I'm still open for friendship kung gusto mo. So... friends?" I asked.

"No. I don't want to be your friend Rielle"

He said, then lowered his gaze down to his plate. Okay. That hurts. Ngayon lang ata may taong ayaw makipagkaibigan sa akin. I wasn't able to say anything, did he just rejected my offer to be his friend? Ako na nga–

"I want more than that." He said and then looked at me in my eyes. "Kahit noon pa, diba. Kaya nga nanligaw ako sa'yo noon. Kasi seryoso ako, gustong gusto kita. Hanggang ngayon... gustong gusto pa rin kita. But if you still refused then I won't force you anymore. I don't want you to give me a chance out of pity."

I heard him. I clearly heard him but my thoughts are wandering elsewhere. Whenever I look at his eyes, parating nawawala ang focus ko sa mga bagay bagay. I don't know but there's something in his eyes that makes me stare at it.

Then I suddenly heard my Lola's voice inside my head. "Iha, don't close your doors yet" I'm not closing my doors, I haven't closed it yet. But I will– "Hope Astherielle, we could only hope." Is this hope? My grandmother wanted me to try. At least try. Should I? What if–

"Okay."

I said, not certain if it's for him or for me. I needed to say something, anything. I need to interrupt myself from thinking. Because when I think deeply, my thoughts would always go somewhere beyond my control. My mind would always create unfamiliar scenes that would drag me into the unknown. And I don't want that. I don't want uncertainties, I don't want the unknown.

"Okay? What do you mean okay?" He asked.

"Okay. I won't force you to be friends with me."

"Hindi mo man lang ba ako pipilitin?" He asked.

"Ano ba talaga? Nalilito na ako sa'yo eh. You don't want to be friends with me then fine, tapos ngayon nagpapapilit ka? Yung totoo, may ubo ka ba talaga sa utak?" I asked.

He chuckled.

"Rielle, I know I told you that I won't force you anymore. But... can we at least try? I don't really want to force you but I also don't want to give up just yet. Let me prove my love–"

I cutted him off by raising my finger. Love. It's too soon to say that. What he feel was a mere attraction or infatuation. Not love, that's too deep.

"You don't love me. So please, don't say that."

"Bakit ba ayaw mo maniwala?" He asked. I raised my brows. "Okay fine. But can we at least try? Look, I really like you, noon pa man. I wanted us to be together, I wanted us to be an item." He said, emphasizing the word item.

I stared at him. Hmm he's really persistent huh. I guess this whole thing won't work. It happened before and it could happen now. Him chasing over me and me running away from him. This is like a cycle, an unending cycle. What he needs right now is reverse psychology.

"Okay." I said.

"What does your okay mean this time?" He asked.

"Okay... payag na ako na ligawan mo ako."

He will go back to Manila, meaning we'll be away from each other. So what are the chances of him staying true to his words? Much lower than the expected. And he's a graduating student, magiging busy siya sa practices, requirements, and after that kakainin ng negosyo nila ang oras niya.

I smiled. This whole thing is going to be easy.

_____

Or not.

March na pero Psyche is still consistently texting, chatting, and calling me. And a lot of times he wants us to do video call! Kahit sabihin ko sa kanya na busy ako, may gagawin pa ako, or mag-aaral pa ako. Still, napaka-kulit niya. Kaya pinagbibigyan ko nalang.

Just like now, I'm writing important details, highlighting, saving files, scanning my syllabus, and memorizing tons of med words; pero naka video call pa rin kami.

Hindi naman siya nangugulo. Actually ang tahimik nga niya eh. He's a phone call away also doing a lot of paperworks. Kahit kasi wala pang graduation nila, binigyan na agad siya ng daddy niya ng trabaho. Their business includes chains of hotels in Manila and Cebu. Mayroon din silang golf course pero around Cebu lang.

Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa kanya na gawin nalang niya lahat ng paperworks niya tapos mag-aaral nalang ako. But he kept on insisting na kaya naman niyang magtrabaho habang ka video call ako. His words? "I wanted to work, but I also wanted to look at you whenever I work. So please just let me do this?"

That cycle continues until he graduated. He specifically wanted me to go to Manila to attend his graduation. Gusto ko din naman kaso nataon lang na may exams ako sa araw na yun. I told him na pwede naman akong mag pa'late na lang sa exam para maka attend ako kasi his graduation is a one time thing. Hindi na mauulit yun pero yung exams ko pwede pa namang I re-take yun.

Pero he got upset when I suggested that. Sabi pa niya unahin ko ang pag-aaral ko kasi siya makakahintay naman daw. I found it sweet actually. To have someone who's willing to wait for you and support you with your goals in life.

Slowly, he's making me trust him. Na lahat ng pinaniniwalaan ko unti-unting nagbago. Isang buwan pa lang kaming ganito pero ang laki na ng pinagbago ko. His words of wisdom, his passion for helping on their family business, his respect for me and my family, his patience towards me just makes me want to forget all the principles and beliefs I had in me.

I should be afraid because he's turning me into someone way too different from who I really am. But I'm not, instead I let him changed me. Maybe this is the real me. The one who trust, the one who forgive, the one who give chances. Maybe Psyche didn't changed me. Maybe he's the instrument I needed to finally go back to who I really am.

***

:)