5. Five: Thursday

Five

She's been thinking about them off and on all day. She didn't mean to. She meant to let everything in the past stay in the past; she meant to spend at least all week being lazy with him and curling up in the way he loves her.

Instead she's wondering where she left her phone.

Kate surveys the living room and draws her knees up to her chest, tries to focus again on the movie they've got playing. John Woo's Mission: Impossible II this time, which she likes, but can't seem to stay focused on.

His hand drops to her knee and shakes it. She glances over at him with a question and finds him grinning at her.

"Kate. Go. Do. Whatever it is you can't stop thinking about."

She sighs and leans her head against his shoulder. "I don't want to."

"Regardless, you're not here now. So do this first, and then come back to me. Us."

Kate glances over at Alexis who is cradling her phone and texting someone; the girl doesn't seem to notice what's going on.

"Okay," she sighs softly. "I need to - I should talk to Ryan."

She watches his face intently, but he just nods; he hides whatever else he might think about that. Does he assume she'll be trying to get back in? Or does he just not care?

She can't even try to explain. "I'll call from our - your room," she says quickly, sliding away from him on the couch to stand, her heart pounding.

"I heard that," he says softly.

She ignores him for now (she just said our) and heads for the bedroom and her phone. She finds it thrown on the chair, calls Ryan's cell. It's Thursday; he's probably at the precinct. Alone. No partners to back him up like he deserves.

"Beckett?"

"Hey, Ryan."

"Why are you - how are you - ah, what's going on? Everything okay?"

She closes her eyes and sinks to the floor, leaning back against the bed. She rubs at her forehead and tries to summon her courage. "I'm fine. Ryan, look, I need to say thank you."

"No."

"Yes. You saved my life."

"It's what partners do," he says quietly.

"You did more than that," she answers, biting her bottom lip. She curls her knees up to her chest and drops her chin on top of them. "You were smarter, and you did the hard thing telling Gates, the right thing, Kev. You did the right thing."

He lets out a long breath, gives her a dry chuckle. "I'm just - glad we got you in time."

Suddenly she can't stand to be alone, away, images of the street spinning out under her, dangling by a finger. "Yeah." It's too heavy, too dark, and she wants the light of his living room and his daughter and him. She gets to her feet and heads back through the doorway.

"You really okay, Beckett? I heard - we heard you quit."

"I did. I quit," she says, coming through the study now, her spine straightening. "I'm fine."

"Yeah?"

"Promise," she says, sliding back into the living room and catching Castle's smile with her own. "How about you and Esposito? The lovers' spat over?"

A choked noise from his side of the phone and Castle laughs out loud as she sinks down beside him, drawing her knees up again.

"Come on, Ry. You guys kiss and make up?"

Castle laughs again, his hand sliding up her thigh to feather his fingers at her knee. He's smiling at her, his movements rather unconscious-seeming, and she wriggles down next to him, puts her head against his shoulder, the phone up to the other ear.

"Ah, not exactly, Beckett. He had your back; he says I didn't trust him. But he - no. He's not happy with me."

"I'm sorry. My fault. You want me to call him?"

"No," he gasps, sounding aghast. "Jeez, no. No way."

She's totally going to call Esposito. Right after this. Soon.

Castle plucks the phone from her hand, ignoring her gasp of protest, and barges in on her call.

"Hey, man. Look. Do we need to put you guys in time out until you can play nice?"

Kate snatches her phone back, slapping his arm. "Ryan, ignore him. He thinks he's funny." She glares at Castle, narrowing her eyes, and he just grins, so very pleased with himself.

When she pays attention to Ryan again, there's a kind of awed silence on his end.

"Ryan?"

"Here. Yeah. Here. Uh. I'm guessing Castle is back on the team?"

Kate's eyes dart to the man beside her, his fingers curling at her ankle. "He's on my team, yeah."

"Good," Ryan breathes out. "So you really are good."

"I'm fi-" She stops, sucks her bottom lip between her teeth as she watches Castle idly split his focus between the television and her. His hair is mussed again, pushed forward into his eyes from where her hands have run through it.

She is more than fine. "I'm great, Ryan. Actually. I'm great."

"Do not text Esposito," she says on a growl, yanking her phone away from him. "Or fine. Text him, but use your own phone. I don't want him thinking I'm that big a sappy girly mess."

"Oh, straight to the heart," he mutters, but he's still grinning like a fool as he pushes on her thigh with his feet, trying to kick her off the couch. "You think I'm a sappy girly mess?"

"Aren't you?"

"You are too," he shoots back. And ah, darn. Yes. She is.

"You guys keep it down," Alexis complains, shooting them both dirty looks, her feet slung over one end of the armchair, head propped up by the other. "Seriously. This is a John Woo movie."

Castle pulls a face, and Kate laughs and claps her hand over her mouth, trying to be good. "Castle," she hisses, holding her phone away from him again. "Stop it."

He stops reaching for it, but resumes digging his toes under her thigh so he can stretch out. She wriggles at the intrusion and loses her spot entirely, finding herself sitting on his ankles.

"Haha, I got the whole couch all to myself."

"Not for long," she mutters and dives into the space between him and the back of the couch, squirming to get around him, shoving on his chest to move him over. He huffs a breath out and clutches her wrists, drops a devastating kiss on her mouth like a bomb, her mind scattered in an instant.

His tongue attacks the seam of her lips and strokes inside, hot napalm to the roof of her mouth, a forceful surge that has her dropping her phone to reach for his-

"Ha! And now I have your phone."

She blinks dumbly at him, her mouth wet and ripe and lonely. "Castle."

"Yeah?" He looks like he knows exactly what he's done to her.

She narrows her eyes. "You wanna play dirty?"

"Oh yes. Yes please."

"Gross you guys," Alexis says, getting up from the chair.

Kate jerks up and off of him, chagrinned, trying to tug her shirt back into place where Castle's hand sent a sneaky foray up her back. "Sorry. No. Alexis sit. He was being mean."

"Dad stop being mean."

"Hey now-"

"Stop being mean, and give me back my phone," Kate says, turning her eyes back to him, trying to telegraph more than just that silly request. She couldn't care less about whether or not he texts Espo. Well, no, she wouldn't love it. But she cares more that Alexis gets to have time with her father than whether or not he's messing around with her phone.

Castle catches her look and his eyebrows go up, but he nods, struggles to a sitting position. "Fine. I'm not gonna be mean. Alexis, sit down and finish the movie with us."

"On one condition," Alexis says, crossing her arms over her chest.

Kate's heart trips and she averts her eyes from the girl, already withdrawing her hand from Castle's thigh, scolding herself for pushing too far, being too much, making his daughter uncomfortable. She promised herself she would-

"We go out for ice cream afterwards," Alexis says, flopping back down in the armchair. "All of us. Okay? The good kind."

Kate lifts startled eyes to Castle, but he's already grinning, doing a fist pump like an eager child. "Yesss. Such a good idea. Ice cream it is. Kate?"

She stares at him, swivels her head to take in Alexis, the girl entirely serious-looking even in her amusement, and then Kate glances back to Castle.

"Yes. Okay. Ice cream."

Castle leans in and kisses her mouth, sweet, swift, and hungry. He pulls back still grinning and hands over her phone. "In the meantime, you should call Esposito. He should know you're - how did you put it? - that you're great?"

She rolls her eyes at him, grateful for the way his humor brings her back up again. No way does she begrudge him his coping mechanisms now. "Yeah. That's what I said, Castle. I'm not repeating it after today, so get your money's worth."

He's still laughing at her, eyes so smiling that they're squeezing all the blue out. And then she realizes what she said and shakes her head, reaching out to curl her palm at his cheek.

"No. Not true. I'll probably say it again and again. As long as you want to hear it. I'm great. I'm more than great."

The smile drops off his face in place of melting tenderness; he leans in the last little bit to kiss her so very gently, his nose brushing against hers, nuzzling.

"Love you too, Kate."

And again, it makes everything easier, makes it okay that she still, even still, hasn't managed to say it first, hasn't found the time or place to say it at all.

The phone in her hand buzzes with a message and she startles back, glancing down at her alert.

From Alexis:

You guys are still being gross, but I guess I'll have to live with it.