26. Don't Get Crushed

AN: An original. The storyline is a request from djcomic2929. Also, based on the Proud Family episode "I Love You, Penny Proud" and Chowder's and Panini's relationship from, obviously Chowder.

Pink and red hearts as far as our heroine can see as she walks through the hallways of her elementary school. Students either exchanging gifts with friends or "special ones" or continuing on with their lives cause this holiday is of no concern of theirs whatsoever.

"Happy Valentine's Day, readers." Linka address when she reaches her locker. "Whatever you make of it, this is either the most romantic time of the year for you. Or the most cringeworthy. At school, it's a mixture of both; maybe leaning more toward the cringe side. I only tolerate it cause of two words: free chocolate." After that, she places a chocolate kiss in her mouth, humming in satisfaction.

Just as she had her hand on her handle, her best friend strolls up to her.

"Happy Valentine's, best friend!" Claudia hands her a bouquet of white roses.

"Claudia! Thank you so much!" She takes them and takes a whiff. "I love them, but you didn't have to spend money on me."

"Who said that? These are fresh picked from my moms' garden."

"Aww. But my Valentine's not as thoughtful." Linka takes out her gift from her backpack. It's a heart-shaped card with a sketch of the two of them she drew.

"I love yours too. You got some untapped talent on your art." They embrace for a short while before Claudia remembers something.

"Oh! Do me a favor and give this to Loki when he picks you up." She hands Linka a blue gift bag with tissue paper with in it. Linka reaches inside it and takes out a mini statue of her oldest brother, constructed out of legos.

"Took me two and a half hours."

"Impressive. But, Loki's in the city this morning with Bebe."

"Like anything she could give is as thoughtful as this." The African-American girl scowls.

The rest of their group comes into sight with the local farm girl bringing them a heart shaped container. "Hiya ladies! Here's a little something for both of you to share."

Linka takes it ecstatic, assuming to be more chocolate. But on the contrary..

"Bacon?" The two were initially confused, but they help themselves to many slices after their first bite.

"Glad you like it. But Virginia, my pig, is the one to thank."

The girls, even Riley and Zara, gasp horrified at that statement. Linka and Claudia go into a coughing fit after.

Leah just laughs at this. "Just a little country humor."

After they all calm down, Riley smirks. "So, how many Valentines did you guys get from boys?" Linka rolls her eyes. Here we go again with this bullshit. One more cringey part of this holiday, girls showing off their valentines they received from the boys.

"Well, I did get these daisies from Chuckles." Zara brings out her bouquet. Then it squirts water in her face. She laughs it off.

"Tabby gave me this card." Leah holds up a card with a gun and a rose on the cover. "And the best part, it's a musical card." She opens it and an epic guitar riff and drums play. It's so loud, her friends jump slightly at the sound. Leah closes it up.

"Peter Pain gave me chocolates." Riley opens up her box half-full of assorted chocolates.

"You ate half already?" Zara asks.

"No, he gave it to me like this. And someone needs to tell him apology punches aren't a thing." Riley cringe, rubbing her arm. "What about you, Linka?"

"Nothing. And I prefer to keep it that way."

"Someone's jealous." Riley comments in a sing-song voice.

"No! More like someone who doesn't need silly little gestures from some boy to get her through the day. Right, Claud?"

Claudia smiles sheepishly. "Well, actually…" She takes out a black heart-shaped card. "Haiku wrote me a haiku. Say what you want about him, but he sure is sensitive."

"Hey, if it makes you happy." Linka turns around and puts in her locker combination. "As for me, it's gonna take a lot more than haikus, musical cards, or half-eaten chocolate to impress me."

As she opens it, a folded note falls at her feet.

"What's this?" Linka picks it up and opens it. It's a handwritten request in cursive.

Go to the hallway by the gym. There's a surprise for you

"What happened?" Leah asks.

"I don't know. But something's there for me in the gym hallway." She puts everything in her locker and closes it in dismay, nervous about the worst. "What did I do now?"

Linka and her friends go over to the corridor leading to the gym, there she meets a gaggle of students staring at the wall.

"What's going on?" She asks a male classmate in the back of the crowd.

"What's going on?" The boy repeats back to her. "You mean you're just now finding out?" Other students heard this and look back at the white-haired girl then part like the Red Sea for her to have a closer look.

"Oh, shit." The five friends say astonished.

Written in red spray paint on the wall is "Happy Valentine's Day, My Love, Linka Loud". In the same handwriting as in the note.

"Impressed now, Linka?" Zara asks.

"Yeah. And creeped out. And worried. Who would do this?"

"Oh don't act all innocent, Loud!" A demanding woman's voice enters the scene. Linka gulps and is face to face with her gym teacher, Coach Pacowski.

"You and your little friends in the principal's office NOW!"

"Ah, shit." The friends say in unison again, upset.

"And what do I see? Loud's name plastered all over the walls outside my gym! Like this day isn't already rough for me!" Ms. Pacowski explained to the principal, Wilma T. Huggins, standing next to her in her office. The girls are all seated in a row in front of her desk.

Huggins glares at the girl in question. "What do you have to say for yourself, Loud?"

"Principal Huggins, I'm sorry but I'm just as shocked as you! I have no idea who did it!"

"What about your associates here?"

"I didn't do it! And we were all with Linka when she first saw the graffiti." Claudia explains.

"Yeah! And even before that, I came in a little late because I was frying my Valentine's bacon." Leah tells her.

"Valentine's bacon?"

"I stay as far away from the gym when I could. Why would I graffiti the walls?" Zara defends.

"Why should I care? It wasn't my name on the wall." Riley sneers.

"Are you seriously jealous right now?" Linka queries.

"Well, I get half a box of chocolate and you have someone committing vandalism for you!"

"Girl, you can have that! I just want out of here!"

"So none of you have no knowledge prior to the crime," Huggins concludes. "The only possible culprits who would go to such extremes for you are your little brothers, Loud!"

"Hey, leave my brothers out of this! That's not Lars's handwriting, the twins' can't write in cursive yet, and Levi wouldn't be caught dead in a situation where he's in trouble with the school. A non-chemical explosion situation."

"Ohh, my apologies. I guess I'll just let you all go then." The girls all look relive for a second. "NOT! Until someone comes clean, you're all getting in-school suspension!"

Everyone gasps and exclaims their complaints. "I don't know what that is." Leah says.

"Leah, we can't continue our classes! We won't have recess!" Claudia explains.

"No classes? Sounds like we got the best end of the deal." Zara says.

"She said no recess." Linka tells her.

"Oh, there's that. Wait a minute. If we're in school but we're not allowed in class, what are we going to do all day?"

Linka and her girls wind up in their boring school library, serving as library assistants.

"I had to ask." Zara says bitterly as she reorganizes a shelf. "You know this is how the school works around child labor laws."

Riley strolls up with a cart full of books. "If I wanted to do meaningless child labor, I would have worked at my mom's dress shop!"

"Shhh!" She is shushed by the librarian.

"Am I the only one who's looking at the bigger picture?" Claudia speaks up. "I.S.S means that we're banned from all the fun events at school. No field trips, dances, or clubs! And if we're missing classes, we'll be held back and forgotten by everyone just like Mark Mallock!"

"It's Marty Mallock." Leah corrects.

Linka, who was dusting, takes a peek out the window overlooking the playgrounds where recess was taking place. She grimaces at the sight for another reason though. "Guys, look at this."

The other four go to her and see that the perpetrator spray-painted "I Love You, Linka Loud" all across the blacktop.

"Well, I'll give your admirer this: they love you and they don't care who knows it." Leah says.

"Then why won't they come clean? It isn't fair that we're serving their punishment!" Claudia retorts.

"You're right, Claud. And sitting here bitching isn't doing anything. We need to find the culprit ourselves!" Linka states.

"How are we going to do that?" Zara asks.

"What we know about this person? They're very open about their feelings. They're defacing the most public sectors of the school. I say we do a stakeout after school and see if we can catch them in the act."

"You really think that they would graffiti the school in broad daylight?" Claudia asks.

"Everything is based on cartoon logic. We've been screwing the rules."

"I still think it's too risky. If we're caught, we could get expelled. And I can't tell my meemaw I'm expelled!" Leah says.

"Yeah, and this person could be a psycho! There's already a bunch of red flags!" Zara says.

"It'll be five against one. But if you guys are too chicken to do it, you can live in the library. Claudia, you in?"

"Hell yeah! I'm not getting held back for anyone!"

The three gingers look at each other then around the library. Simultaneously, they agree reluctantly.

"But you're facing my meemaw if I get expelled." Leah declares.

Time skip to after hours where our girls are scattered around possible places of the school where the graffiti artist could tag next. Linka's by the auditorium, Claudia's behind some lockers near the front entrance, Riley's in front of the cafeteria, Leah's behind the school where the after school buses are parked, and Zara's scouting the hallways. They all keep in touch with one another with their phones through an app that allows five-way calls.

"Anything yet?" Their white-haired leader asks. She only hears negatory responses.

"Maybe you've overestimated them, Link." Leah says.

"Maybe. But I'm not-" Linka stops herself when she hears the sound of pressured air being released. "Who's line is that?"

On the other side of the school, Zara looks up and sees a figure, about the height of an average fifth grader. Dressed in all black with a hoodie pulled up and tighten over their face. They're using pink spray cans on a row of lockers. Zara, in a response to her fight or flight instinct, dives headfirst into a nearby trash can.

"Guys! The perp is in the fifth-grade hallway!" She whisper-shouts.

"We should have seen that coming." Linka comments.

"Run up on them, Zara!" Riley encourages.

"Hell no! I'm not catching them myself!"

"Meet up, girls!" Linka commands. They hang up and race to Zara's location. The lockers were tagged with Linka's name in the center of a pink heart.

"I'm just now feeling bad for the custodian." Claudia comments.

Linka's touches the art with her fingers. "Still wet. They're definitely still around."

"Where's Zara?" Leah asks. The little red-haired girl pops up from the trash can at the mention of her name.

"Is it safe?" She asks, worried.

"Yeah. Thanks for letting them get away." Riley sneers.

"Zara, what did you see? Any defining features?" Claudia asks.

Zara gets out of the trash can. "I couldn't see the face, they had a black hoodie on. But they are around Linka's height."

"So it's one of our classmates?" Leah concludes.

"A classmate that can't spell Riley Spokes?" The very girl says in a snarky manner.

The resounding sound of a paint can dropping has everyone's breath leaves their throat. Linka's the first to turn around and see Black Hoodie at the end of the hallway. They waste no time running in the opposite direction.

"Get 'em!" They all snap out of their shock and go into hot pursuit.

After awhile Leah suddenly says, "Gals, fall back!"

"Leah?" Linka questions.

"I wasn't the Top Chicken Chaser in the county for nothing!" The other girls oblige to her wishes and Leah pushes it into high gear. She's right behind the perp, making it the perfect moment for her to tackle Black Hoodie and roll around the floor with them. Her friends catch up with the two when Leah has them in a headlock.

"Good job, Leah!" Claudia cheers. Leah moves to grab an arm and Riley, closest to the kid, grabs the other arm. The kid keeps thrashing in their hold.

"Now let's see who you really are." The kid stretches their head back away from Linka's hold but she forcibly pulls them forward by the hood and unmasks this mystery.

"Boy Jordan?!" The five girls exclaim, baffled. Said boy glows red in embarrassment. A little author's note here, this is Girl Jordan's genderbend, not the actual character from the show.

"Linka," the dirty blond begins. "I can explain."

"Oh, I'd love to hear this."

"As would I." A new voice enters the scene. They all face their not amused gym coach; staying after because who cares? The girls holding Boy Jordan drop him and hold their hands in surrender.

All six of them got thrown in detention shortly after. Needless to say, it was an uncomfortable hour for all of them with the newly risen tension between Linka and her not-secret-anymore admirer.

The next morning at Royal Woods Elementary, Linka and co. are called into Huggins' office again. This time, Boy Jordan was in one of the chairs, clad in his regular yellow polo and blue jeans again.

"I just wanted to let you girls know that you're relieved of your I.S.S. Jordan here has confessed to the vandalism."

"What are you going to do with him?" Linka asks.

"I get the suspension. But it's out of school for a week." Jordan speaks up. "Linka, I'm really sorry I got you and your friends in trouble." The white-haired girl's heart clenches at that statement as she looks at him with pity.

"All's well that ends well." Claudia says. "See ya!" She turns around to leave but Linka stops her.

"Principal Huggins, please don't punish him!" Linka begs.

"What?!" The other five exclaim together. Her friends vexed and Jordan in confusion.

"He isn't a bad kid! He's just didn't know how to get his feelings out there correctly."

"Well Linka, you don't really have a say in this." Huggins tells her.

"But technically I'm the cause of all this. And I don't want to press charges, so please go easy on him!"

Huggins pause for a moment before answering. "Ok, Linka. Because you haven't made any offenses in the past and because you are not mad at Jordan, I won't suspend him. But he still needs to be punished. So I'll do no recess for three days. Starting today." Boy Jordan only nods.

"Three days?! He vandalized the school and he only receives no recess for three days!" Claudia calls out.

"That's not fair!" Riley adds. "We're all enslaved in I.S.S but Linka lets him get off easy."

"I want reparations!" Leah exclaims. "A get-out-of-gym pass, extra recess, a donkey! Something!"

"If you don't get out of my office right now, I'll give you something to complain about." The six kids practically run out of there like a bat out of hell. The girls and Jordan went in different directions but Linka discreetly separates herself from the group to follow him.

"Boy Jordan! Wait!" He stops to turn around and waits for her to catch up.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Why? I just wanted you to notice me." He confesses while grabbing his arm.

"But I see you every day. We're in the same class."

"Yeah, but we never really talked. The only time I interacted with you is in gym class."

"You are mean in dodgeball. Oh! Uh, no offense."

He cringes at the statement but didn't take offense. "Anyway, I knew you weren't a flowers and candy kind of girl. It was either go big or-"

"Go home." Linka finishes. Lynn basically hammered that lesson into her head.

"And I got the idea from growing up with the Disney Channel. Did I embarrass you?"

"No, I'm actually impressed! You vandalized the school for me, that took balls! But it wasn't right. I would have much rather you say it to my face instead of on a wall."

"Ok." He takes a deep breath and clasps her hand with both of his. "I loved you for as long as I remember. You're one of the coolest girls I know and I think you're really really cute. Be my girlfriend?"

Linka freezes and is tinted pink. She's really caught between a rock and a tight space. She knows she has no romantic feelings for him, but after everything he's done.

"I can't say no to you."

Linka opens the front door to her house and trudges inside. She goes straight to the kitchen where her parents were.

"Hey, Snow White!" Her father greets and holds out a tray of goods for her. "I made brownies! Triple fudge, just the way-". Linka didn't even let him finish, she just takes two and shoves them into her mouth at once. She needed something to take her mind off her nerves. She goes to the fridge for milk straight out of the carton.

"Linka!" Rita scowls.

"Sorry, Mom." She answers, despondent. She wipes the mouth of it with her blouse and shoves it back.

"Are you ok, Link?" The father ask. "You seem stressed. Something at school?"

"Yes. I'd tell you, but you're not gonna like it."

Rita chuckles. "Try us."

Linka shrugs and moves both of them to be seated in the dining room. There she tells them all of what happened; the graffiti, the I.S.S, who the admirer is, everything. Up to the encounter of said admirer this morning.

"So I asked why did he do it. And he said it was to get my attention. Then he confessed, and then…" she stops, nervous.

"What happened, Linka?" Rita asks.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes!" Linka shields herself from their impending wrath.

"Linka!" They both shout, appalled.

"What was I supposed to say? No? He did graffiti for me! I told the principal not to suspend him cause I felt sorry for him."

"Well, do you like him? Be honest." Lynn Sr. asks.

"No!"

"Then your excuses aren't acceptable! You never go into a relationship out of sympathy. You shouldn't be in one in the first place, you're only eleven."

Rita remained silent for the moment. Pondering something.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. But, could you please keep this between us. I don't want the boys to know about my new "boyfriend"."

The ground rumbled beneath them the second after Linka said that. A stampede is heard and all ten brothers enter the dining room, into her business.

"Boyfriend?!" They scream altogether.

"Say sike right now!" Luke demands.

"Where'd you guys even come from? I didn't hear you come in."

"Doesn't matter. But it's about time we appeared in the bloody chapter!" Luke answers back.

"Calm down, boys." Lynn Sr. tells them. "There's a kid in Linka's class that has a crush her."

"Pause." Lexx begins. "Is this the same kid that spray painted your name all over the walls at school?!"

"You're basically dating your stalker." Lars informs her.

"What the hell are you doing to attract these weirdos?" Lynn Jr. asks. "First it was the Robbie Dan punk and now Graffiti Pete!"

"Oh, wait. Does this count as cheating on Robbie Dan?" Loni genuinely asks.

"No! We're not together! And Jordan's not like that!"

"Oh, so his name's Jordan." Loki says then turns around. "I'm getting my golf club."

"Loki, wait!" Linka gets up from her seat but Rita beats her to the punch.

"Stand down, soldier." He obeys. Rita then tells Linka what she's been thinking.

"Linka, you should date Jordan."

"WHAT?! BOTH MOM!" Both Linka and the brothers screech.

"I agree with them." Lynn Sr. asks. "What mother says this?"

"Listen. What I learned from raising all of you is that children are fickle. And if you deprive them of what they desire, they aren't going to get over it. They're going to obsess over it ten times as much as before. Linka, Jordan doesn't love you. He, for lack of a better term, lusts after you. Let him have his little fantasy this week, and by next week he'll be over it."

"That is still terrible advice." Lynn Sr. tells her. "You're telling her to take him along for a ride. You should never enter a relationship with dishonesty."

"Exactly. And if he doesn't get over her?" Levi queries.

"No need to stress over this further. They'll only eleven."

The doorbell rings. Linka already knows who it is. "That's Jordan now. He wants to take me to the Burpin' Burger."

"Answer the door." Rita requests her to do. Linka does so despite her brothers glaring daggers at the door.

"Hey, Linka!" Boy Jordan greets. "Ready?"

Linka takes a deep breath to ease her nerves and takes his hand.

"Dang, what's your brothers' problem? Like, can I help you?" Jordan comments before closing the door behind them. That just infuriates the boys further.

"You guys heard that too, right?" Leif asks. "I know he doesn't think he's slick with that comment!"

"I hope you're right, Mom." Luke says. "Cause you got your daughter flirting with disaster."

"Give it a week, hon."

Time skips to the next week and Boy Jordan still hasn't let Linka go. He had come to her house every day this week; usually by surprise to go on dates with her. And when he isn't here, he called and texted her. It's like every waking minute of Linka's life right now is Boy Jordan, Boy Jordan, Boy Jordan.

That weekend, she called an emergency sibling meeting about her predicament.

"Guys, I'm stuck! It's been a week and he still loves me." Her phone chirps after she says that and Loki takes it from her.

"Ooo," He cringes at the notifications filled with romantic emojis. "Bebe and I aren't even this clingy anymore." He silents her phone and returns it afterward.

"I don't know what to do!"

"I do," Lane says. "Drop the boy like a bad habit! Kick him to the curb! Burn his letters and dance around the fire yelling, "happy days are here again"!"

"I can't do that! I don't wanna break his heart!"

"I could break something else to make him back off." Lynn says, baseball bat in hand.

"No!"

"And Mom will ground you for life if you do." Loni tells him.

"Well, if we ain't gonna off the kid, what are we gonna do? Cause I can't stand seeing my little sister unhappy for this long!"

"Mom said to wait for Jordan to break up with you." Lexx begins. "Nothing about dropping a couple of hints to make him do it."

"Lexx, that same plot has been used in hundreds of TV shows and it never works." Linka tells him.

"I have to go with Lexx on this one." Leif says. "It's time for drastic measures, big sis."

"Yeah, it's just diabolical enough to work." Lars adds. The other brothers agree with that and egg Linka on to go for it.

"Ok, ok!" She gives in. "Any suggestions on how to do it?"

"I got a few ideas." Loki smirks.

Later, Loki is in Vanzilla driving Linka and Jordan to the mall.

"I said we're capable of walking!" Jordan snaps at the driver from the first row of seats.

"And I said I insist!" The older blonde snaps back then take his voice down. "Relax, we're almost there."

"Whatever, just stay out of our way." Jordan demands, leaning back and crossing his arms. Linka raises an eyebrow at him when he says that form her place in the passenger seat. Loki grits his teeth in anger. He slams on the brake a little harder than he should when he parks in front of the mall's entrance.

"Finally!" Jordan exits the van without so much as a thank you.

"I hope this works, ungrateful little brat." Loki comments. "Ok, the plan is to give him a taste of his own medicine. You will be the clingy, dependent one. I'm talking matching sweaters, make him pay for everything, carry your shit. Make him work like a mule and all while feigning innocence. We hate that."

Linka smirks and fist-bumps her brother.

"Uh, Linka? Is this really necessary?" Jordan asks the girls tightening her grip on her arm. He's referring to the matching red sweaters Linka bought especially for them. Jordan's say Hers and Linka's say His.

"Yes!" She squeals. "I've always wanted to go shopping with you! I need to update your wardrobe! Come on!" She pulls him toward some random department store. From there, she throws whatever clothes into his arms to carry.

"Linka, are you even looking at what your throwing towards me?" His legs shaking underneath him.

"No. But we'll know once we get into the fitting room." She walks ahead of him; he struggles to keep up. "Oh, you don't mind paying for what we get, right?" She asks in an innocent tone, batting her eyelashes.

"What?!" Jordan was so shocked by that request, he didn't see the clothes rack in front of him. He falls down flat and the cascade of clothes flying everywhere.

"Boy Jordan!" She drops to his side. "Are you ok?"

"Not really." He rips the shirt that was on his face in frustration. "We need to talk."

"Yes!" She pumps her fist, then quickly changes moods. "I mean, yes? What is it, hon? You don't want to break up, do you?"

"No!" He says to her surprise. "You know I love you too much to do that. However, I'm not that blind to call you out on your BS."

My BS?! Linka yells angrily in her head. If he'd just take the goddamn hint!

"Why are so stuck on changing me! I chose you because you not superficial like the other girls at our school! I didn't get a say in what clothes we'll get. And don't make me pay and carry your stuff. Not because I don't like it, but it makes you look weak. You don't want people to know that you need your man to do everything, right?"

"What, no! I wasn't trying to-"

"I know you weren't." He picks himself up. "Come on. Let's do this over. And you're paying for half. Because it's "always 50/50 in relationships"." He walks away with that.

"Damn it." Linka says when he's out of earshot.

"You can say that again." Loki strolls up next to her after blending in the background and witnessing the whole scene. "I never left."

"Do we have a Plan B?"

"Lynn's on the line for you." Loki gives Linka his iPhone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Linka. Stop by my dojo. Let's see if he's one of those boys with a fragile ego." The athlete explains.

Later in the day, Linka and Jordan were dropped off at Royal Woods local dojo.

"Linka, you never fail to surprise me." Jordan smirks, finally rid of that horrendous sweater. He follows her inside and is greeted by the sound of screaming from coaches and grunts from sparring partners. Not his ideal place for a date, but it is better than the mall.

"Hey, baby sis!" Lynn Jr. comes running up to them.

"Your brothers are like roaches. When one leaves, another one gets under my skin." Jordan whispers to his girlfriend. Linka waves him off and addresses her brother.

"So Lynn, is our ring ready?"

"Yep! You're all set for kickboxing."

"Wait what?" Jordan asks. But before he could say "what do you mean", training gloves were put on him and the eleven-year-olds are pushed into a ring.

"Oh didn't you know, Jordan?" Lynn says, standing outside the ring next to him. "Linka knows how to kickbox." The athlete rings the bell and Linka comes at him with a flying kick to the chest. He slams against the ropes.

"Yeah, my sister's tough. Takes after her big brother." He rubs his knuckles on his shirt smugly. "If you can't handle that, I totally understand. She'll be alright."

But instead of answering, Jordan stands up and takes a jab at her arm. Linka was caught by surprise then holds her arm in pain. Jordan takes this moment to do a roundhouse kick at behind the knees. Causing her to fall on her back.

Jordan laughs. Out of giddy, not malice. "Linka, this is so much fun! You have to teach me all that you know! We could be a kickass couple like Bonnie and Clyde."

Lynn steps onto the ring and helps his sister up. "That won't be necessary."

"Hey, Lynn. Let's spar!"

"Ha! Trust me, kid. This isn't what you want."

"Oh, I see you're scared." The eleven-year-old boy mocks. "Listen if I can take on your sister, I can fight you."

"So it's like that?"

"No, it's like this." Jordan pounds his fist into his glove. Lynn glares at him and goes to the other side of the ring. Leaning all the way back on the rubbery ropes and gripping them tightly, stretching them.

Linka stands next to him. "Lynn, don't! He's just a kid!"

"Who's about to be taught a man's lesson! And I can't get in trouble if I hurt him cause he wanted this." Lynn releases his grips on the ropes and comes flying after his opponent. Jordan stands his ground and readies his right hook.

A dissatisfied Linka and a pissed off Lynn with bandages on his head enter the living room where their brothers were chilling.

"How'd it go, guys? Did you damage his ego?" Loni asks.

"No! He thinks I'm cooler! And Lynn fighting with him didn't help anything either." Linka explains.

"One, he had it coming! And two, he caught me off guard! You saw him taking those cheap shots! Damn, I can't stand him!" Lynn's head throbs after his rant. He holds onto it in pain.

"No one can. Him accepting your rowdiness would be admirable if he was." Levi says.

The twins suddenly stand up and each takes hold of Linka's hand. "Chin up, Snow White. We're on the case." Lexx says.

"Let someone else do the breaking up for you." Leif adds on. They then drag her outside.

A few minutes later, the twins and Linka took the army green Jeep to Boy Jordan's house.

"That's it over there." Linka pointed out. "What do you two plan to do exactly."

"Leif, get the disguise from the trunk." Lexx commands. Leif gets out and does just that. Revealing a long trench coat, a fake mustache, and a fedora hat. Lexx puts on the latter two items and climbs on top of his twin's shoulders. The prince then drapes the coat around the two of them. Slightly passing off as a tall stranger.

"Ta-da!" Lexx shouts.

Linka cringes and facepalms. "Are you serious?!"

Leif peeks through the buttonhole. "Hey, it got us into that R-rated food movie."

"I told you to never talk about that! Linka, you keep out of sight. We'll handle Boy Jordan." Leif carries themselves to the front door while Lexx struggles to remain balanced. Linka rolls her eyes and drives the Jeep behind the white picket fence.

Lexx rings the doorbell and Jordan opens it. "Can I help you?" He asks skeptically.

"Hello, Jordan. I have a message from you from Linka Loud. She has moved." Lexx says, deepening his voice.

"Moved? I just went out with her. When did she move?"

"This afternoon. She has moved far away and cannot be your girlfriend."

Jordan was about to protest but spots a tuff of blonde hair in between the space of the bottom buttons. He smirks and plays along with this charade.

"Where did she move to? I wanna visit her."

"Uh Uh." Lexx stammers. "Down the street, to the next city…"

"Yes?"

"She's dead." Lexx decides. "Linka is dead." Jordan keeps a straight face. From a distance, Linka slams her head onto the wheel.

"Look at that caterpillar go." Jordan claims, looking down. The little plumber eagerly pokes his head out of the disguise and searches the ground, causing his twin to fall off.

"Where?!"

"Ahh!"

Realizing he lied, Leif scowls at himself for breaking the façade.

"You guys are so pathetic! All of you are!" Jordan laughs in their faces and closes the door on them. The twins stand up irked and pound at the door.

"Open this door right now and we'll see who's pathetic!" Leif threatens.

"Boys! Let's just go home." Their sister calls from a distance. Leif walks off first then Lexx blows a raspberry at the door before following.

The next morning, the family gathers for breakfast. Linka is notably despondent.

"Something the matter, Linka?" Rita asks.

"You know what it is, Mom. I'm now on day nine of dating Jordan. You said this would only last a week!"

"Really?" Rita asks. "I'm surprised it lasted that long but it could be worse."

"Oh, it is worse. He's rude and inconsiderate!" Luke says.

"He's the reason behind the bandages on my head!" Lynn exclaims.

"He hit you?!"

"Actually, we were sparring. But that's beside the point!"

The doorbell brings them out of their discussion. Lynn Sr. goes to it confused. "Who could be here this early?" He answers it and coming in running is Linka's little boyfriend. Not even acknowledging the father.

He runs into the dining room and stands next to Linka. "I got awesome news, Snow White!"

"Hey! You can't call her that! That's a family nickname!" Loni tells him.

"Anyway. My dad won two passes to Dairyland at his job's raffle and he gave them to me! We're going this afternoon!"

"Jordan, that's great!" Linka genuinely shouts enthusiastically. "But shouldn't an adult come with us or something?"

"Then it wouldn't be a date, now would it?"

"Jordan, Linka's got a point." Rita speaks up. "Your parents might trust you to be on your own but my baby needs a guardian."

"Yeah, either a brother or one of us. No offense, but I'm still not comfortable with my daughter going out alone with a boy." Lynn Sr. finishes.

"What are you suggesting? That you go?" Jordan queries.

"And us!" All ten boys shout.

"Can nobody count? I only got two passes!"

"Then you can save those for another day." Rita crosses her arms.

Jordan groans in an exaggerated fashion. Damn, this family can get on someone's nerves.

"Ok! Everyone goes! But the rest of you guys are paying for your own passes!"

Dairyland, the only amusement park in the world that can make milk fun. There were screams and laughter of joy, white rollercoasters and rides, and enough dairy-themed treats to satisfy. Everyone was having a grand time, except for our young couple. They were walking through the prize booths hand-in-hand. Her family had spilt up but they promised her to not stray too far.

"So what do you wanna do first?" Link asks.

"Ooh, I want that big Tippy the Cow doll!" Boy Jordan points to it. It's in a booth where the player had to shoot one of the moving cows attached to a conveyer belt down.

Linka gives five to the man behind the booth and grabs the suction cup dart gun. The conveyer belt under the little cows move unpredictably fast. Linka panics and starts shooting. She uses up all of them and misses each time.

"What was that?!" Boy Jordan scowls.

"Hey, if you think you could do better, be my guest."

"Fine!" Jordan puts down his own money and plays the game himself. Just like Linka, he misses his shot each time.

"Damn it!"

"I guess neither of us is good at this game. Let's go somewhere else."

"No! I'm getting that Tippy! Linka, give me another five!"

"How about "Linka please"?"

"How about "Linka now"!"

The little white-haired girl begrudgingly hands over another five to the man behind the booth. Jordan plays again, and just his luck, he knocks down a cow on the very last dart.

"A winner!" The man hands him the giant Tippy.

"Nice job." She compliments.

"I told you I could do it. And don't expect a thank you, I did this on my own." Jordan boasts. Linka raises an eyebrow at him annoyed.

The Loud parents join the scene. "Hi Linka, Jordan." Lynn Sr. greets. "You kids having fun."

"Yeah, a whole truckload of fun." Linka answers sarcastically.

"Well, I'm not. I'm bored with these booths." Boy Jordan says. "I wanna go on a roller coaster! I heard they updated the Milk Shaker."

"Yes and with new requirements. Kids need an adult to ride." Lynn Sr. explains.

"Would you ride with me, Mr. Loud?"

"Me? Sorry boy, I don't do roller coasters."

"Oh you chicken, Mr. Loud?" Jordan sneers.

"Chicken?"

"Isn't it shameful when an old man is more scared than an eleven-year-old?"

"What's wrong with you?" Linka backlashes at him. "That's my dad! And he said no!"

"No, it's ok, Linka." Lynn Sr. reassured his daughter before turn back to his offender. "I got your old man! We're going on that ride right now!" He grabs Jordan's hand and storms off with him with Rita and Linka following.

They go on line for the ride and with every conversation Lynn Sr. hears about the new and improved Milk Shaker from the other patrons, his confidence diminishes ounce by ounce.

"I heard they put 500 feet of new track on it! And two more loops! So now, we can get hit in the face with our own barf three times!"

"I heard that it's the fastest coaster in the park now!"

"I heard some old geezer rode it last week and he went into cardiac arrest afterward!"

The Loud patriarch was now trembling slightly. Jordan takes notice to push him over the edge more.

"Don't worry, Mr. Loud. If you can't do this, we can go on the baby bottle rides."

"Don't test me, boy! I said I wanted to do this!" It's finally their turn and they get into a car together.

"Poor Dad. I can't watch." Linka comments from the sidelines scared.

"I hope his blood pressure doesn't act up." Rita says, standing next to her.

After being buckled in and hearing the safety precautions. The ride takes off like a bullet shot out of a gun. It goes through the aforementioned three loops. Somebody puked three times and got hit in the face with it after each loop. The other people were screaming their heads off, including Boy Jordan and Lynn Sr. Joyously and in a high-pitch shriek respectfully. The ride suddenly slows down and Lynn Sr. was thanking the deities.

"Oh, don't thank God just yet!" Jordan tells him. They were slowing down because they were climbing up a hill. It accelerates again before dropping down again.

"AHHHHH!" The man girlishly screams again.

That evening, the less-than-stellar looking Louds enter their abode. Loki unlocked the front door and open it wide to let Rita carrying her sheet-white husband bridal style in. The rest of the brothers enter afterward.

Rita sets him down to lay him out on the couch. "There you go, honey. How are you feeling?" She's only meant with whimpers. When he stepped out of that coaster, his legs gave out on him and Linka and Rita had to carry him to a bench. He's been verbally unresponsive and frightened out of his mind for the remainder of the trip. Rita watched over him and insisted Linka to continue on with the trip while she does.

Levi comes up to his father and checks his vital signs. "Don't worry, mother. His pulse rate is stabilizing and he's not as white as before. He should be out of his vegetated state of shock."

Loni scoffs. "Dad wouldn't be a vegetable if it hadn't been for Jordan. And if I can point it out, you know it's serious!"

"For once, the man makes sense!" Lars adds. "None of us would have ever put Dad on that roller coaster!"

"Yeah, what a cow-tastrophe!" Lane jokes. "But seriously, we couldn't even get Dad to go on other rides with us!"

"I'm sorry Mom, but your "wait until the infatuation wears off" idea literally sucks!" Loki exclaims. Leon blows a raspberry in his arms to emphasize that statement. Rita rubs her temple, tired. Maybe they're right; Jordan is less than tolerable than most kids Linka's age.

Linka and Jordan are just now walking in. Jordan was holding photos in his hands.

"Hey, Pops! Are you sure you don't want a souvenir of our ride?" Jordan holds up a picture of them screaming on the Milk Shaker. A picture before the disaster strike. "I think they captured your cowardly essence quite nicely."

Lynn Jr. suddenly grabs him by the collar. "Alright, punk! We have had enough of you and your damn mouth!"

Linka rips her brother away from him before he could throw a punch. "Fall back, Loud! I got this!"

She then turns her energy toward her so-called boyfriend. "I had it with you, Boy Jordan! It's over!"

"What's over?"

"We're over! Through! Finished! In other words, I'm not your girlfriend anymore!"

"After everything we've been through, you're gonna throw me out like that?"

"I'm glad you mentioned that. You see, I never had feelings for you, but I couldn't turn you down after you risk your behind vandalizing the school for me. That and I felt sorry for you. I stayed with you following my mom's advice of letting you have your little fantasy for a while and hoping you'd lose interest in me. Then I took my brothers' advice to drop hints so you break up with me! Now, I'm doing what I should have done about a week ago: being honest and ending it myself!"

From his spot on the couch, Lynn Sr. cracks a smile.

"You're not a good kid, Boy Jordan. You're rude, selfish, clueless, insensitive-"

"So are your brothers!"

"Don't interrupt me! That's where you're wrong. My brothers may be like that but they still love and respect me and our parents. They wouldn't allow me to be in a relationship where I'm not happy. What's your excuse for disrespecting them, my parents, and me! I'm sorry I dragged all of them into my drama. So you can go."

"Wow. You're the first person to ever tell me like it is. Linka, please! I'm sorry!" Jordan takes her hand in a way similar to when he confessed to her. "Give me another chance and I'll make it up to you all!"

Linka snatches her hand back. "Once you mess with my family, there is no second chance! And if you ever talk shit about my family or spray paint my name on a wall, I'll have Lars cast a plague on your house, biblical style. Now, get out."

"Fine." Jordan opens the door and stands outside. "But Linka, we'll always have Valentine's Day and Dairyland."

"I said piss off!" Linka slams the door in his face. She faces her proud brothers and her empathetic parents.

"Was that too honest?"

"You know, Linka?" Lynn Sr. speaks up for the first time that evening and sits up."I think he needed to hear every word of that."

Linka smiles and sits next to him. "Mom, I'm sorry your plan didn't work. But I couldn't go on with him."

"Oh, Snow White. You have nothing to apologize for." Rita reassures her warmly. "I'm sorry you been through so much."

"Well, Lynn did have a point. I don't know what I'm doing to attract weirdos."

Said boy wraps his arms around his little sister. "Link, you were never the problem." Everyone else gets caught up in the warm moment and joins them in a group family hug.

"Thanks, everyone." She smiles into their warm embrace.

Later that night, Linka was in her room, reading a comic.

"Readers, after all that drama, I'm gonna need a break from boys who aren't related to me."

A bark was heard from outside her door. Linka gets up and opens it to let in Charlie with a box in her mouth.

"Whatcha got there, girl?" Linka takes the box from her. It's addressed to her. Strange, she didn't order anything online recently. Her laptop pings, meaning she has an upcoming video call.

"Hey, Robbie Dan!" She greets when his face shows up.

"What's up, Lame-O? Did you get a package by any chance?"

"Yeah?" She holds it up.

"Oh good! You didn't open my Valentine's gift to you. I wanted to watch you open it."

"You sent me a Valentine's gift? And this late?"

"Hey! I got the money after Valentine's Day and it was snail mail! Just open it."

Linka shrugs and opens it. A pie with pink frosting immediately splats in her face. Robbie Dan chortles while Linka scowls irritated.

"Oh, God!" He says, still laughing. "It cost 25 bucks and it was worth every penny!"

Linka scraps the frosting off her face. She stops and giggles quietly to herself. Her giggling grows and she's laughing alongside Robbie Dan.

"Oh come on! It's not a prank if you find it funny too!"

"Dude, after the week I had, I needed that laugh! I missed your petty ass!"

"You had a bad week?" He genuinely asks.

"Bad is one word to describe it." Linka says and she stays on the call with him retelling her Valentine's tribulations.

Ok. Maybe not all boys. She thinks to herself.

AN: Favorite, follow, review! And shameful advertisement here, if you're a South Park fan, especially of Creek, please read my other stories!

But seriously guys, don't get it fucked up. I don't hate the Jordan x Lincoln ship. The request was "Linka has an unwanted admirer in the form of Boy Jordan" and and I immediately thought of the Proud Family and Chowder, so I followed their format. I write these chapters to share with you all and because I love The Loud House. I would never want to disrespect any of my readers and I'm really sorry if you ever felt that way. If you don't like the chapter because of something else, that's fine. But don't attack me because it's not your usual Jordancoln story. Don't read too much into it, ironically.