Page 22

"I...I'm not going to ask you to open the door. But, I'm gonna leave right after this, so… Can you please listen to me?"

You feel a little dizzy and tired all of a sudden, so you sit down on the floor, leaning against the door. You were sure Oikawa could hear your action, and a few seconds later, you could hear him sit down and lean his back on the door from outside, as well.

"I hope you can hear me, Masumi-chan." He starts. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I do want to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you have to go through something I can't change for you, all because of me. If it was anything else, I'd have done that for you and I'm so sorry that I left you alone like that." There's a pause before he resumes again. "But I know what you're like. You like to be independent so you'd have hated me if I didn't leave you alone at times, too. I think that's one thing I love about you. You give no flying fucks about people." He pauses, and you could hear a low chuckle.

"I know I was being a jerk on that day some girls poured orange juice over you, but I saw that too. I wasn't the best at trying to make you laugh. That was the first time, and it was such a small thing… So I didn't think it would be such a big deal…"

"But then, during the cultural festival, when I saw those guys bothering you, I was so mad. I kept wondering about what would happen to you if I didn't make you mine before I left. What other guys might try with you if they didn't know you are my… I mean… That you 'were' my girlfriend."

His correction makes more tears stream down your cheeks, and the way Oikawa's voice trembles a little makes you understand that he was struggling to speak, too.

"I wanted to do everything in my power to show everyone that you were mine. I… I was so carried away with that part that I forgot… I forgot that people could give you a hard time because you were my girlfriend, in the first place." He pauses, letting out a loud sigh. "We never win in this life, do we? Even if our intentions are pure, there will always be people who would never understand us."

That dummy… Saying things like that at a time like this… It was as if he knew you would be bawling by now.

"And I guess you and me… We don't understand each other like that, either."

Now, that hurt. And the reason why it hurt so much was that it 'was' the truth. You hadn't understood his intentions… and neither did he understand your side, either.

"In a way, we're such a horrible match, don't you think so, Masumi-chan?"

'We are, Oikawa. We are the worst match ever.'

"But… We 'aren't'... If we are such a horrible match, then my heart wouldn't want you this much, Masumi."

Your eyes are starting to hurt from crying so hard, and the fact that Oikawa doesn't use the '-chan' suffix makes you realize just how serious he was, right then.

"If we were such a horrible match, then my heart wouldn��t have been so happy when you told me you loved me. When you call me 'Tooru'. Each time you call me 'Senpai', and each time you look so shy when I kiss you. We… we 'aren't' a horrible match at all, Masumi."

You'd always been a stubborn person. You've always been stubborn when it comes to Oikawa as well, but today for the first time, you can't find it in you to be that. You know Oikawa was not expecting you to come outside, and quite frankly, you were not planning on doing so, either. But you open the door, watching the way he almost tumbles backward, into your apartment, and he looks up at you with big, wide eyes that were rimmed red.

"M-Masumi-chan…" He stutters. He does not make any attempt at coming inside, and he simply sits and watches you for what seems like the most painful silence you've experienced in your life.

"Come inside." You finally say. You're aware of the way Oikawa's gaze had gone up to your hair which was even shorter than the top of your ears… Even Oikawa had more hair on his head than you did, and your self-confidence - the little bit that remained, at least - goes down the drain.

Oikawa gets up instantly and reaches for two duffel bags that he had placed by your door. He follows you inside, and takes a seat at the sofa, a little far from you.

It's silent again, and you really couldn't take it. It was almost as if you were waiting for Oikawa to say something in his sing-song voice, to pinch your cheek, or tease you… Anything except to sit silently as if he had lost all of himself.

"Are you about to leave?"

"Mmhmm. There's nothing in my apartment right now, and I have to take the bus at sharp midnight, so I came here…"

"This…" You don't know what to say. There were about fifteen minutes till midnight, and Oikawa should be on his way right now if he didn't want to miss his bus. It felt like he had read your mind when you took a glance at the clock.

"Yes, Masumi-chan, I should be leaving… And I can't even ask you to come to the bus station with me because it's so late-"

"Don't go."

Oikawa looks dumbfounded at what you said, and it's a bit funny, the way he raises an eyebrow when his eyes look as red as they were then. "I love you so much that I'd do anything for you, but… You know I have to go back to-"

"No, I mean… You can go tomorrow so… Stay 'here' tonight."

Oikawa's eyes go as wide as frisbees at that, and his voice shutters a little as he says 'h-here?!'. When you nod, he guts up in utter bafflement, and you can feel him watching you while you head to your room.

'I could have sworn it was here somewhere…' You think as you rummage through your cabinet. A few moments pass, and you are pulling out the roll-out mattress when Oikawa stands by your door and watches you unroll the mattress on the floor. His jaw has dropped open, and when you place one of your two pillows on the mattress, he looks back at you, as if scared to enter and waiting for permission.

"I… I can't let you go like this… I… I need you for longer before you leave..."

"Masumi-chan… If you say things like that, I'm gonna get the wrong idea."

"Shut up, Dummykawa. You know what I mean!"

"Dummykawa? That's a new one."

You've known Oikawa for over half a year, but the number of times Oikawa would have stepped into your room; you could count that with a single hand. And Oikawa seems just as aware of this as he slowly steps inside despite the little bickering. He watches your every action while you lock the doors and take a seat in the middle of your bed. He sits on the mattress on the floor, and for once, Oikawa looks so utterly speechless that it makes you smile, just a wee bit.

"Oikawa-san."

His head turns to face you so fast that you were surprised that he didn't get a seizure. Your smile gets a little wider. "You… You've got me on my toes, Masumi-chan." He reaches a hand out towards you, and you take his hand and allow him to place your hand over his chest. "My heart is racing, and you look so, so beautiful."

"You know that's not true." You roll your eyes, but Oikawa simply smiles, so warmly and you can feel the way his heart thumps just as fast as you could feel your own. "I don't think I'd change a thing. I just see how much you love me when I look at you."

And really, it wasn't fair, how handsome he can look even though his eyes are still red and swollen, and how he can hold your hand so tight as if he was scared of leaving you alone ever again.

"I know me saying sorry isn't going to bring things back to normal, but I'm regretful of the way I behaved… But Masumi-chan. I'm sorry, and I just… I learned that we need to talk so that we can understand each other instead of getting hurt like this." When you only hum in response, Oikawa tugs at your hand, pulling you into an embrace. "I love you, Masumi-chan. I may not be able to protect you all the time, but I promise that I'll always be on your side. Even if everyone else is against you, I'll never let you feel like you're suffering on your own, because I'll always come to defend you."

Your heart tugs at his words, and you've had tears streaming down your face for a while now, so all you can do in response is to wrap your arms tighter around his neck, mumbling 'I love you too, Tooru'.

"If you saw how much I'm smiling right now." He says, chin resting on your shoulder while he runs his fingers through your hair softly, "Even you'd pour orange juice over me. I'm 'that' happy with you.

The loud sound of fireworks makes the two of you turn to look at your window. You're about to stand up to go see the fireworks from the balcony, but Oikawa, sensing this, holds your arm tight. And then, he cradles your face in his hands and kisses you, so softly that you get chills down your spine. The fireworks are long over by the time Oikawa finishes his kiss, and despite the puffy eye bags under his eyes, he smiles and wishes you a happy new year.

"I'm so glad I can start this year with you, since I don't know if I can, for the next."

"Don't say stuff like that and go to sleep." You frown, getting up and climbing onto your bed.

Oikawa looks a bit disappointed at this action. "Masumi-chan!" He whines. "I can't sleep without hugging something!"

"I just have two pillows, so stop being such a dummy, and sleep!"

"If you come here, I can get something to hu-"

"You 'dummykawa'."

"HEY!"