11. Chapter 11

Title: Of Finding Innocence

Disclaimer: Someday I'll have my own television show and novels and plays and awesome things. Today is not that day.

Summary: Kate Beckett met Richard Castle once, long ago, at a book signing. What if things had gone differently that day? Castle, but with a large, large twist.

Author's Note: So, this story is entirely too much fun to write. We're gaining momentum, my friends, but it'll still be some time before that inevitable connection. BUT! This chapter has fluff and angst and, well, please read it and see for yourselves.

You all continue to be AMAZING, and your reviews and messages, alerts, tweets, tumbls and favorites make my day every time. Thank you.

Emma

Chapter 11:

"Beckett," Kate answered, smiling as Alexis held up a scarf for her to look at.

"Hi, Katie," her father replied.

"Oh, Dad. Hi," Kate said, tugging on Rick's elbow where her hand rested in the crook of his arm. He stopped walking and turned to her, both of them still keeping a watchful eye on Alexis.

"How are you?" Jim asked.

"I'm good, Dad." Kate gave Rick's arm a squeeze and then nodded toward Alexis. "I'll find you?" she mouthed.

He nodded and pulled her hand into his side with his arm for a moment, before she let it drop and he took Alexis' hand, walking with her to one of the stalls. They were spending the afternoon milling through one of 8th avenue's famous flea markets, enjoying the oddly cool May weather. Alexis pranced ahead of them, and Kate and Rick ambled behind her, chatting about passing strangers. Rick really could make up a story for anyone. Oddly enough though, half of their mutual stories became the tales of serial killers. That should probably be more serious than it was funny.

"And how are you?" she asked her father as she moved to stand between two stalls, dodging out of the hustle and bustle of the shoppers. It wasn't like her father to call in the middle of the day.

"I'm good, Katie," he replied. He sounded quiet, but not overly so, or tiredly so. But there was something there; she just couldn't quite describe it. "What are you up to today?"

"I'm out for the day with Rick and Alexis," she replied.

Since Christmas, she'd slowly begun to tell her father more and more about Rick and his daughter who had stolen her heart. Her father loved hearing her stories, and she was contemplating whether or not she'd like to formally introduce them. But something was holding her back—something she didn't want to think about. She pushed the large sunglasses away from her eyes and pulled them onto the top of her head so she could rub at one eye as a gust of wind blew through, rustling the scarves at the stand next to her.

"Having fun? I hope I'm not keeping you."

"No, no," she smiled, catching a glimpse of Rick and Alexis further up the street, Alexis now perched on her father's back, pointing to things. "They're having fun. I'll catch up. What's new with you?"

"Not much," he replied. "Work's good."

"Are you seeing anyone for the holiday weekend? I know Alan always goes out on the boat. You going?" she asked, hoping that maybe her father had plans for Memorial Day. She wanted him to start living again. He'd been doing so well, but she never heard about other people; she wanted him to have a life again, have friends again.

"Yeah, yeah. Alan invited me," Jim said quietly. "I'm thinking about it."

"You should go, Dad," Kate urged gently. "It'll be fun. You used to love going fishing with him."

"I know." The wistful quality of his voice tugged at her heart, and she wished she hadn't said it. She and her mother had always spent the day cooking and book shopping while her Dad went out with Alan, and he'd come home with fish for dinner. Kate herself frowned and rubbed at the back of her neck, lost in the memory of sitting on the kitchen counter, chatting with her mother about boys while her Dad rummaged around the house, always looking for some fishing doohickey he could never find.

"You there, Katie?" his voice broke her away from it all.

"Yeah, sorry. Street performer," she fibbed. They couldn't both be wistful and wanting; someone needed to be strong. But at least lately, it had been him sometimes. He'd even laughed about a childhood memory when she'd called on Sunday night. "So, what's up, Dad?" she asked, coming back to the realization that he'd called her out of the blue in the middle of the day.

"Nothing, nothing," he said quickly. "I was just…I just wanted to hear your voice, that's all."

"Oh, well, it's nice to hear your voice too, Dad," Kate said softly.

"But, I'm not going to keep you from your friends," he said, taking on that teasing quality he so liked to use whenever they talked about Rick and Alexis.

"Dad," she chided.

"Alright. Just kidding, Katie. Have fun. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye, Dad," she said. They hung up and she stared down at the phone. Her father never called her out of the blue. It was her day off, true enough, but he generally called at night now.

"Hey," she looked up and found herself face to face with Rick and Alexis, who was still clinging to her father's neck, her face resting on his shoulder. "Thought we lost you."

"Sorry," Kate smiled. "I see you've given up with walking, monkey girl?"

"Daddy's just faster," Alexis grinned.

"So I see. Why don't I get this type of pedestrian service, Mr. Castle?" she asked, meeting Rick's sunglass-covered eyes.

"You never ask," he shrugged, jostling Alexis, who giggled. "How's your Dad?"

"He's okay, I guess," Kate replied, giving a shrug of her own. "Just wanted to say hi, which he extends to you guys too."

"Tell him hi back for us!" said Alexis. "When do I get to meet him?"

Kate looked from Alexis to Rick and bit her lip. When would Alexis get to meet her father? Should Alexis meet her father? Rick had told her all those months ago that he needed people who would stay in Alexis' life, or they really couldn't be there. Was her father someone who would stick around now? He'd been sober for nearly seven months, but was that enough? She was starting to really believe that he'd make it this time, but…

"How about we talk about it after the holiday weekend, Sweetie?" Rick suggested, hitching her higher on his back. "Kate's Dad probably has plans for the next few weeks."

"He does," Kate added quickly, eager to forestall a decision.

"Okay," Alexis agreed easily. Kate was never more grateful that this little girl was so easy going.

"Shall we keep browsing? Alexis found a stall with rings that she's dying to show you," Rick suggested.

"That sounds great. Lead the way, human carriage."

He grinned and reached out with a hand to slide her glasses back onto her face. "You do look like Audrey Hepburn, especially in that dress," he told her, gesturing to her outfit.

The white dress Madison had forced her into buying clung to her figure, belted at the waist and falling to just above her knees. The boat neck did ring of Hepburn, and Kate wasn't above being flattered by the comparison, especially not when Rick had complimented her outfit three times already.

"Thanks," she murmured.

He grinned and extended his hand to her while he kept Alexis securely fastened to his back with the other. She took it, winding her fingers through his without a second thought. They'd lose each other in the crowd if they didn't stay linked somehow. It was purely self-preservation. She let him guide her up the street, listening as Alexis gave her the run down of what every stall sold and the various people they'd spoken to while Kate had been on the phone.

She smiled and nodded along, but her mind was still milling over the conversation with her Dad. She just didn't know what to make of it, and now she had to decide whether she should introduce him to the Castles. Alexis wouldn't remain placated for long, and she was sure that she'd have to actually answer that question at some point in the near future.

"And behold, the Valhalla of Rings," Rick announced, causing Kate to snap back to the present as he pulled her inside.

His hand slipped from hers and he lowered Alexis to the ground. She zipped over to take Kate's now vacant hand and tugged her over to a display of very lovely rings.

"See?" she exclaimed. "They're really pretty."

Kate nodded. "They're gorgeous," she told the girl. Silver, bronze and gold, the rings were beautiful, yet simple. Each had a different stone, or collection of faux-crystal gems arranged as flowers or butterflies. They were the perfect type of casual jewelry, and she could easily see why they'd caught the little girl's eye. "Which one is your favorite?"

Alexis took a moment to peruse the options, before pointing to a butterfly about halfway up the table. It was set on a simple silver ring, and the wings were blue and purple, with small sparkling 'crystals' set between them to form the body of the butterfly.

"I like that one too," Kate smiled. "Do you want to get it?"

Alexis looked up at her in surprise. "I just wanted to show you."

"Are you sure? I can get it for you. It's not expensive," she added as she noticed the eight-dollar tag. She felt Rick step up behind her, his hand coming to rest on her waist like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"You guys find something you like?"

"Alexis is fond of the purple and blue butterfly," Kate replied, taking a deep breath. His proximity did not do things to the color of her cheeks or the heat of her skin. It really didn't.

"That's a nice one," he replied. "Do you want it, munchkin?"

"I already said I'd get it for her, but Miss Practicality over here doesn't seem to want me to," Kate told him.

Alexis gave her a confused look. "I didn't say I wanted to buy it."

"But I offered," Kate replied with a smile. "You can say yes, you know."

"Alexis doesn't usually ask for things," Rick whispered in her ear while Alexis looked from the ring to Kate and back.

Kate turned her head to meet his eyes and found his face incredibly close to hers. She blinked and then nodded after a moment. "Is it okay for me to offer?" she asked quietly.

He smiled and nudged her cheek with his nose. "Of course. Give her a minute."

Kate nodded and then shifted her gaze to Alexis, who appeared to be fighting an internal battle. The little girl had been less outgoing in recent weeks. This reluctance to ask for things, hope for things, had grown, and it wasn't something she was fond of. She wanted Alexis to be comfortable asking her for things. She wanted Alexis to stop wondering whether promises were real.

Rick was now pressed against her back. When had they decided that this level of physical contact was acceptable? Well, it wasn't unacceptable. In fact, it was pleasant, and the warmth that spread across her body wasn't bad. But…well, it broke some sort of barrier, right? Or was it just their friendship—the friendship that was about as unorthodox as it could possibly be? The friendship that had included many more touches and caresses in recent weeks.

"Are you sure you want to get it for me, Kate?" Alexis asked, looking up at her, something of a cross between awe and disbelief on her face.

"Of course I am. Do I ever say things I don't mean?" she asked the little girl.

"No," Alexis replied slowly. Kate felt Rick sigh against her ear, and she reached a hand down to squeeze his. She knew that Alexis' trust issues weighed even more heavily on him.

"Morning," Kate greeted as Rick opened the door, Alexis bouncing at her side. "I have something that I think belongs to you," she added, nudging Alexis with her foot.

"I'm not a puppy," Alexis protested with a grin. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, Sweetheart," he smiled. "Did you have fun at Kate's?"

"Uh-huh! She made her pasta, and then she let me sleep in her bed! It's really big," she told him as Rick ushered them inside, taking Alexis' backpack from Kate.

"Sounds like fun," he replied, meeting Kate's eyes.

"It was," she assured him. "And we had fun fighting for bathroom rights this morning, didn't we, munchkin?"

"Kate won," Alexis replied as she scampered over to the living room to bounce onto the couch. "But she said I could go first next time," she added as she flipped on the TV. Her favorite cartoon was about to come on, and Kate smiled at how very 'kid' it was of Alexis to go straight for the TV.

"I take it you had a good night," Rick chuckled as he set Alexis' bag down on the counter. "Do you have to go straight to work, or do you have time for coffee?" he asked.

"I've got about thirty minutes," Kate smiled. "How are you?" She sat down at the island and watched as he moved around the kitchen, taking down mugs and starting the coffee maker.

"I'm okay," he replied, turning to face her and leaning back against the counter.

She took a moment to really observe him. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept much, and he was wearing a robe over sweats and an old tee shirt—much less put together than she usually saw him. And that sparkle that she liked to see, the one that glinted when he teased her or spoke to his daughter, wasn't there.

"How are you really?" she asked, giving him a sad smile.

"Not looking forward to today," he replied after a pause. "But, it is what it is, right?"

"I'm sorry, for what it's worth," she told him.

He nodded. "Thanks."

"What are you planning on doing today?"

"What makes that conversation less painful?" he asked with a hollow laugh. "Maybe we'll go to the park and then the museum or something. There will be ice cream involved, maybe a carousel."

"Oh, Rick," she sighed, watching as he attempted to keep smiling. "Can I do anything to help?"

He met her eyes as the coffee machine gurgled. "You brought my kid back in one piece. That's good for me," he told her.

"Help you," she corrected. "I know criminals."

His eyes widened and he let out a loud laugh. "That," he told her, smiling, a bit of himself shining through. "That's all I need. Thank you for that."

She grinned as he passed her a cup of coffee and then ducked into the refrigerator for cream. It was good to still be able to make him laugh. She just had to keep it up.

"I'm serious though. I booked a guy earlier in the week who was a specialist with costumes—liked to jump out of closets in bear suits. Not a very dangerous guy, just…a little off balance."

Rick passed her the cream and sugar and came to sit beside her, pulling his mug across the granite countertop. "So what'd you book him for then?"

"Breaking and entering. Just six months," she replied, watching as he prepared her coffee, batting her hands away when she tried to do it herself. "He was just someone who had left prints in the apartment. It…I can't say that we didn't get a good laugh out of it."

"Well, you have to take your humor when you find it, right?" he replied, passing the mug to her. "And you know me; I love a little macabre humor."

"You write macabre humor," she shot back, taking a sip. "Thanks."

"Anytime, addict." He nudged her knee with his.

"Hey, you match me cup for cup," she shot back.

"Hmm," he replied with a shrug.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, the sound from the TV washing over them, mixed with Alexis' intermittent giggles. She noticed him sagging next to her and she wrapped her leg around his, hooking her foot under the bottom rung of his stool.

"It'll work out," she murmured.

He looked over at her. "Yeah. For how long, though? What about the next time, or the time after that? What about when she says she'll be here for her Birthday, or Christmas, or Thanksgiving, and then she doesn't show?"

The vulnerability there on his face, his normally charming, cocky, grinning face, was tough to handle. She was so used to his smiles that this look took her out of her element. Hell, she'd wrapped her leg around his. She was already in too deep.

"She has you, and Martha," Kate told him softly. "It sucks, and it's going to hurt, but she loves you. You're all she needs, Rick. It's not fair, but she'll get by. You both will."

He reached over and wrapped his fingers through hers on the countertop. "Thanks," he murmured.

"You'll get through this," she replied, squeezing his hand. Then her cell beeped. She sighed and took a large sip of her coffee. "I have to go."

He bumped her shoulder with his. "It's good. We'll see you soon?" he asked as they disengaged, the moment broken.

"Of course," she replied, standing and smoothing down her button down. "I have to go. See you soon, Lex," she called into the living room.

"Bye Kate!" came the distracted reply.

She shook her head and walked with Rick to the door, his hand falling to sit on the small of her back, where it always did. She kept waiting to be unnerved by the physical contact, but it never happened. It was just Rick, and it was just them.

"You can call me, you know, if you need to talk," she said quietly as he held the door for her.

He shook his head. "Thanks, but I'll be fine," he told her with a false smile. "You've helped enough this week already."

She leaned over and slapped his cheek lightly, watching as his eyes widened. She grinned as he cracked a real smile. There—that was the Rick Castle she knew and…nope, not going there. There was no end to that internal statement. Not. A. One.

"You call me if you need anything. And stop trying to act like I don't want to help you, or shouldn't. It's insulting."

"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly. "Now go, you'll be late, and Montgomery will have my head at Poker next week."

She narrowed her eyes at him. She'd honestly forgotten about that little detail. "We still have to talk about that sometime."

"Yeah, yeah," he waved her off. "Get out of here."

"Fine," she said with a false huff. "Bye."

"Bye, Kate."

She left and listened as the door closed behind her. She wished she could stay, and for the first time in a while, she wasn't looking forward to going to work. She'd rather be there with him and Alexis. She shook her head as she got into the elevator and watched the doors close. She needed to get a handle on this; he was her friend, and that was fine, but…well, what was wrong with wanting to spend time with them, or fix their problems? They were her friends. She'd be worried if Madison were having this kind of problem, or Lanie, right?

It was going to be a long workday.

(…)

It had been a long workday. It had been a really long workday.

Kate stumbled into her apartment at eight that night and left her gun on her hall bureau, locking her door with tired hands. She fell down onto her couch and threw an arm over her eyes, exhausted. There had been two homicides, and they'd gone to both scenes, which meant lots of paperwork, and two more bodies to add to the ever growing file of murder scenes in her head. Neither was particularly gruesome or especially disturbing, but dead bodies were dead bodies. They were all disturbing on some level.

She sighed and let her arm fall back to the couch. She was tired, but not sleepy, and hungry, but in no mood to eat. She'd managed to eat a bagel at around six, so she wasn't in dire need of food. The remote was where Alexis had left it that morning, and Kate grabbed it from the coffee table, switching the TV on and turning her head to stare at the screen. She could veg. It was kind of pathetic, for a Saturday night, but she wasn't in the mood to do anything more substantial.

She passed a good hour just watching, not thinking or wondering or contemplating anything. Television was so dangerous that way, but oh, how she did love to give up her brain to stupidity sometimes. So when her phone rang at 9:30, she was startled.

She fished it out of her pocket and brought it up to her ear without checking the screen. She barely had the brainpower to remember what show she was watching, let alone practice basic phone protocol.

"Beckett," she answered sleepily.

"Hi, Kate," came the soft reply.

"Rick. Hi," she shook her head and woke up a bit. Why was he calling her? It was late, for him at least. Usually he caught her as she left work if he wanted to chat. "What's up?"

"Not much. Alexis just went to sleep."

"Just now? That's late, for her." When had she started cataloging Alexis' bedtime regimen?

"Yeah. She…we had a long day," he replied. He sounded as exhausted as she felt, and there was something else—sadness, maybe.

"Everything okay? How did…is she okay?" she asked, her mind catching up to the conversation. "Are you okay?"

"I…yeah?" he asked.

"Rick," she sighed. "How are you, really?"

"I can't remember the last time she cried so much," he whispered. "Not since we told her we were getting divorced. Maybe when Meredith moved. But, God, she just…nothing made it better. Ice cream, pony ride, dinosaurs—she was just quiet all day. Didn't ask for anything. Didn't want anything…just let me drag her around," he told her, the words tumbling out in a rush.

She reached for a pillow and tugged it to her chest at the kind of broken quality in his voice. "Oh, Rick," she murmured. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," he replied. "And it's unfair that I had to be the one to do that to her, you know?"

"I do." She did. It was completely unfair. Meredith should be taking responsibility for it. Hell, Meredith should woman up and just take an hour to see her kid. "How can I help?"

"I just needed to vent," he replied. "What are you up to?"

She smiled at his attempt. "Nothing interesting. Saturday night is bad for TV."

"Oh, come on. You should be out at a club or something," he replied, his tone forcibly light.

"You'd rather you were calling me at a club?" she shot back.

"Right," he sighed. "Right. Sorry. Interrupting your boring evening is better."

She laughed. They called each other at inopportune moments all the time. He'd caught her doing paperwork at the Precinct, and she'd called him a few times while he was out with Paula. It had become a bit of a joke, of who could be more inconvenient. At the same time though, there was a measure of guilt in his response.

"Eh. I'm always happy to chat. You're saving me from boredom."

"Okay, I'm glad for it then."

They grew quiet for a few minutes. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was a silence. "Rick?" she broke it, unable to stop herself. She didn't like to think that she was helping him brood.

"Hmm?"

"Do you have something you can do to keep busy?" she asked.

"Probably," he replied. "I could write, I guess."

"Do you want to?" He never wanted to. It was part of what made him such an odd writer. He never seemed to want to sit down and write until he just couldn't stop himself, and then he barricaded and went under, writing passionately until he was forced to stop and eat.

"Not really," he replied, just as she expected him to.

"Well you can't just lay around all night. That's kind of pathetic."

"Takes one pathetic to know one," he shot back.

"Touché," she laughed.

"You could…" he trailed off and she waited. "Wanna be pathetic together?" he asked quietly.

She hadn't exactly been waiting for it…oh, who was she kidding? She had. Lying on a couch with Rick would be more fun than lying on her couch alone. And she was worried about him. Better to worry about him in person, right?

"I could be pathetic with you, sure," she replied. "Be there in twenty?"

"You don't have to," he said quickly. "I just thought…"

"Already said yes. Do you listen when I talk? Or is it like a little jukebox in your head that turns on when you're not talking?" she taunted as she stood and walked back into her room to change, grabbing her gun as she went. She wanted to be comfortable, and she really hated going to his place with death all over her. She dropped the gun into her drawer and added her badge.

"I listen!" he protested. "I listened to your whole story about the dead guy with the…with the…the thing, the other day," he stammered while she clicked on speakerphone and began unbuttoning her blouse.

"Yeah, good job with that," she laughed. She tossed it into her hamper and then pulled off her pants, walking over to the dresser to grab a tee shirt and a pair of loose jeans.

"You sound far away," he said. "Am I on speaker?"

"I'm changing. Got a problem?" she replied, aware that her voice was muffled as she pulled on the shirt.

"You're naked right now?" He sounded just the slightest bit gleeful. She wasn't sure if she was okay with that. Though, anything was better than defeated, so gleeful would have to pass tonight.

"I'm not now," she grinned. "You missed it."

"Damn."

"Rick."

"Sorry."

She giggled and paused in front of her mirror to throw her hair into a ponytail. She picked up the phone, clicked off the speaker and grabbed a jacket. "I'm on my way," she told him. She took her keys and wallet and locked her door with a smile. "Talk to you then."

"You're gonna hang up?" he asked, his voice petulant and whiny.

"Rick, my cell bill is bad enough as it is. You'll see me in ten minutes," she said as she got into the elevator. He was ridiculous.

"Fine," he sighed. "Hurry though, I'm lonely."

"Yeah, yeah," she replied, and then they clicked off. The thing was, he was lonely. He wasn't lying, and he probably actually didn't want her to get off the phone.

She sighed as she stepped out on the ground floor and walked outside, hailing a cab. She had no idea how late she'd be there, and she didn't want to have to drive herself back. And, if past precedent stood, he'd either make her stay over or have someone drive her back. No amount of protestation ever swayed his vote.

She gave the cabbie his address and watched the city go by, lost in thoughts of teary little girls and lonely, lost fathers. Pictures of her happy childhood mixed with Alexis' and Kate felt like the cab ride took less than a minute when they pulled up to Rick's curb. She paid and got out, walking slowly into the building. There was nothing wrong with going to his house at night. It crossed no barriers. They'd done it before.

She smiled at the doorman and walked to the elevator, nodding to a few other inhabitants, who all seemed to know her. Was she here that much? She stepped into the elevator and shook her head; of course she was. She was here all the time. After all, here she was, coming over to hang out on a Saturday night, just because Rick asked.

The ride to his floor was short, and before her mind had caught up, she was knocking quietly on the door and he was opening it. His hair was messy and he looked absolutely beaten down.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," she replied, reaching out to smooth down a piece of his hair without thinking about it.

"Come on in."

He guided her inside and waited while she toed off her flats. He then took her hand and pulled her into his office, shutting the door so that they wouldn't wake Alexis. They stood there, hands linked, and looked each other over. He wore jeans and a large blue tee shirt, his socked feet scuffing restlessly at the floor.

"So," he murmured after a silent minute.

"So," she replied, giving him a small smile. "Wanna veg?"

He shrugged. "I'm restless," he offered.

Restless—what a helpful answer. "Come on." She tugged him over to one of the black leather chairs and sat him down in it, plopping down onto the floor to sit between his legs, leaning her head against the side of his knee so she could look up at him. "There. You're resting."

He just nodded and met her gaze. They just stared at each other for a few quiet minutes. "I'm mad."

"Of course you are," she whispered.

"I'm more angry than I was when I found out she was cheating on me. You'd think I wouldn't be, right? But I am."

She reached out and laid her hand on his foot, squeezing it gently. "Well, she's not just hurting you; she's hurting Alexis. I can see why you'd be more angry this time around."

He sighed and one of his hands fell to his thigh. He ran his fingers through her ponytail and closed his eyes. Kate wished she could make it all go away. A tiny part of her wondered, belatedly, who could ever cheat on Richard Castle. Why would you want to? How could it be better than Richard Castle?

"And, you know, when I left her it was just…it was like a failed experiment. And I got Alexis out of it, so I've been okay with it. But this…I know she's immature. But I always expect that she'll grow up for our kid."

"And the more you hope, the more you get shot down, right?" Kate asked quietly.

He nodded. "The whole thing was stupid."

"The marriage?"

"Yeah." He opened his eyes and looked down at her. "Alexis…Alexis wasn't planned." Kate just squeezed his foot. Rick gave information in spurts and she'd learned that she just had to let him ride it out. He'd tell her what he needed to, and she was just there to listen, like he was for her. "Meredith got pregnant after we'd been dating for about a month. And, you know me. I like to do things big, right?"

She gave him an encouraging smile. "Right."

"So I propose, you know? That's what you do. I had money; I was right out of college. I was riding high on life, and Alexis…I was terrified, but I've always liked kids. And she was perfect. Still is."

"She is," Kate agreed. It sounded like a whirlwind romance that had turned into a whirlwind family. And this, what was happening now, was what happened when the whirlwind spun out of control.

"And we were happy for a while. Meredith was never perfect, but she was passionate, and she enjoyed Alexis; I think she still does. But the world revolves around Meredith. And your kid—your world needs to revolve around your kid."

"Like yours," she murmured, nudging his leg with her head.

He nodded. "Like mine. Like yours does for Alexis when you're here," he continued. "God, Kate, you just…I don't get it." He grew quiet for a moment.

"Don't get what?" she asked, confused.

"How you can be so great with Alexis, and care, and help, and, you know, come over to listen to me whine, when Meredith can't even find an hour to see her daughter. I just don't get it."

Air rushed out of her lungs. They had to stop doing that—comparing her to Meredith. She wasn't a standard. Meredith needed to be a standard. Meredith needed standards. And it just, there was something in the way he spoke about her, about Kate, that was full of so much admiration. And what was she doing that was so admirable? She had a best friend, and he had a kid, and the kid was wonderful. Kate was being selfish, soaking up all the happiness and innocence and fun that the Castles had to offer. How was that something to be admired?

"I'm just…" she started, before taking a breath and trying to find something coherent to say. "It's easy to love your daughter, Rick," she whispered.

He looked down at her and Kate met his eyes. What stared back at her was that emotion they never talked about. It wasn't love. It wasn't gratitude. It was just…it was the look he gave her that made her heart flutter and knees quake and mind spin—like he'd never seen anyone as amazing, or wonderful as her. And it was moments like this that stopped her for a second, and made her wonder exactly what they were doing.

But then his hands reached down and he pulled her up from the floor. He tugged her down into his lap so he could wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair. "Thank you," he murmured into her neck, before he dropped a kiss against her skin.

Kate startled and felt her hands clench into his shirt where they'd fallen. He chuckled and just held her tighter. So this was what they were—not quite lovers, yet not quite friends, and both still hurting. It was absolutely maddening, and comfortable, and terrifying and wonderful. It was too many things at once. Eventually, the shock wore off and she sank into his embrace, settling in his lap, with her legs thrown over the arm of the chair and one arm wrapped around his neck.

"This is comfy," he said after a long time had passed.

"Hmm," she replied, now too comfortable to care about the fact that she was in his lap, and his hands were wrapped around her waist and over her knees. Avoiding questions and protocol and barriers was easy in the quiet of his office.

"Thanks for coming over."

"Happy to be here," she replied honestly. Apparently her internal editor had left when he'd started rubbing patterns on her knee.

"We should cuddle more often," he replied.

She slapped his shoulder lightly. "Don't get any ideas, Mr. Castle."

"Killjoy." They laughed quietly and grew silent again. Kate toyed with the fabric of his shirt against his shoulder and he sighed into her hair. "How long do you think it'll take for Alexis to get over this one?" he asked.

"I don't know," Kate replied. "How long did it take her to adjust to Meredith being gone?"

This sigh was deeper and longer. "A while," he whispered.

"She'll get through it," Kate assured him. She knew Alexis would. The amount of cleanup that would have to be done along the way was more uncertain. "She'll accept it someday."

"Yeah."

"It will get better."

He nodded against her cheek. "Yeah."

Kate was brought back to the present when Alexis let out a concerned sigh, biting her lip. "Alexis, Sweetie. Do you want the ring?" Kate asked when she could no longer stand the indecision. A present shouldn't cause this kind of internal struggle.

"Yeah," Alexis replied quietly.

"Then hand it to the nice lady," Kate said as the stall owner came around the counter to stand across from them, "and let me get you something little. I want to."

"Okay," Alexis replied after a moment, standing on her tiptoes to take the ring out of its slot and hand it to the woman. "Can I please have this one?" she asked.

The woman smiled. "Of course," she took it and cut off the tag.

Kate fished in her pocket for her wallet and brought it out, handing the woman eight dollars. "Thank you," she said. Rick nodded over her shoulder. He still hadn't moved.

"You're very welcome," the woman replied, handing Alexis the ring. "Your daughter is very sweet."

"Oh…" Kate replied dumbly.

"Thank you," Rick grinned, squeezing her hip where his hand still sat. "We like her too."

Alexis was too busy putting the ring on her finger and admiring it to pay any attention to them, which was probably a good thing. Kate, on the other hand, had yet to figure out how to make words become speech.

"Come on, Honey," Rick laughed against her cheek. "Let's go grab some lunch. Do you want a piggy back ride again, Lex?"

Alexis turned and met their collective gaze. "No thanks," she smiled, coming over to take Kate's hand. "Thank you for the ring."

"You're welcome," Kate managed as Rick stepped back and then to her side, slinging his arm over her shoulder.

"Let's get food. Thank you," he said to the stall owner as he steered Kate, and Alexis by extension, out onto the street. "You okay there?" he asked as they walked, his arm heavy on her shoulders, Alexis' hand warm in hers.

"Well, I'm trying to figure out where those years went," she replied after a moment. If he could mess with her, she could mess with him. That was the easy way to deal with it. All the confused thoughts could wait, or just be buried. Burial seemed like the more friendly option.

"Years?"

"Well, don't you think it's kind of an insult to our relationship to assume that we've already gotten married? Come on, engaged is more plausible."

She felt his fingers twitch on her shoulder and grinned to herself, keeping her face straight ahead. Two could play at this game.

"You'd have to be dating to get married," Alexis added from her right. Both adults looked down at the little girl. "And Kate, I need to know what your 'tentions are before you do," she added in a deep voice.

"Touché, munchkin," Rick laughed. "Yes, Kate, what are your intentions?" he grinned, nudging her with the hip that was flush with hers.

Kate took a moment to sort out her thoughts. Joking with this man was always dangerous, and somehow, she always forgot that Alexis was just as deadly. She looked down at the little girl, who was grinning up at her and swinging their joined hands back and forth.

"Yeah, Kate," she laughed.

"I intend to let you buy me lunch," she replied after a moment. "And then get me and our daughter ice cream. Think you can handle that, Honeybun?" she asked, turning her head to face him.

He laughed. "Of course, Muffin."

"Oh, no, not that. Too far, Pigeon Boy," she replied quickly. She could take teasing, but he was not calling her Muffin.

"Yeah, Pigeon Boy!" Alexis added.

Rick groaned and then steered them through a gap between two stalls and onto the sidewalk as they neared a corner. "Come on, you two. You ruin all my fun."

They laughed and walked down the street toward a little pizza place that jutted out from the opposite end of the block. Kate relaxed after a minute, listening to Alexis and Rick banter back and forth about acceptable nicknames, trying to one-up each other. It was all just good fun. He'd decided to play along in the stall to get to her, and he'd succeeded. It wasn't a message, or a challenge; it was just Rick being Rick. And, to her chagrin, he'd succeeded in making her blush, stutter and stammer. She'd have to figure out how to get him back sometime soon.

But, as he led them into the pizza place and grinned at her while ordering her a buffalo chicken slice, Kate decided that she could play along. His arm over her shoulder was comfortable and warm, and his breath against her ear, as he whispered "totally eats people when he goes home," sent a small shiver down her spine. She could over-complicate it, or she could play along and enjoy herself a bit. And really, what was the harm there?

"Are you excited to come to the Hamptons with us?" Alexis asked a few minutes later as they sat down in a corner booth in the back, far away from the windows. Kate had gotten used to sitting in corners with them; it was private, and she'd yet to appear in another tabloid.

"Kate hasn't actually said yes yet, Pumpkin," Rick reminded Alexis from his seat next to Kate.

"But she's going to," the girl shot back. "Right?"

"I..."

"Because we're gonna be there all summer, and I'm not gonna see you all the time! So you just have to come. Right?"

Rick gave Kate an apologetic grin and Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "Did you put her up to this?"

"Alexis is a master of guilt completely in her own right," he replied.

Kate had been deliberating over whether or not she did want to spend the holiday with them in the Hamptons since the initial invitation had been made a week earlier. She hadn't come to a conclusion, but now, with Alexis pouting at her across the table, and Rick grinning, his body pressed against hers in the small booth, it was rather hard to say no. And, Alexis was right; she wouldn't get to see them nearly as much after the weekend was through. "I found out yesterday that I do get the weekend off," she said after a pause. "So, yes, Alexis, I'd be happy to come to the Hamptons with you for Memorial Day. It'll be fun."

Rick beamed. "Oh, you have no idea. You'll love it, Kate."

"It's got it's own beach!" Alexis added. "And a pool and everything!"

"A whole weekend in the sun, tanning in your bikini," Rick added, nudging her thigh with his under the table.

"How much of this invitation is just about seeing me in a swimsuit?" Kate asked, turning to meet Rick's gaze.

"I'd be happy to rub lotion on you," he replied easily.

Kate rolled her eyes and then smiled at a bemused Alexis. She was spending Memorial Day weekend with the Castles, at their beach villa. Oh boy. How on Earth would she explain this one to Lanie and Madison?

"You're not rubbing lotion on me," she added after a minute as she tried to wrap her head around the idea while they ate.

"Challenge accepted," Rick grinned.

"It's not a challenge."

"We'll see about that."