2 After

Slowly I started to come to, not knowing what had wakened me. Then a sharp stabbing pain in my lower abdomen brought me to full consciousness. The pain started to escalate. I was confused. I was naked under the sheets of the bed and I could tell by the light from the window that it was dusk. Then the memories came crashing back… the assault… the prince… my loss of consciousness and the feeling of soreness I have. The tears came in torrents; then more stabbing pain, enough to cause me to curl up into a tight ball. It continued to escalate, and as it peaked I couldn't help but cry out in agony. Something's wrong, I thought.

It was during a particularly painful stab that the door opened and as my cries started to die out I felt Rahim's arms come around me. I raised pain glazed eyes to his face and the tears just started to fall. "I'm sorry." Were the only words I was able to say as again I went diving into the dark abyss and the last thing I saw was his blood stained hand.

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Gradually I started to regain consciousness. As I slowly opened my eyes I could see the shafts of sunlight filtering through the curtains of the terrace. Then a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention.

She was dressed in white and I readily recognized it as a nurse's uniform. She came forward as she realized I was awake. "Hello, ma'am." She gave a formal bow. "My name is Marianna, I'm your nurse. Do you wish to have your breakfast?"

I was confused… my nurse? "What happened?" I tried to raise my body into a sitting position and realized as I used my hand to brace myself that a tube was attached to the back of my right hand.

"You should take it easy, ma'am."

"What happened to me?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I was asked not to tell you until his highness returns."

"Oh… thank you for taking care of me and I'm really sorry if I have been such a bother." I apologized. "May I ask how long I have been unconscious?"

"I can't be sure, ma'am. I was only brought in yesterday." She answered reluctantly as she prepared a small tray. "Please, ma'am, eat something. You need to regain your strength."

"Thank you, but really, I do not wish to bother you. I shall be fine."

"It is no bother, ma'am."

I spent the rest of the day confined to my bed. Occasionally, I would try to stand and walk, but I would feel so weak that I would not even be able to walk a few steps away from the bed without feeling dizzy. I had wished to visit the bathroom so that I may change and be more presentable in case Rahim would come. I did not wish him to see me in such a disheveled state, although I believed he wouldn't want to come anyway. I was of no use to him anymore… I was sullied…

Later that afternoon, the doctor came by to check up on me. It was such a surprise the way they doted on me, a simple harem girl. He pronounced me well and told me to take it easy for a few days until I regained my strengths, then he ordered for the tubes to be removed. I was relieved, I did not wish to look so sickly nor did I wish to be such a bother to the people around me.

That night, since I had felt a little cramped from staying in bed all day, I asked the nurse to help me so I can sit on the chairs out on the veranda so I might enjoy some fresh air. I still felt very weak and dizzy at times but I felt that it was way better than the way I had felt this morning.

As I was sitting there savoring the chilly gusts of the wind, a sudden commotion had started outside my door. Soon loud voices were shouting outside and unmistakably one of them were that of Rahim's. I was both happy and afraid. Happy that I would get to see him for I have missed him so and yet afraid of what will happen when we do see each other. Will he discard me now that I am unworthy of him? My thoughts were swirling like the gusts of the desert storm.

I made sure my head dress was in place and stood up braising myself on the back of the chair I had been sitting in. then the unmistakable explosion of commotion erupted as the angry voices grew louder when he opened the door, then abruptly cut as he apparently slammed the door back closed on whoever he had been arguing with. The moment he swept aside the curtain to the veranda I gave a very low bow. As I straightened, I started to sway. It seems I'm weaker that I thought. He was immediately at my side, and I could feel the fury he was barely able to contain.

I must be such a nuisance. I will surely be banished and live a life as an outsider, something I well deserve.

"Why are you on your feet? Were you not told to remain in bed?" he admonished, anger lacing every word.

"Yes, your highness, I'm sorry. I shall return to bed promptly." I answered humbly, as I started to make my way back toward the French doors, but once again I started to sway. He swore a savage exclamation and his arms abruptly came behind my legs and next thing I knew I was in his arms. He carried me with his long strides and gently deposited me on the bed.

"I… I'm sorry, your highness, I shall be fine in a few moments." I did not know what to say. He was broodingly silent. I knew what the prince did meant I would never be good enough for Rahim. Maybe he came to exact punishment for what happened?

"Do you know what happened?" he asked.

Tears started to fill my eyes but I would not let them fall. Slowly I nodded. "I'm sorry, your highness. I… i… I'm sorry, I shall leave immediately."

He just stood there and watched silently, then finally. "What do you think happened?"

Would he be so cruel that he would ask me to recount what happened? "I… he… I'm sorry, your highness, I am no longer worthy of you… the prince… he…." I couldn't continue for I knew I would not be able to contain my anguish.

This time he came closer. He sat beside me on the bed, but I could not bring myself to look at him lest I see his revulsion. He took my cheek in his hands and his head descended to plant an angry kiss on my lips. It is no more than I deserve, I thought. Despite my weakness, soon I was afire; and the tears just couldn't be stayed. I took in all his anger, receiving all his rage. One last time, I told myself. One last time with him before he makes me leave.

Despite my weakened state, I took the lead; determined to love him and erase the memory of the prince. I slowly took off my robes and then his. I pleasured him as he had taught me-with my mouth, tongue and hands. This time I was on top, his most favorite position as it gave him full view and free access to my body. I moved over him and rode him until we both came, tumbling down an explosive climax. After, I lay over him spent, his manhood still throbbing in me. My breathing was haggard and I couldn't seem to catch my breath.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm… fine... highness…" I said between gasps.

"No, you are not." He moved my limp body and wrapped a blanket around me before he went to call the nurse. My chest was bursting with the beat of my heart and I still couldn't catch my breath.

The nurse came in and was very discreet. I knew she noticed that I was naked under the sheets but uttered no word of it. She came to my side immediately, raised my head and gave me a portable oxygen canister with a mask that the doctor had left with her. Then she proceeded to examine the rest of me, when she found blood on the sheets she immediately asked me to lie back down and elevated my legs. I didn't know what was happening. I felt light headed and there was a small cramp in my stomach.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked her, but she gave no answer. She simply reassured me and told me to get some rest. She, then, went over to Rahim. That was the first time I had noticed that he was still in the room. They talked in hushed tones. Moments later the doctor appeared, they spoke for a while then the doctor asked them both to leave.

"How are you, my dear?" he asked with a smile on his face.

"I'm fine, doctor, just a little light headed and weak but I shall be fine after a bit of rest."

"My dear, I had just spoken to the sheikh. I'm afraid you won't be fine for a little while more." This struck fear in my heart. Did he tell the doctor what his punishment will be? "You see, his highness believes it would be best if you heard it from me."

"Yes, doctor?"

"My dear, you are pregnant. You suffered trauma to your abdomen that almost cost you the child. You had started to bleed out when the sheikh found you and brought you to the hospital. You had lost a fair amount of blood, and it is quite a miracle that the child is still alive." He proceeded to tell me.

"Pregnant? But… but…"

"Yes, dear, you are pregnant, and you are in quite a critical stage at the moment. You see, the child may have survived but if you are not careful, he might still not be able to continue to do so."

My shame knew no end. I was happy I was with child but I knew he would be fatherless and that I would be alone for the rest of my life. They would take him from me, brought up in the palace with no father, no mother and no place among their people. I wept for the life my child was destined to have. If only I could run away. Away from this oppressive land I had loved so much. Away so I could give my son a better future, but in my current state, if I were to run I would endanger the very life I so dearly wish to save. What was I to do?

The doctor was still speaking, trying to reassure me and telling me about things I had to take it easy on, but his words fell on deaf ears. All I could hear were the cries of my child as he grew up in the palace and the roaring vacuum of my life.

As the days wore on, I started to regain my strength; but bit by bit I grew more despondent. Time was slowly ticking by and I have yet to discover a solution to my problem. Rahim's visits grew more and more seldom. At first, he would come to see how I was doing. At times, he would come whilst I was asleep and he would wake me so he could possess me. He had become more and more distant; I could feel the turmoil inside of him too. Our love making had also started to change; he grew more restless and more withdrawn in his love making just as my love making had become more and more reserved as I continued to become more depressed. The easy conversations we had, had become awkward silences. The light in my eyes had all but disappeared. Soon his visits stopped altogether, undoubtedly, he would have found someone more suitable. Guards were now also set outside my door, probably so I would not be able to run away with my child.

On one night, I had gone to bed early; I had been feeling more tired than usual that day, but no sooner had I fallen asleep as angry voices started outside my door. My sleep clouded mind could not decipher what they were saying over the thickness of the walls but the argument was unmistakably heated. After a few moments of shouting, one of them apparently had the last word as his voice was followed by silence, then the door opened. I knew I was not in a state to accept visitors but I simply couldn't muster the strength to get up let alone be presentable. I was just so tired.

Rahim probably assumed I was still asleep, as I could hear his ragged breathing and his pacing at the foot of my bed.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… you are the best thing that ever happened to me and I have ruined you. I have endangered your life…" his voice was so soft it was as if it was whispered by the wind. "I will make this right… I will make everything right." he approached the bed, deposited a feather kiss on my forehead and then he left.

The following morning, on awakening, it all seemed like it was a dream.

That same afternoon, I had received a royal summons; something very peculiar. A royal summons means a public presentation as it shall also be done in the presence of the royal council and the sheikh's dignitaries. This was a very big break in tradition.

I had made every effort to make myself presentable for the summons. The guards gave a short knock on my door indicating it was time. They escorted me to the room where the council met. My stomach was in knots. What could be so important as to break tradition in this manner?

As I entered the room, all eyes were on me. As tradition, I got down on my knees to bow before the sheikh. The silence was deafening, everyone was waiting for his majesty to speak.

"We have called you here today to speak of a matter of great importance, politically and for you personally." As I heard his formal statement, fear started to stir in my heart, this is it… he will either tell me to leave or tell me that I will have to bare this child only to leave him behind.

"It would be politically and personally wise for you to marry my cousin, Gerard. He resides in London as the official Quasani Ambassador." My eyes shot straight to his in shock. Murmurs erupted at once. A woman and a commoner have dared to look the sheikh in the eye. I quickly averted my eyes. He raised his hand to silence the crowd. "What say you?"

"I am most ever your humble servant, my lord." I gave a small bow.

"Then it is settled. You will return to your chambers to await his arrival." With that, I was firmly escorted back to my chambers. Once inside tears just started to fall. I was nothing to him. Maybe last night really was just a dream. A figment bore out of desperation. Then my mind started to imagine my future. My son growing up in a foreign country… me married to stranger I did not know… my son never knowing his real father… then all I could think about was the yawning emptiness that stretched out before me… I was simply just to be another possession bestowed on a favored family member. I could not marry anyone else, nor would I ever be able to love anyone else.