Then I'll Never Leave You

I know I shouldn't be worrying about what I need to wear to play video games with the guys but Caleb isn't one of the guys, he is The Guy. I wear a black shirt, black jeans and black sneaker and tie a read flannel jacket around my waist. I smiled at my reflection and do a spin. I stop, that's gay. I stop staring at myself in the mirror, over the course of two days, I've said the sentence "I'm not gay" more than five times. And no one has even accused me to my face.

I run my fingers through my hair and I notice it's getting too long again and that I need to cut it. it's getting in my face at school. I pick a rubber band from the jar on my table and put it on my wrist, I know it's going to get in my eyes when I'm playing so I'll take it with me and hold it up. I walk out if the house and into mom's room. I open the door and poke my head in. "hey, mama" I said. she was getting ready for her night shift. she liked to stay at the hospital on sunday nights.

"yes, Binky" she replies and I smile. "why are you smiling?"

"because you're the most beautiful mother in the whole world and thank you for letting me stay out late" I say and stand behind her in the mirror.

"you never asked, Binky" she says and puts on an earring. "you need to ask me when you need to stay out late, Binky"

"I'm asking now" I say and pick up the light pink lip gloss and pass it to her. "this colour's good, you'll look good" I put my head on her right shoulder and watch her put on her lipstick. it's been like that since I was a kid. I'd go to mom's room and sit down on the bed while mom did her make up and dad brushes my hair and sometimes he would braid it. dad's hair was always long, so I kept mine long too so we could be matching. he'd braid mine and then Quinn's and Quinn and I would try to braid his. we'd drop mom off if she had a night shift at the hospital and then we'd drive to dairy queen, get ice cream, pick up my older brother, wendell who works at dairy queen (he's in college now) then he'd make us breakfast for dinner and then we'd go to sleep.

"yeah, he never asks but you still let him" Quinn says from the door. Quinn is my younger sister, she's three years younger than me. "hey dork" she puts her head on mom's left shoulder. "hi mama bear. hi sugar daddy" she says to dad's picture on the nightstand. she kisses two of her fingers and places it on dad's lips.

"yeah, that's because I'm the favourite child" I tell her. " can I go, the guy with me last night, you remember him right?" she nods. "he asked me to come over today, can I?"

"yeah, sure" mom say.

"what, you can't let him, you didn't let me hang out with Jason last Sunday!!" Quinn whines. "he's gay but you're letting him hang out with guys!!, that's so not fair" both mom and I gasp at her careless utterance.

"Binky, you're gay?" she asks and I look over at her.

"I'm not" I muttered. "and why would you think that?" I scream at Quinn.

"well, Caleb Keller's the new sun for this months game of Solar System and Sarah says, you're one of the nine" she explains.

"how do you even know that, you go to a different school" I scream. yeah, she goes to the middle school, while I'm at the high school.

"gossip flies. you are you even hanging out with?" she asks and I blush.

"Caleb" I mutter and she gasps.

"and you're playing the game, you cheater, you may not be gay but you're definitely something!!!" she screams at me. "the game starts tomorrow but you're already hanging out with him, you slut"

"Quinn, language" Mom turns to me. "what's this game you're talking about?"

"oh, it's just this dating game" I say. but In truth it's actually a dating and sex game. they are no rules against making out or sex. "Amber put my name in, so I'm going to play" I say to Quinn. "mom, cross my heart and hope to die, there's nothing going on between me and Caleb, I don't even know him that well" my phone beeps. just a single word from an unknown number.

"hey"

"hey, I text back"

"I live at number four oak street" it says. Caleb?

"come on, mom, can I go?, please mama bear?. even if I was gay, I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't" I say.

"I'd sleep with him" mom deadpans. "but since you promised, I'll let you go. if you drop me off" she says and I kiss her on the cheek.

"love you, be out in five, I'm waiting for you in the car" I say. just then my phone rings and I see it's the unknown number. I run out of the room and then the house, I get into my car and close the door. for some reason I look myself in the mirror and smile before picking up. "hello" I say.

"hey, it's me, Caleb" he soft voice say.

"how did you get my number?"

"I asked, Jacob, who asked Jess, who then asked Amber, so I got it from Amber" he says and I giggle. I fucking giggle. "you don't mind, do you?"

"no, I don't" I say. "I got you text, I'm taking my mom to the hospital and then I'll be there"

"is your mom alright?" he asks with serious sincerity.

"yeah, she's fine, she's a nurse and she works there"

"oh, that's coo..." he trails off and then let's out a surprisingly flawless flow of spanish. " sorry, I was telling my brothers not to.... Luke, if that Vase fucking breaks papi will murder you"

"Caleb!!!!" someone shrills in the background and then I here a very long rant of words in spanish

"shit... I've got to go, my papi is going to kill me for swearing at Luke" he says. "see you when you get here" I hear him switch to spanish before he hangs up. I did not expect that, the kid is white as snow, them again, he could have been adopted. I sigh dreamily. spanish is so hot.

"what are you sighing about?" someone asks.

"Caleb speaks Spanish fluently" I say and then scream. "when did you get here?!!"

"when you were telling your lover about my job?" she says

"he isn't my lover!!" I yell and mom laughs. I start the car and pull the gear to drive before zooming in out of the driveway.

"I know" she says smiling at me. "but if you ever realize you aren't straight, you can always come to me because I love you Binky bear, who or what you like doesn't make you who you are, it's the way you treat people that does" I choke up when I here dad quote. "your dad was a wise man"

"yeah, he was a beautiful soul" I sob. I slow down and park the car. I launch into mom's arms and ugly cry.

"it's okay, Binky Bear" she mutters and kisses my hair.

"I wish he was here, I wish he wasn't gone" I sob out and he holds me tighter.

"I wish that too baby, but we both know that's impossible and we've got to move on, daddy is here in my heart and In yours and you know head love you no matter what" she says and I nod. "I love you so much"

"I love you too, mom"

"now get over yourself and drive me to work" she snaps. "I don't want to end up late" I laugh and pull away.

"I don't know what I'll ever do without you" I whisper.

"then I'll never leave you, I promise" she says and I smile, even though I know it's a promise she might not keep. "come on boy, drive!!!"