Chapter 49

I didn't say a word while packing my things. I focused on folding my clothes perfectly then placing them in my suitcase.

I had a bitter taste in my mouth, not only because of going home but also because of how things had ended.

The more I thought about it the more I wanted to leave this house because whenever I looked around the bright walls that have become my home for the summer, I remembered nothing but the bad things.

I remembered Clara showing up and telling me off.

I remembered Seeley coming home after Clara had beaten him up.

I remembered how badly I'd betrayed Leigh.

Now that I was looking back at my secret affair with Seeley, I wondered if it was worth it.

Was it worth it to have secrets in front of my best friend, my partner in crime, for someone who was both the best and worst person to me?

I couldn't answer the question even though I had a feeling that it was a big no.

I should have been more mature and responsible about things and that cost my friendship. Despite of the hatred and fury that Leigh has felt toward me now, I still hoped tha someday we could overcome from this.

She could be annoying and jealous whenever I mentioned someone else as my friend but her heart was in the right place.

And she had every right to get hurt when she had found out that I'd been lying to her for a long time.

Because she'd never lied to me once. I was among the first people to know about his sudden feelings that she has felt toward Seeley.

I wondered if she still felt the same after how much Seeley has humiliated her that night.

I was still mad at him for not being able to sympathize with Leigh who has been our friend for years now but I also understood that all the drama that had happened to him just pushed him over the edge, into the grayness.

When Leigh walked into the room to grab her bags and make her bed, our eyes met for a second bfore she turned away as if I wasn't there.

It hurt how much she has been ignoring me but this little time I had spent outside of her influence made me realize that some people just weren't meant to be friends for life and that was okay.

Because we had to leave in the present not in the future, no matter how much we have wanted to keep in touch with each other after graduation.

It was crazy how happily we had started this summer with laughs and jokes while having the best time of our lives only for it to end in tears and bloody faces.

"Thank you for this summer." I said even though I knew she didn't want to talk to me.

"I can't tell you the same unfortunately." She mumbled and I turned around. She was facing the wall, trying to control her emotions and breathing.

"I know I said this already but I'm really sorry about everything."

She spinned on her heels, narrowing her eyes.

"I've had enough of your apologizes." She snapped and I nodded.

If I wanted to have a calm conversation with her then I needed to play by her rules. And Leigh could be almost deadly when she got mad.

"I know but since this is the last time we are talking, I think you owe yourself that much that you hear me out." I said quietly. "Or just sweep it all under the carpet."

"It's not that easy, okay?" She asked, pressing her hand on her heart. "My best friend lied to me for God knows how long while she was sleeping with the guy I liked. Do you know how does that feel?"

I fell in silence before collecting my thoughts. Now that she wanted to talk to me, it was time to put an end to all of this.

"I know that you feel betrayed, I'd feel too. You have every right to be angry." I nodded. "But you can't hold the fact against me that I started meeting Seeley way before you even considered liking him."

I didn't want to tell her that he had already showed interest in my before I had finally given in. I didn't want to twist the knife in her heart even more.

I didn't want her to feel like it was a competition or that she was less than me.

I wanted her to know that she was special and a good person but Seeley might not be the right person for her.

Just as he wasn't the right person for me despite of everything we'd been through.

"When did we let a boy get between us?" I asked spreading my arms.

When she looked up at me, I could see her slowly understanding my point but she was still stubborn to hold her ground.

"You're right, I shouldn't have lied to you. That was really low from me." I said with sad eyes. "I just don't want you to think that you are not important."

"Well, you made a good fucking job letting me that know." She commented.

I sighed and almost smiled at her attitude. She was starting to easen up a bit and I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy to notice that.

Even if we wouldn't stay friends after all of this, I just wanted to get on a new page with her.

"I'd say that since the summer is over it doesn't matter but I know it does." I continued. "Even if you can't forgive me for that, I just want you to remember that I always loved you and you really are my best friend."

Leigh blinked a few times and looked around the room. She wasn't comfortable with apologizes and honest speeches that came from heart.

"I'd hate you even more now but that night when Seeley showed me his true colors, I realized that I might only like the idea of him. Someone that I imagined and expected him to be after our long and meaningful talks." She admitted and I felt sorry.

There was nothing worse than lose your infuation for somebody.

And the memories would still hurt even after you realized that they weren't who you thought they might were.

"I acted like a goddamn teenager," she let out a wary laugh. "I enjoyed getting attention from a guy and I would have jumped at his bones right away just for having a few conversations with him. How ridiculous is that?"

I laughed and shook my head.

"We all make mistakes or even lie to ourselves because we don't want to face the reality." I said. "It happens to everyone, don't be so hard on yourself because of that."

She gave me a thankful glance before taking her bags into her hands.

"I didn't know that you were a therapist, Heddy."

I nodded then shrugged.

"Didn't you hear the others's first impression on my when we were celebrating my birthday?" I asked with a cheeky smile. "I was almost everyone's therapist in the beginning."

We laughed and I felt every stabbing pain or suffocating feeling dissolve in my chest. I knew that we weren't good but we definitely made a process.

Walking out of the room, we found Casen sitting on the couch while talking with someone on the phone.

"What part of the we have just packed our bags was not clear?" He whined then groaned and leaned back.

Leigh leaned over my shoulder, lowering her voice.

"I think he is talking to his mom."

My eyes widened and tried to muffle my surprised and amused chuckle with the palm of my hand.

"You can't be serious."

Leigh nodded toward Casen practically being tortured on the couch.

"I'm almost sure it's her. He is always like this when he is talking with his mom." Leigh said then frowned. "Reminds me of someone."

I gave her a small smile.

"He reminds you of yourself when you are on your period?" I asked and she gasped.

"Heartless." She narrowed her eyes and I shrugged.

That name didn't really have an effect on me anymore, it was time to let the high school years go and I would do that more than willingly.

We talked a little about having to face our families again after Austin joined us. None of us was really happy to go back to Hillsboro but we all knew that it was time to put an end to all of this.

I liked being here and enjoying the summer but in the end it was too much even for me who grew up as the daughter of a woman full of insecurities and desire for controll.

When Seeley walked out of his room, he stopped beside us, dropping his bags to the floor.

"All good?" Austin asked while flipping his phone between his long fingers.

Seeley looked up and gave him a small nod.

"Yes."

I tried to not notice the struggle and wave of emotions on his face but it was impossible to do when he turned to me and stared into my eyes.

"Do you have a minute, Heds?"

When Leigh looked at me, I gave Seeley a shy nod and followed him out of the house.

It was early in the afternoon and the sun was blinding us. The air was hot and heavy on our skins, sometimes despite of taking deep breaths, I felt like I wasn't even breathing air.