Chapter 30

My mother has been blowing my phone up.

Not that I didn't have time to answer her calls but I just didn't feel strong enough. I came here to enjoy my time with my friends and not listen to my mother's unnecessary gabblings about her life and her boyfriend who knew better than act like a decent human being.

I was in Seeley's room while trying which dress would be more convenient for dinner in a restaurant.

I couldn't decide to wear my white or red dress.

And Seeley wasn't much of a help either.

I stood in front of Austin's bed where the dresses were placed and I stared at them. Seeley came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I suggest you wear nothing." He said and placed a kiss on my neck. I tilted my head without noticing what I've been doing.

"In public?" I chuckled as his arms tightened around me.

"Yes, you would look more than hot."

"You've become too obsessed with my body, don't you think?" I asked as he trailed kisses up to my jaw.

"It's not surprising." He answered then rested his jaw on my shoulder. "I mean, just look at you. You've always been beautiful."

My heart skipped a beat when he said 'always been beautiful. Knowing the fact that his attraction toward me didn't come out of nowhere all of a sudden and was probably there for years now just made my cheeks flush.

"I didn't know you were this flirt." I smiled as he hummed into my neck. "I like this side of you."

"Do you really have to go out tonight?" He asked. The tone in his voice made me consider my plans for tonight even twice now.

Emilia suggested that we, just the girls, went out for a girl's night and no boys could be there. That was her number one and only rule.

And we didn't want to piss her off because her anger was something we didn't desire on seeing.

"You know I do."

"This is the only day I got off for the week and you're leaving?" He asked and pressed himself against me. "That's not fair."

"I couldn't say no to Em." I whined and ran my fingers through his soft hair. I could get lost in his hair for hours. Especially after sex.

"You always can. Just be brave enough."

"Brave enough to get myself killed?" I asked laughing. "No, I'd like to live… Anyway, what kind of excuse could I have used?"

Seeley grazed the top of his nose against my neck as his hands disappeared under my shirt.

"That you don't feel well." He said.

"That's too typical." I answered. "They wouldn't have believed it. I've been only sick twice in the last four years."

"Then you could have said that you were too tired."

"That would never work with Emilia." I laughed.

He stepped away and turned me around with soft eyes.

"Then you could say that you want to stay here… with me."

I could melt from his words and the tenderness in his voice. Seeley Drewitt really knew how to get a woman into bed with him by only saying a simple sentence.

"I don't think they would accept that answer."

He pulled away with a frown.

"Why?"

I hugged myself and my eyes roamed over his empty room.

He asked a too good question. I couldn't tell why but I just had a bad feeling about either Leigh or Emilia finding out about this.

Every kind of relationship among our friend group seemed almost unimaginable. And yet here I was, jumping in bed with the boy whose heart got broken into pieces because of me.

"Because Clara is your girlfriend." I said carefully.

He shrugged.

"And then? It's my choice who I want to be in a relationship with."

I almost scoffed at the word 'relationship' falling off his lips.

I still couldn't call that hot mess between Clara and Seeley a relationship. I just couldn't do it.

"Even if we'd explain it to them… It's so obvious that Clara and I are complete opposites."

It was true. The more I tried to look at our physical relationship outside as if I was in someone else's place, the more I saw how practically Seeley was running away from Clara into someone's arms who was nothing like her.

Has he never thought about that?

There was a reason Clara and I didn't get on well and it didn't seem like he cared about any of that.

"Of course you are, that's why I'm here with you." He admitted and my throat went dry.

I didn't think I'd experience this any day. Seeley admitted to the fact that one of the main reasons he was with me was because I was nothing like her.

"It's kind of complicated when your girlfriend likes to make fun of me all the time." I corrected myself.

"Don't be a snowflake, she doesn't mean it."

I crossed my arms, a determined look overtaking my face.

"I'm pretty sure that she does." I argued. "I just don't understand what you see in her."

"Why? Because I'm supposed to see something in you instead?" He fired back.

Ouch. Not that I was in the position to let his words hurt me but I was still in discomfort after what he had just asked.

I always thought that he had to see something in me in order to sleep with me. Because, just like he'd said to me, he doesn't sleep with strangers.

"You know what I don't get?" I asked sharply. "Everyone can see that you are running from your relationship. You run from Clara almost all the time and yet here you are standing up for her as if she deserved your kindness or dedication."

He clenched his jaw and dropped himself down on his bed. His cloudless smile from earlier faded away so quickly that it was hard to remember that it was him a few minutes ago who practically begged me to stay with him for the night.

"You don't know shit about my relationship!"

"I know plenty." I snapped. "And that's enough. Why would you torture yourself like that?"

"You don't have a right to judge my relationship." He glared at me coldly. "If I remember correctly, you were the one from the girls who just jumped into a relationship with a stranger, and then you were surprised that he turned out to be the biggest asshole on this planet."

"And I paid for that!" I raised my voice. "That's why I'm trying to talk some sense into you because I don't want you to be in any kind of pain like I had been in!"

"Well, it's a little too late now for that kind of speech, isn't it?" He threw his arms up.

I turned away and touched my neck while my eyes closed. I wanted to erase the last few minutes of my brain and also my life but reality stabbed through my heart twice as bad as I tried to move on.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stared at the door.

"I don't want your help, Heds." He said flatly and I bit into my lip to stop it from trembling.

"You never had to ask for it." I said, my voice was small and almost cracked. "I just don't understand… Out of all people you could have chosen… you chose the only person who was also bullying you too. I just can't wrap my head around that fact."

I was exhausted from trying to open his eyes. Or maybe they were open, he just didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he chose the wrong person.

"Do you love her?" I asked, turning my head to the side but not looking at him.

"What?"

"I asked if you loved her." I repeated and turned back to him fully. My face was stoic and pale. If he'll say yes then I'll know that I couldn't help him anymore because it was too late.

I was kind of hoping that spending time with him would show him what it feels to be valued. How did it feel when someone cared for your needs and satisfaction.

"How can you ask something like that?" He asked, confused and irritated. "I'm with her."

"You didn't answer my question, Seeley."

He sighed and grabbed his hair almost pulling at it. I could sense the tension that fell upon us in the room and I felt shit for ruining the moment but since we weren1t in a dedicated relationship, I could do whatever I wanted to.

"I…" His voice trailed off and I took a deep breath to see him struggle with the words.

If he loved her it wouldn't be a problem for him to say those three words. It would be the easiest thing in the world for him.

But instead, here he was, fighting his feelings and lying to himself while struggling to get the words fall off his lips.

I felt bad for him. My heart was aching for the boy who wanted to love so bad but just chose the wrong person for that and now he was paying for it with his heart.

"I care about her."

I nodded and grabbed my dresses.

"And here is my answer." I said quietly and left the room before he could say anything else.

I took a deep breath while walking back into my room and pressing my back against the door. Seeley was in much bigger trouble than I had thought.

And something deep inside my heart told me that he couldn't end things with Clara because he couldn't.

And the only reason I was sure about that was that I recognized my old self who was in a toxic relationship where I'd be manipulated into doing things I'd have never done.

Seeley was lost and broken as I had been. And it made me cry how much he was trying but it just wasn't enough.