Why Speak of Regrets?

"Chen mu, I am not going to spin around circles to ask you one question. If my assumptions are correct, the pill that you had in hand is from Susu's bottle of pills. The reason why you came to the lab and performed the research experiment is that you've already recognized what pills she was taking, but wanted to make sure. Am I right?"

Under her strong gaze, he felt like he was the subject to an X-ray scan where every thought of his became transparent in front of her. Without averting his gaze, he said, "I assume you've already known about her falling ill?"

She nodded, "Yes, but she wasn't the one who told me. I found out by accident, and it's too long of a story to tell you what happened right now. Since you've already gone this far with diagnosing the pill that she is taking, as a legendary genius in the medical field, I believe you are more knowledgeable than me of her body condition."

Slowly, his head lowered and eyes focused on the report in his hands, "I know. It's Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, early stage. These pills are helping her body kill off cancer cells, but if her condition worsens after the treatment period, then that means she would require a stronger alternative."

"So, we can only wait and see for the time being. Is there anything we could do to help her with the symptoms or pain? A diet plan? Anything?" She started asking more in depth questions because she was a medical maniac. Other than knowing what Susu was suffering from, she didn't understand the complicated medical terms even when Lin Que explained it to her.

"I'll come up with the diet plan and make sure that she is getting the nutrients that her body needs to build a stronger immune system. I'll also observe her condition. If I think that her condition has worsened, then I will bring her to the hospital." He stated with his head dug between his arms as his hands interlocked behind his head.

Lily frowned and understood that at this moment, acceptance is difficult. At the same time, she couldn't help herself and asked, "Chen Mu, do you have feelings for Susu?"

Almost immediately after she had asked, he lifted his chin and faced her once again, but this time he looked shocked. Seeing his reaction confirmed her suspicions, "Uh huh, so my guess is right."

"How did you..."

"Well, Susu told me that she complained about not liking pills or liquids type of medicine. Then, you came out of nowhere and scored full marks on the medical exams and papers within half a year. After that, your only request was for full access to all laboratories whenever you request for it. You came up with an herb formula for flus, and she was drinking it without knowing the damn efforts you put in."

She explained how and when her suspicions about his feelings for Susu began. After she was done, he clapped lightly, "Can't believe I was that obvious that you saw through me. She doesn't know it and wouldn't need to know it either."

"Are you feeling upset because she didn't tell you about having cancer and probably lied to you about the pills?" Her instincts were blades sharp when it came to others' emotions. Her logic and the way she could link from one thing to another was too impressive.

".... Should I be amazed by your intelligence in digging out my emotions or be scared that you could read my mind like an open book?"

"Both. You see, imagine her actually telling you when you asked about the pills that she took. You would obviously be sad or show some signs of negativity. When I found out about it on my own, she explained that she did not want to be the reason for our unhappiness. Out of us, she said that breaking this shitty news to you was the most difficult."

He listened attentively to what Lily was saying as she continued, "Did you know how strong this tiny woman was? While I was crying in her arms, she maintained a smile as if she had already expected the worst that could ever happen. She wasn't scared of pain or this cancer that she's been fighting alone. The thing that scared her the most was how to tell the two people whom she considered the closest to her and that is you and me."

Lily wiped her wet eyes and controlled her tears from falling, "So, don't feel upset because she didn't tell you about it yet. She will eventually say it. Just give her some time."

Chen Mu nodded, "I was a little upset that she didn't tell me when I asked her straight up about it, but it was something else that made me feel ten times worse. You didn't know how many times in the past where I could have had the opportunity to be the one standing beside her when she needed someone. All these times, I've watched from afar. I always thought that we always had next time or another day."

A slight pause as his voice rasped and words choked, "I always thought that we had all the time in the world, but when I recognized that pill, I really wished that I would for once be wrong with my conclusions. Reading this report made me feel like my world shattered piece by piece. I'm afraid of losing her so much that I'd rather be the one fighting this."

She couldn't interrupt him as he continued speaking because every word that came out of his mouth sounded like his heart broke to a whole new level, 'I.. I can't believe that the "someday" or "next time's," that I've always used as an excuse to cover my low confidence would now become, "Not much time left"'

Lily couldn't stand listening any longer and grabbed the collar of his shirt, "Dude! Why are you talking about regrets when you still have the time to make up for the hours, minutes, and seconds that you've missed already?! The past is already gone, and none of these minutes will reverse in time for you to fill these holes of regret! You still have time to spend with her."

She lifted him from his seat and used her fingernail to poke his chest, where his heart restlessly danced the Tango out of anxiety, "Don't dwell in what's already passed. Focus on what you can do for her now and in the future. Support her fully and care for her because we don't know how fast these stupid cancer cells move. If you regretted something, then do it this time. Fill these empty spaces in your heart while you still can. Understand?"

After seeing his slight nod, she released his collar and stuck a post-it to his forehead, "This sis is available anytime if you need help with Susu! This includes anything related to her health and anything related to pursuing her~" He ripped the post-it off his face and said, "No need to call. I need your help."