My Meaningless Confession

As I was having breakfast, I heard a woman's voice saying, "Rai, I'm about to take your brother to school and then head to work!" She walked out the door with a five-year-old child in her arms and reminded me, "Remember, be on time for school, alright?"

"Yes mom, enjoy your day!"

The woman is my mother, Bianca Drakulic. Typically, she leaves for work at this hour and also accompanies my brother, Israel, to school. Despite her occasional shortcomings as a mother, I deeply care for her and love her to death.

While I was engrossed in my meal of bread and fried egg, a hand appeared in front of me. It was a small and delicate hand. A high-pitched yet youthful and girlish voice exclaimed, "What are you eating?!"

I glanced around to find my sister, Latoya, who is approximately four years older than me. She has a small physique, wears loosely fitting attire, and is usually working. However, today (Friday) happens to be her day off.

In a relaxed manner, I replied, "The bread and fried egg that my mother prepared before she left." I mentioned while taking a bite of the bread. It was quite delicious, you know.

My sister expressed her disappointment by frowning and shaking her head, commenting, "Mom always forgets that I follow a vegetarian diet and can't eat things like fried eggs!" She added, as she walked towards the kitchen, "Now I have to prepare something myself."

I jokingly commented on her amusing predicament, saying, "It's not our fault that you made the sudden decision to become vegetarian." In response, she quickly retorted, "No one asked your opinion..."

One day, out of blue, my sister made the decision to become a vegetarian. She justified her choice by claiming that animals have emotions and also desire to live. However, I personally find her reasoning to be somewhat foolish.

It is simply the natural order of things, it is how we and even animals survive. In fact, if we were to analyze it scientifically, what about the plants that vegetarians consume? After all, plants are also living beings, so what happens to them?

Even animals consume each other as a means of survival, as it is simply just how things are.

Alright, let me pause for a moment, but honestly that greatly bothers me. I don't have a problem with vegetarians but when they start criticizing and belittling others for their choices, it really frustrates me.

It may be apparent that I am the only person in my family who has white hair and red eyes, as most of them have the typical black hair and brown eyes. This is because, for some unknown reason, I ended up having fulbinism (fulbino), an extremely rare condition.

However, the peculiar aspect is that none of my family members before me have ever had it, which implies that there is absolutely no explanation as to how I contracted it.

I was often asked about my condition while growing up, but I have come to accept it and embrace it as it gives me a unique appearance.

Once I had finished eating breakfast, I cleaned my plate and prepared to leave the house for school, already wearing my uniform.

I walked to school, taking the familiar route I had taken the previous day, the sun shone brightly and the streets were filled with people and cars hurrying to their daily jobs or activities.

The gentle breeze swept past with only a slight gust, creating a peaceful and pleasant atmosphere. It seems like today could be a promising day, despite my fatigue from recent events.

Speaking of that you might be curious as to why I decide to keep my NightFall persona hidden, or why I only operate at night, or why I easily get caught up in my typical teenage life. I understand where you're coming from - after all, I am a fully-fledged vigilante who possesses the power of death for goodness' sake.

But what you may have missed is that even vigilantes require time off, considering the fact that I am still just a human being beneath the mask.

Living a regular life as a teenage boy is quite effortless for me, particularly after all the violence and exhaustion I have subjected my body to. It feels serene to simply relax without relying on my abilities and experience life in a conventional manner, as the constant strain can take its toll on you over time.

I conceal my identity not because I aspire to be a mysterious character like a cliché superhero, but rather to protect my family and those close to me from any potential harm. Just think about the consequences if people were to discover that the infamous NightFall actually has a family. Can you imagine what they might do?

I genuinely don't know how I would cope if my family suddenly vanish or died without warning. I would be at a loss for how to respond or feel.

Just think about the emotions you would experience if the people who are significant to you passed away because of you, I simply cannot afford to take that chance.

Chatter! Chatter! Chatter!

I seated myself in a train on my journey to school, surrounded by the diverse crowd of people who had boarded the public transportation.

The people varied, ranging from students who used their headphones and focused on texting on their phones, to adults and elderly individuals who preferred reading newspapers and attending to their crying babies.

That's pretty much all from me, that's the current state of my life. Over the past... I'm not exactly sure how long, maybe 9, 10, or 11 months?... I've been enduring immense hardships and trying to balance a typical life with an unconventional one.

One positive aspect of combining my everyday life with vigilantism is that it greatly enhanced my understanding of various matters, such as how things are and how they should be. It also prompted me to think more logically rather than acting irrationally. As a result, I may now appear more "simplistic" or even "boring" in the eyes of some individuals.

I don't care about their opinions, I am simply being true to myself. It may seem self-centered but sometimes it is necessary to prioritize oneself in order to survive.

The number of people on the train decreased as each person got off at their respective stops, resulting in only a few passengers remaining, including myself and other students from different schools.

Really though, have something to confess.

Lately something has been bothering me. As days goes by, I am increasingly drifting from my emotions when I turn into NightFall. Perhaps it is because my actions and experiences have been shaping my very personality over the past few months, but currently, it feels like my mind and body are not even mind anymore.

In essence, it seems as though Raizel Drakulic has disappeared and has been replaced by 'NightFall'. I no longer feel like myself, and even my speech, behavior, and appearance reflect this change. I am certain that those around me are noticing the drastic shift in my personality.

I don't feel like I have much substance or complexity; I see myself as superficial and lacking depth. This is a contrast to when I was younger and more sociable and outgoing. I don't believe I'm depressed, but I also don't feel genuinely happy.

In my pursuit of eliminating the imperfections in this world, it appears that I have neglected my own identity and lost sight of a fundamental aspect of being human.

I am starting to observe a gradual transformation within the depths of my being, as I feel my humanity slipping away and something else within me exerting control. And to be honest, this worries me.

But even after admitting this, there are no results. My desires for vengence continues to overwhelm me and I do not gain any further understanding of myself... no new knowledge can be gained from my words.

This confession has mean't... absolutely nothing.

"..."

The absence of noise within the train was more powerful than any spoken words, as I came to the realization that I was the sole remaining passenger on the train.

I honestly have to stop daydreaming.. It's getting really bad.

Feeling a slight weariness, I let out a sigh and muttered to myself, "Hmph... I really need to focus today." As a way to rouse myself, I gently tapped my face with my hands.

Chuuu!

The noise of the train's wheels hitting the tracks reverberated in my ears when it came to a halt at the subway station.

After arriving at my destination, I stepped out of the subway station and abruptly halted upon seeing my immense school standing prominently before me. The school's walls appeared covered in moss, and the paint seemed faded, with various objects scattered around in different directions.

"Yep... That's my school, Eromedia High."