The Next Step After A Miscarriage

I nervously stared into his eyes. As I was staring I noticed he was getting impatience with me. It's that I didn't know where to start from.

"I....I don't know what to say?.. like where..... what is it that you need to know." I said.

He seem pissed by my words. But he kept his cool. I guess.

"I want to know everything..... I'm confused, Clueless. And shock...." He said lowering his voice.

I swallowed and looked down, remembering how I knew I was pregnant.

"I... I was at home..... I mean.... When I got home from work, I was feeling kinda dizzy.. so I sat down and watched a movie,half way through the movie I go to the kitchen to make me food... and ....and." I kept my eyes on the floor, I couldn't look him in the eyes to tell,him what I was about to say. "I.... and.. I felt something, like a sharp pain, it felt like I had gotten stabbed. So I went back to the living room and laid on the couch, like 20 minutes later I felt it again... I had called my mother by the second time, she told me she was going to my house..." I laid back a bit onto the couch. "When my mother got home, she got there just in time, I got up from the couch and immediately I felt a warm liquid running down my legs." I let a tear fall. "When I looked down I started panicking., My legs had blood, not a lot but enough to make me get into panic attack." I let more tears run down my cheeks, I felt two strong arms started wrapping themselves around me.

"Shhhh..... Take your time...." He whispered into my ear.

I rested my head on his shoulder and let the tears fall onto his covered shoulder. "I'm sorry..... I really am."

He stayed silent. I didn't mind it. It didn't bother me.

I pulled back and continued. "When I had gotten to the hospital, the doctors wouldn't tell me how...or... why I was bleeding. They simply told me....to stay calm.... They did some Exams and the next morning my doctor. Came......and told me the news I once dreamed about become a nightmare..." My cheeks by then they were soaking wet.

"This happened..... when?" He asked after letting in the information I had just told him.

"October..." I whispered.

"You're meaning to tell me that this happened 7 months ago and you now decided to tell me something so big like this!?" His voice raised.

"I honestly.... didn't know how you would have reacted... and especially telling you through the phone.....I'm sorry.... I know this isn't easy... I've been suffering for almost 8 months. And knowing this is all my fault...." I got up from the couch, covering my face with both of my hands and let my tears fall.

I felt his hand on my waist, and from there his hand slowly moved towards my belly, where I should be having a huge baby bump. I heard him sob, liketrying to hold it in, He rarely ever cries.

"I want to be completely honest..." I sighed and turned around,once I was facing him I started talking. "I got to the point, I just wanted....you know.... Be gone..." I lets more tears fall. "I'm very,very sorry.... I let you down..... And I'm sorry, It took me 7 months to have the freaking balls to come here and tell you... What I couldn't do back then. I....I" I swallowed deep. " I know you won't be able to forgive me... for doing such thing.... I lost count of how many times I've let you down..... I know there is nothing I can do to change what happened...." I wiped my face. " Lo siento muchisimos... Perdon..." I apologized in Spanish. "And at this moment would be the perfect moment for me to run away..... but I don't know where to go...." I said trying to lighting up the mood.

"No where." He said grabbing my hand.

I stared at him. He seem broken. But for some reason he didn't seem mad, well at least at me... Otherwise he would have walked away.

"You should have told me..... we could have gotten through this together..." He said, I saw how a tear rolled down his cheek. Right when I was about to wiped it away,he pulled me into a really tight hug. It was at this moment I noticed that I needed him more then ever. As I hugged him back with the same tightness. I was doing a lot of thinking.

There was no way he was going to take me back, after all the bullshit I made him go through.

We slowly sat down together on the couch, Still holding each other. I lost count of how many minutes had gone by. When we pulled back he wiped the drops of tears off my face as I touched his cheek.

"How did you get pregnant?" He slowly asked. "I mean.. i know how, but you... you couldn't."

"the doctor ran some tests on me. And well I'm not 100% infertile. Do I make sense?" I replied

"Umm.. Wait so you can have kids? Or is it like a limit? I'm confuse."

"My body can't really take a pregnancy... like if I were to get pregnant...I would have to be extremely careful. Not to get stressed...."

"Are you infertile or not? He asked.

"I'm not... but like at the same time I am.... Because it would be hard for me to get pass the first 3 months of pregnancy..." I tried to explain..

"So if we were to try anytime now.. do we have to know of certain things?"

His question had me thinking... does that mean he wants to be with me? Is he just curious? Or Does he still love me? Does he want to play with my mind?

"umm..." I blushed. " We would have to keep it on the low the physical actions.."

"you mean, sex?" He said while giggling. "what else?" His eyes seem to have gotten into war with mine, his stare was soft but constantly still looking into my eyes, that were probably puffed and red.

He giggled. Is he over the fact I had a miscarriage?

I nodded while blushing. " Um.. try to eat health. No sex. No stress. No lifting... nothing too extreme..." I said..." You're making me nervous... stop staring at me like that."

"Okay.... How about... we continue this talk later or tomorrow-... when are you leaving?" He asked.

"I'm still not sure... Nathan is the one who is taking care of that."

"Nathan..... okay.... Let's stay here... eat. Watch a movie. Eat some more. And sleep...." He said looking at me.

"Um.. I'm not sure."

"why?"

"Well... Jazmin.. Is-..."

"Don't jump into conclusions. She likes me, I don't like her back. We only hang... and plus. I have a different girl in mind." He said while reconnecting his eyes with my eyes.

"Oh.. I wasn't asking .... I'm not jealous... I'm clearing that up,cause then you'll think I was asking because I got jealous..." I start to explain not wanting misunderstandings.

"Okay.." He said giggling. "Don't worry." added and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "So please stay with me. You literally can't leave me alone after that news." I simply nodded.