Never Over

I found it hard to sleep that night. Every time I close my eyes, images from what happened fourteen years ago kept on coming back to my mind

Whenever I find my way to sleep, I immediately wake up panting and crying because of nightmares. My brother even decided to sleep beside me to make me feel comfortable, but it did not work. It has been a long time since I experience this and this one feels like unending torture.

It was almost morning when I finally got my peaceful sleep.

After a few hours of sleep, I thought everything was fine until a faint sound of sirens from police mobiles started to get clear, then I heard a man laughing along with a series of gunshots around me.

~~~

When I open my eyes, the maniac man's face laughs creepily at me.

"I already told you, you are mine now." He laughed. His voice immediately gave chills and fear to my whole system.

I look around me and I am inside a car again, crying with this maniac man.

Oh God, it's happening again.

"No! Bring me back!" I shouted at him, but he just laughed even more. He is enjoying this.

"Brother! Mummy! Daddy!" I cried. Then, the shooting started again giving me a terrible feeling.

No. No, No.

"Stop it!" I shouted covering my ears. "Please, stop it!"

I cannot do this again. Please, get me out of here.

"Babygirl wake up, hey!" I heard Sam's voice from nowhere

"Brother! Help me. I am really afraid!"

Gunshots kept on ringing inside my head while the man kept on exchanging shots with the police who were chasing us.

"It's me, Sam. You're just dreaming. Wake up! Come on, open your eyes."

"You won't see them again kid" The man laughs.

"No! I do not want you. You are bad! Sam, where is my brother? I want my brother! Bring me back!" I want to wake up, but I do not know how.

Please, please wake me up. Make this stop.

"Damn. Kenzie, What the hell is happening to you?! Wake up!" I felt my brother shaking me trying to wake me up.

"Shut up!" I was stunned when the man shouted at me angrily. "Stop calling anyone! Do you want me to kill your brother?"

He showed his gun in front of me that made my eyes widened.

"No, don't. Don't hurt him, don't hurt my brother please." I sobbed.

I can't let him hurt Sam. If coming with him will make this stop, and will make my brother safe, then I'll do it.

"I, I will come with you."

"Darn it, Kenzie! Babygirl, open your eyes. Please listen to me."

I felt my own breathing become heavy and heavier.

"Nana, her inhaler, please. She's having an Asthma attack."

"Good girl," The man grinned, "But I want you to be mine alone."

My eyes widened when he suddenly pointed his gun towards the direction where Sam and my parents were. The next thing I heard was a series of loud gunshots ringing inside my ears.

~~~

"No!" I opened my tearful eyes, gasping for air and sweating like hell. I can't breathe.

Am I awake?

"Thank God, take this baby girl. Hey, it's alright." Sam gave me my inhaler. I grabbed and immediately used it while trying to calm my breathing. My entire body felt weak and horrible.

"This is bullshit," Sam pulled me inside his arms tightly embracing me. I can even feel my own heartbeat against his chest. "I will kill those bastards for doing this to you."

My bed became a mess, a lot of my pillows and some of my stuff was scattered inside my room.

"He, he will hurt you, Sam," I said in a low voice while still in his arms.

"No, he's dead. He can't hurt any of us, okay? I'm here, don't worry."

I slowly nodded as my eyes started to get heavy and sleepy. I am exhausted.

Before I fell back to sleep again, I saw someone standing in my room. He is just looking at me with those dark hazel eyes.

***

It is already three hours past noon when I wake up. My room and bed are already clean and in order.

I sat up and just stared at the wall convincing myself that I was already awake. After a few minutes, I face-palmed in frustration and took a deep breath. I still felt terrible and exhausted.

After a few more moments, I get off my bed to take a quick shower and change my clothes before I decide to go downstairs.

In the living room, Nana, our nanny, came up to me with her sweet comforting smile and asked me to eat because I have not had breakfast and lunch yet. I just nodded and followed her to our dining area

On our way there, I heard voices from the direction of our pool area and lured me to check on it for a while. To my surprise, I saw Sam and Ace, they were sitting against the Bermuda grass while chatting as they usually do. Ace was holding his guitar, strumming and trying to put it on a proper tune. While Sam seemed to be in deep thoughts.

Ace is here? Is he also here earlier? I lean against the wall, near the entrance to our poolside to keep them from seeing me. Just enough distance for me to hear their conversation.

Is he also that guy inside my room? Damn, he saw me in that horrible state again.

"Is that what happened that night?" Sam suddenly said.

"Yeah, but-"

"It's worse, I know. It is also the first time I saw her that frightened. Honestly, I actually got afraid that I won't be able to wake her up. Damn those bastards, I'll make sure that they will pay for doing this to my sister."

I bit my lip as I felt the anger in my brother's voice.

"I don't know if I should be asking this bro, but what was that all about?" Ace asked.

Sam did not answer for a moment before he took a deep breath. "Maybe you should know."

I close my eyes for a moment debating with myself whether I should stay and listen to what Sam is going to say, or I should just leave.

"We were still living in London at that time, she was four and I'm nine years old. It was our family bonding to go to a park because she loved going to the park to have a picnic. That day, we went to a park and it was another perfect day for us." Sam started.

"It was a nice day until a mentally ill man came into the park, he had a gun and he started firing it in all directions. People around started to run away to their safety. Our guards immediately picked me and brought me back to our car, but at that time, Kenzie saw an ice cream truck and ran towards it. Before nana and our guards could go after her, the man saw her and took her up. The man was laughing maniacally, and I saw how frightened she was. I wanted to back and ran towards her when she called my name, but our guards would not let me go.

She was crying for help and kept on pleading for the man to let her go but the man just kept on laughing as if he was enjoying seeing Kenzie cry while mum and dad pleaded to let her go. Our guards tried to take her back, but the man put a gun against her head and threatened to shoot her if anyone came closer.

Then, he ran away with her. Dad tried to run after them, but they went inside a car and took off at high speed. We chased them with the police until the man started shooting in our direction. The police carefully shot back because Kenzie was inside that car too. At that point, all we could hear were gunshots and sirens along the road. I couldn't imagine how terrified she was at that time.

The man drove faster until they lost their brakes and collided against a tree. The impact was so strong that the front of the car became unrecognizable, you would think that no one would survive that crash." Sam paused.

It was when I realized that I am almost holding my breath while listening to him. The memories came back to me like video clips inside my head. That was 14 years ago, why can't they just leave me alone?

"I'm so stupid." He exclaimed. "If I could remember it clearly, what would be more to her?"

"What happened after that?"

"The man died. She lost a lot of blood and she got comatose due to the head damage she received from the collision. She was unconscious for more than a month, and when she woke up, we thought everything was all right. After a few days, we discovered that she was badly traumatized by what happened. She had nightmares whenever she fell asleep, and she became so sensitive to her surroundings. It came to the point when she became too terrified of other people around her, even to us.

We consulted a psychiatrist about her condition, and we found out that she had PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. Everything she experiences associated with the incident, something that she might see or hear could trigger her trauma. Gunshots, abduction incidents, maniac man, she cannot even go to a park again because of that. Thunders could also bring nightmares, that's why we made her room soundproofed.

Growing up, she was able to get over it, but I knew that I already lost a part of my sister that day. Now, it is here again terrifying her."

They were surrounded by complete silence for a moment before Ace broke it and spoke.

"I never had an idea about that."

Before I could even hear more of their conversation, I stood up straight and walked away. That was enough eavesdropping. I do not want to hear anything about it anymore.

'Because I don't want anyone to know. What good would be done if people would know it?' I thought about Ace's statement.

I want to keep it by myself. If other people would find it out, they could use it against us- against me. Besides, I am tired of being defined by that incident. I do not want to be the kid who experienced a traumatic event and feel sorry for. I do not want it to be part of my identity.

I told Nana to bring my food upstairs before I went back to my room. I stayed there the whole day trying to divert myself from it.