...And Exit Sakura!

Ding! The system has initialized! To communicate with the system, please call out, System! Or if you wish to view your current condition, please call out, Status!

Tsutomu's eyes fluttered open. Next to him were two characters he had often watched on the television: the blonded-haired Uzumaki Naruto, who was wearing his iconic orange jumpsuit, and the handsome and broody Uchiha Sasuke. 

A nostalgic scene was playing out before his eyes: the pair were making a great show of being disgusted at each other by spitting and dry heaving. Evidently, Tsutomu had just missed the classic scene from the first show where Naruto and Sasuke had accidentally kissed.

Feeling something wet trickling down his nose, Tsutomu dabbed his upper lip with his index and middle fingers… and found that the liquid was his own red blood. This was a little concerning, so he wiped his nose with his sleeve and…

"Status!" Tsutomu whispered, before letting out a small gasp. "…Eh?"

He, or rather, she, had just noticed that her voice sounded markedly more feminine and girly than it usually did. With a mounting feeling of dread, she looked straight down, before blowing a sigh of relief; there was nothing to see there but her thighs. And then she had a mini-heart attack, because the red qipao dress that she was wearing seemed awfully familiar.

Where exactly had Sakura been sitting, when this had happened in the show…?

And then, the translucent status screen she had asked for appeared before her eyes:

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Name: Haruno Sakura

Species: 101% Human (with a 1% margin for error)

Age: 12

Bloodline Limit (Kekkei Genkai): Manyuu-Munamori Hybrid Physique

Chakra Capacity: 0.125 KK

Chakra Control: 1 S

System: Let's Aim to Become the Best Kunoichi, Kyuun~♥ Manyuu Chifusa Breast Flow System

Cup size: AAA

Template progress: 0%

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"SENSEI-MAY-I-GO-TO-THE-BATHROOM!" Sakura shrieked in a single breath.

Iruka-sensei, the Chūnin in charge of her class, was visibly shocked by Sakura's sudden and unprompted outburst. Ordinarily, she was a model student!

"Surely you can stand to wait a few more minutes, Sakura-chan?" he said, scratching his forehead under his headband. "I was about to assign you to your three-man team."

Sakura slumped back into her seat lifelessly, her eyes losing all will to live. How could this have happened? She was now a girl! And not just any girl, the most useless one of them all! If at that moment, Naruto had jumped up to the moon and kissed the Rabbit Goddess herself before her very eyes, Sakura wouldn't have even batted an eyelash!

"Sakura-chan, are you feeling okay?" Naruto asked her, his concern apparent in his voice.

Normally, he would already have been beaten up by Sakura at this point for having dared to kiss Sasuke before she had, but the old Sakura had just died of massive blood loss after having a nosebleed. BL was too advanced for this version of Sakura, and she had paid the ultimate price for it. Sakura wasn't his Sakura any more, it was Tsutomu!

Concerned about his love interest, Naruto lifted his precious and newly acquired forehead protector, putting one hand against his own forehead and the other on Sakura's ginormous forehead to check if she had a fever.

"Hands off, Shannaro!" Sakura exploded, unleashing a massive punch on poor, unsuspecting Naruto completely by reflex. She then blinked, realizing what she had just done. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it!"

She didn't want to be known as a violent woman! She had no idea how her thin arms could sustain such power, but the result was that Naruto had flown across the room.

"Sakura apologized?" Naruto muttered to himself, his head still spinning. "NOW I know there's definitely something wrong with her…"

"Ahem!" Iruka-sensei coughed in frustration. "If you're almost done playing around… The members of Team Seven are! Haruno Sakura!"

"Uzumaki Naruto!"

"WOOHOO!"

Upon hearing he'd be paired up with his Sakura-chan, Naruto magically revived and jumped to his feet, doing 'banzai!' with his arms. Meanwhile, Sakura remained dead-eyed, having already lost all hopes of surviving this story to the end.

"And… Uchiha Sasuke."

"Iruka-sensei!" What the hell were you thinking, putting such a useless loser with an amazing shinobi such as myself!?"

Sasuke remained impassive, even as Naruto waggled his finger in his direction.

"It's the opposite, you dunce," Iruka sighed. "You're dead last among the twenty-seven of you; Sasuke's got the top spot. The idea is to balance your different strengths, which is why you've ended up together!"

Sakura began foaming at the mouth, progressively sliding down her seat until even her enormous forehead had disappeared from Iruka-sensei's sightline behind her desk. Sakura was useless, useless, useless… Team seven's power with or without her remained the same… There was no way she'd be able to master the Eight Gates, so she was doomed to die off-screen…

 "You'd better not drag me down, loser…" Sasuke told Naruto, without even bothering to face him while insulting him.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

Yes, Sakura was well and truly doomed. Unless?

"Alright, that's it for now, everyone," said Iruka-sensei, who wasn't looking too confident about team seven's chances. "Your respective Jōnin-senseis will be coming by this afternoon, so you're dismissed until then!"

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Sakura sighed loudly as she sat down on a bench in front of the ninja academy. She leaned back and by force of habit, spread open her legs in an unladylike fashion. After what she had just witnessed, she had quickly come to the conclusion that if she wanted to survive at least to Boruto (she hadn't seen the anime), she couldn't rely on Naruto to take care of everything for her.

She had to actually become stronger, and not just physically stronger! Besides, she was a reincarnator with a system! With renewed determination, Sakura stood up and clenched her fists. There was no way she wasn't coming out of this a loser, even if that stupid Lord Enma had made a mistake and given her the WRONG TEMPLATE!

"Sigh…"

She sat back down. What the hell was she supposed to do with a breast expansion power? The final boss, Kaguya Otsutsuki, couldn't be seduced because she was also a woman.

Unless… yuri? Now that Sakura thought about it, wasn't this a thousand times better than a harem? The forbidden garden was now open to her…

Blood trickled down her nostril once more as she laughed stupidly to herself.

"System, what exactly can you do for…"

It's at that moment that Sakura saw Sasuke leaning against a tree, making sexy eyes at her. Her first instinct was to shudder, but for some reason, her heart fluttered instead. And before she knew it, he was right in front of her.

"You have such a noble brow," he said, blushing slightly. "So... charmingly wide. Makes me want to kiss it."

And now the spell was broken, and Sasuke's charming aura immediately shattered to pieces.

"Are you feeling okay, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura ventured. "Did you hit your head anywhere, or…?"

It had been a while since Tsutomu had watched the first episodes of Naruto; and what's more, Tsutomu had come from a world with no superpowers. It was his first time seeing a real-life jutsu in action, so in that moment, Sakura didn't realize it was Naruto using the Transformation Jutsu to try to sneak a kiss off of her. Our hero, everybody!

"Just kidding!" Sasuke continued. "That's what Naruto would say."

"Oh."

"I wanted to ask you… what do you think of Naruto?"