Chapter one
There is no feast that doesn't end.
Uploaded: 3/5/22, Final edit: 16/5/22
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This chapter is a prologue and an introduction, I swear the story will be a lot more interesting after this chapter, so, please bare with me cause I can't wait to show off some of my writing 'skills'.
PLEASE READ: I've updated the warnings for this novel and it's no longer a parents strongly cautioned, it's been changed to No one 17 and under admitted, and for good reason. There will be gruesome things that will appear in future chapters, and I DON'T plan on shying away from them.
You've been warned.
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Year 62~
I noticed the blaring pain in my eyes long before I caught myself staring at the wall. With the pain came the realisation that the wall's details were smudged. I closed my eyes as I felt tears streak my cheeks.
Tears of pain?
Yet they didn't seem to grant me any release. I knew the tears were for my dry eyes. Though, a part of me wanted them for another reason.
It's funny, really, when you're so far from what you used to be, you begin to wish you could cry from the things that used to make you sad.
I wonder what happens to that feeling? When you're so used to something, does your body just make it feel like something else? I remember hearing that once you get cold enough your body will start to feel hot. Who am I to know though? Kami.. times like this really make me miss the Internet. Perhaps when I'm out of here I should ask a Yamanaka.
On second thought, maybe that wouldn't be the brightest idea.
On a third thought.. maybe it would be? They say the first step to solving an issue is acknowledging you have an issue; considering I'm well past that, and considering I can't remember the next steps, perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to one.
I mean I was depressed before I came here, but couple it with some wars, some mistakes, some torture, some losses; you begin to really feel the brunt of it all.
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Year 42~
The first few words that came to my mind when I noticed I could feel something were, as you can expect: 'What the actual fuck.' The next four words that came to my mind were: 'Wait I can think.' As you can imagine, I was pretty surprised.
When all you've known for a very, very long time is nothingness. It's kind of expected that you'll notice anything more than nothingness very quickly. At first, I was excited. Then I was worried. Then I was struck with fear as I tried to remember what had come before.
Because fuck.. It was worrying. I mean imagine you realise you're in a room, when previously.. you clearly weren't in that fucking room. Probably not the best metaphor, but yeah.. I was suddenly able to form thoughts.
This line of thinking was put on hold when I realised something even more perplexing. How can I remember the void? When at the time, I didn't have a brain to remember it with? Actually, scratch that.. how the fuck am I even able to remember anything? I clearly remember dying. I mean based on the circumstances.. there shouldn't have been a way for me to survive. Right?
Despite my previous life being filled with constant pessimism. As well as an unhealthy catalog of decisively destructive thoughts and behaviours.. I quickly came to the realisation that I had no control over my current circumstances; this was largely based on the fact that I couldn't see or hear jack shit. Now this was about three seconds away from freaking the fuck out of me, despite my previous rationale. Though, fortunately I was quickly saved by the Buddha himself with a new-found sensation.
Sure enough, within a couple of seconds, I realised there was something clearly different. Whilst I didn't exactly have perfect memory of my previous life. I clearly knew the difference between this environment, and the one I was in before. For instance, when I visited hospitals in the past, I knew for a fact that none of the beds were as warm as the bed I was in now..
'Fuck, maybe I've been in a coma so long, the NHS of the future can actually afford to heat their buildings.'
I quickly dismissed this idea as ludicrous, considering how everyone knows the NHS would never get enough funding to heat their buildings, certainly not during my lifetime.
This thought line was quickly dismissed as I felt something move around me. At first, I was shit scared.. I mean maybe it was the fact that I had spent a long ass time in the void, and was only just getting used to thinking again. But I soon realised that the thing moving was.. my hand? Yes... that feels.. like a hand? Crisis averted, I now realised I had mobile ability. I would say cue an onslaught of thoughts surrounding my circumstances.. where I could think and move, but not hear or see. Luckily though, this was interrupted before it began. As I suddenly felt more movement. Only this time, it definitely wasn't me making the moving.
Cue even more irrational and ridiculous thoughts. Luckily, before I got thrown down that route, I felt as if I was being thrown.. or maybe pushed through something else? Not to quote every other rebirth story.. but I felt the common description was particularly apt, as I suddenly felt as if I was being squeezed through a tube.
At first, I felt really cold. Then all that took a backseat as my world was flicked on by light, like a really, really bright fucking light. It was so bright it actually hurt; with this new feeling, came an onslaught of noise rushing to hit my ears. As if things could get any worse.. I was being held by a massive pair of hands. Unfortunately, before I could even begin to calm down. I suddenly felt an overwhelming thought assault my brain.
I'm sure if my face didn't look like a little baby alien, with baby fat hiding any and all emotions (other than sleep or scream). The adults surrounding me would've be able to make out an expression of disbelief on the baby's face.
'I've been fucking reincarnated.'
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Year 43~
Honestly, my first thoughts when I realised I reincarnated were remarkably blissful. Although, one might assume this was due to my departure from the void. In actionality, it was due the fact that I wasn't in hell... but.. unfortunately, there were a couple of things that might have alluded me to the line of thinking that this could be hell (more on that later).
Whilst I was somewhat excited about my new lease on life, it seemed that my brain.. or I guess my soul? Well, I guess my soul seemed to be incapable of keeping any sort of positive outlook. So, while my bliss ran away like the fleeting emotion it was, in stepped a heavy dose of realism.. or what some might call pessimism.
So what if I've been reincarnated? Honestly, part of me was deeply shaken. Why had I been made to carry out another existence. Here I was, born again.. only to be forced to carry the memories that so tore me from my previous one? This new lease on life seemed to become heavier and heavier the more I thought of it. I became unable to see the positives of it in this light. Part of me cursed whichever deity thought it a good idea. I mean who lets a suicidal person bring their memories over to the next life? Part of me entertained the idea that this could actually be a form of hell.
This line of thinking was concluded further once I realised I was at the behest of my owners.. in all senses of the word. I had no control over my body; I'm sure you can imagine what this may entail as such, I won't get into too much detail.. rather I'll just leave you with one very apt analogy. Such a voracious one you'll be practically begging for more. For the duration of my recently obtained lease.. I felt like I was either sleeping, shitting or both.. all the time. My only reprieve from this humiliating yet monotonous lifestyle was sleep.. oh so blissful sleep.
With that out of the way, I'll give you a brief rundown of my last few months existing within this strange new world. Despite my very lazy yet apt rundown of the start, it wouldn't be right to say I was entirely that lazy. I mean I may be a baby in this life, but my mind (Soul?) is that of a young adult.
So, while I was quite lazy, this could only be blamed on my current body. During the few waking minutes which I was left unsupervised. I would often attempt to build more motor function, I would venerably deny it was because I wanted more control over my bowl movements. This dire need for more control was trained through some very carefully chosen 'exercises'. In which I would try to move my arms, and legs as much as possible. Whilst in my previous life these could barely be called stretches. Trust me, in this life they were extremely strenuous exercises which had me sweating like a pig. You can imagine my handlers surprise, when their 5-month-old baby was spotted leaning with his arm against his crib; whilst he attempted to pitifully curl his leg towards his back.
Whether it was a pleasant surprise or not. I was unsure, as I suddenly felt darkness encroach my vision and I promptly passed out. What I do know, is I seemed to get a lot less time to myself after that incident. Despite that, I quickly found a loophole in which I would sleep during the day as soon as I had food in me. Whilst during the night I would resume my activity of curls and stretches; after which I usually fell to bed in exhaustion.
Honestly, I knew I was a piece of shit for it, but I inherently decided against forming any sort of bond with my temporary owners. I refused to acknowledge them as anything more than that. Although my refusal was a cold one, I felt my reasoning behind it was quite reasonable.
Why would I ever acknowledge them as parents when the parents I loved we're already dead? I refused to replace my mother and father with anyone else and as such I refused to acknowledge anyone else. I know, I know, it's a sick move. But I refused to force myself to give a rat's ass about them, or their attempts to get me to call them Oka-san and Oto-san.
I mean before I had even come here, I was still grieving over the loss of my parents, yet alone acknowledge this new pair. Despite how old the wound was it still felt raw to me, especially when they wanted to me to call them by the same names I had called my parents of the past.
I would like to say that all changed when I was 9 months old, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't all an act. You see whilst I am not an inherently bad person, at times it's my venerable belief that the ends justify the means. As such, I was walking around the house with my male-handler when I saw him shoot a fucking fire ball out his mouth. Straight into the fireplace. Naturally my eyes lit up as quickly as the aforementioned fireplace.
Although I'd like to say I had planned it out to perfection.. in reality I instinctively called out and the first words my parents heard me say. Despite my previous 'negligence' to provide them with a single syllable were:
"Oto-san. Teach me."
When I didn't get more than a gasp and a couple mouths wide enough to fit a pie, I followed up with.
"Oto-san. Teach me fire"
Whether it was the strange pronunciation that contained a dialect unheard of to the couple, or the dangerous glint that gleamed through the boy's yellow eyes, I don't know, but the female owner promptly passed out.
That seemed to get a response out of the male owner, maybe I should try that in the future? Before I could even begin to track his movements, he seemingly flickered at a speed faster than my eyes could follow and caught her before she could drop to the ground.
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Before my male caretaker answered my request to teach me, he instead threw a question back at me. With the promise of training on the line I felt it imperative to answer his questions. Knowing that he knew I could already speak. I decided to make some early concessions in hopes of getting the training I desired. Understandably his first question was why it had taken me so long to speak till now. When I clearly knew how to do so already.
Honestly, I didn't exactly know what I was supposed to say in response. I couldn't exactly say 'I was scared you guys would send me to some scientists to be tested on'. As, no child, no matter how smart or how much of a genius they were, would be able to have that sort of cognitive awareness. I was honestly stumped for a minute and the silence after the question was deafening. I knew I had to come up with an answer soon or he would know that I was lying to him, so I doubled down and went with the cold approach.
"I don't like talking when I can get what I want through my actions"
I felt as though this response would work for the time being, as I had previously deigned myself above crying out when I wanted something. Instead of acting like a baby. I would point at things when I wanted them, while I knew this response would work. I also knew that the answer was still suspicious.
Seriously, I don't know what went through my head when I cried out 'teach me, teach me'. It's like I was asking for people to know I had reincarnated. I mentally facepalmed at the thought but prepared myself for more questions.
My response drew a flash of ire from the man's eyes, but he quickly suppressed it. Suddenly he layered on a harsh tone filled coldness. His eyes glistened a look I was unable to recognise; as he spoke, each letter spoken seemingly became colder and colder.
"Go-to your room"
I felt a shiver roll through my spine, but I stood still and quipped back.
"What about my train-"
Before I could finish my sentence, his gaze became unimaginably cold. With his eyes looking at me, I felt as if his very gaze was digging under my flesh and crawling into my bones. I felt my legs shake and I decisively rushed back to my bedroom. But, not before giving a final glimpse over my shoulder. Startled, I compared the image of before to what I was seeing now. Compared to now, it was as if I had imagined that entire scene. I caught him staring at the passed-out women with a gaze so filled with warmth and love that I couldn't help but look away.
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That night I heard arguments from the other side of the house. I couldn't hear what they were saying but one word seemed to come up louder than the others. Even from my position across the house I could feel the coldness in the word. I suddenly realised what I had felt earlier and felt stumped.. What I felt was killing intent. but compared to the killing intent displayed within this word. I still felt as though I had gotten off lightly. But by the end of it I couldn't muster up the slightest care.. the word I had heard was a word I never thought I'd hear again; with it I suddenly felt my entire world crashing down over me.
"Konoha"
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-lostinmyownlabyrinth
Hello, welcome to my first fic, I've written stories before and am writing a very interesting oc novel atm, but I've long been enthralled with naruto fics, you could say it's my guilty pleasure. So, I'm really excited to begin my first naruto fic, I've done quite a bit of research and have been reading fics for a long time so even though my au is very far from canon I will still try to keep things relevant lore wise and law wise, but there might be some minor changes concerning both.
Though I'll be sure to include any warning before; this story is not romance focused and it will only appear in later chapters, although you may hear mc reference it now and then, I will try keep it down so that I don't scare away any non-fujoshis and will be sure to keep warnings in any chapters as I want to have non fujoshis enjoy my story too.
Concerning warnings with things like suicide references or references to self-harm, I won't be including those before it happens, I'll just keep the same general warning for each chapter.
Feel free to leave me some comments, recommendations or criticisms please. Especially about my writing style, I always want to make it better so please do leave me some constructive criticism.