Chapter 117: Seo Yeon/ Seon-Ho

He threw me into my room the minute he grabbed me. I looked over at him hoping and praying that he would read the expression on my face as I did to him all the time for years but he wasn't having any of it at all. He was drunk, and I couldn't blame him for once, my disappearance must have taken a toll on him as well as my insistence on staying in a place like this. I knew that my silence must be killing him and I was really truly sorry for that but he made it impossible for me to breathe at all and it looked like he wasn't patient enough for me to wait for me. And it was because he knew...he knew that something was wrong with me, and that's why I chose to stay here. He knew I was hiding something and that's why he was so angry with me, so much so that he had started flirting with everyone in sight.

I tried...I really tried to distance myself from him for his own sake, but once again he made it impossible to breathe without him. From the moment he showed up he knew no boundaries, no respect and no patience with me at all, but I still couldn't blame him. I knew it was his way of making up for his lost sense of control over me. He loved me, I know he did; to the point where it filled up the holes his father had placed into him. But his fear of loosing me took control over that more than once and he often confused to two feelings together. He could be dominant over me at times and leave bruises on me when he held onto me too sightly but he never once abused me in any way...but sometimes he was close to. And when we married, I had a feeling there would be one thing he would demand from me. But from the lack of affection and warmth he had al of his life I couldn't blame him either, not really...

I tried getting up again and again to run away but he held me by my arm again and again and he kept pushing me onto the floor until he pushed me onto the wall behind me, still drunk and actually lifted me up easily by my waist. I had no choice but to hold onto him as he pushed his face into my neck and begged me over and over again to tell him what was wrong. All I could do was cry and begged him to be patient with me if he wasn't going to leave me alone. He kept telling me between drunk kisses that he missed the sound of my voice and all I wanted to do was have him take me to our future home and keep me there forever. But I couldn't tell him though, not yet at least. I had planned to never tell him but I was foolish to think he would let me have any secrets from him at all. He would torture me until I confessed to him...my mind was silent but right noway body was reacting to his touch in a way that I had been restraining myself for so long...and couldn't contain myself anymore...and I had to distract him for a while, so he could stop asking questions that even I couldn't provide him with the right answers.

I took his pitiful face into my hands and I asked him if we were really engaged now. He looked up at me with the first smile he hand in a long time as he pulled out some papers from under his robes and showed them to me with a huge smirk on his face. I took them from him and gasped in shock; he forged my name on the papers which were none other than a marriage document that had to be signed for the both of us...I even saw my brothers signature as a witness...so from this moment onwards I officially belong to him. He was my husband and my lord...and if I disobeyed him in any way shape or form my life laid in his hands. He could punish my publicly or privately and no one could have a say, not even my brother...not legally anyways.

I was crying tears of happiness and he knew it...but a part of me was also afraid...of how far he would go to keep me. But I couldn't worry about that right now; I had to keep his mind off of what had been going through for the past month until it was the right time to reveal everything...ad honestly his mere presence and his touch made me want to forget everything and just bury myself in him, so I could be safe forever...he was still touching me and I had no idea how long I would last...so I kissed him.

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I drank in the right situations but I never let myself get so drunk as to loose my senses, ever. I was only getting carried away to make her confess to me what happened to her and what she was going through, and to ask her why couldn't she tell me. I had tried everything I could think of; from visiting her, to taking over the gibang through someone else's hands purely to ensure her safety...and to make sure that no-one touched her. Yet again I was profiting from yet another encounter from Yeon by making my department and this minister happy but all I cared about was Yeon. She was going through a low point in her life due to god-knows-what but now...but now here she was in front of me; she was broken but she still looked at me with so much love and devotion...even now as she kissed me I could feel the desperation in it, her longing to bury herself in me to the point where she would tie herself to my soul if she could. Even now she...she wanted me. She wanted me. someone...someone wanted me...someone wanted to love me, someone wanted to touch me, to taste me...to merge themselves with me. I tired to step away but she clung onto me even more. Her smell, her taste, her touch...it was bringing out something in me which I have never felt before I kept her by my side.

I love Yeon I truly do; she was my soulmate and everything else in between. But courting her had been a real test; not because of our feelings, which were already clear...but it was because of this...this extra personality in me that wanted to feast on nothing but desires. I barely got away with just kissing her alone...she was a young woman in her prime; her beauty, her scent, her skin that felt like silk in my rough hands made me want to possess her in a way that I had no idea existed. She was still my best friend's sister and the only girl I had grown up with...and no one taught us about...desires, no one at all. Everyday that we spent together; I couldn't touch her as I wanted or I would have been lynched in public. As for our private times...well I owed her and her brother a lot so I couldn't have her as I desperately wished to. She was the first and only person I craved to have her affection as much as I could...and now that we were 'officially married'... I felt that personality slowly take over me as I held her in my hands alone and our level of intimacy surpassed new heights that we had been restraining ourselves for such a long time...now I just had to bring her back to who she was; my ever-youthful girl.