section 4

Oh! I'm exhausted. I'm in a world rush. People are those who are bad. They never stop being selfish. We fight for people who have never had a sense of empathy, who don't know love and respect. Oh, I can't even find what to say... Actually, I'm aware that the purpose of this notebook is to investigate Ozan, but my best notebook is also a diary. I like the idea of writing down things here that I can't get my heart out of. When people don't understand me, I'm exhausted from trying to tell them things, trying and waiting for solutions. I'm all alone, even though there's a lot of people around me. On a few occasions, I was light as a feather, and I didn't feel like it. Now I'm like a anger machine. I really wanted to write it down here, but I couldn't find the strength. I wanted to sleep for hours, get away from selfish people right now. I went into seclusion in my own room. Being away from everyone for a while seemed incredibly fascinating to me. I wish I could rest my head for a few weeks where there's no one there. I think that would be the best thing for me. But it's like wishing for the impossible. Because neither my family nor Gizem would allow it. Anyway, I stretched the words too long again. It's best to fall asleep in my favorite way, you know, by listening to music.

Good night, my dear notebook...

I thought about Ozan many times today, and I had to find out what he was going to do, but it was like he blocked all the roads. What did it mean to come for a few days? What was the point? It would have been better if he had never come to his forth for such a short period of time ...

I was afraid to ask my mother. Because if he found out anything, he'd come and tell me straight, but will I stop? I didn't stop. I went up to him and said, "Mom, is there still no information about Ozan?"

-You know, Oya, there's been a lot of people coming to the village like this before. I asked the neighbors, "They call our village a lucky village, and we know that the one who came and went before has been so lucky that he has gone hahahayytt." And I said, "You're right, dear." I guess they're right, it's not the first time. Oya, you know. Let's just leave it at that, make some tea and have a drink. " he said. I don't know where it came from, but I was asked how Ozan drank tea. I'm mad at Gizem. I thought a little bit about what my mother said ...

And then I felt like my mother was right about what she said, but this guy was different than the others. It was a lot of coming, but they were getting involved in human beings. In fact, I know how many times they've come to sit with us. Maybe it was his blood-dished eyes that interested me, but I don't know. I will continue the research even though...

Then I lay on my mother's knees and just fell asleep...