5. Chapter 5(1)

Lena puts milk in a pan and pulls out a jar of chocolate powder from a cabinet. Kara takes a seat at the kitchen island, rearranging her cape around her legs and watching as Lena finds a mug and starts adding chocolate powder and sugar to it. It eases a little of her nerves when Kara gives her a look as she only puts a single scoop of sugar in her mug. Lena rolls her eyes, adds some more and fights a smile. 

They don’t speak, Lena just works methodically to bring the milk to a simmer and pulls out a glass of wine for herself. Anything to calm the subtle shake that hasn’t left her hands.

The feeling of Kara’s eyes tracking her doesn’t help.

“Well?” Lena asks, once she finally sets a mug of hot chocolate in front of Kara. She leans against her kitchen counter and watches as Kara takes a sip of her drink.

There’s no answer, just the silence of her kitchen while Kara looks down into her hot chocolate and lightly taps her fingers against the mug. The irritation from earlier is worming its way back into her body and she rolls her eyes when Kara continues to do everything except start talking. “Why don’t you just spit it out, Kara?”

“I’m trying,” Kara grumbles, leaning back on the stool and releasing her drink. Her head falls back a little as she eyes the ceiling and Lena’s gut churns. She can only imagine what Kara’s so afraid to tell her.

“Try harder,” Lena replies, setting her wine glass down and leaning on the kitchen island with both hands.

Kara crosses her arms and takes on a determined look. “It’s your mother,” Kara says, puffing her chest out a little. It draws unneeded attention to the crest across Kara’s suit and Lena glances away for a moment.

“We’ve been over that,” Lena replies, shaking her head. “Can you please get to the point? My imagination is coming up with worse upon worse scenario here.”

Kara blows out a breath, looks away for a second before locking gazes with Lena, tension evident around her eyes. “Your mother is the leader of Cadmus.”

It takes a few seconds for the words to make sense to Lena, but when they do, she laughs. Loudly and without pause for a good moment. Kara stares at her with confusion furrowed between her eyebrows. “Lena,” she says.

“Cadmus,” Lena manages to say between laughs. She straightens away from the island and crosses her arms. “The anti-alien paramilitary organization that keeps broadcasting creepy, terrorist videos to everyone?’

“Yes.”

“My mother,” Lena continues, voice filled with mirth. “Behind Cadmus.”

“Lena,” Kara draws out, face serious and Lena can’t help but laugh again. The idea of it so absurd. Lillian might not be winning any mother of the year awards anytime soon, but to think she’d do something like this...it’s a considerable struggle not to think immediately of Lex, how people had looked at her since he went insane.

“You’re mistaken,” she tells Kara, with a shake of her head. “My mother is a lot of things, but to think she’s capable of-”

“Lena, she kidnapped me,” Kara interrupts forcefully and Lena’s laughter cuts off immediately, the sound dying in her throat.

“She what?” Lena asks.

“That’s where I’ve been,” Kara answers, uncrossing her arms and looking at Lena with a look of such twisted sadness that Lena feels it seep into her, chilling down her spine. “She kidnapped me. And Mon-El.”

Anger rushes through her so swiftly she has to take a quick inhale of air just to speak. “Why?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Kara says with a shrug. “She made me solar flare to blow out my powers. Then she took a sample of my blood. Had her henchman throw me around the building for good measure.”

It’s such a chilling thought that Lena has to shake it out of her head, can’t process it yet. Her fists clench so hard she’s sure her nails are going to draw blood against the skin of her palms and her chest starts to ache. She forces her fingers to spread back out, takes a deep steadying breath.

“Are you sure?” she asks, and Kara sighs, looking everywhere but at Lena.

“I’ve met your mother before, Lena,” Kara says. “I know who she is and what she looks like. I’m sure. She threatened to kill Mon-El if I didn’t cooperate with her.”

“My mother is no killer,” Lena argues, but the words feel thin, hard to hold on to. If she thinks about it hard enough she can easily picture Lillian steady enough to do such a thing. People can be capable of a lot of things if they’re pushed hard enough. Lex had taught her that much.

“She shot Mon-El in the leg,” Kara counters, “and was about to shoot him in the heart if I didn’t do what she wanted.”

“It’s just not possible,” Lena breathes, unwilling to think her mother is capable of that level of villainy. Rampant xenophobia sounds appropriately her speed - but being the head of Cadmus? Threatening to kill people?

“It is,” Kara insists and Lena feels overwhelmed with an onslaught of feelings from all different directions.

“You’re lying,” Lena argues, snapping a little. The words are ripped out of her forcefully even as she cringes at herself. Kara has never lied to her and even standing here after a four year absence, Lena doesn’t actually believe Kara to be capable of it now. But she can’t reconcile that with the deep belief that her mother couldn’t be capable of doing what Kara’s accusing her of.

Kara looks taken aback by the suggestion that she’s lying, a look of hurt shadowing her face. “I’m not lying, Lena. I swear. I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”

“I don’t understand, Kara,” Lena says and she starts to pace a little, shaking her head.

“Lena, I know it’s hard, but-”

“No, you don’t know,” Lena interrupts, stopping to glare at her ex-girlfriend.

“Don’t do that,” Kara argues with sudden heat, standing up from her stool. “Don’t act like I don’t know you.”

They stare at each other for a long moment and Lena thinks that somewhere the universe is laughing at her. For a brief moment, Lena understands her brother. Here she is, a Luthor, standing in front of a Super and she can almost see the line being drawn between them. There’s a choice in front of her and she can sense it.

Kara’s jaw is tight, her eyes vivid with a sense of desperation pulling Lena in, and the crest on her chest feels like it’s the only thing in color in the entire room. Lena can’t stop looking at it, all of a sudden.

“Can you change?” Lena asks, deflating from the anger of before just enough that her shoulders drop.

Kara looks down at her suit and frowns. “Why?”

Lena swallows. “Because I’m not having this conversation with Supergirl.”

There’s a look of hurt on Kara’s face, masked only but the conciliatory smile she shoots Lena. “It’s still me,” she says in a small voice that slices against Lena’s frayed nerves.

“I know, but you wear that symbol on your chest and you-,” Lena doesn’t know how to explain how she feels without hurting Kara further. “Just, please. There’s some sweatpants and shirts in my bedroom,” she says, “you’ll be more comfortable anyway.”

Kara hesitates for a few seconds, but concedes, nodding. “Okay, sure,” she says before walking towards the bedroom, the movements looking unnecessarily slow and stilted.

Lena takes a heavy sip of her wine, tries not to think too hard about Kara in her bedroom nor confront the idea that her mother is spearheading an anti-alien initiative intent on killing her ex-girlfriend.

When Kara comes back the supersuit has been traded for a pair of faded grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt and Lena’s throat goes a little dry. All she had wanted was to no longer have to stare at the Crest of El. She hadn’t considered that the alternative meant Kara would be in her clothes. It’s a throwback to weekends when neither of them had anything to do and Kara would laze around in Lena’s small dorm room in shorts and t-shirts, and Lena would find her so beautiful.

“Better?” Kara asks, hands out at her sides as she glances down at herself.

After another deep sip of her drink, Lena manages to nod. “Thanks.”

Kara retakes her seat and pulls her mug towards her. It must have gone cold because Kara makes a disgusted face after the first sip. Kara gives her what can only be described as a helpless look and it takes a good few seconds for Lena to piece together what it means. She sighs a little.

“It was just the suit,” she tells Kara, gesturing towards the mug. “It’s fine.”

With just a moment’s more hesitation, Kara seems to accept what Lena’s saying and looks as though she’s going to send a quick jolt of heat vision into her drink, but her eyes just spark with color and nothing else. Lena watches as Kara shakes her head like she can rattle her heat vision back to working order, and tries again, fails, tries again, fails. It takes five tries for the laser beam of heat to come out of her eyes and into the hot chocolate and Lena watches it all with a dropped jaw, worry clawing at her throat.

The tonnage of what Kara went through becomes much clearer. “Kara,” Lena says softly, moving around the counter until she can put her palm against Kara’s forearm. The skin there isn’t as warm as Lena remembers it to be and it’s almost as if Lena can sense that the muscles are weaker. “Are you okay?”

Kara laughs, but the sound falls short of funny and Lena scans Kara’s body critically. “After a solar flare it kind of takes some of my powers a little bit to get back to full working order.”

“But they will?” It must be terrifying, Lena thinks, for Kara to feel so uncharacteristically weak, so human.

“They will,” Kara reassures her, with a squeeze to the fingers Lena still has wrapped around Kara’s forearm. “Don’t worry.”

Despite an almost inescapable urge to confirm for herself that Kara is okay, that there isn’t any lasting damage as a result of solar flaring, Lena nods, detaches from Kara and walks back to her wine glass.

For a minute they just sit there in silence, Kara sipping again at her drink and Lena trying to untangle the knots in her stomach, letting her brain take over and piece together everything Kara’s been saying.

“My mother is the head of Cadmus,” she says quietly and Kara winces.

“Yes,” Kara replies with a nod.

“And you know that because she kidnapped you, and threatened to kill your friend if you didn’t…”

“Blow out my powers so she could take a vial of my blood.”

There have been times in her life when she’s hated her mother, but none of them have rivaled this moment. She’s never known Kara without her powers, can’t conceive of what it’s like to bleed for Kara. Lena can’t even imagine it. This is different than Lex’s betrayal, but she feels just as blindsided by it. “What did she want your blood for?” Lena asks around the lump in her throat.

“I’m not sure,” Kara says, looking like all she wants to do is grab Lena and comfort her. Lena thinks she might actually let her, boundaries be damned. “I thought you might be able to tell me.”

Lena goes rigid at that and feels unstoppably defensive. “Because you what? Think I’m in on my mother’s secret evil plans?”

“What?!” Kara says with such incredulity that Lena feels a twinge of guilt at having even thought such a thing. Kara's out of her seat again, halfway around the island, her hands extended towards Lena. “No, of course not.”

Running a hand down her face, Lena tries to take deep steady breaths and remind herself how to think like a rational human being that doesn’t let emotion control her every thought process. “I’m sorry, I’m having trouble thinking clearly right now.”

“I know,” Kara replies. “I’m sorry too.”

“It’s not your fault,” Lena says, closing her eyes for a brief moment. 

“I thought you might be able to tell me what your mother could be up to because you’re the smartest person that I know. And you know your mother.”

 “Clearly I don’t,” Lena rebuts with a mirthless laugh.

“I know this is a lot,” Kara says softly, carefully even, like Lena’s liable to break at any moment. “But I thought you deserved to know. I could use your help. And I don’t want there to be secrets between us.”

Lena thinks this might be the point where she should say thank you, but she’s not sure it would come out sounding sincere. All she really wants to do is go back to a time where her biggest concern was how to be in a room alone with Kara and not want to kiss her. She doesn’t want to think about her mother following in Lex’s footsteps, or how the threat to Kara’s life is somehow much more real now, more personal.

“Okay,” is all Lena can say.

Seconds later, before Lena can do anything about it, Kara’s crossed the distance between them and wrapped Lena up in her arms. Lena’s head goes immediately into Kara’s shoulder, her hands trapped between their bodies. On instinct, Lena’s fingers tangle into the soft fabric of Kara’s shirt and she can’t help the way her entire body sags into the contact, loosens entirely from the tense moments of before. It feels like she could cry if she let herself, but she doesn’t, just closes her eyes and inhales against the sudden scent of Kara, mixed up in the fresh laundry smell of her clothing.

“It’ll be okay,” Kara murmurs and Lena feels the words against the her hair, comforting her against her will. “Your mother’s not going to hurt you or me or anyone.”

I won’t let her, Lena thinks, but doesn’t verbally respond, just buries herself deeper into the feeling of Kara surrounding her. It feels like the world shuts out for a peaceful minute.

They both stand there, Kara all but cradling her, for a long quiet moment until Lena knows she needs to step away before she becomes both physically and emotionally incapable of doing so. With a soft clearing of her throat she moves just enough that Kara notices and releases her hold, allowing Lena to back away from her.

Kara’s eyes are rimmed with red like she’s one second away from crying and Lena knows if that starts neither of them will stop. It helps to ebb the tide of tears threatening in the back of her eyes. “So what now?” Lena asks with a shrug, turning from Kara and going back to where her wine glass is.

“Now, we just have a good Thanksgiving, eat way too much pumpkin pie and turkey and potatoes and-”

“How are you thinking about food right now?” Lena jokes, if only to distract herself from the sad, tense feeling threading between them.

“I’m always thinking about food,” Kara replies with a shrug, not a hint of tease in her voice.  

It makes Lena smile despite the churning in her guts and Kara reacts to the expression with a grin of her own. “We can worry about this after all that, okay?” Kara says entreatingly. “Let’s just focus on friends and food and board games and not think about this for a few hours tomorrow.” 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate on anything else.”

“Yes, you can,” Kara tells her with an encouraging nod and smile. “There’s nothing we can do about it right now anyway.”

“There’s always something we can do,” Lena argues, already planning out where to start in her head.

“Lena,” Kara says, with a little laugh. “I think we both need to mentally reboot. It’ll help us think more clearly.”

“Okay,” Lena concedes on a shaky breath. “You’re right.”

With an arched eyebrow, Kara shoots Lena a teasing grin. “Can I get that on record?”

Lena rolls her eyes, knows Kara is just teasing her in an attempt to distract her from everything that’s going on and she hates that it works so easily. “Very funny,” Lena deadpans, shoving Kara just slightly on the arm. It’s like shoving at a brick wall, but Kara sways backwards in reaction anyway.

Kara shrugs, unrepentant. “Are you going to be okay?” The question soft, concerned even as Kara’s face stays smiling. Kara’s hand extends between them, brushing past Lena’s elbow.

“Yeah,” Lena laughs, running shaky fingers through her hair. “Once I stop thinking about my mother out there somewhere devising ways to kill you.”

“I’m pretty hard to kill,” Kara jokes, but Lena doesn’t laugh this time.

“Don’t joke about this,” Lena says, and she’s upset to feel her eyes spike with heat, knows Kara is frowning and looking at her with intensity.

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispers, and when her hand arrives back at Lena’s elbow, it stays there. It’s warm and it feels like it sinks Lena to the floor, centering her and helping her get the image of her mother hurting Kara out of her head.

“It’s okay,” Lena says, reaching against better judgment to grab Kara’s hand and squeezing it. “Just not exactly something I want to hear jokes about.”

Kara looks at her for a moment. “Do you want me to stay tonight?”

Something goes tight inside her the minute the question registers, and she drops Kara’s hand. “What?”

“Tonight,” Kara repeats. “Would you feel better if I stayed?”

The thought of Kara there overnight sends a multitude of feeling through Lena and she can feel heat starting to bloom in her cheeks. “No,” she says almost too hastily judging by the expression on Kara’s face. “No, I’m fine. Thank you though.”

“Are you sure? I can sleep on the couch, too, obviously.”

“Positive,” Lena replies, forcing calm into her expression. It seems to work because Kara only looks at her a moment longer before nodding.

“Okay, well, you know how to reach-” Kara’s words cut off abruptly and Lena watches as a wave of deep thought shadows over Kara’s face.

“You okay?” Lena asks, when Kara doesn’t say anything else.

Kara’s gaze locks into Lena’s, a hint of worry crinkling around blue eyes. It takes a few seconds before Kara suddenly asks, “Do you still have the watch I gave you?”

The question startles Lena, her chest feeling suddenly hollow. She hadn’t thought about that particular gift in what feels like forever. “I - I don’t know,” she stammers out. A lie. And a big one. She knows exactly where that watch is despite not having looked at it for years.

“You don’t know?”

“I’m sure it’s somewhere,” Lena corrects, hating the immediate look of hurt that’s stretched over Kara’s face. “I just haven’t worn it in years. It didn’t feel appropriate.”

“Yeah, sure,” Kara says nodding, but she looks unmistakably like she’s close to tears. Lena wants to reach out and calm Kara, tell her that of course she never got rid of the watch. “Well you should find it, if you can.”

“Why?”

“It would make me feel better,” Kara says quietly, mimicking the words she said the night she gave Lena the gift. “To know that you could get to me if you needed me. Especially now.”

“I’ll see if I still have it,” Lena says with a slight clearing of her throat, and Kara seems to accept that with a sad nod.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Kara replies, looking no better than when she first landed on Lena’s balcony. Lena hates it. The urge to grab Kara, tell her to stay, lead them both back into the bedroom and fall into the bed is so strong she has to put her hands behind her back just to stop it from happening.

Kara’s just at Lena’s balcony door when she turns suddenly, looking down at herself. It’s as if Kara just remembered that she’s wearing Lena’s clothing and not her supersuit, because she’s  turning to Lena with a lost expression like she doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know if she should change back into her suit.

“Just keep those,” Lena tells her. “You can give them back to me later.”

It seems to appease Kara and she smiles a little. “Thanks,” is all she says before shooting Lena one last comforting grin and jumping up up and away into the night sky.

Lena presses a hand against her sternum, tries to steady her breathing and sits down on her couch. What a mess.

--

There’s a box hidden so deep in Lena’s storage unit that it takes a half hour of maneuvering to even so much as get a glimpse of it. She hasn’t looked at its contents in close to three years and she’s not entirely sure she’s ready to dig it up, but here she is, tugging it out from around a corner.

Inside the box is almost the entirety of her relationship with Kara. Just opening it gives Lena the waft of a smell that transports her back to that time in her life. It feels like a century ago.

There are about sixty things in the box that Lena isn’t emotionally prepared to think about and she pushes them all around to find the thing she’s looking for. It’s towards the bottom under a tattered copy of Dune and on top of a folded up red t-shirt that Lena absolutely cannot look at. She snatches the small jewelry bag sitting there and pulls it out, shutting the box as quickly as possible.

Inside the bag is a pretty gold watch and Lena remembers the moment Kara gave it to her like it was yesterday.

For if you ever need me, Kara had said. Lena had told Kara that she’d always need her and it had never felt far from the truth. There had been many times in the past four years Lena had thought about pressing the button - lonely nights staring at a Tokyo skyline, exhausted afternoons after a particularly tough day at work, the day Lex had been arrested. There were times too when she’d watch Superman fly through the buildings of Metropolis, fight some enemy - her brother sometimes she’d realize later - that Lena would think so hard about the watch. It’d be a good excuse, she’d think. Something real, an actual threat.

On bad nights Lena would sometimes wonder if Kara would even come anymore. What if she pressed the button and nothing happened? Could she really blame the girl? The thought of it made it easier to keep the watch hidden away, out of sight.

But the past few weeks around Kara tells her how foolish that notion was. Even now Kara looks at her with a kind of significance that conveys just how fast she would have shown up had the button been pressed. She imagines it for a long moment. Her apartment in Metropolis. Kara on the balcony. It hurts as much as it soothes.

She almost doesn’t want to look, but her fingers are turning the watch over anyway, her thumb stroking over the inscription on the backside of the face.

The Kryptonian lettering isn’t faded even in the slightest and she stares down at the words with an ache in her chest. The always is especially painful. The word on the bottom is still unknown to her. Something like girlfriend Kara had said, and Lena wonders, not for the first time, what Kryptonian words Kara twisted around to come up with an equivalent.  

She can’t bring herself to wear the watch just yet, but she takes it with her out of the storage unit and puts it in her purse. Close at hand will have to do for now.

--

Lena’s not in a great mood. Her final engineering project won’t work the way she wants it to, her mother has left three voicemails on her phone and they’ve all managed to make Lena feel inadequate as a daughter, and she hasn’t seen Kara in nearly a week.

Exhaustion has started to stress the muscles in her back and her eyes feel dry and tired. The feeling is dark enough to make her want to drop out of school, grab Kara and escape their lives, move somewhere remote and peaceful. Find a place without the ever present pressure from her family nor the hectic schedule of graduating earlier with multiple degrees.

Then, as if her prayers have been answered, a familiar thud of feet land on the carpet by her window and Lena’s whole body relaxes on instinct. “That’s not an entrance,” Lena says dryly and smiles when Kara laughs.

“It was open,” she protests, walking up to Lena and pressing, strong capable fingers against the sore muscles of her neck.

Lena hums, but doesn’t turn to look at her girlfriend, just lets her head fall forward against the pleasurable feeling of Kara’s hands.

“Hey stranger,” Kara says softly, kissing the top of Lena’s head.

“Hey,” Lena greets, standing and turning to give Kara a proper hello. “I missed you,” she murmurs before pressing their lips together firmly, drinking in the taste of her girlfriend after such a long absence.

“Me too,” Kara says, smiling against Lena’s mouth and sliding her arms around Lena’s waist. Lena yelps when Kara picks her up off her feet and keeps kissing her, laughing a little.

“I thought you were working late,” Lena says when they disengage. They stay close together, Kara’s hands keeping them firmly pressed up against each other. Kara is as warm as ever, and it’s calming Lena by the second, distracting her from her phone and her work.

“Bryan let me go early,” she says with a crinkle between her brows like she’s embarrassed by something. “I may have been complaining a lot about how I haven’t seen you in centuries.”

“Dramatic,” Lena jokes in a deadpan, smoothing out the wrinkled skin on Kara’s forehead with her hand.

“That’s what it felt like to me,” Kara pouts and Lena laughs.

“Me too,” she admits, kissing her again. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“And guess what,” Kara says with an exaggerated wiggle of her eyebrows.

“What?”

“I brought Dirk’s,” Kara tells her with a crooked grin.

Lena tries not to moan at the mention of her favorite sandwich shop on campus, but her empty stomach makes itself known at that exact second and her mouth starts to water. Kara laughs at her wide-eyed expression.

“You’re my favorite,” Lena says softly, smiling fondly at Kara, who scrunches her nose up delightedly and fixes her glasses.

Kara says something in reply that sounds suspiciously like it’s in Kryptonian, but Lena can’t translate it.

“What does that mean?” Lena asks, twisting her fingers in the loose ends of Kara’s ponytail.

“There isn’t an easy way to translate it,” Kara says quietly, but looking at Lena with such love that she has a pretty good idea of what it might mean. “I guess it kind of means I love you.”

Lena can’t help the way her body presses forward at the words, still new enough that her heart flutters rapidly at hearing it. “Is that so?” she murmurs, tugging lightly on Kara’s hair.

“Really it just means that you’re my favorite too.”

“Yeah?”

Kara kisses her swiftly. “Definitely.”

-- 

It doesn’t actually occur to her until she’s leaving her apartment the next morning that it’s the first time she’s going to see Kara’s place. The realization derails her so much that it’s blissfully the only thing she focuses on the entire ride over.

There’s noise coming out of Kara’s apartment that can be heard even down the hall and it stops Lena in her tracks. She can make out Alex’s laugh and what sounds like Winn’s voice booming through the door. And then Kara’s laugh, not unlike her sister’s, but louder, more exuberant. For whatever reason, the sound of it pins Lena to the floor and she can’t seem to bring herself to walk the few feet to the door and knock.

It ends up not mattering, however, because the door is suddenly swinging open and Kara’s poking her head out with a wide grin that only grows larger when she spots Lena.

Lena tries to smile back, thinks she manages. But Kara steps out into the hallway and shuts the door behind her. “What are we doing out here?” Kara whispers, looking mischievous and so sweet.

“How did you know I was out here?” Lena asks, hands gripping at the brown paper bag she’s holding.

Kara taps an ear, still smiling, but looking a little quizzical at Lena’s tense posture. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, I just-” she stumbles over her words a little, can’t decide what to say. She settles on a vague, “Holidays.”  

Only then does Kara’s smile falter just a tad. “Come on,” she says, sliding an arm around Lena’s waist, taking a half-step towards the door. The familiar weight of Kara’s arm comforts her, and it also terrifies her. “You’ll be fine. Alex has saved you some wine. She’s really nervous because she’s been trying to come out all day.” 

“What happened with Maggie, by the way?” Lena asks, looking upward a little at Kara’s eyes. It helps to focus on something that isn’t the sudden racing of her heart nor the feeling of Kara’s body in suddenly close proximity. Kara frowns, shrugs a little, her hand drifting absently to the middle of Lena’s back as they just stand there outside Kara’s door.

“Maggie wants to be friends, I guess. It’s…” Kara pauses, mouth twisting a little in a way Lena recognizes as confused anger. “It seems really stupid. Alex likes her so much you know? And I encouraged her to say something because,” Kara laughs a little, shrugs at Lena. “Why keep that feeling inside, right?”

“Right,” Lena says softly but feeling herself tense up, heart thudding solidly.

“Apparently Maggie doesn’t like Alex the same way?” Kara looks adorably confused by the notion. “Who wouldn’t like Alex?”

Lena laughs. “No idea,” she says with a soft smile.

“So they’re friends, I think. But it’s ridiculous if you ask me. I’ve seen them together a bunch and like Alex still makes this face if you say Maggie’s name so…”

Lena has almost nothing to say about that, because well. The parallels are obvious enough to her in the language Kara’s using. But Kara keeps talking, and Lena tries to ignore how Kara’s hand is sliding along the fabric of her coat.

“I mean, Alex cried a lot,” Kara says with this wide eyed expression. Lena thinks she understands, just imagining Alex Danvers crying is making her eyes go a little wide as well. “I almost asked Winn to look up where Maggie lives just so Supergirl could go pay a visit.” Kara flexes the arm not wrapped around Lena’s waist and it makes her chuckle.  

“You can’t just go threatening people that make your sister cry,” Lena jokes, but her body is heating up having been pressed against Kara this long and it’s becoming harder and harder to control her reaction to it the longer they stand there talking.

“Yes I can,” Kara replies, but she’s smirking and Lena feels breathless at the almost cocky expression on Kara’s face.  

“But anyway, all that doesn’t matter now, because it’s Thanksgiving, and you’re here, and you look beautiful, and - your heart is beating really fast, what’s wrong?”

Kara’s hand has made its way to one hip, and she turns fully to look at Lena carefully. She very carefully backs out of Kara’s hold, and when Kara realizes what she’s done, she has enough sense to look half-apologetic.

“Sorry,” she says, and then she seems to forget her apology, because she grabs Lena by the hand and reaches for the door. “Come on, everyone’s waiting for you!”

The sight inside Kara’s apartment does little to calm her nerves. Alex is the first to greet her. Her expression relatively neutral all things considered, but she actually pulls Lena into a brief hug after taking the bag from her hands.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Alex murmurs, releasing her quickly.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Lena repeats and they nod at each other in some kind of silent understanding. It feels like something’s changed between them, but Lena isn’t sure what it is. Maybe it’s just Alex Danvers in the holiday spirit. Alex pulls the bottle of whiskey out of the bag Lena brought and sends Lena an impressed look before turning to set it in the kitchen. Lena had picked it out with the exclusive goal of trying to make Alex be somewhat less cold, so she thinks she’s done a good job.

Winn comes up next, grinning easily and greeting Lena as if they’re old friends. James is less friendly, but not rude. Shakes her hand and tells her he’s happy she’s here. Mon-El is lounging on the couch with a beer and he waves at Lena, tilting his head in a silent hello. It’s only when she hears a familiar voice that Lena’s nerves ratchet back up to high alert.

Kara’s adoptive mother comes towards her with a delighted smile and Lena cuts a bewildered look in Kara’s direction. She hadn’t known Eliza would be here. Kara has an expression of such feigned innocence that Lena realizes she wasn’t supposed to know. She thinks to put on her serious CEO glare, knowing it would cow Kara a little, but Eliza’s in her space before she can pull it out.

“Lena!” Eliza is exclaiming with a level of enthusiasm Lena’s not prepared for. “It is so good to see you, dear.” Before Lena can say anything in response, Eliza embraces her warmly, pulling Lena into a hug for a long moment.

“Thank you for having me,” Lena says politely when they disengage and Eliza gives her an indulgent smile.

“Oh please, you’re family. I was so happy when Kara told me you’d be joining us. It’s been too long. I guess I hadn’t realized you were in National City at all!”

Lena’s mouth goes a little dry and she looks at Kara again, briefly. She’s not sure how to react, doesn’t know how to process the genuine happiness Eliza is exuding at her presence nor the idea that she’s still considered a member of the Danvers family in some capacity. Of all the reactions she’d expected, this was not one of them. “It’s been a long time,” Lena manages to say, forcing herself to remember how to act normally. She’s stared down Fortune 500 executives with less nerves. “Good to see you as well.”

“Let me get you a drink,” Eliza says, turning to where Kara is watching them with a look of such longing that Lena has to blink against the heat spiking in the back of her eyes. “Kara, get Lena a drink.”

“I’ll get it,” Alex says, an amused expression on her face when she looks at Lena. Better than displeasure, Lena thinks. On her way to the wine that looks half drunk already, Alex bumps into Kara solidly, and Kara startles from her staring, nearly knocking over her trash can.

“I did not,” Kara says, adjusting her glasses and then pushing them up her forehead. “I did not see that there.”

It makes Lena laugh, and Kara is laughing sheepishly too, and then they’re just staring at each other, smiling.

Eliza clears her throat, and Kara startles again, bumping backwards and towards her sister, who she begins vigorously whispering at while Alex laughs. Lena is left blushing, trying not to acknowledge that she just stared at her ex-girlfriend in front of her adoptive mom. But Eliza just smiles gently, clearly and obviously happy, because she runs a final warm palm down Lena’s arm, squeezing companionably before letting her go and turning back to the massive spread of food on Kara’s kitchen counter.  

--

“I met someone,” Lena tells her brother over the phone, the words just above a whisper and her hand shaking where it’s playing with a pen on her desk. Her dorm room is quiet and uncharacteristically devoid of her alien girlfriend. She’s not sure what possessed her to call her older brother and divulge details about her love life, but here she is, waiting for Lex to respond.

There’s silence for a bit before Lex chuckles. “Mom won’t like that,” he says, but it comes out mostly teasing. “She has plans for you after all.”

Lena rolls her eyes even though her brother can’t see it. “Stop. I get that enough from her.”

Lex laughs again and it makes Lena smile. “I’m happy for you, Lee. What’s she like?”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“Oh, please,” Lex says and Lena feels her cheeks warm.  “Remember who you’re talking to.”

On a deep breath, Lena looks at the cork-board over her desk and spots a picture of her and Kara from Halloween. “She’s…” Words appropriate to describe Kara to her brother fail her. “She’s special.”

“Must be if she’s caught your eye,” Lex says and Lena feels a wave of affection for her older brother. It’s the first time she’s told anyone about Kara, anyone important at least and it feels good, like there’s something more real now about her relationship even though they’ve been together for months.  

“I want you to meet her,” Lena replies, eyes on the way Kara’s grinning at Lena in the picture, the casual way Lena’s sitting on her lap holding a blue plastic cup and leaning into Kara’s forehead. Kara’s hand is just short of inappropriately high on Lena’s thigh and Lena’s got a free hand clutching long locks of Kara’s hair. Lena didn’t even realize her face could make that kind of happy expression until Kara showed her the photo.

“Well I have to meet her if you’re serious about her,” Lex says with an obvious smile in his tone. “Who else is going to make sure she’s good to my baby sister?”

“She’s good to me,” Lena counters genuinely, thinking of how Kara waited outside Lena’s 8AM lab just the other day for the sole purpose of giving Lena coffee.

It makes Lex laugh again. “I’m glad, Lee. Really.”

Lena smiles, relaxes back into her desk chair. “Thanks,” she sighs.

“Now, tell me about that bot you’re building for Robot Wars this year so I can tell you what you’re doing wrong and fix it for you.”

This time Lena laughs even as she shakes her head. “Says the guy who couldn’t beat my minibot three battles running.”

“I let you win,” Lex argues, but he’s laughing too and Lena sinks into the contented feeling that surrounds her.

--

It’s only when Alex has finally handed her a glass of wine and steered her towards the living room where the boys have congregated that Lena has a chance to actually look around Kara’s apartment.

She immediately wishes she hadn’t.

Where Lena’s apartment is relatively spartan, clean and mostly devoid of personal effects like pictures, Kara’s is full of life, full of personality. It’s intimate in a way Lena isn’t used to. She hasn’t been around it since college.

And the worst of it? Lena can see herself in far too much of it. Their relationship is everywhere in a subtle way that she’s sure no one but she can notice.

There aren’t pictures of the two of them - Lena idly wonders if Kara actually has any still - but there’s a picture of their bench from college sitting on a side table. To most people it’d look like a generic picture of a pretty setting. But Lena recognizes the tree immediately and nearly chokes when she realizes it’s a picture of the bench they used to sit on, on long nights when Kara had nightmares and Lena would take Kara out to look at the stars, or when they picked up ice cream and would watch squirrels dart across the courtyard.

On the couch, Lena spots a throw blanket that she hasn’t seen in four years. The last she remembers it sat at the end of her small dorm room bed and Lena can almost picture a younger version of herself and Kara snuggled underneath it. Her fingers itch to grab at it and pull it to her face, see if it still smells the same, feels the same.

It takes about every ounce of strength in her body to sit on an armchair and keep her face from reacting. She forces herself not to look at anything else in too much detail. Out of the corner of her eye she’s already caught the sight of a stack of books she knows Kara’s never read. She can’t imagine Kara has much use for owning The Telemore Effect nor The Cosmic Serpent. The memory of Kara scanning Lena’s bookshelf with an absent look of boredom and distaste comes to mind as she recognizes each title sitting there.

Which is about when Kara catches her eye from where she’s standing in the kitchen next to Eliza, the two of them preparing a turkey for the oven. The look on Kara’s face makes Lena think maybe Kara knows exactly what Lena is thinking and for a second Lena thinks Kara might come over to her. Just the thought of it squeezes her throat a little and she shakes her head subtly at Kara, silently telling her to stay put. Kara tilts her head to the side, looking like she might just ignore Lena’s warning.

Thankfully, she’s saved by Winn who plops down on the couch opposite her, next to Mon-El, who has his eyes trained on the television - a football game plays quietly from the screen.

“So Lena, no Luthor Family Thanksgiving this year?”

The question startles her and brow furrowed, she shoots Winn a bewildered look. He’s grinning, however, in a way she thinks is meant to be teasing. “No,” Lena says slowly, twisting her wine glass around in her hand. “Finding out my mother might actually be a genocidal maniac like my brother kind of puts a damper on the mood.”

It comes out before Lena can stop it and she feels her eyes go wide. It’s probably way too honest and not funny at all for this group. She’s not even sure Kara’s told the rest of them about Lillian, but she must have, because Winn laughs loudly. James just shakes his head and drinks his beer, leaning back in his chair. Mon-El mostly looks confused.

“Yeah,” Winn says, “I know all about homicidal family members, trust me.” Lena arches an eyebrow in question and he adds, “My old man is the, ah, Toyman.”

“Oh,” Lena says with a note of surprise, remembering those old stories. “I’m sorry.”

Winn shrugs. “Hey, it happened. I’m getting over it. Kara’s helped a lot with that, actually.”

A rush of pride spills through her, as it always had when people said good things about Kara - not that people said bad things about her often.

 Kara appears with a tray of appetizers and she sets them down on the coffee table between them all with a wide smile. “Anyone need another drink?”

A chorus of no and I’m good resounds in reply, but Kara doesn’t turn to move right away, she sends a look to Lena, one that clearly conveys you okay? and Lena puts on as good a smile as she can manage just to reassure her. It seems to work and Kara turns back, bouncing away towards the kitchen.

“Is Kara mated to someone?” Lena hears from the couch and she chokes a little on the wine she had been sipping on. Mon-El has directed the question to James and Winn, who are looking about as befuddled by it as Lena feels.

“Say what?” James asks, looking like he wants to laugh.

“Well on Daxam, we have arranged marriages at birth and when you reach a certain age, you’re mated,” he explains. “I think on Krypton they did something similar.”

Lena’s stomach turns over a little when she realizes why Mon-El would be asking such a thing about Kara, his eyes tracking her movements in the kitchen. It reminds her of Kara’s similar line of questioning years ago, but she can’t feel any affection for the recollection in this moment. Not when it’s Mon-El doing the asking.

“On Earth, we call it getting hitched,” Winn says and Lena just takes a gulp of her wine, wondering how rude it would be if she just got up and walked away from this personal hell. Of course, she’d just be wandering into the kitchen with the Danvers family, and that’s another can of worms. “And you pretty much choose your husband or wife. Or, I guess, your mate.” 

The answer clearly pleases Mon-El and if she wasn’t positive it would break her hand, she would punch him in the face. It’s silly and possessive over something she gave up a long time ago, but the urge is still hovering inside of her.

Alex walks up to the conversation, toting a glass of what seems to be just whiskey, just as Mon-El asks, “Has Kara chosen?”

“Chosen what?” Alex asks, handing James another beer before sitting down on the arm of his chair.

“A mate,” Mon-El answers and Alex pulls such a disgusted face so quickly that something unravels inside Lena, makes her want to laugh.

Except, Alex answers, “Yes,” with such finality that Lena’s gut just clenches again, chest uncomfortably tight.

Mon-El looks only slightly defeated by the response, but James and Winn just look at Alex with confusion.

“Hey!” Kara calls out from the kitchen and the whole of them startle a bit at the sound. When Lena turns Kara is looking at them with confusion, wiping her hands on a towel while Eliza fiddles with the oven. “Can someone set the table?”

Mon-El gets up immediately with a wide grin that Kara returns. “I’d love to,” he says and walks over to where a stack of plates is waiting for him. Kara starts singing something in Kryptonian that Lena thinks she might have heard before, bouncing over to the kitchen and grabbing utensils.

James looks up at Alex with an amused smile playing at his lips. “Not liking our resident Daxamite going sweet on your baby sister?”

Alex just blinks at him, takes a casual sip of her drink. “I don’t care,” she replies with a shrug.

Winn laughs and tips his beer in Alex’s direction. “You told him Kara is mated,” he says with a disbelieving smile. “Or has chosen a mate or whatever. Seems like you care.”

“I know what I said,” Alex says plainly and Lena glances to where Kara is giving instructions to Mon-El. She wonders if Kara can hear them, but considering Kara hasn’t so much looked in their direction, she thinks perhaps not.

“Why would you tell him Kara’s chosen a mate if you weren’t just trying to throw him off her scent?” Winn asks with a chuckle.

“I told him that,” Alex replies with that deadpan way she has. “Because it’s the truth.”

Both Winn and James look taken aback by that answer, their jaws dropping open and closed in silent disbelief and Lena feels like she needs to calm the sudden racing of her heart. She’s sure Kara is going to pick up on it at any minute and come over to see what’s wrong.

Alex stands up before anyone can say anything else, but she shoots a smirk at Lena before she does. It does exactly nothing to help her calm down.

“What did she mean by that?” Winn asks, clearly puzzled, but James is looking at her with the same scrutiny he had at the bar last week. “I mean, it’s not one of us, right? I think she was pretty clear about us.”

James pushes his lips together, turning his gaze from Lena to Winn. “No, I don’t think she meant one of us. She’s never even mentioned Kryptonian mating.”

Winn shrugs, leans further into the couch and takes a petulant sip of his beer. “Well you got further than me, so who knows.”

It’s confirmation of something Lena had already suspected, but it still takes a little breath out of her. She and James lock eyes in a moment of silent understanding. It’s odd to realize that every single person in this apartment aside from Alex and Eliza has had or does have a romantic interest in Kara. It’s something Lena’s never experienced before, at least not without the security of being Kara’s girlfriend.

“Whatever even happened between you two? I feel like we were all caught up with the other Supes being in town, I never got to ask,” Winn says casually, glancing every so often at the football game. The timeline has started to coalesce in her mind, and now she’s catching up to the staring and suspicion that James has been treating her with since they met.

“We decided we’re better off as friends,” James answers, still looking at Lena. She looks away, tries to focus on the football game herself, tries to calm down a little. This time, she’s saved by Mon-El returning, though it doesn’t entirely feel like a save necessarily and he plops down next to Winn, plucking the beer out of his hand and taking a long sip.

“I still don’t understand the rules of this game,” he comments, watching as the team on TV celebrates a touchdown.

James and Winn both start to explain the game, but Lena tunes them out, focuses on stopping the sudden racing of her heart. The next thing she’s really aware of is a body sitting on the arm of her chair and Kara looking down at her with obvious concern. Lena jumps a little, swallows against the thick feeling in her throat and smiles up at her ex-girlfriend. Absently, she hears Winn trying to explain what a two point conversion is to Mon-El.

“You okay?” Kara asks softly. It’s hard not to imagine a world in which Lena would answer that question with a soft smile and a quick kiss. There’s something possessive deep inside her that wants to wrap her hand Kara’s neck and put their lips together in front of all the boys in the room. It’s a guilty feeling and one Lena does her best not to have, but the desire is so strong her fingers ache from restraining herself. The worst part is knowing that Kara would be happy to participate.

Kara’s looking at her with searching blue eyes and worry and Lena realizes she hasn’t actually answered her question.

“Yeah,” she says with a quick nod and a small smile. Kara looks unconvinced and Lena’s positive it’s because she can hear the rapid thumping of her heart. She puts a hand on Kara’s knee without thinking about it and adds, “I promise.”

Kara’s hand arrives atop hers, her index finger diving beneath some of Lena’s own fingers, and it does nothing to quell the want Lena feels pooling in her stomach. They stare at each other for a longer-than-appropriate moment and Lena’s sure that her face is telegraphing her every thought and emotion, but the spell gets broken by the loud sound of Winn groaning in pain.

When they look up, Kara’s friend is hunched over his hand, Mon-El watching him warily and James trying not to laugh (and failing).

“We’ll work on that,” Winn wheezes out, clearly in pain.

“What did you do?” Kara asks with concern. Her hand is still weaving with Lena’s, playing with her fingers with a clear absent-mindedness. Kara had always been like this, had always touched Lena with such open and unthinking care.

“High-five?” Mon-El says with a tone of question, holding his hand in the air cautiously.

Lena laughs.

--

“Kara, that’s heavy,” Lena hisses in warning as she watches her girlfriend pick up her robot from the back of the car, her keys dangling from her hand. Kara is wearing Lena’s engineering department sweatshirt, giving no care at all to appearing like she isn’t an alien.

“No it’s not,” Kara replies dismissively. The robot is small for its power and purpose, but it still weighs 115 pounds.

“Yes, it is,” Lena insists, trying to get Kara to understand what she’s saying. With a glance over her shoulder to make sure no one is watching, she drops her voice to a whisper. “You need to at least act like it is.”

Kara seems to understand then, looking behind them as well towards the stream of people walking into the arena. “Right, yeah. Super heavy,” she says suddenly making an exaggerated face as she pretends to struggle with the weight.

“Kara,” she laughs, rolling her eyes. “Darling, I love you, but you’re hopeless.”

Kara just shrugs, but her eyes light up the way they always do when Lena says things like I love you. “I still think you should call this guy raogrhys,” she comments, setting the robot on the nearby cart Lena had procured.

“And how would I explain where I got that name?” Lena asks, making sure the robot survived the ride over from campus. It’s a sleek little thing, but it’s been her pride and joy for the past few weeks.

Kara shrugs, picks up Lena’s tool bag from the back seat and slings it over her shoulder, forgetting to look hurt when it smacks into her back, though Lena winces for her. “You made it up?”

“Mockingbird is fine,” she says, brushing past Kara to reach into the back seat and grab the controller she had spent two whole days wiring together.

“You named it after a bird,” Kara complains. “Not exactly the scariest of beings on earth.”  

“You’ve clearly never seen the movie The Birds,” Lena says dryly, locking the car and following Kara as her girlfriend begins pushes the cart towards the building. A couple of kids stare at the shiny outer surface of the robot, making excited noises.

“I’m just saying that if I was betting on a fight between like... DestructoBot and Mockingbird, I know which one I’d choose,” Kara says, reaching behind her and wiggling her fingers for Lena to grab her hand. She does, lets Kara pull her a little closer.  

“Names aren’t everything,” Lena argues, rolling her eyes and lacing their fingers together.

They’re just at the door when she hears a voice call out her name from behind her. They both turn to see her older brother striding towards them with confident steps, a charming smile on his face and a Midway City Robotics Club sweatshirt and hat. Lena brightens when she sees him, letting go of Kara’s hand to rush back and hug him.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were in London!” Lena says, laughing when he picks her up a little off the ground and swings her back and forth.

“I wasn’t going to miss the finals,” Lex replies, setting her back down and shooting a glance over her shoulder to where Lena knows Kara is standing. “That her?” Lex stage whispers.

“Yes,” Lena says pointedly with a look of warning for her brother. “Be nice.”

He mocks offense at that. “I’m always nice,” he says stepping around her to introduce himself to Kara.

“You must be the girl,” he says, extending his hand.

Kara takes it in her own and Lena sends up a silent prayer that Kara remembered the exact amount of pressure needed for a handshake to feel human. “I am a girl,” Kara answers, with some confusion written across her features, and Lena sends her eyes up to the sky for a moment.

“Kara,” Lena provides for Lex, stepping up next to them. “Kara, this is my brother, Lex.”

“Oh!” Kara says with a sudden smile. “Lena talks about you all the time.”

“All terrible things I hope,” Lex says with patented Luthor charm. Lena shoves his shoulder, but he keeps grinning.

“Nice to meet you,” Kara says happily and Lena moves to stand next to her, twining their fingers back together and facing Lex.

Lex watches it happen, grins knowingly at Lena and shoots her wink. “We can do the real meeting of the minds later,” he says, reaching out to touch them both on a shoulder. “Let’s get this robot inside and watch my sister destroy those peasants from Hub City.”

After Mockingbird sends the opponent’s robot so high into the air that it sends out sparks when it lands, she gets smacked into the plexiglass boards surrounding the arena. Her brother’s hug is exuberant and it thrills her to know he’s proud of something she’s built. When Kara joins the hug, gently steering them off the rattling boards, she smiles at Lena so brightly that Lena thinks she’s never been happier, sandwiched between the two most important people in her life.

--

Dinner starts off fine for the most part. Until James gets up to give a toast and Alex all but berates him, sipping heavily from what Lena knows is her fourth glass of wine. It’s an odd exchange. James is only halfway through telling everyone how grateful he is for how understanding a friend Kara can be when Alex shuts him up with a no she’s not.

Kara and Lena send matching looks of confusion towards Alex, who merely glares up at James and keeps drinking. Mon-El interrupts them both and stands, clearly about to make a speech of his own. Lena’s sure she doesn’t want to hear whatever he has to say, but Kara’s bumping her shoulder from where she’s sitting next to her and it helps a little.

“Out of everybody that could have found me in that pod,” he says, smiling at Kara charmingly. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world that it was you.”  

Kara laughs a little, bowing her head sheepishly as she often does when being given a compliment and Lena hates how flirty it suddenly feels. The crush he’s developed on Kara is painfully obvious, but who is Lena to blame him? She wonders if this was how she used to act when she and Kara were merely friends and Lena spent most of her time trying to ignore the growing attraction she felt for the other girl.

Before she can process anything else, Alex is standing, only slightly unsteady on her feet and looking uncharacteristically nervous. Lena watches with some concern as Alex fumbles her way through what she’s thankful for and by the time Lena’s realized oh wow Alex is about to come out they’re suddenly interrupted by a massive anomaly bursting out of thin air above their dinner table.

They all jump to their feet, backward and away from the table, chairs falling over and screeching against the floor. Kara grabs Lena’s arm immediately and tugs her until Kara’s body is between Lena and whatever thing is hovering in the air above the table.

But then, just like that, it’s gone with a pop and a rush of air.

“Does that normally happen? On Thanksgiving?” Mon-El asks. It’s such a funny question that Lena snorts, and Winn, across from her and Kara, also laughs.

Kara’s gaping at the space previously occupied by the blue cloud-like thing, but she doesn’t look worried. In fact, if Lena had to categorize Kara’s expression she looks excited. “Do you know what that was?” Lena asks softly and Kara quickly hides her growing smile when she looks over at Lena.

With a shrug, Kara hums noncommittally. “Not sure,” she answers, but there’s a look in her eye that Lena thinks means I’ll tell you later.

“What the hell ?” James exclaims and Lena catches sight of Alex reaching around to her back as if to grab for a weapon.

“I think we’re fine,” Kara says, arms spread wide to calm everyone down. It takes a moment, but everyone does seem to settle, slowly moving back towards the chairs and retaking their seats. 

“Well that was interesting,” Eliza says with a laugh. “Never a dull moment in National City.”

The table laughs and a noticeable ease falls back over them.

--

Later, when they’re appropriately stuffed and after Lena plays so intentionally poorly at Monopoly that Alex wins, Kara walks Lena out of the apartment and towards a waiting town car.

“Thank you for having me,” Lena says with a smile. Despite the emotional rollercoaster she seems to be constantly riding on whenever she’s around Kara, the day had been pleasant. Normal even. There’s a contented feeling growing in her stomach that not even the looming threat of her mother can trample on.

“Of course,” Kara replies brightly. “You’re always welcome here.”

“It was fun,” she says and Kara practically glows in response.

“Better than dinner at your desk?”

“Infinitely,” Lena agrees with a warm smile.

They idle around each other for a moment, halted on the sidewalk outside Kara’s building. Lena gives a look to her driver who’s leaning up against the black car and he nods in response, opening the car door and sliding inside to start the engine.

“Lena,” Kara says with a hint of nervousness. “I have to ask.”

Lena’s brow furrows, but she keeps smiling. “Sure, what is it?”

“Did you find it?’

“Did I find what?”

Kara fidgets, adjusts her glasses. “The watch.”

Without thinking of it, Lena pulls her purse higher onto her shoulder, all too aware of its contents. Her smile fades a little. “I did, actually,” she asks, clearing her throat slightly.

A wave of relief seems to wash over Kara and she smiles a little crookedly. “Good.”

It reminds Lena of why Kara had asked her about the watch in the first place and she fidgets a little with the strap of her purse. “I think I have an idea as to what to do about my mother.”

Kara frowns, hands at her hips. “You don’t need to do anything.”

“She took your blood, Kara,” Lena argues. “And you don’t know why.”

“She’s dangerous,” Kara warns lowly. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I just want to talk to her. See if she’ll tell me anything.”

“She’s not going to tell you anything, Lena. Do not seek her out. If she gets wind that we know-”

“Kara it’s my mom. She’s not going to attack me. Certainly not in the middle of L Corp Tower.” 

“We don’t know what she’ll do,” Kara snaps, anger evident in her expression. Lena bristles a little, conflicted between the warm feeling of Kara wanting protect her and her natural aversion towards being told what to do. “Promise me you won’t go trying to find her.”

Lena rolls her eyes and scoffs. “Kara,” she says, drawing the name out in warning.

But Kara just repeats herself. “Promise,” she demands.

“I’m not promising that,” Lena says with a shake of her head and Kara’s lips go thin with displeasure.

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do,” Kara starts slowly and Lena laughs again.

“That is exactly what you are trying to do,” Lena grits out heatedly, fist clenching.

“I’m trying to protect you,” Kara exclaims in an angry hiss.

“It’s hardly necessary in this instance,” Lena tells her with exasperation. “All I’m suggesting is having a conversation with my mother in broad daylight in my office.”

Kara’s entire posture is rife with tension and Lena feels an instinctive need to soothe it. This time, she doesn’t fight it. Instead, she steps into Kara’s personal space and puts a hand on the other girl’s bicep, smiling a little when Kara relaxes into the contact. “I have the watch,” Lena says softly, searching worried blue eyes. “If I need you, you’ll know.”

“Promise you’ll use it,” Kara says, putting her hand on Lena’s hip. The warmth of it shoots across Lena’s skin and memories of all the times Kara’s had her hand there before, tracing across bare skin or pulling her closer in bed bursts into her consciousness. Her throat grows thick quickly and she just nods, stepping away from Kara to break their contact. They’re still close, but no longer touching and Lena feels like she can breathe again.

“I promise.”

“You haven’t before,” Kara replies quietly, looking almost distraught.

“I haven’t had a reason to use it before,” Lena answers, struggling to ignore the look of pain in Kara’s features. It’s not a whole truth, but Lena doesn’t know what else to say.

“I would have come even if you didn’t have a reason,” Kara whispers, turning the conversation in another emotional tailspin. Lena wants to tell her about all the times she almost did press that button. But the specter of her mother’s recent ascent to terrorism reminds her of why she’s been so insistent on being friends with Kara - there’s too much going on in their lives, too much of a mess between them. No matter how much Lena wants to reach up and fold herself into Kara’s arms.

The moment feels too dark, out of sync with the happy feelings of earlier and Lena is desperate to cut through it all. With little regard for consequences, ignoring for just one moment the reminders flitting through her head, she steps back into Kara’s circle and leans up to press a warm kiss to Kara’s cheek. “Happy Thanksgiving,” she murmurs before moving away quickly, unwilling to see Kara’s reaction.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” is all she hears from behind her when she slides into the backseat of her car. As they drive way she can’t help but catch the way Kara’s still standing on the sidewalk with a dumbstruck kind of expression, her hand at her cheek.

--

The next day, before she goes to work, she slides a watch on her wrist that she hasn’t worn in years. The knowledge of the inscription pressing against her skin burns through her and she’s hyper aware of it the entire day.

Thoughts of Kara run through her mind on repeat.

It’s not long before she’s thinking about her mother, about all Kara had told her and Lena feels lost in a swirl of betrayal. Maybe they never had the best mother-daughter relationship, but to think her mother has gone this far into the deep end...it’s as equally hard to believe as it is easy. Why wouldn’t her mother follow in her beloved son’s footsteps?

If she can just talk to her mother, maybe she can stop this insanity before it goes too far, before people get hurt and yet another Luthor makes front page news for trying to rule the world. Before there’s another Super bruised and battered on the cover of every newspaper and magazine in the world.

A voice in the back of her head reminds her that she tried to talk Lex off the ledge too to no avail. Some people are just bad.

Despite that knowledge, that deep seated belief that you can’t save everyone from their own evil, Lena has her assistant contact her mother that afternoon with a request to meet at her earliest convenience.

--

A frost seems to cover the room as soon as Lillian waltzes into it, setting her bag down on one of Lena’s office chairs and going straight for the liquor cart on the side wall. Lena watches as her mother inspects the bottle of wine there, turning her nose up in distaste. It’s oddly comforting. For a moment she can pretend this is all her mother is - a woman that’s always made her feel like a disappointment. Not some mad super villain hell bent on wiping out the alien population of National City and then the world.

“So,” Lillian starts, smirking at Lena from across her desk. “To what do I owe the pleasure for being summoned to L Corp?” She says L Corp like it’s a dirty word and Lena tries not to react. “Planning on apologizing for our last meeting?”

Lena returns her mother’s smirk, remembers all the lessons she’s had about not being intimidated by anyone. “I have nothing to apologize for,” Lena says simply.

Her mother’s lips thin in distaste and Lena’s uninterested in running circles around each other for the next few minutes. She stands and moves around her desk to face her mother.

“Let me ask you something, Mom,” she starts, crossing her arms over her chest and watching her mother’s face for a reaction. “What the hell are you up to?”

It’s a vague question, but her mother does indeed react to it, her face screwing up into what Lena’s sure is meant to be shock and innocence, but merely comes across as irritation. “We’ve hardly spoken since Lex’s trial,” her mother says and Lena feels a stab of pain at the memory of that specific meeting. “I thought maybe you called to make amends. It’s a holiday, after all.”

Lena tries not to laugh. “There have been some rumors,” she says, thinking of how to formulate this without incriminating Kara. “A reporter has been sniffing around and they know something about you. What is it?”

“Lena,” her mother drawls in that condescending way she has.

“You’re up to something. They seem to have information on you and whatever it is. Something incriminating I’m guessing.”

Lillian scoffs. “I won’t stand here and be attacked like this by my own daughter.”

“I’m not your real daughter,” Lena says, digging her nails into her bicep. Absently, she’s aware of the weight of the watch on her wrist, takes comfort from it. “Or so you never let me forget.”

“You may be adopted, Lena, but I do love you. In my own way.”

It burns over Lena unpleasantly. Her mother has never really been able to get out an I love you and have it sound genuine or true. “But not as much as you love Lex.”

Her mother shrugs, completely unaffected by the accusation. “Every parent has favorites. Anyone that says differently is kidding themselves. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

Lena’s eyes narrow, seeing now the truth of what Kara had said. It’s there in the barely perceptible crinkle around Lillian’s eyes, the clenching of her fingers and the almost angry set to her jaw. “What have you done, Mother?”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“You’re lying,” Lena accuses with a smile.

“You have no way of knowing that.”

“Yes I do,” Lena says coldly, feeling a new kind of distance between her mother that hadn’t been there before. The lines drawn between them solidify as the seconds tick by. “You told me you love me,” she says with a wry smile. “Which we both know isn’t true. And you only say it when you need something from me. So what is it, Mother? What are you gunning for? What could you possibly need from your youngest adopted daughter?”  

Her mother’s eyes go hard at that, withdrawn and her chin lifts haughtily. “Don’t concern yourself with things you’ll never understand.”

“So there is something?” Lillian’s eyes flicker around the room as Lena asks it and Lena thinks to follow the motion, wonders if there’s something in her office that would give her mother away, something she’s looking for.

Silence fills the room and her mother just smirks at her with a short shake of her head. “I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving, Lena,” her mother says, managing to make it sound as insincere as possible before turning on her heel and waltzing back out of the office.

Fiddling with the watch on her wrist, Lena watches her exit and blows out a low breath.

--

The attack on the alien bar breaks on the news that afternoon and Lena watches it in her office in horror. Her thoughts go immediately to Kara and by that afternoon when a death count scrawl appears at the bottom of her TV screen, Lena’s calling her before she can even think about it.

“I’m okay,” Kara opens with as soon as the line connects and Lena sags in relief.

“I’m glad,” she murmurs, pressing a hand over her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Do you know what it was? Who?”  

There’s silence over the line that puts a pit in the well of Lena’s stomach. “Kara?” she says when the other girl continues not to respond.

“Are you at work?” 

“Yes,” Lena responds, spinning her chair around until she’s facing the expanse of windows leading out to her balcony. Her eyes roam the skyline. “Why?”

“I’m coming to get you,” is all Kara says before the line cuts out. It’s only a matter of seconds before a red and blue blur shows up at the far end of the city, zooming straight for L Corp.

When Kara lands on her balcony, Lena’s already at the door, opening it to usher the girl inside. Kara walks in, hands on her hips and looks at Lena with a nervous flickering of her eyes.

“Are you actually okay?” Lena asks, reaching out to circle her fingers around Kara’s wrist.

Kara’s gaze shoots down to the touch and her whole body goes suddenly rigid. As soon as Lena notices she moves to release Kara, but her hand is grabbed, pulled up into Kara’s eyeline. “You’re wearing it,” Kara breathes almost reverently and Lena realizes what she’s talking about then, both of them staring at the gold watch on her wrist. 

“Yeah,” is all Lena can think to say. Everything feels overly significant then. Kara’s eyes look wide and watery and Lena’s wrist burns under the scrutiny of her gaze.

“I’m glad,” Kara says, and then as if realizing she’s about to cry over a piece of jewelry, she lets go of Lena’s hand and steps back, laughing a little. It sounds off, but Lena allows it, smiling in response.

“So what’s wrong? What couldn’t you tell me on the phone?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Kara says, shaking her head for a moment. “Let’s go.”

Kara moves as if to scoop Lena into her arms and Lena takes a step backward immediately, her hand out. “Wait, what ?”

“Let’s go,” Kara repeats, waving her hand to beckon Lena closer and Lena just shoots her an incredulous look.

“Why don’t we start with where we’re going?”

Kara looks appropriately sheepish after that. “Right, totally. The DEO.”

“The DEO?”

“Department of Extra-Normal Operations.”

Lena blinks, tries to fill in all the blanks. “Which is...?”

“I work there,” Kara explains before shrugging a shoulder. “Well I guess Supergirl works there.”

“Okay,” Lena draws out, trying to convey her confusion.

“And it’s time to bring you in.”

“Bring me in?” Lena asks because it sounds suspiciously like she’s under investigation. Kara must catch her tone.

“Not like that,” she says bringing her hands up to reassure. “The attack on the alien bar was some sort of chemical weapon that killed every single alien in there.” Lena’s stomach turns over with thoughts of her mother. “Mon-El was there.”

“Is he...”

Kara looks away. “No, but he’s not doing very well.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“You’re a genius, Lena. And you have a background in biology and chemistry and -”

“And anti-alien warfare,” Lena adds dryly.

“No,” Kara denies, but Lena imagines that has to be part of it. Has accepted it in some way.

“So you want to bring me into the DEO because…”

“Because I think you could help us,” Kara says, hands out to her sides in an open pose. “And because I’d feel better if everyone I cared about was in one place right now.”

Resigned to the determined look in Kara’s eye, Lena sighs. “Can I at least pack my stuff up?”

It reminds her of many a conversation in college when Kara would come to collect her from whatever mountain of work she’d been hiding in, and Kara must be thinking of the same thing because she smiles crookedly when she answers, “Of course.”

A few minutes later Lena’s packed up her computer, shut down her operating terminal and informed her assistant that she’s taking the afternoon off. Kara’s leaned up against her balcony door, ankles crossed while she plays on her phone and it’s such an odd image to see. The red and blue of her suit is the most vibrant looking thing in the office. Kara’s got her brow scrunched up while she looks down at her phone, swiping her thumb idly.

“Everything okay?” Lena says when she steps forward, bag held in front of her.

Kara jumps a little, covering her phone. “Yeah. You ready?”

Lena nods even as her chest flutters a little at the idea of being close to Kara again. “We could drive,” she offers, if only to avoid the weak feeling she gets just thinking about Kara lifting her up off the ground.

“It’s a secret government operation, Lena,” Kara jokes. “You can’t just drive up.”

“Right,” Lena laughs, fingers tightening on the straps of her bag.

“I’ll be fast,” Kara murmurs, before stepping forward, arms held out.

Lena takes a deep breath and smiles, reminds herself that this is just Kara and she’s been held like this a million times. It’s not that big of a deal.

Except she gets that same swoop in her stomach the minute Kara slides her arm under her knees and scoops her off the ground. With one hand she holds tightly to her bag, the other winding around Kara’s neck.

--

It amazes Lena on a consistent basis that a girl capable of crushing cement blocks in her fist like it’s nothing is somehow one of the most gentle people she’s ever met. It’s one of Kara’s more impressive qualities really, but right now it’s working against Lena instead of for her.

They’ve been dating for months and it’s been going great and Lena is especially a fan of all the kissing that it’s added to their relationship, but every time she thinks anything is going anywhere Kara is pulling away suddenly and making up excuses for being anywhere else apart from around Lena.

It’s not unlike the careful way Kara avoided kissing her the first time and Lena knows she’s the one that has to confront the issue if anything is going to change. Maybe Kara’s not interested in anything more than kissing, maybe she’s wildly insecure about what to do, maybe sex just isn’t a thing on Krypton. Whatever it is, Lena doesn’t care, but she does want to know.

They’re in Lena’s dorm room, on her full size bed, with a movie playing like white noise in the background. Lena’s straddled over Kara’s hips, and they’re kissing heatedly. The moment feels rife with intention and Lena can’t stop pressing down against Kara’s lap, hoping this is the one time Kara doesn’t stop them.

Strong arms wrap around Lena’s waist, keeping them close together, and Lena smiles into Kara’s kisses, biting softly at her lower lip and tangling her fingers in long sandy blonde hair. Kara makes a content noise, her palms sliding under Lena’s shirt and against the overheated skin of her back.

Everything is going fine. Lena’s lost in the sensation of Kara pulling her in closer and the need to feel bare skin against bare skin threatens to consume her. She pulls back suddenly and without pause pulls her shirt over her head, tossing it to the side. Just as she moves back in to continue kissing her girlfriend, Kara is wrenching away, her eyes squeezing shut and hands stilling on Lena’s back before moving off to rest against the bed beside her.

The heat of the moment before seems to come to a standstill and Lena feels derailed by the reaction. Kara looks like she might throw Lena off her lap at any moment and Lena’s desperate to root out of the source of this behavior, confront it once and for all. She reaches out to pull at Kara’s chin in an attempt to stay close together.

“Hey, hey,” Lena whispers, holding Kara’s face in her hands, their foreheads pressed together. “What’s wrong?”

Kara’s breathing way too quickly for someone that doesn’t actually need a steady intake of oxygen and her fists are clenched like stone against the mattress. “I just need a second.”

“Kara,” Lena says softly, soothing Kara with soft strokes of her thumbs. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

“I’m fine,” Kara replies, but her eyes are closed tight and there’s tension everywhere.

“You’re not fine,” Lena counters, pulling back to look at Kara. She moves her hands to card fingers through Kara’s hair in an attempt to get her to calm down. “Talk to me,” she repeats.

Taking in a heavy breath, Kara opens her eyes, responding to the gentle strokes of Lena’s fingers. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just explain.”

Kara looks lost as she looks up into Lena’s eyes, but her fists unclench and she puts warm hands on Lena’s hips. “Did you know I dislocated Alex’s shoulder once when we were younger?”

It’s seemingly a random anecdote and it takes Lena a moment to respond. “No, I didn’t.”

Kara hums, nods a little, her thumbs stroking at the skin of Lena’s hip just above her waistband. “We were just messing around and I guess I just like-” she swallows visibly and looks away for a moment. “I forgot about the fact that I have crazy strength and I wrenched her arm out of her socket. It’s a wonder I didn’t break it.”

“That sounds scary,” Lena comments, her hands moving to rest against Kara’s chest. The heart under her palms is thudding heavily in way Lena’s not sure she’s ever felt.

“It was,” Kara agrees.

It takes her a moment to connect the dots. “You’re afraid of hurting me,” Lena whispers sadly, sagging in Kara’s lap.

Kara nods, eyes watery. “Sometimes when we’re kissing I feel like I get so lost in it and - and I - I just -”

“I get it,” Lena soothes, cupping Kara’s cheeks again and swiping her thumb over Kara’s bottom lip. “I get it.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to...you know,” Kara says with wide eyes, and Lena laughs.

“I didn’t think so,” she replies, eyebrow arching at the feeling of Kara’s hands sliding around towards her backside.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Lena shakes her head, feeling a little lost herself. “We’ll just - we’ll go slow,” Lena says and Kara looks all ready to protest. “Trust yourself. If it gets too much we can take a break.”

“Lena,” Kara sighs, looking so defeated that Lena’s heart aches.

“Kara, it’s okay,” she says. “Let’s just try. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, okay?”

Kara bites at her lip, a sad crinkling around her eyes. “If it doesn’t work-”

“It’s okay, Kara,” Lena tells her in the most gentle voice she can manage. “This isn’t a dealbreaker for me.”

“I want it to work,” Kara says in a quiet voice that Lena melts towards. “I want you.”

“You have me,” Lena reassures her, smiling. “With or without this.”

“I want this,” Kara replies firmly.

“Then let’s try,” she whispers, pecking Kara on the lips softly. She keeps her kisses quick, just soft pressure to try and relax Kara, bring them back to the heat of earlier. “I know you would never hurt me on purpose, Kara,” she says between kisses. “Let yourself try.”

“Okay,” Kara says with a nod.

Smiling, Lena kisses her more solidly this time, pressing her chest in close and tangling her hands in Kara’s hair like they were before.

Something must have switched in Kara’s brain, because the next thing Lena is aware of she’s being flipped over, her back hitting the mattress with a soft whoosh of air and Kara pushing in between her thighs comfortably, a hand under Lena’s knee pushing her legs open wider. Just like that, all the arousal that had cooled during the conversation comes bursting back into Lena like wildfire and she barely keeps a moan inside her throat when Kara kisses down the side of her neck, Kara’s hips pushing insistently downward.

The sudden shift in power makes her head swim and she becomes acutely aware of just how strong Kara is.

“Your heartbeat is going crazy,” Kara murmurs, lips against Lena’s jaw.

“That’s a good thing,” she answers, gasping a little when Kara’s fingers trace the curves of her hips, hook into the waistband of her jeans.

“It’s really distracting,” Kara says, but she doesn’t sound like she’s complaining.

“I can’t help it,” Lena retorts breathlessly, her hips seeking friction against Kara’s stomach. Her hips move in an insistent rhythm and Kara practically falls forward into her body, her forehead pressing into Lena’s shoulder with a barely audible groan.

“You okay?” Lena asks after a few moments of stillness, Kara’s hand at her hip keeping Lena still.

“Yeah,” Kara sighs, puffs of air against Lena’s bare skin. “You’re just really…”

“We can stop,” Lena says, despite her entire body screaming at her not to. The words come out hoarse and thick and Kara shakes her head, laughing slightly.

“No, I’m good. I’m good,” Kara replies, and it’s comforting to know that Kara wants this just as much as Lena does.

Lena presses a kiss against Kara’s temple, soothes her hands over Kara’s back to get her to relax and after a few moments Kara does, kissing at Lena’s collarbone and seemingly back to the task at hand.

Eventually Kara's lips finally make their way back to Lena's and she gets lost again in the heat of it, Kara’s palm sliding over the skin at her side, brushing up against the fabric of her bra.

Lena’s fingers play under the hem of Kara’s shirt, slide just a little under the waistband of Kara’s jeans. When they suddenly grow bolder, dip a little lower, a loud cracking sound echoes into the room so abruptly that Lena jumps underneath Kara’s tense body.  

Breathless, but no longer kissing her girlfriend, Lena blinks up at Kara’s tight expression trying to locate the source of the sound. She follows the line of Kara’s arm up behind her head where she notices it’s curled over a post in Lena’s headboard. Or what was a post in Lena’s headboard, and is now completely severed from its former position, crumpled dust in Kara’s hand.