Twenty-four: MTOABB

MTOABB

"Yes?" I answer not knowing who it is -- the caller ID has displayed an unknown number.

"Rossita, it's Prinse."

I freeze with the phone still attached to my ear - I turn to glare at Zack who is very much still looking at me.

"Hi?"

Is that all I could say...there was so much I needed and wanted to say.

Like where are you exactly?

Why are you with Holly?

Why haven't you texted me?

Is this a titanic ship - you and I?

Would you be mad if I told you that I kissed Zack?

Definitely not mentioning the latter- especially on the phone knowing that anything can be said and... I don't want to lose him.

But instead, all of these questions are pushed aside by my own guilt-- what have I done?

When you are in the moment, everything else doesn’t matter because you believe the now is worth sacrificing tomorrow’s unknown. All I know is that I messed up and as I’m still holding the phone up against my ear, with Gomes on the other end, I realise I could lose him.

"I'm coming back tomorrow." A teardrop stains my cheek and I quickly wipe it away and bat my eyes to hold back the tears.

"Who is that?" Zack asks, standing up to reach for the phone.

"Zack, stop!"

Forgetting that I was still on a call, -- "Why is Zack there?" Blood rushes to my face as I hear the disdain in his voice.

"You went to go visit Holly, why?"

"I'll explain when I get back tomorrow. So are you going to explain to me why you're with Zack right now?"

"He-- I-- I thought you were with Holly, so I..."

I don’t think I should continue to speak any further -- with every syllable, my pit gets deeper and deeper.

"For goodness sake, Rossita. Because you think I'm with someone that isn’t you, you go ahead and rush back to your ex? Are we doing that now?"

I wipe off another tear that slips as I can hear the sadness in his voice. I don’t know if I can handle being the reason for anyone's sadness, most importantly his. I continue to stay quiet, listening attentively to his breathing. All of the things that I wanted to say, but chose not to, fogged the air around me.

"Tell him to leave -Now!"

I nod, not able to find my voice.

"Rossita?!" He says on the line.

"Yes," I choke out.

"Zack, please leave." He looks at me with disappointment.

"So what does this mean for us?" He asks.

"Zack, just go."

He nods his head and storms out of the house. I'm left with silence until Prinse decides to speak again.

"You hurt me, Rossita. I'm going to end the call now." And with that the phone goes silent.

My heart sank and instead of holding back my tears like I had initially planned, I cried out - the kind that is ugly with snort dancing at the openings of your nose, but somehow you have no energy to wipe it away. I bend to the floor, allowing my knees to touch the tiled floor.

This was the perfect moment to call your girl best friend to come running with a bucket of ice-cream in one hand and tissue in the other in an attempt to make it all better. Unlucky for me, I didn’t have a girl best friend, and as for ice-cream, my fridge happens to be empty in that department.

My Type of a Bad Boy

"What a day," Chloe expresses as she ploughs herself into the couch - the same couch I wasn't shy to make out on, a few hours ago.

I hadn't left the living room since Gomes's call. Still with my phone in my hand I stayed numbed to the soft cushions.

"Get me a glass of water?"

I stare at her -- not motioning to leave the cushions that are soothing my butt.

"What if I die today and the last thing I asked you was for a glass of water and you didn't give it to me? Would you be okay living with yourself ?"

The same phrase she used on me while growing up. I would feel so guilty I would run into the kitchen and not only would I get her a plain glass of water - I would slice up some lemon slices and throw them in there for flavour.

But not today Chloe - today I am a hypocrite. I did the same exact thing that I wouldn't want being done to me. I broke it off with Zack because of that but here I am on the other end of the spectrum, feeling so guilty that even my stomach hates me as it growls -- that's probably from hunger - but right now it soothes the mood to say it hates me because the rest of me does.

"Fetch it yourself," I tell Chloe.

"What crawled up your ass?"

If only I knew -- or maybe I do.

Guilt crawled up my ass and is making itself very comfortable.

She leaves to go to the kitchen and returns a minute later.

She grabs the remote and changes the channel.

"Hey! I was watching that."

"Were you really?" She eyes me and I close my mouth shut, because she is right.

"Less than 2 months from now, I'll be off to college so bare with me cramping up your space in the meantime."

Hearing her say that tampered my mood further --I wasn't sad that she was going to be leaving soon, she's family and no matter what, I know I got her just as much as she got me.

Gomes will probably be going off to college as well.

Now I wish that he never shared literature class with me. The empty desk that he'll be leaving will be a constant reminder that he is gone as I enter the class until someone else decides to sit there.

If a ship is all I can have with him before he leaves, I don't want it to sink, at least not yet. Rose and Jack had their adventure before the titanic ship went down and that's what I can crave for now, already knowing our future together is nonexistent.

I tune out the blaring noises coming from the screen as I fiddle with my phone before switching it on.

I shouldn't have done that and you know it wasn't like me. And for that I apologize _Rossita