Self Loathing
After calming down, I recounted my experience so far that a beautiful woman was talking to a doctor and why the hell was he wearing the traditional type of outfit is it a drama going on, my perception of the surrounding is messed up, I thought it is due whatever surgery I went through not to mention my loss of sense of feeling, well everywhere. I had no idea it was because my body was just born and its senses were underdeveloped as you can get. when the women spoke up I was placed in her arms, I finally had a sense of my size and my brain couldn't keep making sense of it. When the doctor left the woman she just kept talking to me and when terms like 'baby', 'boy' and 'mother' were thrown out my brain finally caught up with the situation and what I had seen so far sunk in.
'B-But that's crazy! I was almost a century old, this is not my mother and I was just watching 'WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP' of the best game ever 'SOCCER' ' My mind was trying its best to make sense of the situation and bring me some semblance of peace but none came before I slowly accepted the facts.
'I d-died. I was reborn. My past life is behind me. I was not 100 any more. I am not Arashi any more. I am not an Ex-Army man any more. I don't receive a pension any more. Neither I have kids and friends with whom I used to hangout. I'm never going to watch soccer with my friends. I never going to make myself a coffee and hug my grandchildren or or or....' My thoughts died there and I did what any self-respecting adult in the newborn body would do when the found out there life is over.
I cried out my heart out.
For a very long time, about a thirty-minute or so.
So after crying rivers of tear, I eventually came to accept the situation as real is one of past lucid dreams otherwise if this was a reality it's very heartbreaking. So watching my new "mother" ( wow that was going to be hard to get used to) slowly nod off I got thinking and that's when a nurse came in to check on me. I think I freaked her out with my pensive stare but it's not like I can help it though, I got to things to work out right now. so after shuffling a little to get a more comfortable position I quickly thought over my situation and got a reasonable and constructive conclusion.
'This is going to blow so hard' I let out a weary sigh that really didn't belong to my current appearance. I had no aspiration of growing up from 1 day old was going to be fun, none at all. I've read plenty of reincarnation light novels and fan fiction and all good ones had the same idea when it comes to growing up from toddler, it sucks. Not to mention glaringly obvious, there's no guarantee I was born in another world. I may have born in the same modern world I came from and I liked my first life enough thank you very much whatever cosmic being or god that put me here. Even when I was born in it may not even be the one I know a lot of stuff about, or could be absolute shit like the apocalypse is just around the corner and humans are fighting against monster all around the world or walking dead.
'Ughhhhhhh! I really hate those reincarnation fanfic that moment Mc is born he knows where exactly they are, which year is it and have a full proof plan to safe and happy life coming out of their ass! Why couldn't it be easy for me! Cause I ain't getting squat from anything in here!? I was starting to get stressed over the whole situation before I finally took a break from brainstorming and looked at my sleeping "mother".
'And she got abomination for it.' I had no doubt in my mind that I wasn't natural. a 100-year soul in the body of a newborn body is not natural. 'What happened to the original bod's soul?' that was going to weigh on my mind for a while I don't know if that can be considered murder or not.' Can't kill what was never born'. A dark cynical part of my mind drops that thought.' Oh good God! I am going to hell and I deserve it.' Yeah, sure a group could argue I had no control over what happened and how I got here. Doesn't change the fact I'm here and not a blank slate this women deserve that she molds the baby to be human in a way she wants to be and give and receive unconditional love.
'haaaha....heeehe I'm what 2 hours old and psychological as hell.' I gave a wry smile to that.
The nurse came back next moment and walked over to check on us.
"Did you sleep well?" It took me second to realize she was not me but my "mom" who just woke up.
"Yes, I still feel a little tired but I'm alright." My mother's loving gaze never left me.
'Why does it make me feel worse than better?' I thought helplessly as I squirmed under that look.
The nurse thought my restlessness was cause I was hungry so she recommended giving me some breast milk. If I had any control over my neck it would have snapped to the Nurse and proceed to shake left and right violently. Though unfortunately, I couldn't so my proceeded to take one of her breast out and say "open wide". Groaning as the breast continued to reach my face I let myself go to fate and just accept my new position in existence.
Do you know what the biggest kick in balls that is? It comes back to 'Why oh! why my team had to lose. It has to the fault of the opposition team any god the worship. If it is so I curse you, CURSE TO THE END OF ETERNITY'
After reflecting my situation once more, it came to my mind 'Yeah....some higher power out there surely hates me'