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Hey! I'd just like to say the response to this fic has blown me away. You guys are legit the best.

Chapter Text

Darcy tapped her finger in time with the beat and hummed around the lollipop she was working her way through. She frowned as she looked at the latest readouts of her last project. "Ya know it's just not right."

"What isn't right?" Ian poked his head up from the truly horrifically boring data input he was working on.

She pulled the lollipop out of her mouth. "That so many power sources can be weaponized. I mean I could make all sorts of high end tech powered by arch technology but it'd be like giving proto-bombs to the public. Which is why I had to stop working on further miniaturizing arch technology."

Ian spluttered. "But arch technology can't be miniaturized further than Stark did. The power would burn through any material on earth if condensed any further."

"You read the specs. I'm impressed padawan." Darcy waved her hand. "And an arch reactor isn't the only application of arch technology. I've been trying to create self charging batteries based off arch designs. Less power, but more than any current tech is capable of. But again, I can make a battery the size of a nickel with enough power to run a small car. Problem is a couple dozen of them could blow a city block."

Ian's face furrowed. "Does it ever bother you?"

"What?" She looked at him curiously. It might be the first time she'd seen him legitimately struggling with something. And that was including when they'd broken up after their brief thing in London.

He bit at his lower lip. "Well I love what we do right? It's amazing." His eyes definitely were a little starry there. "It's such an honor to be working for Dr Selvig and Dr Foster. But...we're making portals. We could mess up and create a black hole that swallows the planet. Or what if we make a portal to a planet with hostile aliens and it's seen as an act of war? Or what if we accidentally mess up and affect another planet's gravitational field, or core stability? We could be making planet destroying tech and not even know it!"

"Oh the crazy science ethical questioning. Lik the whole accidental creation of weapons of incomprehensible destruction and death." Darcy nodded. "I'm surprised you noticed that. But yeah, we're creating crazy shit here. Hell I'm manipulating the world media and thus world governments. We passed reasonable ethical lines like...a while ago."

Ian stilled his eyes widening. "What?" HIs voice squeaked slightly.

Darcy sighed while waving her hand with her lollipop in it as she spoke. "Did you not watch my last interview with Time? You think keeping the government from openly arresting, torturing, experimenting on and using enhanced is easy?"

"Uh…" Ian was now gaping at her.

She rolled her eyes. "It's like this. We've got power for dumbass reasons. With the portals cause we be the smartest cookies in the bunch that also have the nicest toys and funding. So we build the portals. Then once we build 'em we patent the shit out of them after stripping them down to their most basic and least dangerous state. Like once we have them working, we make it so they can't do the really scary stuff. Like my batteries. Supes cool, but if I released that shit as is now it'd be supes dangerous. So I make the scary version, then work it backwards till I have a version with built in design flaws to prevent catastrophe. Same reason I lie my ass off in interviews and am helping my grandparents's murderer go free. I mean poor sod was brainwashed as fuck, but still."

Ian spluttered. "You knew!?"

"Duh. Since like New Mexico. I fail to get why no one puts together portal and dangerous. But it's kinda obvious if you ask me." She stuck her lollipop back in her mouth, the candy clicking against her teeth. "I recommend copious amounts of chocolate for your existential crisis. Also tequila. Just so much tequila."

Darcy stepped into the Hulk room. She dropped her two cases on the floor. "Sup dudes."

"Darcy? What are you doing here?" Steve startled from where he was reading a newspaper.

"I bringith an arm and a new hobby for our favorite one armed assassin." She announced, grabbing the top case she hauled it to the coffee table and dropped it with a resounding thud.

James stared at her. "What?"

"You need a prosthetic and nobody is going to assign making a prosthetic for you to someone who's not in the know and supes vetted. Which means me or Tony." She raised a pointed brow. "And not even Tony is socially stupid enough to ask someone to make a prosthetic arm to replace the one that murdered their parents. So it's me or forever being lopsided."

Steve shifted over, leaving room for her on the couch. "Thank you."

"Totes dude. Heads up this one isn't designed for combat." She flicked open the clasps and opened up the case. The arm was sleek, but a white silicone base. Clean lines, but they all had a purposefully natural look to them. More like natural muscles than anything else.

James reached out and touched it. "It's soft."

"Well figured it should be as obviously non-weaponry as possible. It'll give you roughly as much strength as my very wimpy human muscles give me. Based off my own abilities." She grinned. "Go on, pick it up."

James carefully lifted the arm, frowning slightly as he turned it over in his hand. "This is certainly something."

"Want help attaching it?" Darcy grinned. "Your new hobby is going to be knitting. It'll let the programing sync up and help you learn how to use it." She leaned back with a bright grin of victory. "So you both naming your first born after me or what?"

////

Kyle Richmond stretched his arm out while waiting. He bounced anxiously. He got lucky with his celebrity for the whole Red Nose charity run. No silly actor or tv personality who'd mostly be a beginner he'd need to spend hours a day for weeks getting ready to do three or four of the obstacles. He got the honest to god superhero who regularly jumped off buildings.

He bounced excitedly, the camera crews all set to record their first meeting. They'd only really have to put up with all the cameras a couple of times over the next month. Still, it was going to be crazy getting to work with Quake. Kyle, and the whole camera crew perked up as the door opened.

In walked Quake, she wasn't wearing her hero outfit. Instead while she was wearing her mask, she was wearing yoga pants, and loose workout shirt over a tank top. She waved. "What up!"

Kyle stepped forward and held out his hand. "Kyle Richmond."

"Quake." She accepted his hand and shook it. Her hand was cauloused and her grip firm. "So I hear we're going to be working together?" She had a friendly smile on her face.

He beamed, oh thank god she didn't seem like a bitch. "Yup, I'm going to be your ninja trainer. I was thinking we could go over the course and talk about the types of obstacles you'll be dealing with and chat about what we should be working on? Just for today. That and get to know each other a bit."

"Sounds like a plan." She glanced around at the camera crew. "So anything I should know about how all this works before we get started?"

Kyle chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "No, it's all good. They'll just sorta follow us around, probably stop by to film some of the training. But like we'll only be five to ten minutes of time on the show so they won't need that much footage for that."

"Cool, and it's probably weird for you to be calling me Quake all the time. Sorry about that." She shrugged.

Kyle waved her further into the gym. "So first obstacle is going to be the floating steps, then cannonball drop, flywheels, block run, the battering ram, and then finally the warp wall."

Quake's lips pulled up into something distinctly concerning. "I was thinking, sure it's all well and good to get the first half of the course done. But I think we should try for the whole thing."

"The whole…" He gave her a long up and down. She was certainly in excellent shape, and he'd seen the trick videos she and Spiderman put out. "Let's see where you are and then see if that's doable in the time frame we have. But the salmon ladder?"

Quake rolled her shoulders and looked pointedly at the gym's salmon ladder. "Well, let's see if I can do it. My first SO certainly had me doing enough pull ups that I'll be disappointed in myself if I can't."

"Have you already stretched?" He checked, he was not going to be the one to take down a superhero with a muscle cramp. Or worse actual damage.

She laughed good naturedly. "I had to get here by quake, I've stretched."

"Well let's see what you can do then." He politely led them towards the salmon ladder. "So not sure if you know this but my background was in gymnastics and I run a parkour gym now."

Quake rolled her shoulders. "I am, Nighthawk ninja huh?"

Kyle's cheeks heated at her knowing his silly stage name. "You googled me?"

"Hate to let you know but America Ninja Warrior is popular viewing in SHIELD." Quake's eyes were bright as she grinned. And then she lightly hopped up grabbing the bar.

Kyle could not wait to call his friends and fanboy about getting to work with Quake. She was legit awesome. "So you're body control while maneuvering could use some work. We can definitely work on that. And upper body endurance. It's not going to be the obstacles that are going to get you, it's going to be spending too long on them and sapping your strength that is."

"I do rely on lower body strength more than these obstacles allow." She nodded, sipping at her bottle of gatorade, sweat soaked fabric of her shirt sticking to her.

He was so psyched that his celebratory wasn't going to need help getting through. Also she wasn't fighting his critiques, just politely considering his words. No whining either. "Other than that it's going to be about making sure you've got as much experience with the obstacles as we can get you."

"I can put in two hours a day on this." Quake frowned slightly. "I'd put in more but I've got commitments. And there's going to be days where things happen and I'm going to miss training."

Kyle nodded, that made sense. "Well you know where my gym is." He waved absently at the room they were in.

"Fair, and I'll have handled cardio and stretching before I get to the gym. So we can work on the technical work immediately." Quake offered, which all of that helped, a lot. And based off the high level she was clearly functioning at building muscle wasn't the issue.

He handed her a towel. "If you come in and I'm not there, or you have added time, rock climbing is going to be the most helpful to you."

"I can do that." Quake held up her fist for a fist bump. "I think we've got this."

Kyle laughed as he bumped her fist. "They're not going to know what hit them." And he quite frankly meant it.

////

Peter dropped down behind the guy trying to break into a car. "Do you need some help there buddy? I mean I think I've got to wait for you to actually succeed in part one of a crime before I can web you."

The car thief startled backwards with a high pitched yelp. He stared at Peter, one hand pressed to his chest. "Don't do that man."

"I feel like that's my line." He replied. "I mean you, trying to break into a car, me here to prevent automotive theft."

The car thief's eyes flicked to either way. "If I just run?"

"I'll web you to the side of the building." Peter shrugged. "I won't call the cops, you're not a very good car thief afterall."

The guy groaned but stepped to the side of the building and leaned against it. "Fine, put me in timeout."

Peter cocked his head. "You know if you need like financial planning help, or like food, shelter, that sort of thing you could go to one of the FEAST offices. They'll help you get on your feet."

A siren wailed as it went flying past them.

Peter shot his web upwards. "Be safe, don't do crime!" He hollered as he went flying upwards.

The car thief startled. "No time out?"

He snickered as he swung away, before focusing on the police vehicle he was now following. With great arching swings he picked up speed. A car chase!

Peter whooped as he came sailing over the cop car, and then landed on the roof of the Cadillac that was trying to get away. His spider sense blared, he rolled to the side, barely missing the bullets being shot through the roof! "Hey! I'm up here!"

He flipped over to the other side as more bullets came flying at where he'd just been. "Guess you knew I was there."

-"Would you just stop them and stop talking at them!"- Darcy's voice came through the comm. -"I mean oh my Thor! I log in to check on you and what the fuck!?"-

Peter winced at the volume. He punched the window and webbed the two guns to the sides of the car. "Hey guys! Want to pull over?"

Peter chewed on his sandwich, his legs swinging over the edge of the building. He heard a light thud behind him. Swallowing he glanced behind him and grinned. "Daisy!"

"Sup bro." She loped easily across the roof before dropping down besides him. "So Darcy says you got shot at earlier?"

His nose wrinkled. "They were not very good shots. You're way scarier."

"Good." She swayd bumping their shoulders together. "So, asked out the girl you've been mooning over yet?"

He felt his cheeks flush, because no, no he hadn't. Instead of answering he cleared his throat. "Want to go stop crime?"

Daisy laughed at that. "Sure." She tapped the temple of her mask. "Hear that Darcy, we need some convenient crime to go fight."

-"Fuck you, I was appritating Steve's ass in his workout pants."- Darcy let out a long sigh. -"If I wasn't a good person I'd jump on that post break up, bisexuality crisis so fast. That shoulder to hip ratio…."-

He gagged slightly.

Daisy rolled her eyes. "Darcy you're crossing the line of playful inversion of sexist ogling into actual grossness."

-"Fair."- There was a clicking on her end. -"Well there's a fire alarm that just went off four blocks from you. Go save some people. I'll keep an eye on you."-

Daisy braced herself, the air beginning to vibrate around her. "Let's go." She launched herself through the air.

Peter yanked his mask down over his mouth as he dove into the air, the familiar swooping sensation as he fell with purpose.

He caught Daisy around the waist, her arm automatically wrapping around his shoulders to stabilize herself as he anchored them to the side of the building. They both looked at the old building, smoke pouring out of the fourth floor.

Daisy's voice was commanding as she spoke. "Evacuate the people, I'll slow the fire to give you as much time as possible."

"You can't control temperatures yet?" He stopped as he heard a cry for help.

"Fire extinguishers exist, let's go." She pushed off and then dropped straight down before arching straight through a window into the smoke.

Peter felt a flicker of doubt, it was a ten story building. But then there wasn't time for that. "Ok, just have to evacuate six stories of people. Easy peasy." He shot a web at the wall and sent himself sailing for the fifth floor.

-"Ok Spiderman, get the fifth and sixth floors evacuated, then go to the tenth and work down. Clear the fire escapes and make sure people can rescue themselves. And keep doors closed."-

He went feet first through the window. His breath frosted as he breathed out. Huh, ok Daisy was getting the hang of causing molecules to still so much the temperature plummeted. "That's not terrifying at all." He mumbled before taking off to find people.

-"Oh don't be a wuss. Also heat signature in the closet."-

Peter opened the closet and crouched down. "Hey there." He held out his hand.

"SPIDERMAN!" The kid squealed and launched themselves at him.

He caught the kid. "Just hang on, I'm gonna get you out of here kid."

////

Darcy grinned at Steve. "So, I have an ambitious plan and could use some assistance, Pranking Husband."

"I'm listening." He dropped his arms to his hips.

She felt positively giddy. "Tony just put in a ballet room for Natasha, she won't be back for at least another day, so she's never been in the room. So…" Darcy trailed off pointedly feeling smug.

"She'll assume anything wrong with the room is Tony." Steve huffed in amusement. "More glitter?"

Darcy patted his shoulder. "You're thinking too small. Besides, glitter is my signature move. Now on the other hand laughing gas in the water, in the water fridge, just screams Tony doesn't it?"

"This is going to be a stupid question, but the water bottles in all the gyms are sealed?" Steve's arms shifted, crossing over his chest.

She rolled her eyes. "Duh, easy to get past. Your role if you accept is to ensure Sam is struck by the glitter curse. Our alliance must be in doubt. Also to save me if Natasha finds out it was us."

"Sam's still recovering from the water balloon incident Quake and the Maximoffs enacted against him." Steve's eyes were bright and amused though. "But I'm game, what am I glittifying of his?"

"Did you just use the word glittifying?" Darcy's eyebrows rose as she stared at the man.

He didn't so much as twitch. "Your vocabulary is contagious."

"Good to know." Darcy patted his shoulder again, cause honestly she might be a good enough person not to take advantage of the recently single super soldier hunk going through a quiet sexuality crisis but she wasn't a saint. Also biceps...just biceps. "So since that's business out of the way, how's Barnse's new arm treating him?"

Darcy closed the hood of their portal car. "So Poprocks, there a reason you look twitterpated?"

"I had a meeting with Hill. That woman is ice cold. My current theory is that she's a cyborg here to make me miserable." Tony was working on the sensor relay board. "Why did I hire her again?"

She actually snorted at that. "So she's exactly your type and if Pepper ever wises up and dumps you, you'll get all heart eyes for Hill post ridiculous moping period. Good to know."

"I take offence at that!" Tony pulled back from his work. "I'll have you know I prefer women with a bit more." He made a rather blatant gesture over his chest.

Darcy plucked a screwdriver and waved it at him. "Yes we all know how you and my mom ended up creating me. But dude big boobs are one of your prefered hook up types. But they're not your type type." She clucked her tongue at the outraged expression on his face. "Nuh uh. You get all dreamy over hyper competent women who don't take your shit. Also who could totally peg you and make you beg for more. FRIDAY remind me to link an article on pegging to Pepper."

-"Of course Dr Lewis."-

Tony gaped like a fish at her. A sort of wheezing sound came from him.

Darcy almost pitied him, almost. "Poprocks, when it comes to women you are as easy to read as baby's first book. By the way on a scale of one to ten, how embarrassing would you be if I hooked up with Willson? Cause man's a snack and I've had two bed partners since I graduated. Two Poprocks."

Tony's inarticulate side of the conversation, made a sound best described as a dolphin being asphyxiated. Possibly sexually.

She leaned back, dropping one hand on her hip. "I'll take that as a five point six on the humiliation scale. Cheers."

"You're my sins made manifest, sent to haunt me." He muttered while staring at her like she was some unfathomable creature from the depths of space.

Daisy snorted, but traipsed up to him and smacked a kiss on his cheek. "So you going to open up the present Steve left you or do I have to keep wondering?"

Tony's face closed off slightly. "How do you know it's from Steve?"

"Uh it's wrapped in parchment paper tied with honest to Thor twine. Unless Pepper took up homecrafts it's Steve." She picked up the thin but large package in his lap. "Come on, open it. I need to know whether I'm ratting out my pranking partner to a certain individual for his crimes or not."

Tony looked at her and groaned, clearly accepting it was a battle he was going to lose. "Fine, but I better be who you're ratting him out to."

Darcy just grinned triumphantly and watched as Tony purposely took as long as possible to open the thing. She rolled her eyes. He sucked in a startled breath as the paper fell away.

She swallowed. "Oh. That's...a pretty good olive branch."

"Maybe." Tony allowed, his eyes riveted to the image.

It was a lovingly hand drawn picture in a simple silver frame. The subject matter was...sweet. It depicted Darcy, Daisy and Peter. It must be from an image Steve had wheedled out of FRIDAY. It showed all three of them in Darcy's apartment. Daisy and Darcy were clearly involved in a playful argument. If memory served it had been about the best Star Wars movies. But Peter was very visibly sneaking up behind them with ice water. His face was mischievous and completely focused on not spilling anything or making any noise. Steve had to have spent hours carefully depicting them for Tony. Because Steve would know Tony would never think to set aside photos or even think of such a thing. It was...really nice.

Darcy squeezed Tony's shoulder. "We'll have to get him to do one with all four of us sometime. Maybe something from the Thanksgiving pre-dinner brawl."

"Yeah, maybe we should." Tony's voice was suspiciously thick.