119 My SI Stash #19 - Kratos would be pissed by Stupid The Ork (Dungeons&DragonsXKidIcarus)

-SI as top God Cratos, story in a Dungeons and Dragons setting.

ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Sypnosis: Let's see what happens when your SI is a god.

Rated: M

Words: 24K (yes I've been only sharing new/old stories with low word count but they got the potential, and so I want more people to support them so the author gets motivated to write more)

Posted on: https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/kratos-would-be-pissed-d-d-kid-icarus-crossover-god-self-insert.813227/#post-63685592 (Stupid The Ork)

PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (*´ー｀*)

-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)

Chapter 1

You know the typical Self Insert, where the guy/gal gets snatched from his world and thrown into another by a Randon Omnipotent Being (or Bastard in my case) for whatever reason, the SI gets himself tangled into a story and generally has to rely on guile or some power to stay alive.

Well, my story is similar, except my 'power' is being a GODDAMN GOD, especifically the god of war and honor. In a world that has been turned into a D&D setting based in Ancient Greece, that makes me the top dog. Well, a top dog, but I'm still the one whose specialities are an abstract concept and conflict itself respectively, so I'm not losing dying of 'no worship' any soon.

And right now, I'm sitting in my throne in my fortress in the Fields of Battle, with two myrmidons standing next to me, large sets of living hoplite armor, as two armies, one of humans and the other of ... plants, are pushing each other, with the former slowly but surely pushing back the latter despite its numerical superiority.

It helped that the humans had clerics among them, holy warriors that used the magic bestowed to them by their gods to heal, protect and strengthen their fellows through praying and chanting, while also fighting the enemy. The human's were the stereotypical greek hoplites, sans they were wielding curved swords instead of maces, and were bolstering and healing hoplites to compenstate their numerical disadvantage. The plants, on the other hand, only had numbers for this fight.

The humans, though, had the supreme advantage for the fight: they asked me for aid.

'Palutena, Lady of Light, I beg you, restore the flesh of these soldiers to let them crush their foes!'

'Cratos, Master of War, yours is the path of battle, give these men the strength to push their enemies back!'

What I was overseeing, however, was not a pitched battle for the fate of humanity, but a rescue quest.

Some madmen had kidnapped all the newborns of a nearby city and brought them to their forest home to sacrifice them. The Athenians (yes, the city was named Athens) had actually pleaded the Goddes of Nature to let them go inside the forest in peace, and the replied by sending plant monsters because she knew that if she tried her 'nature nuke' thing to kill them all I would simply resurrect them, beat the shit out of her (again) AND burn plus irradiate all the forests in the world, oxygen concerns aside, and so she took an alternative.

Apparently she forgot that phalanxes of armored soldiers aided by archer lines were the tanks of her 'time', and if the soldiers had a good reason for fighting, archers in the back, and the aid of divine magic, the only thing that could defeat in combat would be another phalanx, and last time I checked she isolated herself after basically murdering most of her mortal worshipers before remembering that no worshipers equals death. Only her few remaining worshippers thought she was a good, and that was because they weren't right in the head, what with being fanatical zealots of nature. I could see some of them attackin the phalanx from afar with sharpened sticks and stones, which obviously had no effect, before getting an arrow to the head.

It was a massacre. A monster massacre that's it.

Didn't change the fact that it was still a battle, and therefore I had to oversee it.

If if were still mortal, I would feel horrible for, you know, helping soldiers kill other living beings, even if the things they killed weren't even animals but walking vegetables, but wouldn't have done anything to help.

Now, though, I'm THE God of War and Honor, and soldiers of all races worship me as their patron, and so I have to aid them to fight and uphold my own honor. I'm doing the same thing simultaneously with other conflicts, but this is the only genuine fight that's being fought at the moment.

That and, well, I wanted to make sure those kids were saved before the fanatics became celts.

Didn't stop a certain green-haired goddess from coming to my home.

"Cratos!" Said a feminine voice coming from the door.

Did I tell you that I'm actually in Kid Icarus?

I frowned as I saw the 'Goddess of Light' open the door to my hall and stomp towards me. Before the 'change' she probably would have used a phone to call me. After the 'change', though, the overall technology level of the world was set to 'Medieval', and she knew that I would not reply if she used her magic. Mostly because I didn't care about her. Granted, I didn't like the other gods either, but Palutena was the one who actually tried to show that not all 'original' gods were the 'useless pieces of divine shit that people shouldn't pray to', as I called them when I had enough of their bitching about how a human became a god more powerful than most of them, weren't the jerks I thought them as and tried her damnest to befriend me despite the complains of others, her angel included.

Her attempts were laudable, and her intetions were genuine; it's just that she didn't like when humans (of which she saw herself as patron goddess) didn't want her help or Pit's in wars, ignoring the fact that 'Life' was her domain, and priests called her name to heal.

Although it may be because she doesn't like giving healing spells if it leads to prolongued fighting. She did adjust well to the fact that everyone that died and worshiped her went to Skylands, and since she was the second most worshiped deity it was quite crowded.

The moment Palutena set her sandal-heel on the room, six myrmidons appeared out of thin air and surrounded the now startled goddess, spears raised and prepared to sishkebab her if I told them to.

"Let her in, she's allowed."

My myrmidons looked between Palutena and me before shrugging and going back to the Fields of Battle to oversee the Eternal Battle.

"Cratos."

"Yeah?" I said while looking away from the battle.

Call Palutena pretty would be like calling me strong. Green hair and eyes, heart shaped head, a full hourglass figure, smooth skin... She was beautiful.

Too bad she was also pretty damn unyielding, and not just when it came to humans.

"People are dying."

"Palutena, those 'people' are hardened soldiers that are fighting to save their children from an evil goddess. Also, they're the ones not dying there this time."

"Viridi's not evil. She's only fighting to defend herself."

That's the damn problem. She may not like Viridi, but she didn't like seeing gods (other than Medusa and Hades) getting hurt, and for practically all of them losing to mortals was tantamount to being punched in the face with a spiked gauntlet.

"Let's see... she always said humanity destroyed nature and yet didn't care that they were doing nothing and that she can use nuke-like bombs, her worshippers kidnapped children to sacrifice them to her... Yep, pretty sure she's evil, she just refuses to see it."

"That doesn't give you the right to allow your followers to kill her!"

I realized a long time ago that talking to beings stronger than her to sway them was utterly alien to Palutena (the exception was Hades, but it was less reasoning and more insulting). Most of the time it was either humans or Pit.

"Palutena, remember what I said about the new rules?"

"Well, yeah, it's hard to forget." She meant the day in which I ranted to the other gods that the days of messing with mortals for shits and giggles was over after finding out they had been acting like before for a whiel. Poseidon never forgave me for biting his left thumb and discovering that it would never grow back, but I didn't care about the god of all sea-related things, storms and earthquakes... and horses.

"I hear the pleas of my soldiers. You hear the pleas of your followers. Even Hades does something if his priests ask for it, and he's a jerkass. Viridi, though... she killed hers, and the survivors are goddamned maniacs that want to sacrifice babies to earn her favor, and aside from hating them from being human she's not doing anything to stop them. The only reason those babies aren't back witht heir families is Viridi being an obstinated bitch and not letting those men burn some forest down to get their children back."

"That doesn't mean she has to die!"

Instead of replying, I opened another window, this time showing the sacrifice site. It was a simple clearing in the forest, watched over by masked people, and full of screaming newborns.

"See that? Those there are babies whose only evil was being born. In fact, why don't you help them?" I accused her. "Oh, right, you really can't, the only help you did was sending Pit when humanity was threatened, but now that they can perfectly defend themselves and only want blessings, you can't directly do anything."

Instead of responding, Palutena merely looked down in shame.

"Besides, Viridi won't die, remember? She'll just become mortal."

"You know that's worse than death to her, she hates mortals, remember?"

"I don't give a damn if it's hell for her, she brought it to herself. Besides, what's she gonna do? Get angry at me despite the fact that I had nothing to do with the damn change?" Even after telling them that there was a god for gods (R.O.B) out there, many gods blamed me because now they needed followers to stay gods.

"But-"

"No, I won't do anything for her, she's a goddamn bitch and if she loses her divinity it would be karma. Besides, the fight's already over." I said, and sure enough the Athenians had reached the clearing, killed the fanatics and rescued their children. The next step was burning the entire place down and laying a statue of their patron goddess, Palutena herself, and me. "They're going to thank us for our assistance, and you don't want to not attend such an even like the rescue of babies, don't you?" I said while standing up and preparing my 'General voice' for the soldiers.

I haven't mentioned it until now, but now that I'm a god I'm a bit above seven feet tall while Palutena is barely six, and many other gods are my height or even taller (Hades), I'm the most ripped of them all.

Sometimes being a god is not so bad.