Inception

Have you ever find yourself in that time when your mother yelled at you, and you were so flustered you ended up complying to whatever she said? Well, I haven't—my previous mother died early, duh.

Even though I haven't experienced it yet with Maiko-chan, I have gotten to experience a similar situation with Christine—my dumb psychotic sister. I know I was a little bit out of hand in my youth, but damn Christine's voice was magic itself.

Whenever I committed some trivial shit like breaking someone's jaw for fun, she always spoke commandingly to me; I could only nod my head, and do whatever punishment she told me to do—like being her lapdog for an entire week.

It was to the point where I wondered, 'What the fuck am I doing?' But, my body kept telling me, "Move, just move! Shall thou move, may happiness await thee!" Of course, as I expected only Christine got her happiness.

With that being said, I'm currently in that kind of situation. My lovely Gorilla has left me—well, she is still behind the door eavesdropping—and now I am left alone with Yukino—my soul-sister—in the clubroom.

"Do you want some tea, Hikigaya-kun?"

I look up at the benevolently smiling Yukino, and frown lightly. "It depends. I would like to, if you didn't add cyanide there..." Quirking my eyebrow, I whisper, "And Viagra."

She did that once in the past, and I was hard for 8 hours! Luckily my willpower was so strong, I could completely ignore her temptation, and meditated instead ... I felt like I had reached nirvana back then.

"Tch. Too bad." By that reaction, I can safely say I have dodged a bullet. While pouring the tea into my Japanese ceramic cup, she kindly asks, "Do you want some cake too?"

Since I have become quite fond of sweet foods after arriving into this world, I won't reject the idea of eating cake—it's also a perfect match with the tea. "I will take on your offer." I nod my head.

Yukino smiles, then goes to the table positioned near the window. Taking off the glass dome of the cake stand, she cuts a sector of the cake. Moving it to a minimalistic and elegant plate, she brings the piece of cake to me.

It's red velvet cake covered with the typical white icing. I curb the urge to smile, as this cake reminds me so much of our life in the past as siblings; Christine often made me this cake, whenever I had the urge to gobble something sweet.

Clack.

She puts down the plate on the table, and gives me the fork and spoon to eat it.

"It's nostalgic, isn't it?"

Honestly, yes. But, she doesn't need to know. I pick the cutlery presented to me, and am about to stab the fork at the cake when my keen eyes notice something—the sprinkles on the cake. Something is fishy with the color.

I scoop it up, and inspect it closely. as I expected, it is not sprinkles or crushed candy; Yukino plays her game well. I look up slowly at her, and she still keeps smiling at me.

"Bi—Yukinoshita, don't smile. I won't eat that thing." Gah! Even after moving into another world, her gaze is still enough to stop me from saying the forbidden word.

Tilting her head in fake puzzlement, she says, "What are you talking about, Hikigaya-kun?" She shakes her head lightly. "I didn't put anything weird on that cake."

'Gotcha, bitch!' Putting down the cutlery, I push the plate forward. "I didn't say anything about the reason why I don't want to eat your cake—why did you get defensive out of sudden?"

Though very brief, Yukino lost her composure; che quickly clears her throat to cover it up.

"Kuhum! I am just quick to pick up on cue, Hikigaya-kun." Tossing her hair graciously, she continues, "Your speech, the way you look at the icing, and the words you said were indicating an accusation; I feel the need to defend myself."

"You are good at speech," I comment.

She tosses her hair again. "I am just smart, Hikigaya-kun."

"I see... Then, can I know what type of sprinkles you used on the cake?"

"Oh, it's Viag—Vollmilchschokolade. It's a crush chocolate."

'Oh, look at that I'm very convinced; both words rhyme with each other very well, bravo!' Does she really think I will believe what she said? Jokes on her, I know the brand she has just mentioned!

"Listen, Yukinoshita ..." I can't help massaging my forehead. "Vollmilchschokolade specializes themselves in making CHOCOLATE, not candy." I point to the "sprinkle" on the cake. "This purple 'sprinkles' is by no means chocolates, nor is it candy."

Yukino tilts her head in another fake puzzlement. "Why?"

"Because," I whisper, "it's a fucking viagra!" I can't let Shizuka hear our bizarre conversation.

"Tch. He got it."

'This bitch! She didn't even try to hide it!' I am done with this woman; she is slowly taking my mental health away. Alright, it's time to get away from this place, and do something productive ... Nah, I will just chill in the sofa while reading another Fyodor Dostoyevsky's.

"Where are you going, Hikigaya-kun?" And, my body just stopped at her call ... Not really, I can still move; I just want to respond her. "I am going to buy some milk."

"It's unethical to say that; you have a better sentence to say," she chides me. I don't know what is unethical with using 'to buy some milk' as an excuse to run away, but I guess, "I missed the part where that's my problem," a shrug can solve it all.

Yukino opens her mouth, but ended up closing it again. "You really are helpless, aren't you?" Of course, that doesn't mean she has no more to say. "You didn't even sip the tea ... If you are that eager to leave, at least take a bite of the cake first."

'So, it's still about that in the end?!' Her ability to annoy me amazes me. She really knows how to get on someone's nerves just like me; man, we look like sibling ... Wait, we are; we are soul-related, after all.

But, can soul be related though? I don't know. In the very first place, I don't know if soul-related is a thing. Whatever. At least, I can get out of this room.

Rattle.

"Where are you going?"

Or not. My lovely Gorilla is already there by the time I opened the door. 'Huuh... I can't really escape this, can I?'

"I am going to where my heart leads to," is my answer to Shizuka.

I have hoped she would be mad at me, but she gives me "that" look instead. 'Stop it! Don't show me how disappointed you are with me, Shizuka!' Still, she stops showing me "that" face fairly quickly; she knows me best, after all.

"Is it really that hard for you to socialize, Hachiman?"

"Not really. I can socialize just fine. But as I have always said, I don't see the point in it." I shrug.

"It has a point, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita butts in. "Humans are social creatures: they need each other to live. Socializing is needed to integrate yourself into the 'pack'; it is so that you will be considered one of us—human."

Tossing her hair gracefully, she continues, "Unless you are a god or a wild beast, you need to socialize, Hikigaya-kun."

"That's my point, Yukinoshita. Why do I have to feel the need to join the 'pack' when I can live just fine by myself?"

"Are you really that happy being a wild beast? You should quit your delusion, Hikigaya-kun. I believe you are aware that the current you is here thanks to the other people."

"I am aware of that, Yukinoshita. However, none of them have helped me to get to where I am; I use them. That's why I'm not a wild beast; I'm a god."

Surprisingsly, Yukino doesn't cringe at my declaration; she hums to herself in contemplation instead. I don't really get why she debates me on this matter, since she also did the same thing in the past—it's very hypocritical of her.

Moreover, she's doing what the original Yukino has done: being a loner. She has no right to tell me about this socializing shit.

"If you can use people, why not trying to interact—communicate with them more? You won't know when you will lose your 'pawns.' It's better to engage yourself more with them, don't you think so?"

That's the second most ridiculous shit I've ever heard ever since Socrates' death. "People's loyalty is superficial. Money buys people—that's what drives them. I have much of it, and it's enough to keep them moving according to my will."

"That's just an assumption that everyone is materialistic. While most of them are, there are people that are not." Yukino glances at Shizuka briefly, before turning her gaze back to me. "Do you view your relationship as something superficial too?"

I'm glad our pointless debate has finally reached this point.

"Of course, not. My relationship is genuine; I care about it—it's important to me. The whole point of me not very fond of socializing with everyone, because I don't see enough genuinity in it; it's superficial, and I hate it."

It has been a year since the truth was unveiled, but I can't still shake off the disappointment. I was genuine to her. I exposed everything of me to her—I trusted her. But she, in turn, decided to hide her true self, and adopt a fake persona.

My trust in her was too big to doubt her; I believed all the lie she fed me. When I met her true self for the first the time at Shizuka's highschool reunion, it made me think, "Who is this woman?" I didn't know her at all, and I still don't.

For real, who, for the 26 years, had I spent my time with? Who is Christine Sasaki? Do I know her? I can't tell. All I have experienced in the past is a lie; there was no genuinity in it. Therefore, I hate it.

"I am being real to you though... I really want to mend our relationship." Those words came out of her mouth as a muttering.

Just like that, the mood turned melancholic. I am not an emotional person, so I can turn my head at Shizuka, and ask, "Can I go, babe?" With my eyes. Shizuka sighs once again, then pulls me to the side.

"Hachiman, why don't you give it a try? She's a good kid; despite of knowing our relationship, she keeps it to herself." Holding my hand, Shizuka continues, "She, just like you, finds it difficult to make friends ... I think you may be able to understand each other."

I smile bitterly. "We already understand each other. Because of that, I can tell we can't get along well yet."

"Are you saying that because you REALLY know her or because you THINK you know her?"

This question makes me think a little bit. This Christine feels foreign to me; she doesn't feel familiar. But, I somehow can understand the way she thinks ... Or is that just my thought?

I shake my head; the answer is clear. "No, I don't know her, and I don't want to know." What am I afraid of? Disappointment. I don't want to be disappointed for the second time. 'How can I know it will be genuine this time?'

"You can't know. You just have to try." I move my startled gaze to Shizuka. I was sure I didn't say that out loud. "Nothing comes as genuine. It doesn't just appear out of nowhere; you have to slowly make it to be one ... Just like our relationship."

I seem to forget it, but Shizuka is a wise teacher. I still find the logic is flawed, but I just don't want to retort her; I want to believe that what she has said is true. What is this again? Ah, yes—trust.

"Alright, alright, you win." I sigh lightly. "You WILL wear THAT tonight, right? You can't break your promise, I am putting my fragile heart in the line here."

Shizuka shakes her head helplessly, then waves her hand mildly. "Don't worry, I never go back on my words." Turning to Yukino she says, "I will leave this guy in your care. He might be frustrating sometimes, but trust me, he's fun to hang around with."

After bidding her farewell to me, Shizuka gets out of the classroom, leaving me alone with Yukino once again. This time, she is really gone. I sigh lightly, then turn around from the door to face Yukino.

"She has taken my position, huh?" Yukino shakes her head lightly.

I can't clearly deduce what she is feeling, but the bitterness in her tone is quite apparent to me. Still, as fast as it came, it is gone even faster. Yukino spreads her hands open, and looks at me brightly.

"Welcome to Service Club, Hikigaya-kun! We are glad to have you."

Though I don't really know the real her, but it seems some of her habits are similar to the Christine that I know.

I recognize that well fabricated fake bright face; Christine always showed it to me whenever she felt the need to cover her disappointment. Despite so, I pretend I didn't notice it.

"I will be in your care." I bow formally.

Who knows whether she is genuine with herself? Better to not expect much, and slowly learn about her.

That way, maybe ... Maybe, I can slowly find the genuinity in her; maybe we will be able form a genuine bond. This time, it'll be mutual ... I hope.