Chapter 2- Your Excuse is me

You Can Blame Me If That Makes You Feel Better~

            Why?why is it so difficult for you to understand? Why do I have to struggle with you every single moment and every single day? Why is it so hard to talk to you" I cried myself out,badly hurt,I couldn't talk this anymore. It was getting out of hand each day that passes.

   "You ungrateful little thing,you brat!" She yelled at the top of her voice. Her eyes were red and I could see her veins Poppin out,but I cared less.

    "Am ungrateful? Am ungrateful?" I harshly wiped the tears off my eyes and tried to act all numb to my pain but my head kept pounding harder and harder,I could collapse anytime.

   "What have you ever done for me to ever be grateful,am the one who fuckin cleans up you shit every mother fuckin time. Everyday i come home to this dumpster of a house just to make sure you're doing ok but all you could say was that am ungrateful? Shit! You're supposed to be my fuckin mum! You arr supposed to be the one looking after me" Tears began rushing down my eyes as painful memories came flushing into my mind.

    Those times were the hardest times of my life,I thought I could have even died but I didn't know how I even made it. It was a tragedy. Infact my survival even concluded it to be a tragedy.

    I looked my mum straight into the eyes and all I could see was those her accusing eyes staring right at me, Making feel that every misfortune that happened to her was my fault.

    Fuck!

  How it hurt me the most that the only woman who carried Me for nine months believe that i did all that to her. It hurts guys,it fuckin hurts in areas that it made me to have medical issues that i struggled with for years nut couldn't get the guts to tell her.

    I stormed out of the room broken and shattered into million pieces,all over again. It wasn't something I was supposed to be new to but it's shocking how everytime it hits differently.

    I was just 12 when I started making my own life choices,everyone abandoned me in the hands of my mum,I had no Dad as he died even before I was born and till date that's all I know about him. Surviving wasn't a choice but a daily struggling to keep.

     I thought everything would soften up when I travel but that was just the synopsis of me sad story. A terrible one to be specific. One of which I lost my twin to the hands of death.

   Huhh! It pains to recall,it pains so much that I had to move to another country and start a live on my own,with the help of my Granny. That sweet old lady almost got in tangled with my problems but she was struggle enough to strive.

    Unfortunately my mum found my location,and as at the she already lost everything,every single thing she held high and with esteem. I didn't have the guts to three her out so I allowed her back into my life,into my apartment but now she never fails to remind all that she had lost because of me.

       It's as if I was cursed,as if I was never destiny to be happy and that no matter where I run to,my part will always get me. So I had to choice to stop running and face it head on. Completely.

     I got to school few minutes late and the teacher was already in the classroom. Miss Bennies. Great! Could my day get any worse?

Mrs Bennies made me wait outside the classroom till her class were almost over,I didn't care much,I even needed the time and space to reflect on my scars and my demons. I'm just 18years,I was fuckin too old for this.

    After recess, I went to the field to get some hair and some privacy. It was my daily spot. I didn't bother to look for Olivia because she always knew where to find me.

    "Feeling dumped?" Olivia spoke from my behind and took her seat besides me while she relaxed her muscles to breath in deeply.

   "Just getting some fresh air" I replied softly to her,I haven't spoken all day since I left the house to school,I had little to say but much to worry my little brain about.

    After a long silence Olivia signed heavily "Life sucks" she said and just looked at the sky lazily and discouraged. I gave a rough and bitter chulk "Ls?" I turned to her and she smile back "Ls" she replied. Ls was our little way of causing our problems and laughing about it afterwards.

    "You should go out sometime to party, staying home after school doesn't look good on you" Olivia said to me, bringing out a lolipop from her Pocket.

    "Yeah right,as if that would solve anything" i responded collecting one from my pocket ad well,I bought it everyday while going to school to make sure that Incase I miss my lunch i would still have something to stick to.

     "Well at least it's going to buy you some time from her" I looked at Olivia and she gave me the look that says,you know am right kidda look

   "I wish it was that simple,besides I don't want to wake up too late to always be victimized by dear Miss Bennies,also I wouldn't even have the chance to pass her course"

    "Yeah that's true. But still my offer still remain,give yourself a turn and see where it gets you to" Olivia said and spread her hand to give me a hug. I slowly fell Into her arms as she gently pat me by the side.

    "I miss her,so much" I sob within her arms and she cuddled me till my tears began slowly falling into her uniform,she didn't mind at all because I would do same if it was her,but lately my complains had become frequent.

     "Shhh,it's alright,dont worry,am here for you. We got each other,two broken glasses" by broken glasses she meant by the both of us. She looked using figure of speech which made it sometimes difficult to understand her. I guess that why I managed to never fail literature.

    After sometime Olivia finally said "I miss her too" And the tears fell down her eyes as well but it was just a drop of tears,she quickly wiped it off but I knew she was about crying because she began sniffing her nose.

    "I wish I could go to her,am sure where ever she might be must be more peaceful that anywhere here on earth"

     "Yeah,I guess so too" Olivia respond to me softly.