chapter nineteen - Self Harm

WARNING! ⚠️

This chapter comes with a MAJOR trigger warning!

If you're easily triggered by self-harm than I would STRONGLY advise that you skip this chapter!

Thanks!

Megan

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Chapter nineteen

Self Harm

The one thing that I did to cope throughout was self-harm.

They gave me a rule, I could either eat and self-harm or not eat and not self-harm. Yep, you heard it!

I had major issues at the time where I got so depressed and felt so fat that I felt like I didn't want to eat, so I skipped a few lunches and breakfasts; this is where the rule came in.

I chose self-harm at the time.

This was my coping mechanism and I loved it!

They would ask me at night if I had anything and if I did, did I want to hand it in. If I did then it would have to be well documented, I often lied and said I didn't when I actually did have something.

I got used to hiding self-harm now, it started with using a safety pin 🧷 on my finger ✌️ and then slowly progressed down to using a pencil sharpener blade, it took ages to de-blade it but I always managed.

I got used to it, so I would basically get undressed, self-harm all I wanted, then jump in the shower and then clean up after I was dry and dressed; caused so much blood that it felt like I was covering up a murder scene each time, it was great!

I would always come down late due to tidying up with as many cleaning wipes as possible.

Some blood would get stuck to my clothes and that was painful, but I didn't care.

At one point I grabbed safety pin 🧷 and cut a massive line from my hip all the way down my leg to my foot. 🦶

Caused so much blood that it went through my sheets onto my duvet cover, they were so angry that I had to buy a new duvet in case something like that happened again.

It got so bad that I got onto using knives..... 🔪