Ch. 7 - Akagi's persona.

I got home and immediately pull out my phone to log in the game to talk to Airi. I didn't rest, change my clothes or eat as I dont feel like doing it for now, and I was kinda looking forward to talking to her as I kinda found her interesting to talk to.

* Minutes later *

Airi : "...like I said, im the quiet kid in my class."

Akagi : "Oh, im also regarded as the quiet one in my class, however im more talkative and openly approachable than they think. Its because I only really open my mouth and be myself around my friends. To others, I act silent and cold."

Airi : "I only really talk to my bestie, and I dont like being with too many people, I just sat down near the window and read my books."

Its been 2 weeks since we started to being so open and exchange stories about our daily lives before and now. However, im still waiting for the perfect moment to ask her about the truth.

Akagi : "Im kinda like that too, but not all the time. What books do you read?"

Airi : "I just read my Manhwa but sometimes I just review my previous lessons. I can be a real idiot sometimes."

Akagi : "What's a manhwa and what genres?"

Airi : "Manhwa is a korean anime comic, I think. And I like female villains and fantasy."

Akagi : "So its like a manga but korean? I see. I like to read historical events and developments, like a documentations about our past. I dont like reading other genres like romance or fantasy, cause im having a hard time imagining it, and I prefer to watch the movie adaptations instead."

Airi : "I wanna read something like that too, but my brain can't keep up with so many informations."

Akagi : "Only study when your brain is in the mood for it, never force yourself. That's how it works for me."

Airi : "Wait really? How can I study more efficiently?"

Akagi : "This is somewhat long and complicated, but I will tell you how. First of all organized your work and balance your time, wliminate all kinds of distractions, learn to prioritize your work, and take a 5 minute break after studying for 25 minutes. Just keep repeating that and try not to get distracted."

Airi : "I see, I understand but I have problem with organizing and prioritization. And I always get distracted by game invites."

Akagi : "Well that could be a problem, however, take it slow and practice bit by bit. Dont change your entire routine immediately. And turn off your phone."

Airi : "Okay, I hope I can get to it."

Akagi : "You gotta control yourself from playing too much games, your scholarship depends on how much you study, if you fail to maintain the standard performance you will lose it."

Airi : "I know, but I really cant deny in-game invites, I love playing and im a playful girl."

Akagi : "If you think im scolding you, im just worried and reminding you."

Airi : "No I dont think like that, but thank you for being honest."

Akagi : "You seem really cheerful, No?"

Airi : "Yes I am, I can be so hyper sometimes, I get bored easily so I just wanna have fun. What about you?"

Akagi : "I work full time at my father's restaurant, sometimes I sideline to cook at school cafeterias, catering, and I also do deliveries. I do it all whenever I have more time left before the day ends, or when we're closed for the day."

Airi : "So you have a main job and 3 side jobs? Why? are you in extreme debt or something?"

Akagi : "No, but I just work for a regular living."

Airi : "I think 4 jobs is not for a regular living, your clearly overworking yourself."

Akagi : "Listen, you'll understand why when you started working, everything has a reason and purpose."

Airi : "Well at least take a break! your making me worried here."

Akagi : "Why are you worried? dont worry about me focus on yourself, you need to have a much more concentrated mind on how you study."

Airi : "How can I not be worried? your my couple."

Im starting to think she thinks that this is a real relationship. For the past days, she has shown keen interest about me and had always shown concern about me, I try to lay it off by telling her to took care of herself and not me, it doesn't seem to work though.

"Can I ask you a question?"

She said before I can write my reply.

"What is it?"

I replied.

"Do you only love me and see me as an in-game couple or do you lovre me as a couple in real life?"

This question somehow surprises me, I wasn't ready to answer it, I dont even know what to say as an reply.

Its quite vague she says "in real life" even though nothing has happened between us outside of the game. Maybe its my fault, I always play along and go with her mood and now she thinks my feelings are real. What the hell am I suppose to do now?

I try to think this out but im feeling so nervous, my beating anxious heart is throwing my brain into disarray, I feel like im being timed cause if I didn't answer soon enough she'll think im bluffing. I dont want to hurt someone, so I made a decision, its a gamble but if it pays off im safe. I will say "Yes", cause I know for sure she doesn't feel intimate or have a romantic feeling for me, especially that she asked me first, so it means she's troubled over that matter, so she will reject me and I can be a free birdie again without looking like the bad person. Its a win-win strategy.

"Yes, I love you in real life, not just in game."

Now I wait for her reply.

"Ohh~ I love you too! not just in game~"

Wait...What? what the f*ck was that supposed to mean?! Is this girl really love me in real life without knowing who I really am and I didn't even know it? Ahhh- *scoffs* I was just playing along and now this happened. I maybe overthinking it, she's not in love she's just being romantic, typical....

"Oh, I didn't know you feel like that as well, how do you love me though?"

The only thing I can do is to find out the reason why and maybe plan to break up with her someday. I feel kinda uncomfortable.

Airi : "Its because I feel like I can always be open to you about my thoughts and feelings, you've shown me kindness and I feel like I can trust you."

Akagi : "Oh, I see. So you've never felt to be this open before?"

Airi : "Yes, because I feel insecure and scared when I want to be open with other people, but to you it felt different, I feel so comfortable and at ease when im talking to you."

Akagi : "Im glad to hear those words, you make me feel like im important."

This is actually touching and im getting emotional. What the f*ck?!?!

Airi : "You are kinda important to me, even though I can only see you in the game I love and trust you. You are the second person I trust."

Akagi : "That's touching, and are you saying im the second person who knows alot about you?"

She replied "Yes". Im assuming the first one's are her family members, I dont know whether to feel important or worried. She shouldn't trust anyone online so easily, thats just a bit concerning.

Akagi : "I dont mean to be rude but, you shouldn't exactly trust new people easily, especially on the internet."

Airi : "Oh? why?"

Akagi : "Well first off, im not saying I will do anything bad, but alot of horrible things happen on the internet all the time, and being far too trusting will make you vulnerable to cybercrime."

Airi : "Oh I see, so I make a mistake."

Akagi : "Not really, im just concern for your own safety and its for your own good. And your lucky im the person you met and not someone else who might took advantage of you."

Airi : "Your right! I am lucky to have you~ I will be more careful for now on. We can still talk just like before right?"

Akagi : "Sure, whenever you feel like it but and dont force yourself."

Airi : "Sure! I wanna learn more about you though."

Akagi : "Right now? what do you wanna know?"

Airi : "Im wonder if you are kind to me as to everyone else."

Akagi : "No, im not exactly kind, I just have concerns to people who can't see clearly."

Airi : "Oh? so how do you exactly act towards others?"

Akagi : "Well im kinda mean, cause I dont talk much and I always have a serious look on my face. Im kinda serious all the time and dull or boring."

Airi : "Eh? then what about towards your friends?"

Akagi : "They said im stoic, but since they knew how to make me laugh and what interested me, its not the same experience for them."

Airi : "How exactly? please tell me~"

Akagi : "Well I intentionally try to be stoic and avoid too much socializing cause I rather to be alone and in solidarity, cause some people just use me for their own interests and they kinda like bother me almost everytime."

"But towards my friends since they knew me, there's no point in hiding my true personality. No matter how much I act serious around them, they know what makes me laugh and will always find a way to make me smile."

"So I just be myself around them when we hang-out, being playful, being talkative about my interests, making jokes, listening, having a wonderful time with them, and help them in many ways sometimes they say I give too much, but its worth it cause they appreciate it and they're not abusive."

I know that I told her not to trust people online so easily, and yet here I am spouting my true personality. But come to think of it she's far away from me and its not sensitive information so she cant do anything about it.

Airi : "Oh, so your only hiding your true personality to avoid being hurt again?"

Akagi : "Yeah I kinda do."

Airi : "What exactly happened to you before that causes you to be like this?"

Oh boy, here we go again, time for some flashbacks but since she ask me I think I can just let my memories flow and let it go so I can explain it properly without flipping out.

Akagi : "It was around when I was in middle school, I was a transfer student and I met alot of new people. I wanted to be friends with them, so I use to give and share with them alot of the stuff I had, I help them on they're studies and even let them copy my homework. I did alot of what I thought was an act of generosity and kindness, but damn I was so wrong."

"Sometimes whenever they wanna do something, they never ask me or include me in their activities. They dont offer me anything but they keep taking from me. I felt left out and cheated, but I let it go cause I didn't want to make it a bigger problem."

"But one day they started talking harshly to me and started making fun of me, I thought they're just joking so I didn't mind. Untill it starts to get clearer day after day, I was hurt inside, some of my classmates even told me the truth and I didn't do anything, cause I thought retaliation is wrong. Even though my bullies and I both know of the truth, they still ask me for stuff and for help, I thought agreeing to their demands despite knowing their true intentions would make them feel conscience and stop, but it just make me look weak, unable to stand for myself. An absolute pushover.

"I have trouble saying no, cause I want to remain the nice person that I am, even though in times I did say No, they resort to discrimination and violence, and I didn't even fight back and just give them what they want, cause again, I thought retaliation was bad and it will only cause bigger troubles."

"Untill one day I finally realize to myself that I was so wrong, I wasn't the nice or kind person I was hoping to become, I was just a weak pushover. I gave them so much to they point they just keep asking and expecting me to give. I should've just said No, I should've just turn them down, I should've just let them be, I should've just fight back and myself clear that I wont be used or abused, I shouldn't have prioritize morals and kindness over resolve and respect. Only if I have the strength and resolve that day, I should've been able to set up boundaries, even if I hurt their feelings or make them feel left out, I should've make them respect my decision and my stance."

Airi : "You had it rough, im so sorry to hear that."

I already feel like my emotions are overflowing again, but I just ignored it, writing it all down seems to have calm me down, but I wont continue telling my story, its just the surface and I would leave it like that, I hope my story will serve as a warning to her, I know she's also suffering like me. I dont want her to experience the same ordeal.