Feel a little bit of yourself

Hearing her say that , l shook my head in response . It isn't that l didn't want to move in her house and ignoring the fact that I could become a problem , l only wished I could , l wish l had the guts to do it , leave Mark and move over to her house . But then with the three kids l don't honestly think that l can start a life on my own . If I'm being honest , it's just a ruff match that's all I'm sure if it . Kids need a lot of basic needs .

" Don't worry Bella , me and Mark have been together for years , these things happen am sure of it , he will lastly love me " , After thinking about how hard it will need me to work for the kids , l lastly responded to her . Right Mark ignores me but at least he does provide everything the kids wanted

" How about we go out this weekend , perhaps you need to feel a little bit of yourself , you still young Alexa , enjoy yourself " , She brought up another subject . " I don't think that it is possible, remember l do have the kids , Mark isn't going to stay in the weekend " , l countered. " Kids are about to have a holiday for two weeks , it's going to be hard for me to look for someone to take care of them ",I explained to her more

" My parents can take care of them , Alexa just one night only , come and we enjoy ourselves " , Alexa mumbled but still I shook my head in denial before I glanced down at my watch . " I don't want to stress your parents and secondly l do have to go now " , After noticing that some few minutes were past 11:00am , l murmured . " Time really goes faster when you enjoying yourself , are you again worried about Mark that bastard " , She rolled her eyes . " No , I have to go and pick up Ivan " , l smiled at her before l stood up

*

After visiting Bella , life with Mark wasn't good. As usual Mark didn't come back home until it was eleven in the morning . When I tried to ask him why he came back late , he told me that he was trying his level best to win over his boss . Of course , I didn't believe him but what right did l have to ask him

When I brought the topic again , he yelled at me and told me that is he working hard all because of us . Just as usual, he continued to look at me with anger and disgust all over his face but still I minded less about it though it hurt me . During break fast , he only talks about his work friend , how he has to work harder than him which l still don't believ

Bearing up with everything , I finished doing the washing , wiping down the sideboards and mopping the floors . I was preparing some coffee when my phone buzzed with a text . This time it was from Mark

" Don't bother making food am getting take out with the men at work "

As soon as I read the message , l shook my head in disbelief . He was trying to fool me but l already knew what he was upto . Moods ruined , l didn't even reply to him , l just placed the phone down on the couch then dropped speechlessly on the couch . " What is there to even reply to him , what am l now going to do with a person like him " , Puzzled l asked myself inwardly

Bella's suggestion was in my head but l didn't know whether to accept or not . With this stressing me , the rest of the day l kept nodding my head in thoughts . I was only asking myself whether going out will make me feel a little better or not

" Mum are you even listening to us , why are you even ignoring us , we have been asking you for a drink for ages " , Just as I was still in my thoughts , l heard Chrissy whining while shaking my hand . This is what now happens , l keep thinking about what Mark does to me and l end up ignoring the kids . " I'm sorry sweetie , how about a hot chocolate ? , and some cookies then l will put film for us to watch " . I mumbled and all they did was nodding their heads

After making us all a hot chocolate and putting the cookies , l sat down and pulled a load of DVDs and let them choose . Mark told them that l do nothing except watching monsters with them but still l had nothing to do , they are my kids . As usual they picked frozen . For the following minutes , they were all watching as they ate

However soon enough fall asleep on my lap while Jessica and Chrissy looked for more DVDs

" Come on , mummy is now tired , l want an early night for all of us " , After looking at my watch , l changed my mind . " Please say that dad is going to come , he never haves fun with us anymore " , Just as I was going to stand up from the sofa , Chrissy suddenly asked . At that l sat down again and failed to reply sooner to her

I always made sure that l don't mention Mark in front of the kids . That's was the last thing l wanted to talk about , l never wanted them to see how unhappy am l . " Mummy is he .... " , She began but l held up her hand quickly stopping her in mid sentence . " Don't ever say that princess , your dad loves you , he just got a big job , how many times do l have to tell you that your dad is working hard to get fees for you ", l mumbled in a soft voice

" Come on let's go to bed princess " , l added . I didn't want them to know that he no longer cares about them . For the next half hour , l put them into the bed , read stories for them , then walked out after them falling asleep . Lastly laid in the bed , l thought about the days l was happy with Mark

The days him and l laid on the beach , in the dark night with the stars shining in the sky . At this time , l now wished those days would come back . Right at that time , he was possessive and toxic but at least he didn't look at me with disgust on his face

q .. ... . . .. .e..* . . . me with disgust on his face .