To Fuck a Book's Mom

I had a dream again. As to be expected, it was about the stupid book.

Except this time, the book was put to the side and closed. Instead of being super-sized so that it filled most of my vision, it was simply next to me. It was then that the annoying whispers once again filled my head.

"You are weak. Pathetically weak and you know it!"

I've just started to learn magic, isn't that a bit of an unfair assessment?

"How are you supposed to protect your family if you're as weak as that?"

...Bro, I don't need to protect my family. All of them are strong as hell and doing fine on their own. Sure Jess might've done something stupid that got her caught by the mage association, but I just have to make sure she doesn't do that stupid thing.

Otherwise, her power will be fit for a person that was in Class S. At the end of the day, she was still someone with extremely good magical talent and the discipline to study enough to get full marks on a test.

Unless the protagonist went through some key events that were really damn hard to get to, then Jess would actually be far more powerful.

Though I did not say anything, it appeared that the book had noticed my indifference toward what it had been saying. After a little while of awkward silence, a figure gradually began manifesting in front of me.

It consisted of a dark pink mist, vaguely taking on the shape of a humanoid form, with similar, but still different body proportions to me. Where the eyes would supposedly be, were instead devoid of the pink mist, and the same went for his mouth, making it possible to determine this thing's expression.

On top of that, there were two long horns on both sides of the thing's head. Honestly, it kinda felt like it was compensating for something.

There was a small frown on the thing's face.

While it was hesitating to speak, I pointed at it accusingly.

"Are you the book's mom?"

The figure looked at me strangely.

"What? No! I'm a guy!"

I clicked my tongue.

"Unfortunate. And here I thought I was going to have a chance to fuck the book's mom."

The figure stamped his foot on the ground.

"What? Leave my mom out of this!"

I tapped my chin a few times.

"...Wait, so you are the book? Hey, could you tell me where your mom is?"

The figure clenched his fist.

"My mom already died a long time ago, you-"

He suddenly stopped himself, reeling back in that anger.

"Hm. That was unbecoming of me. I am here to talk to you."

I simply raised a finger in the air with a straight face.

"It's fine if it's just the corpse, please tell me where it is."

The figure flipped out, shaking a fist at me.

"Shut up! Stop trying to change the subject! I know you aren't Bryson, bastard!"

I tilted my head to the side.

"Hm? But that is indeed my name."

After that, I put on an expression of concern. I looked off to the side, with the tips of my fingers gently pressed on my chin.

"Oh dear, it appears you need help..."

The figure seemed to be raising an eyebrow.

"Huh? Why do I need help?"

I let out an exaggerated sigh and put a hand on my head in frustration. Afterwards, I gave a deep bow to him.

"It appears... your brain does not work. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. It appears I dodged a bullet. If your stupidity was contagious, I might've caught it from fucking your mom!"

The figure's entire body began trembling as he flailed his limbs around.

"You piece of shit! Just fucking listen to me when I'm talking, why can't you have some respect here?"

I raised an eyebrow and held out a hand towards him like I was a butler.

"Oh dear, all of this screaming. I tried to talk all civilized, yet you simply keep cursing. I would ask you to stop raising your voice like a barbarian, but I understand your brain is simply unable to function on a level higher than a monkey's. And to even demand respect... though it is too much to ask a monkey to understand respect, much less... whatever you are."

I put a hand over my head and sighed as though it was truly a pity.

The figure began letting out various sounds like he was just barely holding himself back from screaming, but it was seeping out anyway. Though he clearly did not have any veins, it almost seemed like a vein was popping out from his forehead.

Eventually, he took in a deep breath, once again pulling back the anger. However, it still seemed too much for him as he began stamping his foot against the ground and cursing.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!"

He violently shook his head before pointing at me.

"Whatever! The reason I'm talking to you right now is that you're obviously not Bryson! I don't know who you are, but if you're a demon this is going too far! I've set my sight on this guy for way longer than you have!"

I simply shrugged my shoulders.

"Well I was born with this body, so it's pretty natural that I have the right to it."

The figure crossed his arms with a frown.

"Don't think I'm stupid. I've been observing him for a long damn time, and I know how he acts. I may not know who you are, but for sure you aren't Bryson!"

I shrugged my shoulders helplessly.

"People change, little monkey. Oh wait, that's an insult to monkeys."

The figure stared back at me silently. As for me, I still kept my nonchalant attitude the entire time. He spoke in a low tone, clearly pissed off.

"People don't change like that. I know that for a fact."

With a smile, I put both of my hands on my hips.

"Then if you really don't believe me, why don't you call me Also Bryson?"

The figure's eye twitched.

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"

I clicked my tongue.

"I guess that doesn't really click, huh? What else will I name my second youtube channel then?"

The figure looked at me as though I was some sort of ethereal alien, which was a little strange as he was more like the ethereal alien here.

"...If I have to fight you for Bryson, then I will!"

I rubbed my chin in thought and looked to the side.

"This must be how women feel, being treated like an object... You really should learn how to treat people equally, man."

The figure no longer listened to me.

"Talk all you want, you aren't getting out of this!"

It lifted both hands up, summoning giant dark pink spectral masses which split off into several different tendrils. A few of them shot into the ground, burrowing towards me with spikes jutting out from the top as they traveled.

A few took on the form of snakes and rushed toward me. As they traveled, they suddenly split into two as they traveled, both arcing outwards and erratically pathing towards me. They then continued splitting, confusing me as to which direction they were coming from.

Then there were a few that took the form of a hawk flying high into the air. After getting fairly close, it began to dive-bomb me at what felt like the speed of light.

Seeing all these different things coming toward me, I quickly came to a conclusion.

Unless I suddenly became the Flash, there was no way in hell I could dodge even half of these things. I couldn't help but wonder if the situation right now was bad for me. Or rather, I was questioning how badly this was going to screw me over.

With a crash, all of the black apparitions slammed into me one after another. The noise was incredibly loud, in fact nearly deafening.

When all of it calmed down, I opened up my narrowed eyes to see...

I was completely fine. In fact, if anything I felt a little refreshed from the wind that had blown by.

The figure began pointing at me in disbelief.

"What? Impossible! Even if you are a Mythic Demon you would've at least suffered a few scratches from that!"

I clapped a few times and looked at the figure pitifully.

"Little monkey, sometimes the truth is going to be hurtful, but being stupid and ignoring it won't get you anywhere."

The figure didn't seem angered by my statement. Rather, it seemed to be too overwhelmed with shock to think of anything else.

"What?... There is no demon possession? But how? That's impossible!"

I rolled my eyes.

"There was a guy that meditated under a tree for a bit and got enlightenment, so why is me changing a little bit so strange?"

The figure lowered his head and began mumbling his thoughts.

"...That's true... then..."

Huh? There actually was some dude that meditated and received enlightenment here? Hm. Maybe the person developing this game was a Buddhist or something.

The figure slowly turned to look at me with what appeared to be serene eyes.

"If you really did reach enlightenment... it appears I can't exactly force this on you."

I used my pinky to pick at my ear despite the fact there was no earwax.

"You didn't notice after spending hours droning on about power to my face and annoying me?"

The figure flinched. He seemed to be somewhat afraid.

"You can recall those memories?"

I blinked a few times. Was I not supposed to be able to do that?

"I mean I guess it is kinda hard to remember my dreams and all that."

The figure didn't seem to hear me. He only began muttering something to himself, clearly deep in thought. He never spoke his full thoughts in the mutters, only occasionally speaking a few words under his breath.

Though I could hear them, they were disconnected from full sentences, making it hard for me to gather anything. Regardless, the figure continued like I wasn't even there.

"Like that... then maybe..."

After a moment, it eventually sat down cross-legged. It waved its hand, causing a table to appear in front of it.

A piece of paper appeared on said table.

He tapped on the table once, as though really wanting to bring attention to it.

"How about we make a deal? Those words that you saw really are true. You have great potential to use Dark Arts. While it may not be the best I've ever seen, it would be a shame if you never ended up using it. I'll help you use them and even teach you. In exchange, all I ask for is to share some of the things that let you be enlightened."

Terms with the words that he had said appeared on the paper, and they were all in very simple language. Everything was concise and clear, nothing like a devil's contract. Realistically, I don't think he was trying to scam me either.

But still.

"You make it sound like I need your help in the first place."

The figure's face twitched.

"...You may not need it, but it will be very helpful for you. Look, the kingdom isn't as peaceful as you may think it might be. Your magic power is way too low for you to rely on, but with your talents in Dark Arts, you'll be able to do so much!"

A smirk formed on my face.

"You act like I didn't already know all of that."

The figure seemed a bit surprised, but didn't seem to find it unbelievable.

"Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. I'm really not trying to trick you. I don't know how I can get you to believe me, but that's really the case.

I gave a quick nod.

"I know you aren't."

From there, I pointed at him.

"Maybe think a little more about why I rejected you and maybe you'll understand some of this enlightenment stuff you care so much about."