my final time with him (2)

Bryan had loved Alisha very much during their short time together. It wasn't an obsessive love, it was pure and childish, something Alisha couldn't comprehend. She wasn't used to his love being something so beautiful and innocent and was instead used to his intense gazes and curious actions. She knew eyes that looked at her as if she was unattainable rather than loveable and it overwhelmed her. Bryan didn't know that his niceties were what had made her so afraid of him and didn't know how to save his failing relationship. He didn't need a redemption arc because he didn't need to redeem himself in this life.

During their relationship Alisha lost a lot of weight due to the stress she was putting herself under, she didn't know how to deal with having the man who killed her being so in love with her. The more he tried to fix the relationship through flowers and diamonds and sweet words, the more guilty she felt and the more she broke down. Eventually, she just gave up. She couldn't bring herself to love Bryan no matter how perfect he was, no matter how much she wanted to love this version of the man. Her memories simply made her too scared of what he would do, of what he could do, if she wasn't careful. After only a few months of dating their relationship ended.

With Alisha's absence and Bryan's emotional vulnerability, Susanna simply swooped in. She didn't have to do much, it only took some sweet words and alcohol for him to lose himself in her. Unfortunately, he couldn't let go of either girl, one saved him in his darkest hours and the other was the owner of his love. His heart grasped onto Alisha desperately while his hand held Susanna's and his deceit fooled every person around him save for Alisha. She knew at every turn what his eyes were screaming at her but she knew that Susanna's eyes were shouting the same at him. Love was so complicated.

After she broke it off with him he fell into a spiral of negativity and drinking because of the heart-ache and even though Susanna helped it, ultimately it was Alisha that brought him out of it. She found herself answering the door to a drunk and slobbering Bryan in the middle of the night, She brought him into her home and let him sleep in her guest room, he woke up and began apologizing to her.

"Bryan, stop apologizing!" She had to shout before sitting him down next to her and continuing. "We simply weren't meant to be and that's okay. There's a beautiful woman out there who loves you more than you love me and you deserve her, not me. You need to move on Bryan, you don't have to forget me but you have to start trying to." She had kissed his cheek and driven him home.

Two months later, he was dating Susanna. His gaze stopped lingering as long as it used to but the desperation within his eyes never left and Alisha kept pretending that she never saw it. Her guilt still pumped up but she moved past it, she wouldn't fixate on something she couldn't control. Perhaps it was their break up that helped her guilt quell. He had almost been violent with her when she broke it off with him and it reassured her of her decision.

Even though it was crazy, a part of her wished he had been violent, at least that way there would be no guilt. However it was her final time with him, it was the end of their time together. "This is it, this is my final time being someone more important than a friend to you. I can't love you, I just can't. I'm so sorry Bryan." She had cried whilst telling him… breaking his heart broke her own. Nonetheless, a feeling of relief spread her entire being after they broke it off, she didn't feel the overwhelming pressure to reciprocate his overbearing feelings. Perhaps her relationship with the Senator was an over-correction of sorts, it had been her only romantic relationship since Bryan and there were no emotions attached.

Alisha turned away from Bryan at the party and swerved past the other guests in a desperate attempt to get away from his gaze. She knew that Richard would be stuck congratulating them but she needed a friend at that moment. She sighed and stared at the stars. She wondered if the stars she was staring at were the same as those in her last life, if perhaps the only similarity left was the sky. "Will you ever change into something unrecognisable?" She asked the stars.

"Why would the stars change?" A voice she knew asked as he snuggled up next to her. "They don't have any reason to change, hon." He smiled and wrapped his arm around her. She snuggled into him and felt warm in her heart.

"I just feel like everything I thought I knew has changed because of my actions. Everything is different in ways I can't control. My heart aches constantly thinking about the hurt I've caused." She felt her eyes painfully fill with tears as they swelled into her lids. She closed her eyes and let them drop on her hands, filled with black mascara.

"Lisha, you're not supposed to be able to control your life and the future. This is how it's supposed to be, unpredictable. Maybe you'll finally be able to live again, babe." He kissed her forehead as she laughed shakily.

"Thanks Freddy. I needed a hug. It's just… that bastard Bryan keeps giving me this look. The kind of look you give your favourite candy as your mum takes it away from you. I can't keep up, my heart hurts seeing that look because I'm the candy and the mum. I wish I didn't have to put up with his bullshit!" She complained as her hands squeezed the railing.

"Alisha, there is so much left for you to do and see with or without Bryan. You need to forgive yourself for breaking his heart because we both know that it was the right thing to do and that you could never have loved him." Freddy grinned at her and pulled her into his chest. She nestled her head into him and began giggling as he pet her head awkwardly. "You goofball." He teased as she began pulling away.

"I think you're being summoned Fred, go congratulate the couple. I'll just chill out here for a while." Alisha ushered him as she smiled at the sky. She decided that she would go on a drive that night because she wanted to see all of the stars hiding away. She had a mansion in the country regions where she could see the entire galaxy. "I'll have to leave soon…" She murmured, still staring at the sky.

"Where are you going?" She flinched as she heard a voice next to her. She turned to the Senator, her hand on her chest, and glared at him.

"Why would you scare me like that?" She groaned angrily as she poked him playfully. He laughed and shrugged and stared at her, anticipating an answer. "I was thinking of going to my mansion down south. I just wanted to see all of the stars." She answered as her eyes twinkled happily.

"Okay, when are we leaving?" He grinned as his hand gripped her waist and pulled her into him.

"WE aren't going anywhere, Chris, I was planning on going alone or with Richard." She tried to push him away but soon gave up and turned the other way to see if she could find Richard. Unfortunately, Richard was knocking back drinks and showing off his dancing skills at the heart of the party. "Well, just me then." She shrugged as she sipped some of her drink.

"You, miss, have knocked back quite a few drinks. I can drive us. Also, I wanna stare at the stars too." His voice deepened for a moment and she saw some despair in his eyes. A despair she had only ever seen in her own eyes.

"Okay." She mumbled quietly.

"Sorry, what was that? I couldn't quite hear you." He teased as he pulled her in front of him with both his arms holding her waist and slowly travelling lower. His face was so close to hers he could feel her short breaths on his mouth and she didn't seem to be stopping him anymore.

"Not here or now, Chris. I don't want any rumors. Also, no funny business there either unless I initiate it. Let's go." In a single swift motion she pulled him by the tie and pecked his lips, smirked and sashayed away. "Come on slow-poke!"

He laughed as they said their goodbyes to the hosts and explained that they had some business to attend to before leaving. Bryan stared at Alisha's back and watched her leave. His eyes didn't leave as the two left from the door but he caught sight of his arm on her waist for a second as the door closed and felt pain swell suddenly in his heart. He knew his chance was gone but knowing that she had someone else hurt his heart tremendously.

Senator Rodrigo was quite performative the gentleman and in his gentlemanly fashion he opened the car door for Alisha and stepped into to drive. However, underneath his gentle facade was a maniac obsessed with being the best. Unlike Bryan in her last life, he didn't see Alisha as a possession or trophy, however he did want to conquer the barriers she held up towards him. She had seen her with Richard and Fred and noticed that her behaviour was much more relaxed than it was with him and he wanted to be someone to her. Even though the pleasure from their physical relationship was better than drugs he regretted jumping into it so quickly because the emotional barrier on her was even higher now. He stared at the pretty young girl and wondered what she was thinking about so deeply.

I wonder if jellyfish have thoughts. Alisha had seen a cloud that looked like a jellyfish and remembered that she had once heard that jellyfish didn't have brains; they had a series of neurons instead, thus she was stuck in a loop of thoughts relating to jellyfish emotions. Her thoughts weren't interrupted throughout the car-ride, she didn't notice the hand on her thigh or the squeezes sending tingles through her body because she was too focused in her mind.

Three hours later, at twelve O'clock, they arrived at her mansion. "Why is it so big?" He asked.

"That's what she said." She joked making him shake his head, full of disappointment. "Everything is cheaper when it's rural."