23 Hypocrite

**Most liked comment - Go to Calix's apartment**

>>Rave

In the moments of intense pain, I threw away all my reasoning and grabbed my bag to take out the card Calix put in there.

It had the name of the luxury apartment complex with his name on it as well.

It was in that moment I realized that the card Calix had given me was a key card to his pent house.

I looked at Sister Agatha as I clenched my chest, "Sister..." The pain was hammering holes in my body and I felt like I would faint.

She knew what decision I had made and nodded.

"Come Child." She said, "I'll have someone take you there."

***

The building was huge and sparkling, just what you'd expect from the elite.

I would have admired it more if I wasn't in the middle of dying. That's why I ran straight to the elevator and swiped the key card in the slot.

The wait was dreadful, even more than the car ride here and with each passing second I felt pain and ease.

It was a weird sort of torture mixed with sharp stinging followed by momentarily relief but one thing was for sure.

The crushing pain I was feeling back in the orphanage was no longer there. It was hard to even breathe there but that had gotten a lot better.

I wonder? Is it because I chose Calix? Because I stopped the rejection and ran towards him? Is that it?

It wasn't until the elevator door opened and I entered his place that a surge of relief entered my body like a wave.

A loud sigh of relief escaped my mouth when I sniffed his pheromones that were in abundance in his personal space and felt like a huge vine of thorns had been put away from me.

In that moment I felt so relaxed, my legs gave in and I fell butt flat on the wooden furnished floor.

"Oh my..." My body trembled with relief and I realized how strong the fated pair bond really is.

And it was also the moment where I realized how weak I was.

I ran away from the pain as soon as it started getting too painful. I didn't even try to fight it, not even for a full day...

It wasn't really like the rejection was going to kill me, the pain would have stopped at one point but I'm a coward.

I looked down at the floor in misery.

...

I am quite pathetic aren't I?

I gave out such big claims that I don't want to be involved with Calix or anyone in the elite society but I let myself get overpowered every single time!

There was no one in the pent house.

The place was eeriely quiet and the only lights that turned on were the energy savers that automatically turn on when someone enters the place so it wasn't bright.

In the soundless place where there was nothing to disrupt me, my thoughts just swirled around one single thing.

About how, I was just a huge hypocrite who barked big but was nothing in reality.

The reality of it gave me a different sort of pain.

An emotional one where I felt like a literal abandoned child.

Misery began to shroud my thinking and I wondered what to do.

I'm not even strong enough to defy the bond or take the pain I feel when I try to reject him but at the same time I'm not strong enough to even stay with him and fight for my place.

I hate getting belittled and I know that will happen if I stay with him but the agonizing pain of rejecting him is far too worse to just leave and go my own way.

...

I have no idea what to do now.

I feel so lost...

And now that almost all the pain is gone from my body, I also feel extremely tired but at the same time I want more of Calix's scent to calm down completely.

...

I scoffed.

I am indeed a hypocrite.

I felt my eyes sting as my eyes began to water and I felt like crying.

I want to run away but I desire him too?

Pathetic