Chapter ~ 4

Zylith.

I have tons of excitements in my life. I used to call it stress but I feel much better now that I started calling it excitement.

Yeah, that's what I am calling all the fear-striking shrieking and panic attacks I portrayed in front of the residence of the chancellor manor. Had to act crazy, orders from above.

"OH MY GOSH! SOMEONE! SOMEONE SAVE ME. OH GOD! HELP! HELP ME PLEASE!" I rushed out of the room and sprinted around the corridors of the mansion screaming with every atom of my being. A bit exaggerated but...you get the picture. Acting wacky is what I am awesome at anyway. When I noticed people (not sure who) gathering around me, I cried with more violence than any gale. I was full on bonkers now.

"Th-There...The chancellor! Someone...SOMEONE MURDERED THE CHANCELLOR! GOD! BLOOD!!! BLOOD EVERYWHERE!" I'd gone from hysterics to hanging by a thread, a transformation no one knew how to reverse. And then, to confer the scene an exceptionally dramatic ending, I hit the floor into an unconscious trance. Okay you got me; I was pretending to be unconscious. But everybody bought the act. And I personally think I did a pretty good job at it.

There was a great deal of yelps and shrieks around the mansion after my awesome performance. Basically the mansion was quivering with anxious hollers as I lay knocked out on the cold concrete floor.

After a while, I was carried off to some room and was laid on fluffy covers, probably a bed. The bed, with its silken mattress was the most comfortable bed I had ever laid on. I slowly pressed my cheek to the cool velvet pillow while the thick irresistibly soft comforter enveloped me like a billowing cloud. It had been a long night and for once, I was relieved to rest my weary body. Warmth and darkness encased me and I felt myself succumbing to the call of sleep. But I forgot that I was presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTF's per hour.

How should I put it, my luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb in a grand lottery. Yes, that's it; because I find no better way to describe my sorry excuse of a life. And yes, you guessed it right! These guys in the chancellor mansion were trying to screw me all over again. Should I shout out a 'Bingo!' for you now?

"Please, this way doctor. Would you please take a look at the lady? She has been unconscious for quite a while now. We are not sure what exactly happened to her."

Erm...Excuse me! It's not been quite a while yet. I had been unconscious for hardly twenty minutes now. Okay thirty! Give or take a minute or two. But come on! Can't I take a breather after all the shit that I had to go through today? God! Have you heard of a thing called mercy?

"Hmm! Let me give her a check-up." No check-ups please! I am the peachiest mammal alive.

My silent pleas had gone into deaf ears as the doctor held my hand and took my pulse. After a moment's physical inspection and a redoubling heart-beat, the doctor spoke, "The patient seems to be lethargic and a bit anemic. It seems tonight's incident triggered a massive trauma on her already weakened self." Yes yes you are right. Great doctor. I love doctors. Keep going. Tell them how awful I feel and kick them out as soon as you can. "The patient needs nutrition and a lot of rest. I shall write a prescription for her medication and inject an instant remedy for now. She should be fine by tomorrow." Did he just say.... inject?

My breath stuttered in my lungs and as if my sixth senses switch was flipped on at the mention of shots, I flipped open my eyes faster than lightning and sat up barreling for air. I wanted to bolt for the door as fast as my legs could take me but the sudden movement got me a little light-headed. I decided to take it easy and breathed deeply, my chest rising and falling rhythmically.

When I rose my eyes up and they fell upon the doctor in whose care I was supposed to be in, for the first time in my life I realized I was suffering from Latrophobia (fear of doctors). The guy was the mirror image of the hunchback of Notre dame, only very old; like hundred years old. His face was gaunt, lined and haggard before his time and there were wrinkles boring into his sockets. His heavily lined face was draped in a professional toothless smile and the small amount of hair that escaped from under his brown ragged hood was thin, white, and had very much its own ideas about how it wished to arrange itself. He looked as if just a slight gust of wind could blow him away into oblivion.

But what scared me the most was the big-ass shot that he held in his frailty shaky hands. The shot was the size that you could knock an elephant out with. If that shot touched my butt I was most probably going to kick the bucket.

Fear veiled my vision as the mad doctor approached me with his daunting injection. "Now now, my lady! Don't be afraid. It is not going to hurt one bit." The rabid doctor's faint quivery voice resounded in my ears. Won't hurt one bit!? My ass!

"I don't care. Don't come near me or I will scream." I bellowed in fright.

"My lady, don't be like this. The doctor only wants to help you," One of the wallflower people (probably a maid) spoke. As if! Do they take me for a fool? I was either going to be killed or sedated with that ogre size injection. And executing me at the moment seemed like the popular option.

"N-NO!!! If he comes anywhere near me with that shot of his I-I will bolt." Yeah! Bravo Zylith. That's the best blackmailing excuse you can come up with!?

The sigh that came out of the doctor was a signal, not of his resolve 'to inject my ass' leaving, but of the level his resolve had further strengthen. The doctor spoke in his quivery voice, "Hold her down." Oh no. No No No No No No. Bad omen. Bad omen! When such words comes out of a doctor's mouth its best to abort your mission and run for the hills! I should've known, he was more like an old fashioned kettle - still full even when some steam forced its way out.

"NO! LET ME GO!" I shouted at the top of my lungs as four maids tried to restrain me from all four sides of my petite frame. "I SWEAR ON EVERY GREAT MAN'S GRAVE I DIDN'T KILL ANYONE. I AM JUST AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER. IT'S JUST THAT MY LUCK IS SO BAD THAT IF I BOUGHT A CEMETERY PEOPLE WOULD STOP DYING. LET ME OFF ALREADY AND GO TAKE IT OUT ON MY BAD LUCK," It's just that my pleas had done more harm than good.

Now they were looking at me like I had lost it. I might really have, looking at that shot in that mad doctor's hands. "THIS LOONY GUY WILL KILL ME IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO! PLEASE SPARE ME." I yelled in dismay. But to no avail.

"tch tch tch! What have become of such a fair lady. Don't you worry dear, you will be fine soon, trust me." The old doctor said sympathetically. As the doctor's shot drew near me, fear tortured my guts, churning my stomach into intense cramps. And all the same, the frustration and anger pent-up inside of me was getting dangerously close to be unleashed upon the world. I had reached that stage where my brain went from 'you probably shouldn't say that' to 'What the hell! What's the worst that can happen now.'

"BE DAMNED YOU OLD SCUMBAG! YOU BETTER WISH YOU NEVER SEE ME AGAIN IF I WERE TO SURVIVE TODAY. FROM TODAY ONWARDS I WILL BE HAVING YOUR MENTAL FUNERALS ON A DAILY BASIS. YOU BETTER START COUNTING YOUR DAYS, BECAUSE THERE WON'T BE MANY LEFT IF I OUTLIVE YOUR SHOT TODAY. I HOPE YOU GET YOUR NEXT BLOWJOB FROM A SHARK." Ah! Speaking my mind after such a long time felt awesome. Like a fresh whiff of air gracing my lungs. Plus that seemed to have stopped the doctor in his tracks. Not for long, just for about 0.001 second to give me a 'you-are-weird' look but at least my curses succeeded in getting a reaction out of the guy other than his fake toothless smiles. I could die proud now.

"STOP!" I heard a loud gruff voice interrupt my execution when I thought I was ready to move on to the next life. There is a God after all.

Everyone in the room whipped their heads around to look at the interrupter. And I could never be happier. My boss had come to my rescue.

"By the decree of King Edward Regalious the III of Reveldron, I command thee to stop." Reuben announced in a clear distinct voice.

At the mention of the King, all including the rabid doctor stepped aside, giving way to Reuben to move forward, onwards to me. When he reached me he sat down by my bedside so that we were at each other's eye level and whispered, "You held up well, even better if I might add." I smiled weakly at him and whispered back a 'thank you.'

"How are you feeling My Lady? I apologize I couldn't come to your aid sooner." Reuben exclaimed in false concern. "I'm better now that Sir Reuben is here for me," I was not too far behind to partake in my boss's sham.

"You." Reuben glared at the doctor in all grimness, "What do you think you were doing? Can't you see the Lady doesn't like it? How dare you harm the first Lady of the house of Ronales!" His voice was all somber now, not a hint of compassion rendered.

"N-No My lord! How dare I, I was just treating the lady who seemed so distressed. I meant no harm, I swear." The doctor shrivelled into a scared poodle of goo under Reuben's icy glare and I never felt more contented.

"Everyone! Leave us be. The Lady needs her rest." Reuben proclaimed and the next moment we were left alone with only the two of us in the room to fuss about.

"So..." I tried to strike up a conversation to make things less discomfited, "What are we gonna do next?"

Reuben just gave me a vacant stare and after a moment's awkward silence finally said, "Just play along."

That’s it. No heads-up, no tip-offs. Nothing.

Did he think I was some psychic to just telepathically get what he meant?

~•••••••••••~

It seems like he did. Because the very next instant a woman with a pretty wild persona barged into the room with a theatrical BAM! Two pretty young attendants and Sir Gilbert trailing behind.

"Sire! Why are you here of all places?" She inquired in a trill voice.

"A pleasure to see you as well, Your Highness Dowager." Reuben offered her a brisk bow.

I eyed the woman Reuben bowed to, and there she stood; the Queen Dowager of Reveldron in all her grandeur. She was the legal wife of the late King and probably the mother of the present King. Hence, she was unlike any woman I had ever met before. She had pale blonde hair, almost the colour of silver-gold which she wore curled very plainly. It wasn't that bland colour that's just a shade nicer than the white of old age; it was streaked with warm hues and gave her some ardour, complementing her pale face rather than making her look washed-out. Her eyes, which casted the brilliance of sapphire, were perfectly beautiful, and yet were at the same time full of magnificence.

And oh! Her mouth; It was small and rosy; and her under protruded lip was eminently lovely, but as profoundly disdainful in its contempt. All the poets of this time must've sung them as incomparable. Heck! Even I was becoming a hopeless romantic looking at her. Not to mention the air of superiority about her that could very well intimidate a two hundred pounds man to go squirm into a corner with fear. She looked like a woman all capable of taking command. All powerful and glorious.

"...Hey..." Reuben muttered to me in a hush tone but I was in an enchanted trance to even heed his voice, "Hey!!!" His whisper was only more abrasive this time; but when even that was not enough to stir me off my stupor he pinched me harshly on my side. That seemed to have got the job done since I veered my head swiftly to glower at him straight into his skull. "Wipe that drool off your face. You look very well less than unsightly." He said in a jagged whisper.

"What! Really?" I widened my eyes as I felt my mouth for the said-drool; Reuben just rolled his eyes at that, which got me a little pissed but I held my temper back. I mean, come on! There was this gorgeous Goddess standing right before you and she was so beautiful that all you ever wanted to do was just stare at her for an eternity. A little drool was a given, wasn't it? I wouldn't even mind changing my gender for her.

For the first time ever, she looked at me and know what? We made eye contact. Gosh! I think I had my heart in my throat just then. Now I'm certain I am in love. And squealing inside my head like a crazy-fan girl.

"Are you the new bride of Chancellor Burnot?" She asked as she narrowed her eyes at me. Who is Burnot again? The chancellor? Never mind, I will just nod my head.

"Y-Yes Your Highness." I muttered back, nodding my head frantically.

"Then you were there during the assassination of my dear brother." Wait! Mr. Pedophile was royalty? I didn't know that. "Yes Your Highness."

"Then I demand you to speak the truth! Who was the one who assassinated my brother?" Her tone was snappish and absolute. I did feel plenty intimidated but I was not about to blow Reuben's cover yet. After all, we had a deal. "Forgive me Your Highness. I was not able to see the assassin's face. He had a mask on and was swift on his foot." Well, I was not technically lying.

"HOW COULD YOU NOT? HOW COULD YOU LET YOUR HUSBAND DIE LIKE THAT? DO YOU KNOW YOU WERE MY BROTHER'S THIRD LEGAL WIFE? A WORTHLESS VIXEN LIKE YOU WOULD'VE BEEN MORE SUITED TO BE HIS CONCUBINE! ARGHHH!!! LOOKING AT YOU MAKES ME SICK." She turned on me like an infuriated monkey with a migraine, with all that contorted face and fires of fury dancing in her eyes, she didn't seem so appealing to me now. If Reuben hadn't intervened then, I would be bald already; my chunky chestnut red locks would become the adornment in the manicured hands of the Queen. Initially, I was mesmerized by her unearthly beauty but now the scene was more apparent to me. The spell was broken and now I could see, every aspect that lit up her features was the wrong sort.

"My Queen, please do not be like that. Apparently, she is also a victim of this abhorrent event. Had aid not come to her on time, she would be lying in the same pool of blood as Lord Burnot." Sir Gilbert tried to reason with the Queen dowager but instead he fumed her flames of hostility more. "Then why didn't she? She should've died along with him." She stomped her feet like a five year old in frustration.

"Lady Beatrice Please!" Reuben's stern voice caught the Queen's attention and she slowly turned to him in a mad frenzy, "Call me Queen Reuben." She uttered with grinded teeth and I shivered a little at her tone.

I looked at my lunatic boss with pleading eyes; hoping and wishing for him to possess the same telepathic powers he thought I owned, as I screamed in my head 'What are you thinking you Retard! This woman can crucify you in a heartbeat! Kneel down and ask for mercy. Kiss the ground she walks on if you have to.' But sadly, he didn't seem to get my cue.

"Then isn't it only fair for you to call me 'Your Majesty'?" Reuben retorted and now I gaped at him like a retard myself.

The irritated queen squinted her brows in exasperation and snarled, "And would His Majesty explain what he is doing here rather than resting at this ungodly hour? As far as I remember, you have already bestowed this maiden to my brother, Lord Burnot Brikenhead. So I see no further need for you to intercede into this matter. I should say, let me take over this investigation and interrogate this girl."

"And that is the whole reason why I can't let this matter rest in another's hand. Lady Elizabeth was originally my bride, but I made the decision to present her to Lord Brikenhead to honor his remarkable deeds. If I hadn't presented Lady Elizabeth to Lord Brikenhead, she wouldn't be so traumatized and distressed now. Queen Dowager, did you perhaps forget who Lady Elizabeth really is?" Reuben gave the queen a daunting look. "She is the first Lady of the Ronales house of the Dukes. How am I supposed to answer the Duke if any harm is to befall his first daughter?"

I was already a surging perplexity but from the stiffening silence of the Queen dowager I could tell Reuben rendered her speechless.

"Right! I can see that the lady is indeed troubled by the horrid events of tonight. But the question still remains as to what will happen to her from now on?" Lord Gilbert pitched in to break the ice. "Since the marriage had not been consummated, Lady Elizabeth still remains unwed." He looked at Reuben once and said, "My Liege, should we send the Lady back to her home?"

Due to the intense mind fog, all my thoughts had been grounded until further notice. So, I didn't really get what was going on around me anymore. All I heard was Reuben speaking gibberish like, "Of course not. Since she is still unwed I shall take her as mine."

"WHAT!!!" Both I and the Queen dowager shrieked to his gibberish in unison. Reuben's nonsense appeared to have brought my sanity back to me.

"What in God's name are you saying?" The Queen screeched. "How can you even consider remarrying your uncle's widow!?"

"Highness Queen Dowager, haven't you heard? She is still unwed, and she was originally mine for the taking. So I don't see any trouble in that." He shrugged as if this whole ordeal had nothing to do with him and he was just a mere onlooker giving an unbiased opinion.

"This is still the most bogus appeal ever. I cannot agree to it. Say something Sir Gilbert!" She looked at Gilbert demanding for backup but his support seemed to be leaning over towards Reuben's decision more.

"I think it wouldn't be wise to send Lady Ronales back to her home since she was initially sent to be married off to His Highness. And since the marriage to Chancellor Burnot Brikenhead was not consummated, hence considered invalid, it wouldn't be fair to the Lady to be announced as his widow. As such, isn't it fine if His Majesty were to take the Lady as his wife?" Sir Gilbert said lucidly.

The queen looked like she might explode with all the cramped discontent and confined wrath, but the verdict was passed. There was no room for any more argument. So, in all her smoldering rage she stomped off the room with her maids on pursuit.

Now I was just really tired with all the melodrama, so tired that the bags under my eyes were bigger than my boobs. I heaved out a sigh I didn't even know I was holding. It was as if a tension had lifted and left me with a sense of relief.

After processing all the info that I was fed and the entire scenario that went down before my eyes, I looked at Reuben pointedly and asked the million dollar question, "Who the hell are you?"

He in turn groaned in reluctance, and a moment's stillness later he spoke like he was spilling gold out of his pie-hole, "I am the one who you like to call the Jerk Mummy King."

Do you ever just forget to hide your expressions for a minute and then you're like 'I did not mean to make that face out loud'? Yes. That face. I was making exactly that face right about now. The Oh-shit-I'm-screwed face.

Think! Think Lithe think! You are the sassy, smartassy most awesome little lollipop triple dipped in brilliance. Making an excuse is a piece of cake. Anything will do. Just speak up. You know you have got this. You can do this!

"Holly molly! Your Mommy's bat-shit crazy."

Reuben, "......"

Lord Gilbert, "......"

To be Continued.........