Chapter 1 Shell Shocked

"How did this happen?"

Her voice was rough as she looked up into the sad eyes of her maid, Clara.

"Susanna was taken in… she was treated as your equal, my lady," whispered Clara softly, moving slightly closer as their chains allowed.

"She was my friend!"

Tears threatened to fall again, and she let them. Why fight the inevitable? They would change nothing. The guards cared only to do their job to ensure they could provide for their families. They had broken her and she cared not to fight anymore.

"Tania, please don't cry," whispered Clara.

"They will kill me, and then you," she responded, not looking up from the filthy stone she sat on. "You are all I have left and they will make you watch me die first. She used me to get to the throne, and now I am a reminder of her days before now. I cannot be allowed to live. What if I tell people of her past? That their beloved queen was nothing more than a pitiful orphan?"

The words spilled out of her as memories of their times playing in the garden, running through the halls giggling and leaning over books to study exciting histories, played through her mind.

The rattle of keys and heavy footsteps heralded the approach of the guards. It was time.

The burlap sack rubbed against her face, sticking to the blood that had trickled down from her hairline. Swallowing compulsively, she struggled to breath as the guards jerked her up a set of stairs. The sounds of a crowd surged around her, disorienting her even more. More stairs and then she was falling to her knees; the sack was snatched off her head, and she had to close her eyes against the bright glare of the sun. Squinting, she could make out the blur of the crowd, but a figure in the distance, standing regally on the raised platform across the plaza drew her attention.

"For crimes against the crown, you have been condemned to death!" cried the magistrate, directing his words to the crowd more than to her.

Tania's eyes were glued on the figure as her vision cleared briefly. Susanna stood surrounded by her royal retinue. They had been best friends she thought, but the smirk that flashed across the woman's face defied that. The only crime she had committed was believing a lie. The lie of friendship.

"Off with her head!" cried the crowd, swayed by the promise of blood.

Closing her eyes in defeat, the whistle of the executioner's blade drowned out the sounds of the people around her. The only thing she felt was the soul-piercing pain of betrayal. The one person she had trusted the most now sat on the throne, and everyone she loved was dead. Just before the blade landed, Tania felt a foot nudge her own, and remembered her beloved maid stood just behind her. Poor Clara would have to watch her die. Another needle pierced her heart before everything went dark.

A low voice in the dark drew her attention.

"Blood will be spilled. I give you the chance to spill it for me."

What?

With a gasp, Tania's eyes snapped open and she screamed as the horror and terror of being executed flooded through her.

"Tania? Tania! What's wrong?" cried Clara, rushing into her bedroom.

Tania glanced around the room, closing her mouth with a loud smack and shutting off the scream that had continued to pour out of her. What was this?

On her bed sat a pillow lovingly embroidered with her family crest in pinks and blues, and her eyes locked onto it as Clara gathered her into her arms and began to rock her back and forth. Why was Clara so much bigger than her?

"Hush now, it was only a dream," crooned Clara, stroking Tania's hair as the inevitable hiccups started.

She hadn't hiccupped like this since she was really little. Reaching up, she rubbed her eyes and then paused to see how small her hands were.

"Your mother should be home later today," said Clara, pulling back to smile down at her. "The cook is making her favorite, but I convinced him to make you an apple tart too."

"Mother?" whispered Tania, hearing the high-pitched sound of a small child. Her mother had died years ago…

Realization rocketed through her and she scrambled out of Clara's lap to stumble over to the full-length mirror that stood next to her dressing table. She was a child!

"My lady, are you feeling alright? Do you wish for me to cancel your plans to go to the orphanage today?"

The orphanage? That would mean…

Tania turned to look at Clara as comprehension dawned on her. She was six years old and it was the day she got Suzanna from the orphanage! The memories of a life that hadn't happened yet flooded through her mind and she remembered that voice. It had said blood would be spilled. If she was six then the revolution hadn't happened yet. The king hadn't been overthrown and the country torn apart with war. The memories were too real and too numerous to have just been a mere dream.

"No," Tania finally said, shaking her head enough to have her long curls bounce against her face.

"No, my lady? Are you sure you're alright?" asked Clara, standing up from the bed and smoothing down the front of her sleeping gown where she hadn't had a chance to dress for the day yet.

Licking her lips, half expecting to taste blood, Tania gave herself a shake and looked around at her room. It was as it had been before Suzanna started having her change it. Thinking back, she realized the girl had taken over almost immediately, but why hadn't she noticed before?

The childish decorations brought her comfort and she turned back to Clara, "I'm better now, thank you. I had a really bad dream."

"It's alright. Do you want to try and rest some more or do you want me to get you dressed for the day?"

Tania glanced over at the window and saw that the sun was just starting to peek up over the horizon. Moving to see the view, she realized that the countryside was beautiful, still untouched by the chaos from her memories. People were moving in the predawn light, going about their normal lives unaware of the trouble that would be visiting them in the coming years.

"I think I'm up, Clara," she said, leaning against the windowsill and feeling the gentle breeze caress her cheeks.

"Alright, my lady," said Clara, moving towards the wardrobe to bring out the dress Tania would be wearing that day.

She watched the world around her wake up as Clara quickly got dressed and then moved about getting things prepared for the day. Tania wondered at the voice that had told her to spill blood for it. She couldn't stomach the idea of actually hurting someone but knew that it would take someone very powerful to send her back to her childhood. Wrapping her arms around her, she hugged herself as the memories of the chaos of the revolution washed over her. Would she be able to actually hurt someone to change history? She wanted nothing more than to see her mother again and to hug her tightly.

Clara dressed her in a gown that Tania remembered loving. It was a dress her mother had commissioned for her sixth birthday but Suzanna didn't like it, so it had disappeared quickly after the girl came home from the orphanage. What would have happened if Tania picked another child to bring home? Did she have to pick Suzanna? She knew there had to be other children at the orphanage, but the only one she remembered was the girl who would eventually betray her for the throne. She needed to go to the orphanage to make sure this girl was even real.

"Your curls remind me of your father," said Clara.

Tania glanced up in the mirror she sat before to see the small smile on Clara's face.

"I don't remember him," she said with a frown.

He had died when she was very little, and her mother had refused to remarry. Their title came from her father and their money came from her mother. The marriage had been arranged by both families but Tania was sure they both had feelings for each other before her father died. It was difficult for her mother to run everything being a woman, but money talked and they had plenty of that.

"He had blonde curls just like you. Your mother doesn't have curly hair at all."

Tania thought about her mother and nodded. Everyone had light hair in this kingdom. There was only one person Tania remembered with dark hair, and that was a mage who was part of the underground revolution. She only saw him once before she was thrown in prison. Closing her eyes, she tried to stop thinking about the memories that were trying to overwhelm her again. Why were they all so bad?

"You're very quiet today, my lady. Is it still the nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?" asked Clara, setting down the hairbrush and turning to look at her.

Tania's head snapped up quickly with a look of terror in her eyes and she quickly shook her head no.

"Alright, well, perhaps a good breakfast will help settle you?" asked Clara with a small smile, hiding her worry well, and taking her hand to help her down out of the chair.

It was weird for Tania to be so little again as she made her way towards the dining room. Servants she hadn't seen in years, passed by and curtsied in greetings to her. They had all died or been sent away after Suzanna. How could she have been so blind? Why would she have allowed that girl to control so much of her life?

"We'll leave for the orphanage right after breakfast," said Clara behind her, filling her in on her schedule for the day as she did every day. "Starting so early will put us ahead of schedule but I'm sure the director of the orphanage won't mind. Your mother donates enough money to them to ensure you will be well received."

Scrunching her brow, Tania turned to Clara and asked, "Do I have to pick a girl?"

"Well, my lady, it was assumed you would choose a girl so that you would have a playmate, but if you want to adopt a boy it should be alright. Your mother didn't forbid it."