All About The Pussy

God had outdone Himself when He created pussy. Pussy was absolutely fantastic. Delicious. So warm. Pussy welcomed you, greeted you, offered you a chair, a drink and a nap. Pussy succored you. Pussy held you like a newborn baby, oftentimes hugging and even encouraging you. The vagina was a work of marvel. This was another argument for the existence of God: the all encompassing pleasure derived from pussy.

Pussy made men do the strangest things. Men would raise gargantuan armies and cross seas, traverse oceans, hike up mountains - all for some pussy. Shit, niggas went on quests, all for some pussy - it was always save the princess this or save Rapunzel that. Yeah, because the princess and Rapunzel had that good good. The power of pussy was unrivaled. Pussy had established kingdoms. The mere desire for pussy had founded, and destroyed, empires. The thirst for pussy had birthed fiefdoms.

Pussy was both the means and the ends, though usually the means to an expected or desired end.

The entire pussy was marvelous, amazingly wrought - it could only have been Divinely fashioned. The folds of the pussy covering and sheltering its hidden mysteries were like folded wings perfectly emplaced. These outer folds were the wings of coverage, beautiful in and of themselves, but the real treasure lay within those folds. When the folds opened like the wings of Paradise and the pinkness and tenderness within were revealed, oh! the glory of woman, whose face might turn men into stone, but perhaps Medusa had simply needed some dick. A particularly intrepid dick, mind you, but a phallus nonetheless. And surely, after years of loneliness, that pussy would have been as tight as mosquito pussy.

Pussy was one of many of the Divine secrets of darkness. The inner tunnel of pussy was like the tunnel of light one always sees at the end of one's life - it is always facilitative of the fortunate soul traveling down its length. The feeling of penultimate pleasure and excitement inside the tunnel is heightened the farther inside the tunnel one travels. The feeling of ultimate pleasure, now, is when one arrives at one's destination. One trembles in mounting anticipation of release - release from fear, release from frustration, release from this flat plain of existence, simple release.

And with release, there is earthshaking clarity - of love and of light, of purpose and of function. You will have arrived at the light, after traveling down the warm tunnel of pink-tinged darkness, which was to show you another secret of darkness: darkness was warm, perhaps darkness was warmth. Perhaps, going further in our analysis, darkness is what God had been born from.

Pussy, ah, pussy and its warmth. Was pussy, then, darkness? Was the darkness between the stars a giant vagina into which God had "ejaculated," so to speak, extruding planets and stars and other such life forms from such an extrusion? But could pussy also bring light, the light of illumination? Illumination of purpose and being? It was cyclical and apparently the two were synonymous: darkness and light.

We were formed by an idea, perhaps conscious, in the mind of our parents, abstract nouns, a sizzling of synapses in agreement with the biological function of reproduction. But we were, before being given form - with this Huge Being, this Mighty Prime Cause, the Father of Lights, Who was clothed in darkness. Pussy was an agent of light and darkness. It birthed light and couched darkness. Pussy was extraordinary, in its uniqueness. Yes, indeed, that was the word: unique! Pussy was unique! Meaning there is nothing like it. Pussy was a conglomeration of fantastical and paradisaical nerves and spirit awakening pulses.

Pussy power.

The power of pussy.

Indeed, pussy was a Power and a Principality.

As Eddie Griffin opined, women were just the holders of the pussy, they had no use for it. But it was part and parcel of them, controlled (at times) by wicked minds. The same was true of dick, but far more dildos were sold than sex dolls. In the closet of every single lesbian in the world (and that was a lot of so-called self-professed lesbians)... was a dildo! So that was a lot of dildos! If pussy was as portable as a dildo, many would be sold. Men preferred the real thing, by far, than women, who, with any proboscis-type instrument, any oblong, could satisfy that itch. Men could not just stick their dicks into anything, no, no, no! Men desired the real thing, because pussy was the height of attainment, the finality of true purpose. Every other thing, save perhaps money, was incidental. Save perhaps money because with money, pussy could come in abundance.

The Great Paper Chase and The Great Pussy Chase.

Money and pussy - mountain movers.

But pussy still reigned supreme above all. So why the fuck would I want another nigga when pussy was ready to envelope me, nourish me? Yes, pussy could nourish. Babies grew in that muthafucka - niggas knew there were nutrients, vitamins and valuable minerals in that bitch. Pussy could be eaten. Not literally, of course, but its byproduct could be ingested. There were some reprobate cultists known to kill women, cut off their vaginas and eat it. That was not cool. Do NOT kill the pussy.

Protect the pussy.

Defend the pussy.

Become a Pussy Protector, a Vagina Validator, a Labia Locksmith, a Vulva Venerator.

Murdering a woman, especially for no just cause, was such a waste (RIP Sandra Bland). If she does you wrong, homie, leave her, don't kill her.

(And, although much less frequent, that goes for women as well.)

There is so much to life - there are literally billions of perfectly healthy vaginas - any man who would kill a woman over who-gives-a-fuck was a simp and a sucka.

Pussy was a midsummer night's dream, it made you want to fly over the cuckoo's nest, infused great expectations in you. Pussy was war and peace and a clockwork orange. It could make or break you, snake or fake you, wake and bake you. Pussy was the greatest Divine invention since, well, dick. But dick could only do so much by itself. Dick needed its own fleshlike-type incubator. Women always scorned men who ejaculated quick. Why? When you put a hot dog in a microwave, what happened? The same shit that happened to a dick in a pussy: it expanded with the heat and shortly exploded. But with a dick, the explosion was the ejaculation, obviously. Woman, thou art blessed, to be pussy entrusters, to be entrusted with the superb position of guarding the pussy. Keep the pussy clean, ladies, because, as previously stated, the pussy is a food item, and all foods are washed, some even with soap, before being eaten.

If babies can grow in there, it's a better sleep side than the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, runny nose, stuffy head so you can sleep medicine. And it was all natural, unlike NyQuil. Pussy helped you get your Zee's faster than any other sleep medication. Pussy was salubrious and a palliative, an organic superfood.

Pussy was superfluous and superlative. It was a relaxer, a grounder, although it could lift one's spirits to the Second Empyrean. Pussy was a panacea, punctilious in its pureness. It was a lofty but attainable paradigm; yes, pussy was a paradigm of pleasance and puissance. Pussy was inexpressible pulchritude. It was a pretty muthafucka, indeed. There was some pussy so good, if you threw it up in the air, it would turn into sunshine. (We must thank DellaReese for that metaphor.)

Pussy is, quite simply, sublime.

I'ma introduce myself to the pussy

Fuck a technical, sock da ref for da pussy

Runnin' up the street, outta breath for the pussy

Passin' out, CPR, mouth to mouth with the pussy

Makin' sure a nigga gangsta leanin' in dat pussy

I be wide awake 'n still be dreamin' about dat pussy

She be eatin' fruits so I'm drinkin' from da pussy

Then I'm slidin' in the bih 'n diggin' deep in dat pussy

I be pop lockin' in dat pussy

Chris Brown - boom shakalakin' in dat pussy

In da bushes, creep style, waitin' fo' da pussy

Grab da roller blades, start skatin' in da pussy

Never wit' da homies conversatin' about da pussy

The end result: niggas start hatin' fo' da pussy

I do my damn thang in da pussy

Nigga take a male walk o' shame fo' da pussy

Beatin' down the block, shake da cops fo' da pussy

Tyrone Biggums - I smoke rocks fo' da pussy

Chuck 'em session - beat a nigga ass fo' da pussy

Never woulda made it, Warren Sapp fo' da pussy

Jumpin' in the cypher battle rappin' fo' da pussy

I'll shoot craps fo' da pussy

A nigga start to doze, take naps in dat pussy

I'll give her long strokes back to back in dat pussy

Tiberius on da track so what's hatn wit' da pussy

1-800-what's hatn, nigga

I'm Mr. Do It To Da Max, my nigga.

Bigg Jah (as Tiberius)