I had lost my memory

"I had lost my memory," Claire sighed. "I can't remember if any other man beside Brendon."

"How did it happen?" Cole asked and she shrugged.

"I don't know, all that I remember is waking up inside the room of a white wall, surrounded by doctors and feeling too weak even to keep my eyes open for more than a minute."

She sighed.

"I'm so sorry." He felt the need to caress her face and maybe even hug her, but she refrained from doing so.

"I owe Brendon a lot, the nurses said he was visiting a relative of theirs and my case arose his curiosity so he visited me more and more often. When I woke up he didn't leave me and has always been by my side since that day. Two years had passed by that day yet he is still here. supporting me like any other friend or past relative did."

"Why you don't sound as happy as you should be describing him?"

Claire shook her head if he only knew. That was the reason why she wasn't able to leave him, that was what tied her to him. She thought she owe him something as if she had to pay him back for his caring and the only way she could do it was by losing herself a bit more every day just to content him.

"I just..." she hesitated for some instants, why did talking to a stranger felt that easy when it took her days to open up with Brendon?

"I just feel like my heart and my body reminds of something my mind can't process, I cannot figure out what. And that memory haunts me day after day as if my heart suffers for something I had been deprived of."

"Maybe you're not ready to remember yet." He hissed, his comment first annoyed her, how did he dare to say that? Who was him to know what she was ready or not to remember?

Then she pondered it more and sighed, maybe he was right. Maybe she needed to get to know herself more before remembering something which could either destroy her or shape her into a better person.

"Do you love Brendon?" He asked, randomly as if he just threw a stone without targeting the right direction first.

She looked at him, she took a few minutes to let that question sink in.

"I am grateful for what he did for me."

"That's not what I asked you, Claire."

She stared at him for long enough that the silence became loud and painful to speak for her and say the things she was too ashamed to say.

"Why are you with him?"

Yet again, the silence was the one to answer.

"One day someone told me: if you live for someone else, you are not living at all. If you do things for someone else you end up killing yourself every day more and wasting your life."

That was a hard pillow to swallow for Claire, a pillow she had to swallow every day she put all the cards on the table and stared at the facts from an outsider's point of view.

She knew that Brendon wasn't doing the right thing by setting her down and forcing her to stay with him. But it was like she was divided in two, one side of her hatred him for that because a true friend would never do that.

Another side of her felt guilty, what if she will never succeed in squeezing her feelings out of her heart?

"We should go," she forced a smile.

He nodded, accepting her refusal to talk more of that situation.

It was already a win for him having made her laugh for some fractions of seconds and speaking to her.

Despite her car accident, she was still the same person he fell in love with.

"I will make you a milkshake to apologize to you for the kiss."

He said and they shared a smile.

He kept his promise and made her a shake with berries and half a banana.

He gave her the glass and proceeded to put on a movie on tv.

"What will you watch?" Claire asked as she joined him on the sofa, sitting on the opposite edge. Despite the distance, they both felt somehow linked, somehow close as if the meters separating them didn't count.

"What would you like to watch?" He switched the question to her.

But she shrugged, "I don't know, maybe some thriller movie."

He frowned his forehead and looked at her surprised as he tilted his head. "Thriller? You're the first girl who wants to watch thriller movies."

"Well, I asked for a thriller, not horror. I like the anxiety not the macabre."

"Thriller is macabre too." Cole raised his eyebrows.

"Oh no no no. They are good and I also read in some newspapers they help you burn calories. So even better, a fun watch and fun workout."

With that, marked two jokes on the same day. Was it an improvement?

Cole exploded in a laugh, he couldn't believe his ears, watching a thriller and burning calories what kind of silliness was that?

"How is it even possible?" He slapped his forehead and shook his head vigorously.

"Because the heart rate speeds so your body starts burning some calories."

She explained even folding her arms to support her case.

Which made him laugh, even more, his laugh soon grew contagious and she ended up laughing too.

"Damn Claire, I will think of you every time I will watch a thriller now."

Claire shrugged, "you shall thank me for this precious information. Now hurry up, pick a thriller and start it."

"Alright but only if you get closer, I won't beat you I promise. And If I do just remember that the fright will make you burn an extra amount of calories!"