MSP

I was so nervous. So nervous that I could feel chills through my spine like I was so afraid. My heart was pounding so fast that I was scared maybe he'll hear it too. I've never been this way before. Yet I collected all my courage to say what's on my heart. "I...I think I like you", I muttered the words to see his confused face. "No.. I know that I like you", I corrected. My face was burning. I couldn't even look at him anymore. I might run away or start to cry or faint or even just laugh out loud and say it's a prank in an unbelievable way and then die out of embarrassment if I looked at him. "Are you sure it's me and not him that you like?" , he asked me with a huge question mark on his face. He didn't yell out he hates me and ask me to disappear from there or give a sarcastic comment like I was expecting but he didn't say that he has any feelings either. And I really wasn't expecting this reaction. "What do you mean? Is this some way of rejecting someone sarcastically?" , I was about to cry after I asked that. "No I'm serious. Did you initially want to confess to him at first but confessed to me cause you were nervous?" By then I had really lost it. "You really are a psycho", I said as I clenched my teeth. He was about to say something but I started running away as I didn't want him to see my cry. "Yah Jeong ha neul!", he shouted. Maybe I should've stopped to hear from him.. but I didn't.. School has ended.. I'm not gonna see him again anyways..

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"Jeong ha neul!"

The teacher's voice brought me back from my daydreams.

"Yes", I answered as she continued taking the attendance.

I stared at the place where he usually sits.

He's not here again.

He's been absent for two days and haven't come yet.

Sometimes he comes late to class.

I thought that he'd come late yesterday too, but he didn't.

It's been just two days but I seemed to miss him so much. This is not good.

The class got me so bored that I started drifting in my own thoughts.

Jeong ha neul... I said my name to myself as if I want to memorize it.

My name means "silent sky" or something like that.

My grandma used to say that often. She even had a story behind naming me Ha neul.

Before I was born, my parents had to go through so much of struggles. They didn't have a child for a long time. For a few years they had to face some financial crisis too. She said that they were about to go bankrupt. Along with that they had to take different treatments to have a baby. They did everything it takes to have a child. They even went to different temples and did so many rituals and eventually gave up the idea of having a child. And then unexpectedly Mom got pregnant. I was being manufactured! And things had started getting well. Dad's restaurant started getting famous and the business picked up very well. And obviously they thought it was all because of me. My grandma said that she named me Ha neul cause I was like the fortune sent from the sky for them.

It's really cringe worthy right? The whole story.. But still when grandma used to say that she'll end up in tears and then I'll cry with her. I was that much precious to her and my parents.

But somehow my name perfectly matched my personality.

How?

I'm the quietest person ever.

If I wish to become invisible, I can do that too.

I'll be soooo quiet that nobody will notice me. As if I'm invisible.

Actually that's the usual case. Nobody notices me.

And I'm fine with it.

Hmm..

okay I admit it.. I'm not fine with it.

Especially now it hurts..

As far as my school life is concerned, I'm a very good student. I always manage to get into the top 5 ranks of the class. I never get into any troubles. I'm that student every teacher wishes for.

I don't remember wanting any attention at all. I've always wanted to be undisturbed and not bothered by anyone. I don't even have many friends because of that. Okay I don't even have any friends because of that. I never blame anyone for being alone cause I liked it. I enjoyed solitary.

But now.. now I don't like it..

I wanted attention..

Not from anyone..

Just from him..

Never thought that I'd ever think like this but here I am, thinking like this so let me not argue to myself and go with the flow.

I have changed.. well at least my thoughts have now. These thoughts are gonna change my actions and that's gonna become a habit. That habit might even change my personality. Wow I might ruin myself!

OK.

This is how it's gonna be though..

At Least until the chemical reactions inside my body for him stops.

I don't know when it started but I seemed to start watching him. Since I'm invisibly quiet, I was never caught staring at him by anyone.

The more I watched him, I observed him. He got more and more interesting. Somehow he was interesting. I wanted to know more about him. Maybe just this curiosity got me into liking him.

And because of him I'm even yearning for attention.

I stare at him for hours, but will he at least glance at me for once?

I wanted him to do so..

I wanted him to know that I exist.

A sudden noise disturbed my thoughts.

"Lee Dong hae! Kim Hee chul! Do you know what the time is right now??", The teacher yelled at them.

Only if people knew that I existed, they'd look at me to find my face weird right now because of me flashing my teeth on delight!

"Oh! I'm not wearing a watch Ms. Park. Wait lemme ask Seo joon", Kim Hee chul replied in his usual way.

"Seo Joon ahh..", he continued as he tried to get inside the class.

"Stop!", Ms. Park shouted.

She continued, "Lee Dong hae, you too? I thought you were a good student"

Dong hae just blinked.

"You should stop hanging around with him."she said

"Yeah hang out with Ms. Park instead."Heechul commented in a low voice.

"What?"she questioned.

"Ah I was saying forgive us Ms. Park this won't happen again."

"We'll see. Go to your place."

I fixed my eyes on him as he walked towards his place.

As usual I'm gonna stare and he looked back.. wait what?!

Why did he look at me?!

To be continued

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