Ch. 6 "Shame"

"We have a problem", I said again, almost not believing it myself. I can't believe that just happened in an instant.

"What's going on...?", Chase brushed a finger under my eye catching rain drops and tears. I flinched and turned my head away.

"I just lost my full time job. The one financial support I had. I only have one week left at my part time and I really don't want to be full time there. How am I supposed to provide for myself?", I rambled on. My chest felt tighter and tighter. I could feel another round of tears rising. I looked back over at Chase. He had stood up, his hand extended towards me. I reached up and grabbed it. He pulled me to my feet with such ease. I knew I had lost a little weight, but he was strong. He ran his fingers through my long hair to detangle it and pulled up my hood flattened it over the top of my head. It was soaked through but I didn't have the energy to care.

"You know, I think things could be worse off for you", he said. He grabbed my backpack off the ground and slung it over his shoulder.

"I'm not gonna ask what happened, unless you want to talk about it. But if you'll remember, we do have other things to focus on right now", he said. I remembered everything that happened last night in a rush of memories. He offered me a weak smile. He took my hand in his.

"Quite honestly, it pains me to see you in pain over a silly job", he added. He avoided my eyes. Was he trying... to cheer me up?

"I mean, I know its 'just a job' or whatever, but how am I supposed to survive now? I have the smallest life savings right now and I was going to use it to find a better apartment... It would barely last me two months...", I trailed off, realizing that I at least had a cushion until I found another job. As much as I hated the thought of using my savings to live off of, at least I wouldn't starve or be evicted for now. Maybe I could pay next month's rent in advance with this last paycheck I recieved, seeing as they paid me extra for the short notice of being laid off. I'd still have leftovers for food and toiletries. Chase watched me lost in thought, nibbling at my thumb nail, still holding my hand tight. He gave it a quick squeeze. I was brought back to my reality.

"Sorry, sometimes I get a little lost in my own head", I said, embarrassed. I felt a light blush cross my cheeks. He always seems to make me embarrassed.

"Me too", he said, smiling at me. He adjusted my backpack on his shoulder.

"Wanna go home? Or would you rather do something fun? What's on your mind right now?", he asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Screw this place anyways", I said with salt in my voice. He turned around as we rounded the corner and passed the front window. He held a middle finger high and proud. I prayed nobody inside saw him. A few pedestrians saw and started to whisper. Eyes were now on us. I reached for his hand but he was too tall. I had to settle for grabbing at his elbow. How embarrassing! I need to teach him some manners, no matter how much I agree with his sentiments. I couldn't help but giggle, which I quickly stifled.

"What is wrong with you? What if someone saw you do that?", I laughed heartily.

"So what if someone saw? They fired you!", he said loudly, his smile suddenly gone. He met my eyes, his eyes burning. They almost glowed through the rain. I felt his mood shift entirely from light-hearted to something more dangerous.

"Who cares? Let's just go. I'll apply a few places on the way back. I don't need them anyways, but what awful timing....", I said. He seemed to accept that answer. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder while continuing to hold my hand. My head barely passed his armpit, this couldn't be comfortable for him. I leaned my head into his chest anyways, grateful there was someone else looking out for me now apart from myself.

The walk home seemed quicker than usual. I'd occasionally point out a place I had been or at least taken interest in and said I wanted an application. He turned me down for every single one. Was nothing good enough for him? What a pain in my butt. This defeated the whole purpose.

"Why am I not allowed to apply at any of these places?", I finally asked, frustrated.

"Because money isn't an issue", he retorted quickly.

"Yes, yes it is as a matter of fact. How am I supposed to survive? How am I supposed to get into college?", I pressed.

"Because, I have plenty to share for right now. You do remember, don't you? I said I've been around a while and some people owe me favors anyways", he was exasperated that I wouldn't drop the subject. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fine, but I'm paying you back as soon as I get a better job", I said. He chuckled.

"Yeah, fine. Whatever", he left it at that. He still hadn't let go of my shoulders or my hand. I untangled his arm from around me, but kept his hand tightly in mine. We approached the stone bridge again. I couldn't help but reminisce. I smiled. He looked down at me, but we kept walking.

As we approached the front door, he took my keys out of his pocket. He put them in my free hand. I unlocked the door, the stairs made my legs quiver. Ugh, this is going to hurt. We made it up to my floor and my whole body was screaming. Probably because I havent eaten in quite a few hours. I unlocked my front door, pushing it open. It was so... clean in here. Suspiciously clean. I dropped his hand and folded my arms and raised an eyebrow, tapping my fingers on my elbow. Chase looked sheepish.

"What? You never said that I couldn't tidy up!", he defended himself.

"Maybe I wanted to do it myself", I said, eventually breaking out into a laugh.

"Maybe someone should be more focused on getting out of wet clothing and sleeping for a change?", he observed while pointing at me. Did I look as tired as I felt? He dissapeared into the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I'll get to it when I get to it", I said. I pulled off my soaked hoodie and put it on the rack above the air vent. I placed my shoes there too. I went into the bedroom and pulled out some comfy pants and a pullover sweater. This should keep me warm. The rain still hadn't let up. I wonder if Chase has anything to do with it. I dressed and brought my clothes back to the living room and hung them on the rack as well. I rolled my pant legs up as to not get them wet on the balcony. I took the pack of cigarettes from the side table drawer and stole away outside onto the cold wet balcony. I guess I still needed some alone time, after what happened this morning. If I would have had a phone, I could have taken their call. It wouldn't have been such a surprise. I replayed my whole morning in my head, thinking of things I could have done or said better. It really started to get me down. I lit my cigarette and I felt a few of my problems burn away with the smoke. The sliding door creaked.

"Can I join you...?", Chase asked cautiously. I rolled my eyes.

"Would you honestly listen if I told you no, anyways?", I said dryly shaking my head.

"No, definitely not", he said with a laugh. I made room for him on my tiny balcony. I leaned on the railing, looking out over the city.

"One of these places HAS to be hiring", I said nonchalantly. I gestured out over the small section of my city.

"It's such a shame you won't just let me take care of you for while while I'm here", he said. I turned to look at him. He looked so at peace, despite being squished into my tiny folding chair. His hands were folded over his stomach and his head leaned back over the top of the chair, legs splayed wide. His eyes wandered my face for a few seconds and he closed his eyes. He sighed.

"Can I have one?", he asked with his eyes still closed.

"I didnt pin you as someone who smoked", I said curiously. I pulled out my last one. My lucky. At least I don't have to buy more once this one is gone, I thought to myself.

"I didnt pin you as one either, you know. Not to say I'm not glad at least someone else understands my vices", he said smiling. I lit him one and stuck it in the corner of his mouth. His eyes popped open in surprise. He smiled, and took a long drag. We looked out over the city for what felt like hours, together.