Ch. 2 "Purpose"

Swirling colors, images of my childhood friends and family, pets I've had through the course of my life, my first kiss, my first breakup, my first tattoo, faded faces, tattered emotions, and an overwhelming sense of fear greeted me as my mind wandered aimlessly through the valleys and canyons of my subconscious. Brilliant reds for the sections of myself that I related to anger and embarrassment. Blues deeper than the ocean for fear and sadness and grief. Bright yellows and soft pinks shrouded my happiest moments. Every emotion, memory, and personality trait I owned seemed to have a place here. Its own little section to dwell, some overlapping with others creating new colors. Memories I somehow don't remember even have homes here. Everyone I had ever met or known, every feeling I had ever felt, every job I had worked, every boy I had found cute, every mean comment I had ever made, every compliment I had ever given, everything embarrassing thing I had ever said or done; they were all here and present but simultaneously somehow all in hiding; suppressed, flickering like a light bulb about to go out but reflected to my eyes like the facets of a cut gemstone. Everything was so bright and vivid, as I walked through the light blue and pink flower fields of my subconscious. This world was a kaleidoscope of colors and feelings. There wasn't a sun, but the warmth I felt brush my eyelids, my cheeks, my shoulders was the next most comparable thing.

"I suppose this is how I wish my reality looked", I mumbled. I looked down and my knee length, flowy off-white dress. It was almost as pale as my skin. I ran my hands over my thighs to smooth the fabric. Cool to the touch, and very much silk and partially see-through. How embarrassing. I felt my cheeks flush. My bare, mud covered feet caressed the soft, warm soil and grasses of this alternate reality in my mind. I forgot all about my fluster over the dress as I dug my toes deep into the cool, fresh mud. Everything seemed so right in this moment. A slight wind blew my long hair over my shoulder and onto my back. Everything feels so pleasant here. The smells, the colors... is this a dream?

"At least, I think it's in my mind. I hope it isn't though, how could I want to go back... there?", I pondered what I knew to be my reality and the truth and the landscape of my mind slowly morphed. I watched the sky in the distance turn an off-color green and gray, the colors of a tornado. The plants under that section of the sky began to turn yellow and withered, the flowers dropped their petals, as if it had turned autumn in an instant. Far off in the distance, I saw my apartment. A sad little cross section of what I knew deep down was the truth. The more I thought about it, the closer it grew in my field of vision. I raised my hand and rubbed my eyes, I felt the heat of tears running down my cheeks.

"How did I ever end up here?", I wondered. Not in this whimsical, fantastic place. That run down, not so cheap apartment deep in the city. I lost my dad at a young age, and my mom never really wanted anything to do with me and liberated me on my eighteenth birthday. I put myself through the rest of highschool, but the fees and tuition of the art college I wanted to attend outweighed almost everything else in my life. I sold my car to fund my application fee and my portfolio. Financial aid was almost impossible. So I picked up two part time jobs. One job promoted me to full time, so that's why I finally put in my two weeks notice at my part time.

"My time there is almost up. I'm going to miss my coworkers so much, they're what made this whole situation tolerable", I felt a new round of tears well up. It stung so much, but I didn't have the courage to pull my hands away from my face.

"I thought I was doing everything the right way. I thought I was taking all the right steps to be the person I was meant to be. Where did I go wrong? What happened....?", I gasped for air as I dropped to my knees. I felt the warmth dissapear and a cold brisk wind, just like tonight took its place. I felt one rain drop. Then a few more, until it was an all out torrential downpour. My heart felt so heavy that it might just drop out through my bottom. I pulled my hands away from my face and slicked my hair back with the rain while basking in my existential crisis.

"If this is a dream, this is my most lucid one yet. I can literally feel the rain drenching my hair and dress", my skin pricked with the cold breeze. I looked over my shoulder back in the distance. The entire flower field was still there, and behind that was the odd canyons and valleys I had found a lot of my memories in. I turned to look straight forward again and I was looking at the front door to my apartment. It appeared I was being given a choice of some sort.

"Do I want to live trapped in my past and in pain, or do I want to live in the future the world holds for me or that I could make for myself?", I whispered quietly.

"Isn't that the age old question?", an unfamiliar, dry male voice asked. I whipped my head around to look behind me again. I met his eyes first and they held me there against my will. I could no longer look away. The same, emerald green eyes as the man I had walked across the street with earlier tonight. It was him, but somehow also wasn't. Why can't I remember the man from tonight? Was that tonight? I currently had no concept of time. Besides the point, I felt anger rise in my chest.

"Who are you? What do you want from me? Are you the reason I'm here? Did you steal my phone?", these questions flew from my mouth with a rage that could fuel an army. I clenched my hands into fists, ready to fight if I had to and I felt more tears well up in my eyes, but I wasn't about to let him see me cry (again). He had a wildly amused smirk, showing off pointy, pearl white teeth just under his top lip. Fear struck me like a bolt of lightning hits a dead tree.

"Let me get this straight", he started to chuckle, "This is the thanks I get from releasing you from your humdrum existence in the human world? Accusing me of stealing a phone I cannot use here?", his smirk turned into a grin, showing that his teeth upper and lower were all pointed. He looked like a shark of sorts. As I studied his eyes, I felt my body begin to be able to move again. I released my fists and laid my hands flat on my thighs. I felt so defeated.

"I could definitely sense how mad you were just now, but I think you have common sense. Now that I'm confident you won't fight me, you might as well be free to roam wherever you please, this realm or the other", he said with a sigh, settling himself down on the wet grass laying on his back, his arms behind his head. He was close enough to touch but I dared not tempt it. I looked up at the sky, the rain had stopped but it was still gray. I looked back over at him. A loose fitting white button down shirt that could use a few more buttons done, black pants, no shoes, messy silver hair, ivory skin. He looked like a K-Pop idol. I caught myself oogling his chest, and quickly looked away. I missed him opening an eye to peek at me, followed by a wry smile.

"Well... so you didn't steal it then?" I pressed the matter.

"Steal what, you silly girl?", he asked, annoyed.

"My... my phone. my smart phone. Are you not the one who broke into my apartment?", I asked, growing more confused by the second, attempting to piece together what had transpired tonight.

"Why would I steal anything from you? Everything material you have is either something I've already owned or is in better shape than yours", he said with a smile, not opening his eyes.

"So... you didn't break into my apartment?", I asked again. I was not going to drop it.

"Well, now I never said THAT", he said followed by a full on laugh. I felt my cheeks turn bright red.

"He means to make a fool of me?", how rude, I thought to myself. He opened his eyes and stared straight at me, almost through me it seemed. I held his gaze for a moment before I turned my head away and fidgeted with the hem on my dress, waiting for him to explain himself. He seemed to sense I wanted an explanation.

"I just can't stand watching pretty girls suffer... unless that ask for it", he said while sitting up with his legs wide open, elbows on his knees.

"Is this some sort of sad prompt to seduce me?", I turned my nose up and refused to look at him. Pathetic.

"I don't remember asking you for a thing", I replied curtly. I was so upset. I let his good looks get under my skin, but he's no different from the boys of the human world, despite his good looks and odd teeth and eyes. I let them hem of my dress go and put my hand on the ground and started to stand up.

In the quickest of moments, he grabbed my hand. His skin not exactly warm, but not cold either. Ambient. I looked him in the eyes. He looked about as sad as I felt earlier, there was something familiar about the pain in his eyes.