Chapter 1

Harry stood in the destroyed courtyard breathing heavily, feeling sore and exhausted from the magic, everywhere around him apart from the rubble were bodies, he did not know all the dead but he blamed himself for their deaths. He had just defeated Voldemort, defeated him once and for all. He stood motionless, recovering, as the adrenaline began to drain from his body, at first he felt a sharp burning sensation in the side of his stomach, and then the pain hit with such force that his breath caught in his throat.

"Damn" he cursed pressing his left hand to his side

When he pulled it away he saw that it was in blood, he must have injured himself with one of the pieces from the buildings he and Voldemort had smashed during their flight. Feeling very weak and with a slight limp on his right leg he moved towards the castle, in the entrance to the great hall Madam Pomfrey fell out on him.

"Follow me, my dear, you need medical care" she said pulling him by the hand towards one of the free seats

"I'm fine ma'am, I really need to talk to someone urgently, I'll be with you in a bit, I promise" Harry assured her, covering his injured side with his jacket to not let her see any of the blood on his shirt

The nurse handed him a cup witch unspecified liquid in it and looked at him warningly but said nothing, then headed in the opposite direction to help someone else. Harry walked through the great hall passing many people, Mrs. Weasley along with Ginny, Cho, Professor Slughorn, Dean and Seamus. Some smiled at him pleasantly and others on the contrary gave him menacing glances, he knew that he was not the only one who thought of himself as the cause, many agreed that all the deaths and all the destruction was due to his existence. He knew that part of Ron's family blamed him for Fred's death. He hadn't spoken to them in a long time but he knew they thought so and he didn't hold it against them at all. He set his mug down on the nearest table and walked out the other side of the room on his way to catch up with Ron and Hermione, all three made their way to the bridge in silence. They stopped about halfway through and Harry pulled from his pocket the wand taken from Voldemort.

"Is that... " Ron started but was interrupted by the crash of wood as Harry broke the wand

"You just..." again he didn't finish in too much shock as Harry wordlessly threw the remains of Voldemort's wand off the bridge

"It was an elder wand" Hermione asked as she pointed beyond the bridge

Harry just nodded, turned slowly towards the opposite side of the castle. He was about to leave when his friend's voice stopped him

"You won't say a word"

"And what he wants to hear from me" said Harry in a barely audible voice, standing still with his back to his friends

"I don't know, anything" Ron was shouting

"Maybe What do you think of the destruction the war has brought? Maybe what you have to say to these who are still alive or these who died. Maybe what you have to say to my dead brother"

Harry didn't answer him, nor did he turn towards him. He feel accusing tone of Rons voice and he really didn't want to argue with his best friend

You can't even look me in the eye and say you're sorry - he shouted even louder in his direction

"Do you really expect me to get down on my knees and start apologizing to you, crying that it's all my fault, that if it wasn't for me these people wouldn't be dead. I know it well and I am not able to change it, think that when I look in the mirror for many years now in the reflection I do not see people who died because of me, that when I look at my hands I do not see how much blood is on them. People are stupid, intent on saving themselves they are willing to sacrifice, and I can't change that either." Harry turned around too quickly feeling a stronger tug in his side.

"I'm really sorry but It doesn't change anything" he added after couple deep breaths

"These people, you talk about them in general as if you don't know them at all, Fred, Lupin, Tonks you don't know who they were either. Mr. Big Harry Potter, how poor I am, everyone wants to sacrifice themselves for me, you see nothing but yourself" Ron took a step closer to Harry so that their faces were centimeters apart. Harry had never seen so much hatred and resentment in his friend's face, even towards Malfoy.

For a moment Harry thought he will punch him, but Ron was just standing there

"RON..." Hermione started but Ron interrupted her

"what, don't tell me it isn't so?" he chuckled and walked quickly back towards the castle

"I'm sorry" Hermione whispered to Harry and he just shook his head

"Ron" she shouted after her boyfriend and quickly ran towards him

Harry stood on the bridge for a moment and stared at the remains of the castle a little longer, it really was his fault. At that moment he felt so weak that if the wind had blown harder he could have been knocked over, he felt his blood wet blouse sticking to his side and wound continued to bleed. At the thought of what he was about to do now his insides were twisting in every direction and it wasn't because of the injury, he breathed deeply regretting it after a moment because of the pain. He pulls a small tattered pocket watch out of his pocket, runs his finger over it rubbing off the dust until he sees his reflection in its glass. His face was all dirty, small trickles of blood were dripping from his forehead and nose, his watch didn't even work but that wasn't its function. This particular watch was his plan, it was portkey, one of Ron's brothers, Bill, even before the war helped him find his family and create the portkey. The Cullens had moved from Oregon to Washington, he didn't know if it was because people would already start asking questions about age or because of him, he didn't want to live in a place with so many memories either, just as it had been hard for him to stay at Grimmauld Place after Sirius died so it must have been hard for them to stay in the house where Harry, who they hated, lived. During the battle all the barriers had been broken down so that even from the Chogwarts it was possible to use the portkey which made things easier as Harry wasn't sure how far he could get in his current state. He took one last look at the castle and said the password closing his eyes.

Home - the word echoed when boy or rather the man disappeared.

-I—I—I-

Harry appeared at the edge of the forest, he fell to his knees leaning towards the ground as the vomit reflex shook his body. He didn't even have anything to throw up because he hadn't put anything in his mouth for al least last two days and barely drank anything, he caught himself again with his now horrible burning side and the bleeding was getting worse. In hindsight he had no idea how he managed to find so much courage, but with his remaining strength he got up on both legs and did something very stupid, he cast a seemingly simple camouflage spell to cover his injuries, but with the level of magic he had left after the battle it was extremely taxing on his body. He wobbled slightly but tried to continue standing firmly on the ground, when he managed to calm him self he looked around in search of home. He found it to the other side of the clearing which started just beyond the tree line beside him and he calmly walked towards it. The house resembled their previous house, although it seemed bigger and even more glassed in, there was only one car in front of it, Harry hoped he would find someone at home. When he got to the door, the emotions hit, he felt fear, excitement, anger, sadness. Everything was stirring for him. He involuntarily held his breath and with a trembling hand knocked, for the next almost a minute nothing happened and just when Harry was beginning to think no one was inside the door opened and in it stood Rosalie, as beautiful as always. When she saw Harry her eyes widened then she slammed the door through his nose, the boy let out a held breath and knocked again but the girl didn't open again. A minute passed, three and then five and he continued to stand there staring at the door, wondering whether to knock again. Two more minutes passed before he finally got up the courage.

"Rosalie, I know you can hear me," he said after knocking quietly but there was only silence from the other side

"Listen... i just wanted to... anyway, I won't bother you. I'm going, I just wanted to say goodbye because I never had the chance."

Just as he was about to turn away the door opened and the girl in it looked intensely annoyed.

"Let it go, I know that's not why you came here, life got complicated and suddenly we're not so monsters, you show up as if nothing ever happened" vampire was about to explode

"I'm sorry, but I really don't know what I did wro..."

"You don't know. You don't know. I think you know exactly what you wrote, since then Esme spends every Christmas crying for that little mortal child they took in and who paid them back so well"

Harry knew that vampires could cry without tears because their bodies couldn't produce them, but he had never seen one of them do it. He was really confused, he didn't know what he could have brought the woman he thought was his mother to this state. After all, from the moment he received the letter from them which made it clear to him that they wanted nothing to do with him he had not written to them, and as for the earlier letters there was nothing offensive in them.

"I really don't know" he whispered to himself and it was quite possible that if it wasn't for his improved hearing, the girl wouldn't catch his answer at all

"You really should have the decency to at least admit your mistakes and not come here and hope that everyone will suddenly forgive you just because you showed up again" Harry didn't know if her voice was dominated by anger or sadness at that exact moment

"It's not..."

"I thought we all raised you better, that if you wanted to point out to us how much you hated us you would at least do it in person, that you would at least have the courage to look me in the eye and say the same thing. I wonder why you suddenly changed your mind about us so drastically" she said when the rest of anger disappeared from her voice and only sadness and disappointment remained

The boy could not make out a single word, he felt a pain in his whole body, it was not a pain caused by the wounds received during the fight. It was a dull pain rippling like the ocean inside the empty shell that was left behind after all this time, he felt it from his fingertips all the way down to the inside of his bones. His family hated him, for real. She hated him and he didn't even know what for. It took a few seconds before the pain allowed him to even breathe, let alone move. He felt something inside him crack, really deep, and there was nothing left. He raised his head and for the first time since he had seen her he dared to look her straight in the eye, into those beautiful golden eyes and for the first time in a very, very long time he smiles. It wasn't the smile he had grown accustomed to from Rosalie all those years when he was happily growing up in a home full of love, no. In no way did he resemble the happy child he had been not so long ago, only a few years, time would pass like a blink of an eye, like a single breath from an immortal being. It was a sad smile, of a broken man. He could not reach his eyes in which a tear rolled, but he did not want to show such weakness. Blinking harder he kept them from falling.

"Goodbye Rosalie" he said warmly

"Tell others that I will really miss them and apologize to them from me, I don't expect them to forgive me for whatever I did. I'm just going to miss you so damn much" with the last word he couldn't stand the tension and a single, solitary tear ran slowly down his cheek but smile didn't leave his face

Rosalie didn't say a word in response, the only reaction on her part was that she no longer looked at him, her gaze carefully avoiding his person. Harry let the one tear flow freely, he didn't wipe it away, when it dripped to the ground he gently turned and started to walk away. Rosalie was still standing in the doorway, he knew it, he could feel her burning gaze on his back. He managed to walk a few steps away when he felt extremely weak, something so immaterial burst chasing soul somewhere deep inside him. Even weaker than before, he felt the spell surrounding him so far fall away revealing his true condition. He wiped the cold sweat from his forehead with his hand when he looked at himself and saw blood, really a lot of blood, his side was not well. He had taken about two more steps when the world before him swirled. With another step instead of forward he will move to the side when the directions started to mix up

"No, not now, not yet" he whispered to himself

The spell should last at least until it's gone in front of the house.

The second wave of dizziness was even worse, he swayed so much to one side that he ended up on his knees. He tried to get carried away but it didn't go too well, the next thing he knew he was lying on his back, on the hard ground and the world was spinning so much it was like he was lying on a carousel. The only thing he could see between the black spots were piercing blue flashes of sky. And the sky today was exceptionally beautiful.

"Harry"

He heard something, but he didn't quite know from which direction, something as if someone call him, but who could it be, after all here it was only him and the blue sky.

"Harry" Rosalie shouted to the boy lying on the ground near her

His unfocused vision, unable to focus in one place, ran chaotically. Harry was covered in dirt sweat and blood, a really huge amount of blood.

"Harry can you hear me" she asked but she got no answer, he continued to wander with his eyes among the clouds

Apart from a few minor wounds on his face and an old dried mark from a nosebleed, she saw no other wounds but there was more and more blood until it began to pool around him slowly starting to form puddles. Searching for the site of the hemorrhage, Rosalie pulled Harry's jacket away from his stomach to see that his shirt, apart from traces of old blood, was all soaked with new and still warm blood. She lifted it gently up and away from his body until she saw the deep wound in his side

"Oh, Harry" she gasped

A moment ago, he was standing talking to her, he was fine, and suddenly he fell as if struck by lightning. All battered up, her poor little brother

"Carlisle" she called loudly to the doctor working in his office in the depths of the house

She knew that something was very wrong and it wasn't just this huge wound, it was his blood, which neither of them had ever been able to smell before but now she had no problem with smelling it and it scared her

"Carlisle, hurry up"