something's wrong

I've always been moody, loud and short tempered. But I don't know lately something's been wrong or off I guess you could say. I don't know what, why or how but I can just tell. It doesn't feel like normal, I don't feel like I normally do. Then again what is normal, and who is normal. I've never really understood what it meant to be normal. Or even what normal is supposed to be or even look like. All I knew was I was the farthest thing or person for being normal.

It might sound like an exaggeration, but it really is true I'm not normal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm special or gifted in some kind of way. Special or gifted people don't hear voices and don't see things that other people can't. I'm just weird no I feel more like a freak or some science experiment gone wrong. These thoughts that I have, I mustn't tell anyone. And I definitely can't do what it wants me to do or be. To tell you the truth I scared. I really am I'm so scared, not of anyone or anything but of myself. I keep telling myself it's okay, and that I'm going to be fine that it's going to pass. I keep hoping and praying that one day, I'll wake up and I'll be normal. That the voices are going to stop and I won't see them anymore. But it's been nineteen years, so I guess this is just who or what I'm supposed to be.

You see ever since I was little I could see and hear things that weren't there. Well that's just what people and my family would say. Each time I saw or heard something that they couldn't. It drove me nuts trying to figure out, what or where they where they were coming from. I know right in horror movie's, when you hear or see something your not supposed to you turn the other way and run. But I have always wondered why me. Why couldn't it be someone else, then I changed my way of thinking. To I wouldn't want anyone else to be going true what I'm going true. Because I don't know if they'd be strong enough to handle it. It's scary you know hear voices that no one else can hear. And seeing things, shadows or figures that no one else can see. It makes you think and feel like your loosing your mind.

I thought it was all good that I was all good, a couple of years back when they had stop. For about a year or so it was as if it had just paused. Even those horrible thoughts had went away for a while. But as the say (All good things must eventually come to an end). And it did they just resumed but this time, it was worse the voices were even louder and I could see more shadow's.

And some how It was as if they could see me as well.