Chapter 6.2 (16)

Ashe: Huhhh..

Gregor: Thanks.

Ashe: Great. Ok, so..

Ashe: Indentured servitude.

Gregor: Being straight with us.

Ashe: Quest?

Gregor: Not making us prostitutes..

Ashe: Oh-hh.

Gregor: It's not so bad.

Ashe: Thog, he's.. difficult.

Markus: I have a certain amount of grudging respect for the man.

Ashe: As do I. He's- he's a very personal minded type of person.

Ashe: He's in it for himself..

Markus: You always know what to expect from Thog.

Markus: Bullshit.

Ashe leans against the wall and slides down to the floor into a sitting position.

Markus leans into the wall a little bit more.

Alexander sits in the middle of the room

Gregor grabs the other three of the group in his arms and sigh happily.

Ashe: Uh-huh-hrrgh. Stop.

Ashe lifts Gregor's hands off of herself.

Gregor: Another adventure begins in jail.

Markus: So uh how many times have you been incarcerated again, Gregor?

Gregor: Two.

Markus: Oh.

Gregor: It always seems to go pretty well.

Ashe: Two including this one or...

Ashe: Two before this?

Gregor: Including.

Gregor: You think I'm some sort of career criminal?

Ashe: No, I just figured you could just be unlucky. I mean-

Gregor: I'm a victim of circumstance.

Ashe: Yes, and you could have been a victim of circumstance many times before this as well.

Gregor: I'm a victim of many things, but..

Ashe: It seems to be... kinda your knack.

Gregor takes his arm off Ashe.

Ashe: Thank you.

[Laughter]

All of the group hears large, clanking, metal footsteps, followed by impacts that sound like a boulder rolling down a flight of stairs.

Ashe: Great.

[Clanking footsteps]

Drunk Paladin: Oh! So these are the uh.. these are th-

A man of motions behind him, flanked on either side by golems.

Drunk Paladin: These are the uh.. individuals I'm hiring, ey?

He points into the cell at Markus, Gregor, Alexander, and Ashe.

Thog wanders in from out of sight.

Thog: Yep, these are the uh.. these are the three.

Ashe frowns, staring at the man, red nosed, disheveled and reeking of alcohol.

Markus smiles and stretches over to the left as far as he can manage.

Thog: Yeah, say hello to the nice paladin... The guy who's gonna be buying your contract.

Alexander: could be worse

Markus: Hello, sir!

Gregor: Hello.

Drunk Paladin: Oh, hey nice to meet you, pleasure!

He reaches through the-

Markus: How are you on this fine evening? Is it evening? It must be.

He reaches through the bars and extends his hand to Gregor.

Gregor shakes the man's hand vigorously.

Aftin: Ahh, my name's Captain Aftin. I'm the head of the Varyndir paladins. It's a prestigious job, and I hear you're gonna be joining me on my holy quest.

He slumps forwards.

Ashe is staring at Thog, tight lipped.

[Laughter]

Gregor: We are here to serve.

Aftin: Yeah so uh.. ebbh I- I paid a considerable amount of money for your services 'cause I hear you guys have potential. That's what the Alarani always sell. They sell potential.

Aftin points and pokes Gregor in the chest.

Markus: Sir! We have more potential than you could shake several snakes at. I really just don't think that you will be even a little bit disappointed. And I also think you should get us out of this cage as quickly as possible.

Markus: So that we can get to work.

Aftin: Ahh we can do that... we can do that immediately. I mean-

Ashe: Yes. Getting out of this cage is presently on the top of my list of priorities.

Aftin: It's no problem. All they have to do is, you know-

Gregor: I'm kinda hungry.

Aftin: Thog, they still have to sign their contracts, right?

Thog nods.

Aftin: Yeah no, before we can let you out of here, you gotta sign a contract. We don't want this to look like it's slavery or anything.

Ashe: Oh, of course because that would just be heinous.

Gregor (quietly): Don't say that around Thog.

Gregor (quietly): He loses money.

Thog nods and flashes Gregor a begrudging thumbs up.

Thog takes a step forward and shoves a fistful of papers through the bars.

Thog: Okay, I'm sure you know the deal. You gotta sign these contracts

Thog: before we can possibly let you out of this cell.

Ashe picks up one of the crumpled papers from the ground and try and straighten them out.

Markus: How long are the contracts to?

Ashe picks up an extra and bring it over to Markus.

Gregor: Which one's mine?

Strangely enough, as Ashe touches them, they rapidly balloon outwards, assuming a completely static state.

Thog: Yeah no, they're crumple resistant and digestive resistant.

Markus closes his mouth.

Thog: We Alarani have a long history of people trying to destroy our contracts. If you try to bur- Just don't try to burn them, okay?

Ashe starts leafing through the contract.

[Papers rustling]

it's an extended description of the party's exact role with the paladins of Varyndir. Most of it is just Alarani ass covering. Just extended clauses specifically on the fact that they aren't selling slaves. Are you crazy? We're not selling slaves. Look at all these great clauses we have. Who's gonna read the fine print?

Ashe: I- I've gotta wonder who they're trying to, you know, hide this from..

Thog: Honestly, Ashe, there are a lot of people that might disapprove our actions here. You know The Order? Various divine conduits across the wor- Eh,This is just to make sure that the Holier-Than-Thou types don't get involved in our business.

Alexander: so the church will step in against slavery but not bat an eye when they commit genocide

Ashe: Huh.

Ashe makes a note to herself on the questionable nature of the church

Gregor: Are you aware that your contract is also chalk proof?

Thog: Yep. Yeah, that's intentional.

Ashe hands Gregor an extra quill.

Ashe: It's a-

Ashe makes a writing motion with it.

Ashe: Like you- like this..

Gregor nods and gives a thumbs up.

Ashe: Alright.

Markus licks the contract and his name appears on it.

Gregor slices his thumb open, dips the quill in the blood and signs his name. Leaving a bloody thumbprint on the contract as well.

Alexander runs his right arm over the parchment and his name and a strange symbol appear on it in a almost slimy substance

Ashe starts to say something...but instead just doesn't.

Ashe: Hh.

Gregor hands the contract back to Thog, now covered in many bloody thumbprints.

Thog: That's uh.. perfect.

Thog: Thank you.

Gregor: Legally binding,

Thog: Okay, we'll hold on to these until-

Ashe: These?! I haven't given you my contract yet.

Thog glares at Ashe

Gregor: Oh, I'll get that for you.

Thog glares at Ashe, cracking his knuckles.

Thog: I'll hold on to these.

Ashe: I-

Thog: Until, such a time, that you complete your holy quest, as dictated by the drunk ass paladin next to me.

Ashe: Ugh.

He continues glaring at Ashe.

Gregor signs Ashe's name in his own blood on her contract and give it to Thog.

Thog: Okay. Fantastic. Um...

Ashe sighs.

Thog: Yeah. You guys will get your uh your payment when you finish the job, I guess. If that ever happens..

Thog: Good luck, folks. I guess..

Markus: Sooner than you think, Thog.

Gregor: Thanks!

Ashe: Great.

Markus: Sooner than you think.

Gregor hands Ashe her quill back.

Ashe: Thank you, uh-

The quill is a different color now.

Aftin: Now uh yeah. Okay. So now that you're almost officially apprentices of the paladins of Varyndir, I gotta brief you on our rich cultural history.

He stops. He blinks for a second.

Aftin: Which I don't really know that well, so I'm just gonna tell you what your job is, and what my job is, and what the job of the whole Order of Varyndir is. Uh, w- we're.. we've been searching for a real long time for basically a head of a golem that we think is really super great. See, we call ourselves paladins because normal paladins, you know, they worship gods. They channel the energy of gods, and they do all sorts of great things. But the paladins of Varyndir we worship beauty.

He motions to his left and right.

Aftin: We worship the human form. So we really like making golems. So our god's a big severed golem head. So are you with me so far?

Gregor's eyes are sparkling.

Markus is nodding vigorously.

Aftin: So we're trying to find that big, stupid severed golem head, so we can be... really cool. NO! No, no! We're trying to find the big, stupid severed golem head because if we do, it's gonna tell us who the best human is to be king of Altreia, the country I'm from. That's it!

He motions and looks incredibly proud of himself.

Ashe: Okay, so...

Let me just... You worship beauty?

Aftin: Yeah.

Ashe: Which is a giant severed golem head.

Aftin: Yeah.

Ashe: Does- did it have a body?

Aftin: Yeah, a while ago.

Ashe: Okay.

Aftin: It got cut off 'cause it was really annoying and then like...

Ashe: Wait... what?

Aftin: Uhh.. like-

Aftin: It's basically, used to like live with us. Like this was well over a thousand years ago. Used to live in Altrea, you know? Used to be the king's number one vassal, servant, jester court guy. And it just- it was so annoying he ordered his four generals to cut it into a million pieces and spread it all over the land. Fortunately the head can't exactly be cut so they hid it away somewhere 'cause this guy was really really irritating.

Ashe: And.. why do you want it back?

Aftin: Ehh- because.. well right now the land's kinda in turmoil.

We got a bunch of minor barons kind of fighting for rule. So he ordered the paladins of Varyndir. We're told to find this giant golem head to pick one of them as the new ruler, you know? Even though it's really irritating, it might put an end to the warfare and all the violence and stuff.

Ashe: Uh okay, it's kind of like a Word of God type of thing? You bring this obnoxious golem head in, It tells everybody to stop fighting, and suddenly there's no more fighting?

Aftin: Or it picks the king, and the violence continues for another- so it really doesn't matter.

Markus: Either way sounds good to me.

Ashe: Wow. Okay.

Ashe: This is just a great situation.

Markus: Isn't it?

Aftin: Yeah! That's what I thought.

Gregor: This is-

Markus: And we get to help.

Ashe: Uh yeah, we get to leave our mark. Aghh.

Aftin: So you guys aren't even technically apprentices yet. We gotta teach you the basics of filli-Phili?Phll?

The uh- one of the- one of th- one of the golems next to him speaks up.

Golem: I believe you mean um- I believe you mean filigree, sir.

Aftin: Yeah, filigree, that's the one! That's the one..We're gonna teach you this- to make- art of making golems. Then you can be actual apprentices, and you can go on this super holy quest.

Markus's horns perk up at 'teaching you how to make golems'.

Ashe kind of stares wide eyed at the talking golem.

Ashe: That's... new.

Golem: You're.. you're looking at me. Why are you-

Golem: Why are you looking at me?

Ashe: I- Well, I mean..

Ashe: A golem isn't a very far like stretch of the imagination, but to see one before me, talking. It's interesting.

Alexander: stupid uncultured drunk

Gregor: So sheltered..

Golem: Well, I'm deeply flattered to expand your world view.

The golem nods to its self.

[Laughter]

Ashe: Was that..?

Ashe scratches her head.

Ashe: Was that sarcasm?

Markus: I don't actually know.

Alexander: not completely

Golem: Of course it wasn't sarcasm. Golems lack emotion, overall. I was not being facetious with you. I am earnestly thankful to expand your limited worldview.

Ashe narrows her eyes and kind of open my mouth a little, look at Markus and Alexander.

Ashe: I still don't..?

Ashe: I'm still not..

Aftin: Yeah, this one talks a lot, it's like eek..

Aftin: Most golems don't talk. We think there's a little bit of a problem, but you know whatever. We don't say that to his face.

Ashe looks at the golem.

Markus's mouth just opens, and he stares at Aftin for a second.

Gregor nods to himself, noticing that the golem has no ears.

Aftin: So! We're gonna get you guys out of this jail cell. We're gonna use a little bit special magic paladin.. teleportay- teleporteh- tation. But if a paladin offers to teleport you other than me, don't take it. Paladins can't teleport. It's not a thing that they do.

Alexander: actually some paladins can teleport short ranges though I do doubt Aftin is one such paladin

Ashe: Uhhhhh..

he reaches through the bars, extending a um- extending his palm. Sitting in the middle is a gear.

Ashe looks at the three before her, Alexander, Markus, and Gregor.

Ashe: Is anybody gonna take it?

Gregor looks for a place to put the gear..

Markus: Over here..

Markus: I'll get the gear.

Gregor examines the bars

Gregor for a way that will Initiate the machinery that will open the bars.

Aftin: Okay, so you put the gear on the floor and...

Markus: I threw it on the floor ages ago, yeah.

Aftin: Oh..

Oh, no. Quickly get inside the gear!

The gear has begun spinning and expanding outwards.

Aftin: You gotta get inside it!

Markus: Uhh!

Markus tries to inch closer to the gear.

Ashe rips Markus off of the wall.

Markus: Wuh-thh! [Ripping noise]

Gregor: Well, it's spinning so fast I don't wanna.. [A whirring sounds begins]

Gregor: [I kind of-]

Gregor: Nyehheh-

Gregor: [..jump over it.]

The gear quickly expands outwards, then contracts inwards, slamming the four of the party's heads together.]

[A crack, then a bang. The whirring stops.]

Ashe: Ah-hh!

With a crack, everything goes white.

Gregor: Ahh! The horns!

Ashe: God!