7 Determination
It's been a while since Anne was able to sleep without the help of alcohol. She woke up from her hospital bed, she slowly sat up and observed her situation. She could not forget the nightmare she had. It felt real, as though she was experiencing everything that happened in the dream. She reflexively looked at her hands.
But one was still missing, looking at the one left, she started flexing and moving her fingers. She could feel the movements she made. Though she should not be moving it as much as she wants, because she has an IV passing through her veins, she still wanted to check.
Was she still in a dream or was this her reality?
Till now she could not accept most of the things that happened in her life.
This was the reason why she fell into alcohol and cigarettes.
She wanted to escape from reality, she could not accept her current situation.
Everything fell apart, and now she was left with nothing but the broken pieces of her life. She needs to pick up the broken pieces and make it whole again.
She needed to be whole.
To find her worth.
But in order to do that, she needed to stand on her own two feet.
She needed to be independent.
Her dreams might have shattered, but her life was still hers.
Yes, she was alive.
She is living in this world, and her worth should not be decided by the people around her, but by herself.
New vigor could be seen in Anne's eyes. Determination started to ooze out of her body as she begins to realize her life was her own, and she needed to live her own life for herself, no one else.
"However, what should I do?" She asked herself.
This question was very simple. If you ask a child, they could easily answer what their dreams were for the future. But Anne was different, she had reached the pinnacle of her dreams, so now, she had to think of something else that she wanted to do.
A goal.
She shook her head as though trying to scatter these thoughts and think differently.
"I need to take one step at a time."
She clenched her hand with new determination. She lifted one foot, then the other. She felt her strength draining, the simple movements made her tired. Her forehead has sweat dripping her hair was sticking to her face, her sweat continued to flow on her cheeks as she wiped it with her only hand.
She needed more strength, she did not exercise or do any physical therapy for a few months. She felt regret for not trying hard enough, but it was too late for regrets. She looked at her side and found the IV stand that was beside her bed. She moved slowly, close to the IV stand and used it as support. She needed the support to help her stand up.
She wobbled as she dragged the stand towards her. She grimaced in pain, the foot that was broken still had some lingering pain from time to time. This was also the reason why she started drinking, she felt the pain in her body had never left. She did not know if it was psychological, but she wanted to find a way to escape the physical pain.
But now she was facing life head-on.
She might be wobbling, her steps unsteady, but her gaze was firm, as though looking at the future.
To be honest, she did not know where to go. She just took one step at a time.
With every step, there was pain.
But with every step, there was hope.
New hope for the future.
Her mind was focused that she did not look at her surroundings. She did not hear the nasty words and faces they throw at her.
The fingers pointing and chastising her, as though trying her hardest was not enough proof that she was trying to live her life anew. However, that was the reality, people are beings that liked to step on other people when they are down.
Was it from jealousy?
Envy?
Their hearts have blackened from being able to see a star falling from grace.
That she was nothing more than a mere mortal that was out of luck.
She got what she deserved, she was nothing more but a beautiful model and nothing as a human being.
She was the same as normal people in the surrounding. A human being, who likely got lucky due to her beautiful face.
People can easily forget a person when they stood out of the limelight. Her supporters had forgotten her, and people seem to enjoy her suffering.
It did not take long for her to realize how fickle human relationship were, her own loving husband left her for another woman.
However, she no longer pays any attention to the people surrounding her. She did not have time for these negative thoughts. She was focused in only one thing. She had no slippers on, but she still walked, headed someplace else. She was panting from the pain, her body tired…
But her mind was still determined to continue. It was the last straw which made her body move on its own even though she was suffering.
Tap.
Tap.
Tap.
The only sound she could hear was her soft footstep that resounded with every step she took.
It resounded in her heart.
She did not know for how long she was walking, but she felt it was for a long time. Suddenly…
Scrunch.
The feeling was different compared to walking on marbled floors. She looked down and what she saw was a patch of green with the smell of freshly cut grass lingering. The scent was refreshing compared to the hospital odor. She took one breath as she looked at the sky.
The light blinded her eyes as she used her hand to cover her eyes until her eyes got used to the light.
The vast blue sky, the sun shining brightly, the wind with a soft breeze, as though caressing her tired body. She opened her arm as though accepting it as a blessing and stood there, appreciating the beauty and the feeling she was experiencing.
It has been a while since she stood outside and experienced nature.
She did not notice as her lips curved into a smile.
It was a beautiful smile, devoid of all her worries, her pain, and her suffering.
The word beautiful was not enough to describe her, as the warm light shined on her, the wind blowing at her long hair, every movement was more mesmerizing as her smile accentuated the beauty of the woman standing there with her hospital gown and bare feet. She was so beautiful that people forgot that she was now disabled, a person who was missing an arm.
The people could not take their eyes off her. She had carried this charm since way before.
She was able to catch the attention of everyone, it was her innate talent.
It was also the reason for people's envy and jealousy. They could buy all the products that she endorsed, but they could never be like her. They gloated as they saw her fall and became a normal person like them as she suffered. But some things would always be there no matter the circumstances or tragedies that happened in their life. And Anne was one of those people, she may be "different" or "incomplete" but she still had that innate charm within her.
It never disappeared.
It was only hiding in the darkness called despair as she experienced one tragedy after another in her life.
*click*
From afar, a person took a picture without her notice. She did not realize the commotion or the people who are talking behind her back. Even if she might have noticed, she probably will not care as much as she did before.
Why?
Because she decided to live life for herself.
She walked slowly towards a bench as she took a seat.
Her feet were sore, but her heart was full.
She felt free.
Her stiff shoulders felt lighter as though a heavy burden was removed.
Her posture was proper and fitting of her stature.
Her soft smile never left her face as she sat on the bench while appreciating the park.
Even though it was simple.
Even though it was plain.
It was enough to be her background, her backdraft to a beautiful picture.
And she was the model that stood out from the sea of people who were inside the picture.
Original novel by Chuchuwachuwa.
