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MISS EVA

I entered the restaurant and he was still there,waiting.I glanced at my watch,it was midnight.That was how badly he wanted to speak to me.My heart crushed for him,I sympathized.Did he deserve it?No.He was a jerk,at least I thought. "Eva,you came,"he seemed surprised and relieved to see me. He stood up to help me take a seat across him at the table by pulling the chair back for me. "Thanks,"I said in almost a whisper. "I thought you wouldn't show.I'm glad you're here,"he said as he took his seat.He sounded nervous and that was a bad sign.A nervous Carlos?Never thought I'd see the day,but there we were. "I almost didn't come to be honest,then there was traffic,so you better make this worthwhile,"I said trying not to show that I was still upset with him.He nodded as he bit his lower lip,as if not sure where to start.I was upset but I couldn't not notice how hot he looked.New hair cut,that white T-shirt through which the tattoos on his chest were visible... He lightly took my hands, which I had rested on the table,into his.I wanted to pull away but I couldn't.It felt so good. "Should I get you something to drink first?"He asked. "No,I'm good,"I politely declined and gathered the strength to pull away from his soft touch. "So,tell me,"I reminded him that he wanted to talk to me about something. "I don't know what Lauren told you but we are not together,"he started."We broke up before I moved here.We figured we couldn't do long distance and she didn't want to come with me,"he continued. "Then why would she lie to me?"I asked,not wrapping my finger around the whole situation. "She assumed we would be getting back together,"Carl explained further but it left me more confused. "Why?"I asked "She's pregnant Eva.She's expecting our child.She came to Mexico to tell me that,"he dropped the bombshell and my heart dropped into my stomach.I swear I could hear my intestines twist in there. "She's eight weeks now,"he added.I was wishing he stopped talking.That was a lot to take in,God! "Say something,Eva,"Carlos begged as I sat there in silence. "What am I supposed to say?The man I love is expecting a child with another woman.It's a lot to take in,"I as I blinked in a bid to keep my tears from falling.I lost and the tears came crushing down my cheeks.Carlos was smiling,I didn't know why. "That's the first time you've said that.That you love me,"he said and I understand why he had smiled earlier. "I'm sorry Eva,"he said and stood up from his seat.He went down on one knee in front of me and offered me his handkerchief. "You shouldn't be sorry.I wish things were different.I wish I had known you at a different time,"I said as I dried my tears with his handkerchief. "Me too,I'm sorry it is complicated,"he whispered again and I stooped a little bit to hold his chin as a sign of reassurance.I caught a tear in his beards.I thought I always loved complicated,till that day. "We'll be fine,"I said to him."But I hope you understand that I can't be with you Carlos,I don't want to be reason why your baby doesn't grow with you by their side.I wouldn't be able to forgive myself,"I said and he buried his head in my lap.He was crying,he was losing it.I could tell from the tears that were seeping through my emerald dress.I softly rubbed his hair to comfort him. I lost him even before I had him.Love!

Nexa_Darrel · Urban
Not enough ratings
25 Chs

Love and grief are two sides of the same coin

"You've been clean for three weeks. How do you feel?" Dr. Renata asked me as I sat on the couch across from hers. I shrugged at first. It was my usual go-to response to scary questions. It was followed by a whole minute of silence which I spent picking at the cuff of my bronze cardigan. "It's great and scary. Mostly scary," I voiced my fears. "What are you scared of?" She asked me even though she already knew the answer. 

 "Relapsing," I said. "Have you thought about using drugs recently? "She asked. "Not really," I said and it came out as a whisper, as if I didn't even believe what I was saying. "Hey, Eva. You are not alone. The fear of relapse is common among recovering addicts," she said it so subtly and I knew she meant no harm but that statement from a doctor I barely knew cut so deep. I'm talking clear unsounded sea-deep. That meant one I still hadn't come to terms with my addiction. I was still in denial. Silly me, I had thought that throwing around a few jokes about my drug problem in front of Xavi and Carlos was all it took but I was wrong. I was not okay with someone referring to me as an addict, even though it was exactly who I was. "It's okay, I get it." She said and stood to get a notepad from her desk. Urgh! That woman saw right through me! She scribbled something and handed it to me. It was an address. Uh oh! I knew where that conversation was headed and I didn't like it. 

"I chair A.A meetings every 8:00 pm on Thursdays and Fridays at the community center in Bosque de las Lomas. I think it would be great if you came. It will help you come to terms with your situation." She stated but I had already considered her offer before she finished talking and decided that I was not cut out for such group activities. "Alcoholics Anonymous? I'm not an alcoholic." I gave an excuse. I was more into the hard stuff. "Addiction is addiction, Eva," she said. "I don't think I want to sit in a group and listen to people's sob stories or let them listen to mine," I stood my ground but the truth was that I was embarrassed. My dad was Xavi Gonzalez, everyone knew who he was. Hell, he had just made billionaire. I wasn't going to those meetings for people to gawk at me and wonder why I was disappointing my father. I didn't want to be judged. But that's between you and me. Dr Renata didn't need to know that. "It's only Monday. Why don't you sleep on it and maybe I'll see you on Thursday," she said. Too much optimism for one person I'd say. "Well, don't keep your hopes up. I disappoint. A lot," I smiled at her. "I know, it's why you ended up here, right?" She teased and I jokingly frowned before bursting into laughter. I loved a lady with humor. "Too soon?" She asked as she joined me in laughter. "Yeah," I replied casually. "It gets better, I promise," she said her parting words and I wanted to believe her but it was hard. 

I left the therapy session and checked my phone just to find lots of missed calls from Xavi and Carlos. Really? They forgot I had therapy that morning? People forget so easily. I returned Xavi's and it turned out that he wanted me to accompany him for his routine check-up. As for Carlos, I was kind of avoiding him. "Bolivar, we are heading to the hospital," I said to my bodyguard cum driver who had been patiently waiting for me outside the doctor's office. See, the whole bodyguard thing was working out well for me. We pulled up at the private cancer hospital and Bolivar escorted me to Xavi's room. I found him lying on the bed ready for his phlebotomy. "Hey," I greeted him with less enthusiasm than usual. Weird because I was always so mad at him or too excited to see him. There was no in-between. That morning, I saw him lying on that hospital bed and it hit me. He had cancer, he was divorcing my mum, he was moving out and he was stepping down from the company to focus on his health. Also, he was the newest billionaire in town. In that instant, I pitied him. I was scared to lose him but then again the risk of love is loss and the price of loss is grief. Grief and love are two sides of the same coin. Bless Colin Parkes's little cotton socks! I planted a kiss on his forehead and sat on the chair next to his bed.                             "Don't do that," he said.                                                "Do what?" I asked.                                                   "Pity me. I'm not dying I promise," he joked and I joined him in laughter.           "I can't help it,' I said and the doctor proceeded to insert an I.V line for the phlebotomy.                                                        "The treatment is working, right doc?" He turned to the doctor for an urgently needed lifeline.                                                             "You have nothing to be afraid of Eva, your dad is doing alright," the doctor said to me.                                                              "Straight from the horse's mouth," Xavi turned to me and the doctor immediately left the room.                                                          "Okay, you win," I said. He had me convinced but I should've known. Does someone with a mild disease just give up his position in his own company so easily? More so, to focus on their health?                                                    "I have something to tell you," he said and I panicked. I was wishing it wasn't another family secret that he wanted to let out. I was sick of those.                  Another secret baby somewhere? No, thanks.                             Some hidden family heirloom or treasure? Yes, count me in!                  "Your biological father. I know his name," he said and it wasn't what I was expecting to hear.                                                               "Oh! Mum told you?" I was quite taken aback.                             "Yeah. She owed me at least that," he said and I couldn't agree more.           "Was it important to you that you knew?" I asked.                           "To some extent yes. I wanted to understand why she lied to me," he explained.    "Did you?" I probed further. That was nice, we were talking.                    "To be honest, no. Your mum is a hard nut to crack," he said. He was right.       "Did you ever love her?" I found myself asking. A part of me was hoping that he didn't resent my mother for lying to him, for tricking him into marrying her.              "I loved her, maybe not how she wanted or how she deserved, but yes, I once loved her. I tried to make it work but I failed," he explained.                        "We were good friends when we were younger. We fooled around sometimes. One day she comes to me and tells me she's pregnant. I married her, no questions asked. I trusted her," he went on to say and it just felt like he had never said that to anyone else.                                                                "I'm sorry," I whispered to him.                                         "Don't be. None of it was your fault," he said.                            "About my biological father, is he someone I know? Someone from the company, maybe?" I asked, disguising my fear as anxiety.                             "No," he replied and I sighed with relief.                                  "Okay, that's good," I chuckled nervously. My words seemed to surprise him.        "I don't want to know who he is. It doesn't matter. You are my father and I want to keep it that way for as long as I can," I said.                                 "Are you sure? He asked and I nodded.                               "Someday you'll want to know," he expressed his concern or rather, fear.      "Maybe, but I'm not interested in messing up my life any further, "I joked and he smiled.                                                           "Thank you," he said and held my hand in his, giving it a little squeeze.