Maidens

The nights in Limgrave are horrendously cold. A Scottish winter for example.

They suck ass.

The wind whips you like a slave master even when in shelter.

This shitty campfire the merchant made ain't doing shit, and this shitty church is not doing anything for us either.

Sellen is still barely alive and my whole body feels like its submerged in water while being stabbed by small pins.

Leo is legitimately fucking passed out and barely breathing.

The tree sentinel is a foe many new players beat with a club.

In the lore Sellen should have been able to delete him from existence. These thoughts have brought me to a conclusion.

All the OP characters that are friendly in the game have been nerfed, and all the bosses got buffed to shit just for diarrhea and giggles apparently.

Fuck my life.

Even when I overcame my limits I still feel just as powerless. Why cant I go to an easy world, like... Uh... shit.

The damn uh..

Fucking food wars or something where my life isn't at steak.

Shit now I'm making puns. I am truly going insane.

If the tree sentinel was that tough than fighting Margit head on is an absolute no no. If there has been any indication so far, he is probably OP as shit.

I suppose I need some shuteye too.

I close my eyes as the merchant roasts a small piece of fowl meat over the flame.

"Oh. Sleeping already."

He asks, lightly.

"Yep. I'm trying."

"Hmmm. I watched your battle. You are no merchant I can say for certain. Your towering figure gave that away easily. And that magic you used was extraordinary. Say, where do you come from?"

I sit up swiftly, popping my back in the process.

"I do not have a home. I just go wherever the winds take me I guess..."

Damn, even though I'm pretty short for a grineer I am still atleast 6 foot 4. In a world of malnourished peasants I stick out like a sore thumb up a badgers ass.

"Same my friend, our people are nomads aswell, I could feel it from you that we are quite similar in nature. And you are cursed aswell I have seen, that ghastly appendage that came out of you was quite shocking. Almost like a crucible knight."

Did this guy just shit on one of my best abilities and call it a curse. If I could I would shit on him but the merchants in this game are hardcore as shit and will light your ass up with madness flames.

"Well thanks for watching over us while we rest after battling the sentinel.

"I must thank you aswell, that golden order fiend trapped me in this church so consider the debt payed."

I lay back down on the carpet that the merchant lent me.

Finally some gotdamn sleepy time.

*mee mee mee mee*

..

...

"My lord. It is time to wake up."

My scientifically curated 5 hours of sleep have been obtained.

Leo stands directly above me, staring down with his patent pending searing gaze.

I sit up and roll off the carpet tactically.

Professionalism must remain even when getting out of bed.

I stand up and stretch my arms, being in a black tank top and cargo pants is really reassuring in a world where every meaningful enemy has fucking plate armor.

I really need to work on that but most of godricks soldiers are like 5 feet tall.

I pop my knuckles and let out a grizzly yawn.

"How is the girl?"

I ask Leo, halfway through covering my face with my hand from the yawn.

"I am fine."

A lithe voice with a slight English accent comes the far right of the church.

"My name... my name is.. Sellen."

Man she is.... I mean hot but like... Not my type if you know what I mean.

"I must thank you for your assistance. That sentinel was guarding my way out of limgrave, as the forest was full of rune bears because of a tarnished that decided to challenge them all at once."

The main character, the only person psycho enough to challenge a den of rune bears. Fucking butterfly effect.

Leo gulps as Sellen speaks, having to remind himself to blink. His eyes are quite watery from forgetting.

Seems like man has a crush.

Fucking NPCs have a better romance arc than me ffs.

Sellen stares at Leo for a second before coughing lightly and looking away

So much for sorcery master! getting swayed by a handsome guy in armor.

"Sir Knight may I ask your name?"

Leo Kneels and grips the sword on his belt tightly.

"I am Leofrich Von Messerschmitt II, My lord prefers 'Leo' ."

Sellen smiles.

"And your lords name?"

I rub the sleep out of my eyes and look at her blankly.

"I am Sebastian, or Seb if you want to go that route."

"Mm, well met my friends. I have a deep favor I must ask of you all!"

"Yea yea what is it."

Sellen looks me straight in the eyes.

"I need to get to the Carian manor."

I close my eyes and squeeze my temples to make it look like I'm deep in thought but the reality of the situation is that I'm tired as shit and really don't care.

"Uh sure."

Sellen seems very surprised by my response, but it is my duty as the mystical wingman, to make sure Leo gets laid.

If I could get King laid this should be easy.

HAHAHAHHAA HERE I COME MARGIT!

Ahem. Uh. Something came over me there, but with Sellen entering our party we should be able to stomp the normal footsoldiers in the area without expending much energy.

"Um. In return I will act as maiden for Sir Leo, until we reach our destination. I shall grant him strength through runes, come hither and offer me your hand."

Leo crouches in front of Sellen, she grips his hand firmly and a golden aura surrounds them.

"Tell me what you want to be improved, and I shall channel the runes you have obtained from your foes."

"My physical strength must be greater my lady."

"Consider it done."

Sellen breathes deeply and a warm glow transfers from her hands to his body after a short period she let's out a breathy sigh and let's go of his hands.

"Alright my turn!"

I yell, approaching her.

"Err. I am sorry my lord but A maiden can only be partnered with one."

A arrow is shot through my heart.

"I just assumed Sir Leo was the stronger of your group."

Another weapon pierces my heart, a pike this time.

YOU ARE TELLING ME IM IN IT FOR NOTHING!?!?!?!?

IM NOT GAINING ANYTHING IN THIS FUKKKKING WORLD!?!?!

I'm going to cry.

Hold it in...

"Uh Okay."

"Lady Sellen my lord is ac-"

I put my hand on Leo's shoulder.

"Its aight."

Leo nods at me knowingly, a brotherhood only men who have been hurt emotionally could understand.

I need to focus on leveling my martial arts anyways because they seem to be the most adaptable to all the worlds visited so far.

Now that I can somewhat channel Qi thanks to master I should work on becoming more powerful with the art.

That is what Kyoshin karate is at the root, determination.

I sit down and cross my legs in a lotus position.

"Lord what are you doing we need to get moving."

I open my eyes and look up at the duo.

"Sellen, why dont you teach Leo some sorceries. We need to get stronger to go through stormveil castle."

Sellens face fills with confusion.

"We could simply go around it."

I stare at Sellen. Damn she right.

"Erm. I suppose you are correct but still. The academy waters are a treacherous place aswell we should prepare."

Sellen nods.

"I suppose you are correct, come Leo. let us speak."

I once more close my eyes and begin channelling back all the Qi that I lost in the last battle, while trying not to fall asleep.

A warm sensation wraps my body and soon the air around me feels fresh, delicate. No longer heavy.

It even had a pleasant clean taste.

"Oh ho, boy you have returned for more training."

That voice....

Orochi.

My eyes jolt open and I am once more in a japanese garden, a small koi fish pond to my right.

It smells like home.

I smirk.

"Master Orochi.."

A short toad faced man sits on a wooden rocking chair.

"You mastered your basic techniques, very good."

Orochi points out and I look.

The boulder that used to sit was now just a bunch of shattered pieces and next to it is a giant sheet of metal 10 inches thick.

I have to break that dont I?

"Your next goal. Pierce that steel. Only then can you move on to the next stage of karate."

[[[[[A/N]]]]]

Anndddddddd the waifu poll is CLOSED!

It was a close race between borderlands and the stormtrooper, but my persuasion is just simply too much HAHAHAHAH!

The fruits of your voting labor will be seen.... Eventually....Damn I have a lot more to write hehe...

Chapterly Song Suggestion: Lionheart - Bury tomorrow.