Chapter :The Yearning

"Sometimes when I look at you, I

feel I'm gazing at a distant star.

It's dazzling, but the light is from

tens of thousands of years ago.

Maybe the star doesn't even exist

any more. Yet sometimes that

light seems more real to me than

anything."

-----------Haruki Murakami.

*************

Blue

A month after Edward's accident.

I had been pruning the soil of our backyard when I heard a shrill.Following the sound I traced my way back to the kitchen.

A muddy and soapy floor with my mother groaning greeted my sight.How lovely!

"Hold up your hands,Mom."I squeaked.

And with an oomph I straightened her up.

My,my... she had thinned up these days.Though a bit chubby for my taste yet slim enough for others. Looking up at her now,makes me tear up.Such a courageous,funny woman has diminished into a wrinkly dark circled woman....too wound up to a fault.And all because of what?Bad days...not really.But grief...of course.The lack of peace tormented us all.

Oh my poor mother....I sucked in a breathe and sighed.

Lost in my own misery I forgot to look out for my parents. So miserable I felt....you guys couldn't imagine.

And hence it was a moment I pledged never to delve more in unrealistic things.I had a future to look forward....a family to attend and cherish...

Hence clutching my mother's arm,I settled her on the recliner and strode off to the refrigerator. Taking out a glass,I poured out the fresh lemonade and served it.Mother seemed so tired that it stung my heart.Kneeling down,I took off her slippers and massaged her aching feet.She moaned in bliss and slowly she fell asleep. Letting her sleep,I made it back to the kitchen....

Ahh...it was going to be a very long day.

After an houror so the kitchen seemed to be gleaming brand new and fresh. One less thing to worry about. Straightening up,I stretched my back and went back to the garden. Sorting the garden gnome figurines at last,I huffed out.

Finally my work was complete.

*********

Evening.

Father came back home at seven.By then the sky was densely overcast by black clouds.Thunder forks were alightning the sky now and then. Closing off the windows,I rearranged the cutleries on the table.A chaos outbroke just then.A smashing noise sounded upstairs.

What the hell!

At the bottom of the stairs, father stood hugging my mother.Comical it looked,my Dad with my Mom trying to escape out of Dad's grip so that she could inspect the sound.Such a weird couple. But so much in sync.Waving my arms,I halted them both and went up to look for myself. Nothing seemed out of place nor was there any shattered glass.Sighing loudly I descended down but surprisingly.... where are my parents? Looking out I found our front door opened ajar...

With my breathe hiked up,I went out and stilled.....

Right outside on our patio stood the man I never thought I would meet again.

With a tousling hair,a simple baby blue flannel shirt and track pants he toppled my world again.

Frantically searching for Angus,I found him beside the Land Rover with his head casted downwards....

No way...

Why was Edward here?

I just wanted to die then...because I couldn't face Edward when he doesn't remember me at all.

But what would I do now?

Scrunching my nose and brows,I looked up. The crystal pools of sapphire and turquoise gazed at me. They seemed to be gulping me in.This made me more breatheless and exasperated so I started fidgeting.

Damn...it was very wrong.Again Edward succeeded in capturing my mind and body .Never had I liked how he made gooey and strong in the same instance. I felt so wobbly.

Cutting through, a thunderbolt blazed across the sky and with that my heart thundered.

That calm authoritative voice floated through.

"Why am I painting you?

I don't even know you.Do I?

Tell.Me.

Who the hell are you?"

Only a tear trickled down my cheeks.