[XXXII] - Collapsing Hollowness

I don't know how long has it been since I've been drifting away in the calming void of my dreams.

Being surrounded by a serene presence of dark night, with surprisingly lot amount of sparkling stars on its canvas, I was walking down a wide street from the hill in the suburbs of an unknown city. But it wasn't a place I knew, a city I recognized. There were no huge walls guarding the massive skyscrapers of our metropolis. No mass of concrete everywhere you turned your head. Just a chilly breeze, feeling of wet road lighted up softly by some lanterns, and a magnificent view of a town at night. With its small windows turning lights on and off, riding vehicles on the net of the streets in the distance, sirens, and honks of theirs. The small city was in a valley, surrounded by every side with waving fields and humming forests. I felt the cold of the night breathing inside, filling my lungs. Going down the road, I really wanted to venture into the town.

But the longer and further I went, the more distanced the city seemed to become.

At one point it was so far away, I started running not to lose it from my sight. But it was just like if being sucked by a vacuum. Reaching my hands out forwards, I wanted to order it to stop.

Being in a beautiful dream, I couldn't realize this wasn't reality.

Being scared the only society in my sight was dissolving, a sense of terror grew in my heart. Being alone. No one here. Forever.

Watching everything gradually collapse. This feeling was crushing me from the inside, at one point so terrible, I wanted to let all of my emotions out.

So I screamed.

But no voice could go out of my mouth.

The far road before me started to crumble too. All of the surrounding falling apart, there was no place for me to escape.

Looking around in panic, for a place I could run towards.

I awaited for the last bit of ground below me to fall into the endless void.

And then I fell down, succumbing into the depths of the hellish earth.

And then I could finally let out my scream.

Seeing only the sparkling stars disappear in the distance. My last hope.

…

But as I came back to my senses, I realized I was actually screaming in reality. In a dark and cozy room, with all of the matter still around me. However no living soul too. Like in a dream.

As soon as I realized I woke up, I closed my yelling mouth.

Exhaling deeply, covered in cold sweat, the tears were forming in the corner of my eyes.

What a nightmare. Why do I always have dreams like this? Where the world succumbs whole…

But just as I calmed down a little, I heard a quiet, but disturbing noise of something falling in the corridor.

Following my eyes to where the door were…

Wait…

Why is the door slightly opened…?

A feeling of fright surrounded me.

"Is… someone there?" — I said it out loudly enough for anyone out there to hear me.

But there was no response as I expected, yet it worried me that someone might have been here while I was deeply asleep.

Still, good thing nothing happened to me.

Getting up from the bed, I wondered how long has it been since I fell asleep…

I didn't even have any time to rethink things I've got to know yesterday.

But is there really anything I need to think about…?

…I've just got to know surprising and painful things. And now it's only a matter of time to acknowledge them either as a truth or false…

Although still… Isn't there something I forgot about?

Trying to remember what was on my mind, I slowly got up from my bed, and stretched my body from lying a long time.

It seemed I came back to my old senses, as I felt hunger and thirst at the same time. My stomach rumbled, and my throat felt dry and itchy. It didn't seem as if I rested at all. Human needs called in my mind. I think I haven't eaten nor drunk in a long time…

And I still didn't know where a kitchen is, or even a toilet. This place still remained a Minoan labyrinth, undiscovered for me. With a monster maybe waiting somewhere there for me…

Should I venture out in those ominous corridors again, or just wait eagerly for someone to come to me?

…I'm not the kind of a person who waits for their salvation to come first. How long will I wait, anyways, before someone arrives? I might die from hunger.

So, after looking around the room, to confirm there is nothing to ease my needs, I hesitantly decided to go towards the slightly opened door, leading to the maze of corridors I didn't know yet.

But before I could reach the doorknob, it slipped away from my fingers, being pulled by someone else.

Not expecting this at all, I pushed myself out of the room and bumped into someone.

Immediately jumping back from the fright, my pulse sped up, as the unrecognizable scary silhouette of the person marched inside of my room.

Who… Unlawfully dares to enter my room…

What if it's another guy who doesn't have any peaceful intentions towards me…

I need to be alert.

Just as I was about to rush at this mysterious person with all of my force, to knock them down, a light switch was suddenly turned on, making the whole room be covered in faint yellow light. My eyes started to itch, as they were used to darkness since long.

Everything became visible. My ready to quickly ambush body, and an old man standing in the doorway.

The same old man that once spoke with me in an unpleasant white medication room. The one that tried to convince me my place is here.

"Dear. Darkness isn't so good for the eyes." — His warm voice calmed down my defensive instincts.

Seeing my surprised face, as I didn't expect anyone to come here, he only let out a soft smile.

"How are you doing, Asha? Seeing you being in spirits to ambush an unknown attacker, it sure must be better, right?"

After a long while filled with me calming down, getting used to a presence of someone, I answered:

"…Kind of… I'm… hungry." — I responded as my stomach rumbled loudly.

"Haha oh, my bad, I haven't taken care of that earlier, my apologies…" — He searched through my body with his eyes, seeing I don't really know what because there were no mirrors here. Yet, his face was still radiant.

"How about we talk, while we walk towards the dining room? I bet you don't know the place yet. What would you say about a small tour around?" — He told me, pointing gently with his hand the door leading to the corridor.

I was still slightly afraid of what hides there, but having in mind that I will have a guide, I don't think it's such a bad of an idea, with my priority – eating something.

"Alright…" — I whispered, following the old man out of the room.

His short figure ventured into the dark corridor, with me going just behind him.

But the old man didn't seem to hurry anywhere, his steps were painfully slow. Maybe because he wanted to converse with me as long as it was possible.

"Rumors got to me, you already met Noctis yesterday… That's one less person you need to get acquaint with… How are your feelings about him?" — He somehow tried to start the conservation with this question.

But I didn't know if to answer honestly, or lie.

…Well, nothing good will come if I say false things. Especially if it comes to my future coworkers.

"Not friendly. As everyone else I've met from here." — A cold and offended tone came from my mouth.

Yet that wasn't something that surprised him.

"Well, I must say… These kids have been through much, their characters have been developed as a response to the crushing world around them… But no worries. It's just the shell on the outside. Once it opens, you wouldn't even expect how nice they can be. Well… Some of them are more difficult… But still. No one here is a bad person. So don't worry. I look forwards to you becoming friends with them all… " — A quiet laugh came from his body.

…

Am I not the same? Unfriendly. Hostile to everyone who seems weak or trying to hurt me…

Trying to become more empathetic… That's what I should work on.

I've been wondering about my violent reaction to that doctor. Jumping harshly at him just like did, it stings my heart a bit, that I have done something wrong.

But if not his reaction, then I would worry about it more. So maybe he will forget soon… He doesn't seem to be a bad person at all…

And I was being angry at these people not treating me nice. To them, I'm just another person to consider either as an ally or a foe…

Yet still, some of them hurt my body and feeling deeply…

…

Walking through a maze of corridors, I felt a sense of unfamiliarity. My brain was registering new places every turn. The further we went, the more this weird feeling grew from my lower stomach up to my lungs. Squeezing despair, rising helplessness. Following a person, I didn't know at all.

I had a growing urge to run away from here, to my home. Empty, devastated, dangerous. But my place. A space I knew. A house I once felt comfortable and calm.

Now, none of these feeling are in me. I just feel like a stray taken in. This is not my home, and will never be.

I miss it, and my aunt, which, I hope, is alright. Somewhere…

"…You've been so quiet. Is there something on your mind, Asha?" — He asked after a while of long silence I haven't noticed, because of my wondering.

His head turned towards mine. A blue spark in his eyes was saying to me that this man was concerned about my thoughts.

But… I don't feel like telling him what has been on my mind at all.

"Ah… I just… Feel all new here. Unknown. This place is like a maze of void." — I partially told him the truth, looking around as we marched.

Every corner looked the same, unknown doors, different colored lights, same shades of gray surrounding us from every side.

"I've been wondering one thing… Tell me, why did you run away from Aura?" — His inquisitive words made my throat dry from a sudden chill. — "You have endangered not only yourself, but also Aura herself, and the ones that came for your rescue… And I think Neumiro told you about the slower rate of regeneration your bodies have… This could have been a fatal stroke to our members… It's good that Aura is trained and copes quite well with the injuries."

The feeling of foolishness suffocated me.

Ahhh… I hate…

When someone lectures me…

I was eager to find my last resort. A recourse which would give me a safe place to stay, with people I can trust. A trusted organization I've been working for since long. Why wouldn't I try to search for their help? Is there anything wrong with trying to pursue a way you know its end is secure? While you have lost everything you had… this being my only chance…

A chance that was lost. To an unknown force.

A sorrowful feeling crushed my lungs, making me breathe harder. I…

I didn't want to endanger anyone… I…

…

I didn't have any more strength to walk forward.

I'm just a hindrance to everyone around me.

My aunt disappeared because she had to protect me.

The RR disappeared shortly after.

Aura was greatly injured because her mission was to bring me here safely.

And who knows, maybe there are more victims to my selfishness…

…

Small droplets of tears fell down the dark floor.

I have no one now I can cry for. Only myself. Alone.

The man stopped walking too. Turning, only to see me fall apart from the guilt and helplessness.

I hated when anyone saw my in my lowest, like this. On the verge of my sanity, with tears falling off my grimaced face. But I urged for pity so much.

I didn't even want to look at the face he probably made. A weakling such as me on his team. No one would possibly want someone like me.

"Asha…" — A quiet whisper came from him.

"I… I… feel like nothing right now. A collapsing void." — These sulking words almost didn't come up from the growing pain in my body.

I turned my head up, and looked at his face.

But I didn't see what I expected. Not a disappointed and fretful expression. Not a sorrowful and compassionate one.

An empty face of a man, looking at me with his lips turned slightly down. A guilty expression.

But just as the man opened his mouth to say something to me, something moved in the corner of my vision.

The old man saw it too, turning his head towards it.

Still having my vision blurry from the tears, I saw a person slowly emerging from the darkness. Someone I've never seen before.